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My brother wants to commit suicide...
I didn't know whether to post as "Anonymous" or not, I just don't want people to judge me on what I've said before on other posts.. I promise you that this isn't a troll.
So, yeah, the title explains it all..
My brother is 18 and is practically a loner at college. He mostly failed his GCSEs due to getting in with the wrong people (I'm not saying drugs.. I don't think he does drugs anyway.. but he had a few friends that made him a non-stop gamer.. he plays on his Xbox to the early hours in the morning) And now he 'studies' at college studying a vocational course called "Armed Forces" or some fancy name like that, but he had to take a 3year course instead of a 2year one - due to his need for key skills. My brother has a dream of working for the police-force and even in this course he is failing.
Well, he has a job at a supermarket and alongside my mum in a business during half-term and holidays. He feels a bit unrespected by the supermarket's boss and he hates working with mum - although the pay for both of them is pretty decent for jobs at 18.
He spends a fortune on games and food, just to keep up with his 'friends' (who btw still sort of stay in touch with him.. they phone at like 10 o clock at night which normally wakes my mum up, but I hardly see them around anymore) and his social life is ****. His friends at college hardly speak to him, and he barely gets invited to parties and feels really left out. Even on facebook he only has like 5 friends who speak to him.
All this he told me tonight, and I have no idea how to help him. He tells me he wants to hang himself on a DofE expedition but I'm not sure if he's joking or not.
Sorry for the long post.. any help would be thankfully recieved.
So, yeah, the title explains it all..
My brother is 18 and is practically a loner at college. He mostly failed his GCSEs due to getting in with the wrong people (I'm not saying drugs.. I don't think he does drugs anyway.. but he had a few friends that made him a non-stop gamer.. he plays on his Xbox to the early hours in the morning) And now he 'studies' at college studying a vocational course called "Armed Forces" or some fancy name like that, but he had to take a 3year course instead of a 2year one - due to his need for key skills. My brother has a dream of working for the police-force and even in this course he is failing.
Well, he has a job at a supermarket and alongside my mum in a business during half-term and holidays. He feels a bit unrespected by the supermarket's boss and he hates working with mum - although the pay for both of them is pretty decent for jobs at 18.
He spends a fortune on games and food, just to keep up with his 'friends' (who btw still sort of stay in touch with him.. they phone at like 10 o clock at night which normally wakes my mum up, but I hardly see them around anymore) and his social life is ****. His friends at college hardly speak to him, and he barely gets invited to parties and feels really left out. Even on facebook he only has like 5 friends who speak to him.
All this he told me tonight, and I have no idea how to help him. He tells me he wants to hang himself on a DofE expedition but I'm not sure if he's joking or not.
Sorry for the long post.. any help would be thankfully recieved.
Scroll to see replies
The truth is, he's responsible for this, or should I say his lack of responsibility. Suicide is not laughing matter, jokes or not. You should be a support to him, regardless if you have time or not. He's reaching out for help and if you ignore this, it might not end well. I suggest you aid him on the road to responsibility. That means he has to stop his addiction to video games and he has to focus. It's not going to be easy but if he succeeds it will change his life. I think you need to bring your mother into this, but it really depends on the relationship he has with her. I cannot stress this: what he needs is support. Let him know that right now he shouldn't worry about a social life or others, he needs to focus on himself. Once he deals with that, then he can go forward with those other things.
If the job he has right now isn't cutting it, have him find another job. Either that, or he needs to improve relations with his boss and mother. Although he is failing the course, he needs to remember why he's been dreaming of working for the police. In essence, he needs to reawaken his original motivation for this career path. If he doesn't want to do it anymore, he has to do some major soul searching. Spend time with him and help him control his spending. I think he needs to stay away from those friends because they are not worth it and they are contributing to his depression.
If all else fails, seek professional help.
If the job he has right now isn't cutting it, have him find another job. Either that, or he needs to improve relations with his boss and mother. Although he is failing the course, he needs to remember why he's been dreaming of working for the police. In essence, he needs to reawaken his original motivation for this career path. If he doesn't want to do it anymore, he has to do some major soul searching. Spend time with him and help him control his spending. I think he needs to stay away from those friends because they are not worth it and they are contributing to his depression.
If all else fails, seek professional help.
I am really sorry to hear this and feel for both you and your brother.
I would advise getting some professional guidance e.g. Samaratians as to how to talk to your brother and offer the support/help he needs.
If he would like help with his addiction, then there is http://www.olganon.org/ which is online gamers anonymous (like alcoholics anonymous) where fellow gamers try and help each other overcome their addiction.
The main thing is not to ignore/treat as a jest his call for help/support
I would advise getting some professional guidance e.g. Samaratians as to how to talk to your brother and offer the support/help he needs.
If he would like help with his addiction, then there is http://www.olganon.org/ which is online gamers anonymous (like alcoholics anonymous) where fellow gamers try and help each other overcome their addiction.
The main thing is not to ignore/treat as a jest his call for help/support
What ur brother really needs is some motivation...he needs to be motivated to suceed in life and that games and stuff our seondary....
also i would suggest u to tell him to mix with the ppl in college try and be nice...
hope that helped
muneeb
also i would suggest u to tell him to mix with the ppl in college try and be nice...
hope that helped
muneeb
Ang|ophi|e
The truth is, he's responsible for this, or should I say his lack of responsibility. Suicide is not laughing matter, jokes or not. You should be a support to him, regardless if you have time or not. He's reaching out for help and if you ignore this, it might not end well. I suggest you aid him on the road to responsibility. That means he has to stop his addiction to video games and he has to focus. It's not going to be easy but if he succeeds it will change his life. I think you need to bring your mother into this, but it really depends on the relationship he has with her. I cannot stress this: what he needs is support. Let him know that right now he shouldn't worry about a social life or others, he needs to focus on himself. Once he deals with that, then he can go forward with those other things.
If the job he has right now isn't cutting it, have him find another job. Either that, or he needs to improve relations with his boss and mother. Although he is failing the course, he needs to remember why he's been dreaming of working for the police. In essence, he needs to reawaken his original motivation for this career path. If he doesn't want to do it anymore, he has to do some major soul searching. Spend time with him and help him control his spending. I think he needs to stay away from those friends because they are not worth it and they are contributing to his depression.
If all else fails, seek professional help.
If the job he has right now isn't cutting it, have him find another job. Either that, or he needs to improve relations with his boss and mother. Although he is failing the course, he needs to remember why he's been dreaming of working for the police. In essence, he needs to reawaken his original motivation for this career path. If he doesn't want to do it anymore, he has to do some major soul searching. Spend time with him and help him control his spending. I think he needs to stay away from those friends because they are not worth it and they are contributing to his depression.
If all else fails, seek professional help.
Umm, when he gets back home from work/college he always hides himself away in his bedroom as he doesn't like mum very much (this is when he starts his video games marathon). To be fair, she works really long days and therefore by the time she gets home herself she isn't in the mood for looking after us. So, I would definately say that they are not close.
I just don't know what to say for him.. I should be his support and listen to him but how do I get the conversation rolling? He gets really angry sometimes over stupid things and I don't want to fall out with him right now. We aren't as close as we used to be.. we both have really long days ourselves and I just want to be his sister again.
plutovian
I am really sorry to hear this and feel for both you and your brother.
I would advise getting some professional guidance e.g. Samaratians as to how to talk to your brother and offer the support/help he needs.
If he would like help with his addiction, then there is http://www.olganon.org/ which is online gamers anonymous (like alcoholics anonymous) where fellow gamers try and help each other overcome their addiction.
The main thing is not to ignore/treat as a jest his call for help/support
I would advise getting some professional guidance e.g. Samaratians as to how to talk to your brother and offer the support/help he needs.
If he would like help with his addiction, then there is http://www.olganon.org/ which is online gamers anonymous (like alcoholics anonymous) where fellow gamers try and help each other overcome their addiction.
The main thing is not to ignore/treat as a jest his call for help/support
Thanks for the link.. I never realised there was help out there for video game addictions.
I'll try to get him in touch with the Samaritans.. but I think I need to find out more about it myself before he speaks to them. Call me selfish
Oh fgs! Sorry, I'm not feeling very sympathetic because he's being ridiculous and dramatic. He has people calling him up, and those 5 people on FB so he's not exactly alone, even if he is at college, but college is only part of his life and it's going to end soon. Once it ends who knows what will happen?!
Tell him that he's being irrational. The fact he's on DofE shows he wants to achieve something, so why would he go ahead and kill himself?!
Tell him that he's being irrational. The fact he's on DofE shows he wants to achieve something, so why would he go ahead and kill himself?!
TomatoKetchup
Thanks for the link.. I never realised there was help out there for video game addictions.
I'll try to get him in touch with the Samaritans.. but I think I need to find more out it myself before he speaks to them. Call me selfish
I'll try to get him in touch with the Samaritans.. but I think I need to find more out it myself before he speaks to them. Call me selfish
You are not at all selfish and I actually meant for YOU to call the Samaritans to get their advice on what to say to your brother or what they would advise you to do as he seems to be confiding in you!
I only know about the link because I have been doing research into additions lately.
Take care and good luck
He's probably just feeling a bit down. People who actually want to kill themself rarely tell anyone.
Well, you should probably help him find something to do instead of Xbox. If you get him off Xbox but then don't help him find a suitable hobby to replace this, then the whole thing will be ultimately pointless (cos he'll just replace Xbox hours with TV hours or something like that).
Well, you should probably help him find something to do instead of Xbox. If you get him off Xbox but then don't help him find a suitable hobby to replace this, then the whole thing will be ultimately pointless (cos he'll just replace Xbox hours with TV hours or something like that).
He's needs motivation and support, from you mainly. You need him to know that you're there for him and people do care.
But the fact is, he won't do it. People who talk about suicide are less likely to actually go through with it.
I recommed Saint Johns Wort, it's an unofficial treatment for depression.
But the fact is, he won't do it. People who talk about suicide are less likely to actually go through with it.
I recommed Saint Johns Wort, it's an unofficial treatment for depression.
You stupid ass middle class fags. There are people all over the world who would love to be in your brother's shoes. They suffer more depression than him, and on top of that are absolutely poor. But they carry on with their lives. Why does your brother think he's better than other human beings?
Take away his Xbox!!!
OK, well I know that's easier said than done...
But without it he would get out more, stop spending his money on games and get better friends then those losers.
All you have to do is try and convince him to spend less time on it, it should only be a bit of fun for relaxation once in a while. I don't know how old you are if this would be possible but maybe try make him hang out with you once in a while? Like invite him to parties and stuff? Try make him go shopping with you get him some new stuff or something.
Also, your mum must have realised how bad it's got? My bro is on his PS3 quite alot with his (real) friends and my dad is OBSESSED with thinking he will get addicted to it (cos he knows this lady who's 30 year old son lives at home and basically just goes on his playstation 24/7, he thinks this will happen to my bro...) Anyway, my dad is always taking off the wireless connection thinking that will stop my bro going on because then he can't talk to his friends... (this is SO annoying as it= no internet for me!!)
All I'm trying to say is that even though he's 18 it looks like he is finding it hard taking responsibility for himself so maybe other people need to come help him??
I dunnoo sorry that wasn't very helpful.
Good Lucck!!
OK, well I know that's easier said than done...
But without it he would get out more, stop spending his money on games and get better friends then those losers.
All you have to do is try and convince him to spend less time on it, it should only be a bit of fun for relaxation once in a while. I don't know how old you are if this would be possible but maybe try make him hang out with you once in a while? Like invite him to parties and stuff? Try make him go shopping with you get him some new stuff or something.
Also, your mum must have realised how bad it's got? My bro is on his PS3 quite alot with his (real) friends and my dad is OBSESSED with thinking he will get addicted to it (cos he knows this lady who's 30 year old son lives at home and basically just goes on his playstation 24/7, he thinks this will happen to my bro...) Anyway, my dad is always taking off the wireless connection thinking that will stop my bro going on because then he can't talk to his friends... (this is SO annoying as it= no internet for me!!)
All I'm trying to say is that even though he's 18 it looks like he is finding it hard taking responsibility for himself so maybe other people need to come help him??
I dunnoo sorry that wasn't very helpful.
Good Lucck!!
Thanks so much for all the replies. I appreciate all your points of view and advice and I'll try to keep you all updated. I'm thinking of phoning Samaritans tomorrow whilst my brother is out at work and I'm checking out the link plutovian sent back earlier. I hope it is just a down patch, and I'll try to support him to make new friends and end his addiction.. but I guess I need to help sort out his education first. Fingers crossed
Thanks again x
Thanks again x
There's a spelling mistake in your post: It's disrespected, not unrespected.
You should of told your bro years ago the importance of GCSEs so he will be motivated.
Secondly, tell your bro to tell his friends not to call him late at night. or tell your bro to switch his mobile to silent vibration.
Thirdly, tell your bro he's lucky to have a part time job in this recession, especially at the sought after supermarkets!
You should of told your bro years ago the importance of GCSEs so he will be motivated.
Secondly, tell your bro to tell his friends not to call him late at night. or tell your bro to switch his mobile to silent vibration.
Thirdly, tell your bro he's lucky to have a part time job in this recession, especially at the sought after supermarkets!
i'll help him commit suicide. my life sucks to.
hmm. he might have said it in jest as the fact that he is doing the DofE suggests he's wanting to work towards something/that achievement at the end; so deep down knows what he has to do but is struggling on the way. I don't know. Might be wrong, I hope he didn't mean it and is going to be ok. if i were you though i'd ask him if he's depressed or anything and if he says yes then advise him to go to the doctors to get help etc. also just try and support him in every way/give him advice about his possibilities. i would suggests talking to his supervisors for his DofE award however he might not like that.
nexusofsanity
He's probably just feeling a bit down. People who actually want to kill themself rarely tell anyone.
WRONG. Mentioning suicide, even jokingly, is one of the main warning signs of suicidal ideation for a simple reason: if you fantasise about it a lot, at times you are going to drop it into conversations without thinking. Just as if you fancy somebody you might unknowingly bring them up in conversation more often than you would do otherwise.
Confront him, from his reaction you should be able to gauge whether he is crying for help.
Anonymous
Thanks so much for all the replies. I appreciate all your points of view and advice and I'll try to keep you all updated. I'm thinking of phoning Samaritans tomorrow whilst my brother is out at work and I'm checking out the link plutovian sent back earlier. I hope it is just a down patch, and I'll try to support him to make new friends and end his addiction.. but I guess I need to help sort out his education first. Fingers crossed
Thanks again x
Thanks again x
I have been in a similar situation, and the way I solved it was through encouraging my brother to exercise more, as endorphins and all that make you happy. So he's now signed up to a kung fu class and to the gym, his self confidence has improved and he has a positive passion to focus his efforts on with the kung fu. And I think the endorphins are working, since he always comes back in a good mood after exercise. Also, he needs new friends some sort of club will be good for this.
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