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should i say something or just get over it? watch

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    um- haven't posted here before but now need advice as can't talk to my mates about this. after a big uni event, i got really very trashed, and somehow ended up going to bed with an old mate from home. no actual sex but not just a snog either. am really not attracted to him whatsoever, in fact, think i might like his friend. given the fact that i was totally drunk, and he was not, i feel quite taken advantage of. if it had been my best uni mate in his shoes, then he would have made sure i went to bed and didn't choke on me own sick, no matter how much i may have thrown myself at them. we've had an awkward phone convo since, in which he told me he didnt intend on it happening, but frankly, what a load of *******s. i remember him saying a couple of things which make me think he knew exactly what he was doing and how drunk i was.

    i don't want to sound like a typical girly cliche who regrets what her alter-drunken-personality does, but it's really starting to get to me, plus he's telling mutual friends about it, and saying that i practically forced him. should i say something? or just accept that things happen when you're stupidly drunk and take it as a life lesson???

    or should i just go hide in a hole of shame??
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    (Original post by butterflew)
    should i say something? or just accept that things happen when you're stupidly drunk and take it as a life lesson?????
    Butterflew, you're a genius. Read what you said. Then mix them as much as you want to. Then take action

    He needs a kick up the backside from your mutual friends and you can take a little elsson from it.

    Do what you're comfortable with. Remember confident women are usually slightly feared by men, especially the straight-to-bed type. :rolleyes:
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    I know that this won't sound like much concelation now, but it will pass. As I'm sure you know, pleanty of people have done this before and many more will. The best thing you can do in future is not to get so drunk, or, if you do, do so with friends who wont "take advantage of you". To be fair to your friend, I guess it can be really difficult to tell if it's "just the alcohol talking" or if you really liked him.

    If he really didn't look after you when you at risk of "choking on your own vomit" I would probarbly think seriously about wether u want that kind of a friend. - I guess its moments like these when you learn the most about others. Good luck!
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    OMG like 49 people have read the posts in the thread but havent commented.

    Sure this means that I've hit the hammer on the nail here??

    Cheers
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    Apathy.
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    Why are people apathetic I wonder...???

    Like why are people apathetic about Blair and New Labour, maybe its just a suttle sign that they are happy with the current state of affairs... Just maybe...???

    (soz. I'm in one of those moods!)
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    well, thank you both for replying. but neither of you hit the nail on the head really, probably cos i didn't explain it very well. i was just drawing a contrast between my best mate from uni whose priority would be (if i were extraordinarily drunk) that i was safe: unlike the mate from home, whose first thought was to take advantage of the situation. and i did start the evening with very good friends, but it was a massive do, and the part of the evening where i left them and went off with this guy, i have no memory of it.

    but you are right in that i'm pretty sure i don't want to remain friends with this person, after all it wasn't a particularly nice thing to do, regardless of the moral rights and wrongs etc. the question is, should i properly let him know what i think, or just leave it totally?
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    Everyone's clearly in the wrong, what can you do about it?
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    Maybe you shouldn't get so drunk next time - it's not as if drinking to excess was an involuntary action. Sorry to harp on, but you should consider yourself lucky nothing majorly bad happened. I agree that it wasn't your fault that he took advatange of you (hardly the behaviour of a friend), but you let yourself get into a situation where you weren't in control of yourself.
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    You're pinning a lot of blame on this bloke, you were the one who was too drunk and you were the one who jumped on him, none of this is his fault, fair enough he could of turned you down or just put you to bed, but he didn't, so maybe hes not as good a mate as you thought he was?
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    (Original post by butterflew)
    well, thank you both for replying. but neither of you hit the nail on the head really, probably cos i didn't explain it very well. i was just drawing a contrast between my best mate from uni whose priority would be (if i were extraordinarily drunk) that i was safe: unlike the mate from home, whose first thought was to take advantage of the situation. and i did start the evening with very good friends, but it was a massive do, and the part of the evening where i left them and went off with this guy, i have no memory of it.

    but you are right in that i'm pretty sure i don't want to remain friends with this person, after all it wasn't a particularly nice thing to do, regardless of the moral rights and wrongs etc. the question is, should i properly let him know what i think, or just leave it totally?
    Well tbh in situations like this, if a pretty but drunk girl came onto a guy - the general view is the guy tends to be unable to resist lol - that's the saying anyway (minus the drunk bit).

    Anyway, it's a bit unfair you're blaming it ALL on the guy - you gotta take some responsibility too - fair enough you were drunk but it wasn't like you were forced or drugged or anything. Although the guy himself doesn't sound all that nice anyway - as the first person who replied to you has said: Kick the guy up his backside, but learn a lesson yourself. And don't get so drunk next time.

    Don't worry about it - there's no point. And stuff like this always pass. Just be glad you didn't sleep with him lol!

    Hope it's ok in the end
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    ta guys- it's all a bit silly actually. i think best thing is, move on to pastures new!
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    Indeed, good luck!
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    (Original post by butterflew)
    ta guys- it's all a bit silly actually. i think best thing is, move on to pastures new!
    i only get drunk when i have friends around me who can take care of me. obviously u felt comfortable being drunk around him and thought he would take care of you but he didnt. yes it was partly your fault but a good friend wouldnt have let this happen and definitely would not have told other people abt it before consulting you at the least!

    jus leave it for not and try not to get upset abt it. if he really cares then he'l come and ask u why ur ignoring him (if hes stupid and hasnt figured it out for himself) then u can tell him everything and shout and scream all u want cos ull know somewhere deep down he feels bad and knows he was in the wrong.
    if he doesnt ask u whats wrong then take it as hes a prick and thank god u found out what kind of person he is.
    no point in wasting ur breath on him now when ur unsure if he even cares.


    p.s if he still iritates u by teling friends then play his game and tell them the truth abt taking advantage of you. i know thats sinking to his level but if itl make u feel better why not!

    hope that helps
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    If you choose to drink, you've got to take responsibility for your own actions. You should be responsible for making sure that you stay safe and don't get into a bad situation, not anyone else. So what, the guy didn't have the self control to resist? So he's not as good as your other friend? So he's not perfect? Hate to break it to you, hon, but very few people are. If you go out and get wrecked, then do something you regret later, it's no one's fault but your own.

    Don't go blaming other people for your own mistakes.
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    Indeed, "it takes two to tango" as they say. best wishes
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    Sorry if that sounded a bit harsh! xx
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    Everything said here seems sensible, especially the drinking thing. Make sure he knows you are pissed at him (get the pun?), but at the end of the day it's not a big deal, at least you DIDN'T choke on vomit.
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    thats alright susie, harsh but maybe true. still, i expect a lot from my friends, a common level of taking care of each other, and respect -it's something i expect but also something i give back. i take full responsibility for getting drunk, but frankly it was an end of year ball! consider this topic closed, and thanks for your responses guys. live and learn eh?!
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    get over it, sorry i haven't read your actual post but the fact that you think this ius an option tells me that its possible to do, so go ahead and get over it because i can guarantee that it will cause less problems than saying somehting
 
 
 
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