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Self-confidence - or lack of... watch

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    Well, I never really thought I'd ask for emotional help on a forum, but anyway...

    Basically, I really like this girl. We've been friends for some time now, and I have never had the self-confidence to ask her out or anything, or tell her how I feel. I have a total lack of self-confidence when it comes to asking someone out - exams, interviews, etc. are all fine, but I'm really nervous about relationships. The only solution I see is to get drunk on Strongbow at a party and tell her then, but I'd rather go for something less alcohol-induced that might make a better impression that I;m noit just drunk & telling everyone I love them . So, anyone got any help as to how to raise my self-confidence (please don't recommend a counciller/therapist/something that'll cost me money.... :p: ).

    -Saruman

    *EDIT* Hey, I'm nearly at 200 posts!
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    close your eyes take a deep breath and go for it?
    gd luck with it
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    (Original post by Saruman)
    Well, I never really thought I'd ask for emotional help on a forum, but anyway...

    Basically, I really like this girl. We've been friends for some time now, and I have never had the self-confidence to ask her out or anything, or tell her how I feel. I have a total lack of self-confidence when it comes to asking someone out - exams, interviews, etc. are all fine, but I'm really nervous about relationships. The only solution I see is to get drunk on Strongbow at a party and tell her then, but I'd rather go for something less alcohol-induced that might make a better impression that I;m noit just drunk & telling everyone I love them . So, anyone got any help as to how to raise my self-confidence (please don't recommend a counciller/therapist/something that'll cost me money.... :p: ).

    -Saruman

    *EDIT* Hey, I'm nearly at 200 posts!
    Perhaps it's just a question of perspective. Firstly, what is it that makes you afraid to ask her out? If it's that she will say no, think about how that might affect you. Really, is rejection the worst thing that can happen? She won't be offended, and will probably be flattered. Also, think how much you'll regret it if you meet her 10/20 years from now and she says "yeah, I really fancied you - how come nothing ever happened?". Bottom line, you just have to go for it, low self-confidence or not. Try and bluff confidence to make you feel better if possible. Try not to do it at a party, nor drunk. Text/ring her and meet up for coffee/a movie/lunch (not dinner)/ something she's keen on like an art exhibit. Ask her if she'd like to go out sometime. It's easy. If she says no, what have you lost? The friendship won't be destroyed, you've not come on too strong and at least you know.

    But if she says yes, think how great it will be...

    good luck!
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    (Original post by Saruman)
    Well, I never really thought I'd ask for emotional help on a forum, but anyway...

    Basically, I really like this girl. We've been friends for some time now, and I have never had the self-confidence to ask her out or anything, or tell her how I feel. I have a total lack of self-confidence when it comes to asking someone out - exams, interviews, etc. are all fine, but I'm really nervous about relationships. The only solution I see is to get drunk on Strongbow at a party and tell her then, but I'd rather go for something less alcohol-induced that might make a better impression that I;m noit just drunk & telling everyone I love them . So, anyone got any help as to how to raise my self-confidence (please don't recommend a counciller/therapist/something that'll cost me money.... :p: ).

    -Saruman

    *EDIT* Hey, I'm nearly at 200 posts!
    Have you suffered rejection from girls before?
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    (Original post by Mad Vlad)
    Have you suffered rejection from girls before?
    Would it be harder if he had? Maybe he could learn from past experiences...

    My advice - go for it. Ask her out - she won't eat you (i hope :p: ) and you could really hit it off.
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    (Original post by Gwenyth!)
    Would it be harder if he had? Maybe he could learn from past experiences...

    My advice - go for it. Ask her out - she won't eat you (i hope :p: ) and you could really hit it off.
    Yes it would. Speaking from experience, a bad rejection can absolutely destroy your self confidence, especially if you had to work really hard to gain the courage to ask in the first place. A bad rejection sent me into a reclusive and suicidally depressed 7 months nearly 3 years ago now (that was after my mum had died though so... its not a normal situation) and its taken me a hell of a lot of time to build myself back up. Unfortunately I got rejected so many times after that, that I've become used to rejection and now I can ask and not suffer the same kind of depression.

    It will work out in the end though It has for me.
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    If your close or best friends i say you wait, because if she does say no it will affect your friendship in a bad way.

    Otherwise go for it and good luck
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    (Original post by Mad Vlad)
    Yes it would. Speaking from experience, a bad rejection can absolutely destroy your self confidence, especially if you had to work really hard to gain the courage to ask in the first place. A bad rejection sent me into a reclusive and suicidally depressed 7 months nearly 3 years ago now (that was after my mum had died though so... its not a normal situation) and its taken me a hell of a lot of time to build myself back up. Unfortunately I got rejected so many times after that, that I've become used to rejection and now I can ask and not suffer the same kind of depression.

    It will work out in the end though It has for me.

    omg, *hugs you* :hugs:


    glad you feel better now though
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    (Original post by Gwenyth!)
    omg, *hugs you* :hugs:


    glad you feel better now though
    *gladly accepts hug*
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    I have come to discover you just have to get used to it. getting one thing always means you lost another.

    by the way, you dont have to just walk up to her and shock her by saying "I love you"

    Try to buddy up to her and just drop hints to your feelings now and then. her reaction would let you know wether to proceed or back off.
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    go for it u dont wanna ask wot if?
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    (Original post by jd27)
    Perhaps it's just a question of perspective. Firstly, what is it that makes you afraid to ask her out? If it's that she will say no, think about how that might affect you. Really, is rejection the worst thing that can happen? She won't be offended, and will probably be flattered. Also, think how much you'll regret it if you meet her 10/20 years from now and she says "yeah, I really fancied you - how come nothing ever happened?". Bottom line, you just have to go for it, low self-confidence or not. Try and bluff confidence to make you feel better if possible. Try not to do it at a party, nor drunk. Text/ring her and meet up for coffee/a movie/lunch (not dinner)/ something she's keen on like an art exhibit. Ask her if she'd like to go out sometime. It's easy. If she says no, what have you lost? The friendship won't be destroyed, you've not come on too strong and at least you know.

    But if she says yes, think how great it will be...

    good luck!
    Well, I just naturally have no self-esteem & always expect the worst. I might try a movie/lunch/etc soon - thanks for the ideas .

    (Original post by Mad Vlad)
    Have you suffered rejection from girls before?
    No. Never (sadly) had a girlfriend before [laughter]*insert laughter here if you wish*[/laughter]. And that's one of the reasons why my self-confidence is so low here .

    Anyway, thanks for the advice guys - I'll try and ask her soon....

    -Saruman
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    If you're not playing your game then you will always be on the backfoot.
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    You want to ask her out, so Do it..before its too late..
    You are doing exactly the same mistake I did 2 years back N I SERIOUSLY regret it
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    Try CBT.

    Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.

    Be aware of your negative thoughts, reason them out and change your way of thinking so you think positively. Maybe you're focusing on the negative outcomes which are unlikely and not the more likely advantages. You can train yourself to do that or get a counsellor. There are sites on it.

    http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/
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    (Original post by -TMG-)
    Try CBT.

    Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.

    Be aware of your negative thoughts, reason them out and change your way of thinking so you think positively. Maybe you're focusing on the negative outcomes which are unlikely and not the more likely advantages. You can train yourself to do that or get a counsellor. There are sites on it.

    http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/
    Sounds pretty good to me....

    "I'm not going to get rejected, I'm not going to get rejected, I'm not going to get rejected..."

    Thanks - I'll try that, and positive rep you when I next can (apparently I gave out some rep in the last 24hrs, no idea who to :confused: ).

    -Saruman
 
 
 
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