Turn on thread page Beta

Do i tell her i know her mum's cancer has returned? watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I work in a doctor's surgery three evenings a week and today i got a bit of a shock. i was filing away some usual results when i came across one of my friend's mum, it appears that her cancer has returned. i'm thinking of not telling my friend i know, just let her tell me when she is ready, but another letter said how badly my friend is taking it since we're all doing a levels at the moment and then i saw her mum, so they probably know i know. oh, what to do!

    Certainly makes my stressing about exams seem pretty ridiculous.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    sorry to hear that i think maybe yuou should wait until yr friend is rready to tell you. that is meant to be confidential.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by _mad_moo_)
    I work in a doctor's surgery three evenings a week and today i got a bit of a shock. i was filing away some usual results when i came across one of my friend's mum, it appears that her cancer has returned. i'm thinking of not telling my friend i know, just let her tell me when she is ready, but another letter said how badly my friend is taking it since we're all doing a levels at the moment and then i saw her mum, so they probably know i know. oh, what to do!

    Certainly makes my stressing about exams seem pretty ridiculous.
    Surely you don't really have a choice, isn't it breaking confidentiality rules if you tell her?

    It must be hard for you to be in this position, but its probably best you wait until she feels ready to tell you herself......

    *hugs*

    Ruthie xx
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by _mad_moo_)
    I work in a doctor's surgery three evenings a week and today i got a bit of a shock. i was filing away some usual results when i came across one of my friend's mum, it appears that her cancer has returned. i'm thinking of not telling my friend i know, just let her tell me when she is ready, but another letter said how badly my friend is taking it since we're all doing a levels at the moment and then i saw her mum, so they probably know i know. oh, what to do!

    Certainly makes my stressing about exams seem pretty ridiculous.
    Sorry I didn't quite follow there. Why do they probably know you know?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by _mad_moo_)
    I work in a doctor's surgery three evenings a week and today i got a bit of a shock. i was filing away some usual results when i came across one of my friend's mum, it appears that her cancer has returned. i'm thinking of not telling my friend i know, just let her tell me when she is ready, but another letter said how badly my friend is taking it since we're all doing a levels at the moment and then i saw her mum, so they probably know i know. oh, what to do!

    Certainly makes my stressing about exams seem pretty ridiculous.
    don't mention a thing about it. I have a feeling that working in a surgery is very like working in a solicitors' - there's a confidentiality thing which means you must *not* mention anything you find out whilst working there outside the job!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I know its going to be hard but you need to keep quiet because (1) you could get sacked and (2) im sure her mum will tell her in her own time; she could be keeping it from her to stop recking her a levels but also for other reasons. Personal example is that my nan found it hard to watch me get upset about her cancer so she kept the seriousness from me.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    yeh i know there is the confidentiallity thing, but my other friend also works at the doctors and between us we work every day, so file all the results that come in, therefore they know we'll find out. also when my friend's mum has had results come in before, their family has always asked us to tell them if anything new turns up
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by _mad_moo_)
    yeh i know there is the confidentiallity thing, but my other friend also works at the doctors and between us we work every day, so file all the results that come in, therefore they know we'll find out. also when my friend's mum has had results come in before, their family has always asked us to tell them if anything new turns up
    Aww I do really feel for you. But it still might be better to wait until she has been told and is ready to tell you, and then just be there for her absolultely when it happens. If her family are keeping it from her right now, they'll be doing it with her best interests at heart, and I'm sure you feel the same way. She'll definitely come to you when she's ready to, and you having known from work won't change anything. And like everyone's said, I guess you've also got to respect the confidentiality thing.
    *Hugs* though. I really hope her mum gets better and your friend's alright. Just be there for her. That's the most important thing.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    strictly speakingyou can't tell her, as that breaks confidentiality. Plus in a way it's not your place. but i really do feel for you and it must be very hard for you to be in this position. i hope you can work something out, good luck
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Same here wait until ure exams r ova u do not want 2 upset ure friend wait a couple of days when uve finished then tell her in private sooooooooo sorry 2 hear it
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I think you should not tell her. You will get sacked and may even be prosecuted if found to be breaking confidentiality rules.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    I cant belive your even thinkning of breaking the confidentiality rules.

    If i ever found out someone was gossiping about my medical history behind my back id sue the arse off them, no matter what their intentions were.

    If you care at all for your friend, you'll keep your big mouth shut.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    You can't tell her, it would break the confidentiality that you have signed up to. However harsh it may feel, you just cannot tell your friend anything.

    It may well be for the best though: your friend's family will know better than you how she will cope with the news best, and it is up to them to support her. I'm sure she will forgive you afterwards as you don't have a choice in the matter.

    Try to keep a brave face on, and good luck with your exams.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Thats a really hard situation to be put in. Whatever you do, there is no right or wrong.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Don't tell her. If her mom hasn't told her, that's her choice. Her mom has a right to confidentiality and it's not fair of you to interfere with that. I know it's your friend so you feel she should know, but think of it from her mom's point of view: surely it's her choice whether or not she reveals it to her daughter? She may just be leaving it until after exams or after she's had more tests or something.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Oh...

    Like everyone who's posted before - breaching the confidentiality agreement would be the wrong way to go. Just hold on and be there for your friend. Good luck.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    The best idea is to act as though you know nothing. If she asks, say that you saw her name (to file it) but didn't read it as you didn't want to know what it said as it was confidential and would put you in an awkward position, (as it has.) Your friend's mum has a right to know and will be likely to find out very soon anyway but it can't come from you because it is the doctor's duty, no one elses, to tell her. The best thing you can do is help your friend and think of her. If you breach confidentiality rules you could lose your job and your friend. Try not to worry, its a terrible situation for all involved, but for ethical and legal reasons, its probably best that you stay out of it.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ickle_katy)
    If you care at all for your friend, you'll keep your big mouth shut.
    I think that was a bit of a harsh thing to say considering the gravity and sensitive nature of the situation. She's asking for advice, she doesn't need to be told to keep her "big mouth shut".
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    the only thing you can do is be there for your friend. You cannot tell her you know, she may not of told you for a reason. unfortunatly its not your information to share, so you just have to be patient and she'll tell you when shes ready.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Difficult !

    Tell her though y hide it no point !
    If it breaks up a fight so be it im not one to shy away !
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: June 25, 2005
Poll
How are you feeling about GCSE results day?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.