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Do i tell her i know her mum's cancer has returned? watch

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    (Original post by _mad_moo_)
    I work in a doctor's surgery three evenings a week and today i got a bit of a shock. i was filing away some usual results when i came across one of my friend's mum, it appears that her cancer has returned. i'm thinking of not telling my friend i know, just let her tell me when she is ready, but another letter said how badly my friend is taking it since we're all doing a levels at the moment and then i saw her mum, so they probably know i know. oh, what to do!

    Certainly makes my stressing about exams seem pretty ridiculous.

    sorry dollf or sounding cynical but dont tell ur friend, i think she would prefer to hear it from her mum and not her friend, also thats a breach of confidentiality and ur friend might not forgive you if she thinks you were being nosy... xoxo
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    It is not your place to tell her. Just be prepared to support your friend when she finds out
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    (Original post by pete77)
    Difficult !

    Tell her though y hide it no point !
    If it breaks up a fight so be it im not one to shy away !
    Why hide it? Because it's not her place to say anything and she'd be breaking very strict rules about confidentiality.
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    (Original post by spangletastic)
    I think that was a bit of a harsh thing to say considering the gravity and sensitive nature of the situation. She's asking for advice, she doesn't need to be told to keep her "big mouth shut".
    Not really, I think ickle_katy is right - even posting something like this on here can be easily found. If the friend madmoo is on about knows/finds this site and sees this thread, it's quite easy to figure out it's about her - if that makes sense! It's not her position to tell anyone and if she recognised the name on the file she should've done her upmost to file it quickly without reading through it unless absolutely necessary.
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    just to weigh in my 2c.

    absolutely not.

    you'd be breaking confidentiality, which is there for a reason..

    potential consequences:
    loosing your job & being refused a reference.
    damaging the GPs reputation
    ruining the relationship between your friend & her mother - her mother has the right to tell her family as & when she chooses.



    I appreciate it feels like a tough situation for you - & i would have avoided reading the contents if i recognised a name (so would probably say this to my friend or anyone else who asked, to avoid the pressure).. but I can't see anything to be gained by going behind the backs of various people to hasten bad news for someone..

    ..especially when no doubt her mother will be told soon enough anyway & by someone perhaps more experienced than you at breaking such news & who will have a more informed judgement of the technicalities & prognosis of the actual position.
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    DONT SAY ANYTHING.

    1) It's not your life. Maybe her mum doesnt want anyone to know.
    2)Shes in alevels.
    3)You are in no position to reveal such information.
    4) let me stress this again. Her mum might not want to tell her daughter now, and if anyone should tell her it should be her mother.

    But I would have told my bestfriend after Alevels....or wait she tells me. I dont know, I wouldnt have the courage to tell her maybe.
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    (Original post by wild thing)
    DONT SAY ANYTHING.

    1) It's not your life. Maybe her mum doesnt want anyone to know.
    2)Shes in alevels.
    3)You are in no position to reveal such information.
    4) let me stress this again. Her mum might not want to tell her daughter now, and if anyone should tell her it should be her mother.
    agreed. the only person who has the right to decide whether or not to tell her is her mother. you have no right to reveal the information as a matter of confidentiality anyway.

    her mother will let her know when she believes is the right time.
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    (Original post by nabzp)
    Not really, I think ickle_katy is right - even posting something like this on here can be easily found. If the friend madmoo is on about knows/finds this site and sees this thread, it's quite easy to figure out it's about her - if that makes sense! It's not her position to tell anyone and if she recognised the name on the file she should've done her upmost to file it quickly without reading through it unless absolutely necessary.
    I know what you mean and I agree that she shouldn't say anything to her friend. But madmoo obviously didn't know what to and she was simply asking for advice, yet she was insulted in return. That's just my opinion, maybe I'm too sensitive!
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    You really should avoid saying anything. You are bound by very strict rules of confidentiality to prevent problems arising from situations such as these. If you do decide to tell your friend it could backfire very badly. What would happen if her mother chose to complain? The possible results include legal action not only against yourself as the individual responsible but also against your employer. This would not be good. Please do not tell her no matter how much you want to. Follow the confidentiality guidelines, they are there for a reason.
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    Hang on, am I reading this wrong, or are you lot? From what I can tell from the original poster, she's just concerned about her friend not talking about the things that worry her. She already knows and it's not a question of telling her something her mum hasn't already, because she does know ("letter said how badly my friend is taking it"), she just hasn't shared it with her friends. So all of you chastising her for breaking a relationship between mother and daughter, that's really unfair, because it seems to me that this isn't in question, she's just worried about her friend and wants to offer her an outlet to talk to her!

    I can understand the tough situation, moo. Even ignoring confidentiality, I'd still say don't tell her though, she will in her own time and then you can be there for her. It has to be her decision to tell you though, if she knows that you'll always be there for her no matter what - which I'm sure she does - then that's all that matters.
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    yeh you cannot say anything it breaks even rule of confidentiality and privacy, surely as you were filing you had to open said file and look inside, unless it was just a peice of paper you were filng away, like someone else has said she may not know herself that her moms cancer has returned, but you can never tell her, because even if she tells you you cannot tell her you knew or else she may get angry at you for not telling her.
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    i think the best thing is to let her mum tell her.. i just found out my stepdad's got cancer and i wouldnt have liked to hear it from someone other than him or my mum
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    Why does everything think that the girl's mum hasn't told her? Really, point out to me what I'm missing.
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    (Original post by Charlottie)
    Why does everything think that the girl's mum hasn't told her? Really, point out to me what I'm missing.
    well she may have or she may be waiting..

    my mum didnt tell me something she found out about my stepdad's cancer till today and she wasnt even planning to tell me today..

    maybe her mum wants to wait till the time is right.. or she may have told her, who knows *shrugs* :confused:
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    i'd keep quiet.

    its not your place to tell them. you arent allowed to tell them either.
    • Thread Starter
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    Thanks for your advice everyone. Last night i was still reeling (sp?) from finding out in perhaps not the nicest situation. My friend does already know about her mum and its messing her up big time (has also got another illness as well). dont think i was ever really thinking about breaking confidentiallity more what should i do when she tells me i.e. should i say yeh i knew that already or not?


    (Original post by ickle_katy)
    .

    If you care at all for your friend, you'll keep your big mouth shut.
    Have to say that i found this comment rather offensive, i know ur a mod but you know nothing about the situation, nor the full details as i was asking how to react when my friend finds out i already knew.
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    (Original post by _mad_moo_)
    Thanks for your advice everyone. Last night i was still reeling (sp?) from finding out in perhaps not the nicest situation. My friend does already know about her mum and its messing her up big time (has also got another illness as well). dont think i was ever really thinking about breaking confidentiallity more what should i do when she tells me i.e. should i say yeh i knew that already or not?




    Have to say that i found this comment rather offensive, i know ur a mod but you know nothing about the situation, nor the full details as i was asking how to react when my friend finds out i already knew.
    sorry, but i was gob smacked that you have so little regard for someones confidentaility.

    You cannot tell your friend you know even if she asks...that is also against the rules.

    And i dont see what you have to ask for advice on, you should know what you have to do?

    and i laugh how you say that i dont know the situation, well why are you asking for advice then?
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    what should i do when she tells me i.e. should i say yeh i knew that already or not?
    :hmmmm2: i'd say just act as if you didnt know, its gonna be hard but you cant really tell her how you found out cos of breaking rules and maybe she'll be upset about how you found out cos she'd rather have told you *shrugs*
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    (Original post by ickle_katy)
    I cant belive your even thinkning of breaking the confidentiality rules.

    If i ever found out someone was gossiping about my medical history behind my back id sue the arse off them, no matter what their intentions were.

    If you care at all for your friend, you'll keep your big mouth shut.
    You aren't dying of cancer though. Have some sensitivity to the situation, it isn't just some random person gossiping about another random persons random medical condition.
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    hey i think _mad_moo has had enough slandering placed upon her.... she was asking what we thought and what ive read we've given her our opinions but if they are going to be extremely unsensitive or hurtful keep them to yourself, thats all I can say. Give a little consideration to the situtation she found it by accident and im sure she was extremely shocked at seeing it and im sure shes confised and worrying about whats going to happen and how to console her friend xoxo
 
 
 
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