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should i do anything about this? (neighbours and kids)
Not sure where this should go 
Ok, so i need some advice about what to do (or whether to do anything) about my neighbours. They're quite a young couple and they have four children in a three bedroomed house and i've heard they have problems with damp and things there, so i can understand why they're under stress. But the problem is, they literally all the time, keep yelling at the children. Their parents keep threatening to leave the kids all the time when they're just, you know, being normal kids. They're not angels or anything (played knock door run on my house for like a week
) but i just feel like something's wrong.
The four children are never really washed and i can always hear them crying. At about ten a.m, their parents tell them to play outside and they're out there all day until 9 p.m some nights. Sometimes they seem o.k though
Last year i saw the parents take the children to school most days but this year i'm on a gap year and i can always hear the children in the house instead, so i'm not sure if they're going.
Anyway i was in my room today and i heard through the wall, the usual shouting and their mother walked out of the house, screaming that she couldn't cope, and left them with their father. And then i heard him smack his daughter who's about seven, i think, really loudly through the wall. And it's really playing on my mind because i've heard the same thing happen quite a few times.
I don't know if to do anything or not. I know social services have been involved with the family before because i heard them shouting about it. The thing is, i went through exactly the same thing with my parents and i remember how bad my childhood was because of it and i remember my own mum emotionally blackmailing me so social services didn't find out anything and that went on for around twelve years. It makes me feel awful to think they might be going through it too, even if i don't really know them.
Should i do anything? I'd ask my parents for advice but they're the type that would storm round there, now that they got help for their own anger, and i don't think that would help.
Thanks
Ok, so i need some advice about what to do (or whether to do anything) about my neighbours. They're quite a young couple and they have four children in a three bedroomed house and i've heard they have problems with damp and things there, so i can understand why they're under stress. But the problem is, they literally all the time, keep yelling at the children. Their parents keep threatening to leave the kids all the time when they're just, you know, being normal kids. They're not angels or anything (played knock door run on my house for like a week
) but i just feel like something's wrong.The four children are never really washed and i can always hear them crying. At about ten a.m, their parents tell them to play outside and they're out there all day until 9 p.m some nights. Sometimes they seem o.k though
Last year i saw the parents take the children to school most days but this year i'm on a gap year and i can always hear the children in the house instead, so i'm not sure if they're going.
Anyway i was in my room today and i heard through the wall, the usual shouting and their mother walked out of the house, screaming that she couldn't cope, and left them with their father. And then i heard him smack his daughter who's about seven, i think, really loudly through the wall. And it's really playing on my mind because i've heard the same thing happen quite a few times.
I don't know if to do anything or not. I know social services have been involved with the family before because i heard them shouting about it. The thing is, i went through exactly the same thing with my parents and i remember how bad my childhood was because of it and i remember my own mum emotionally blackmailing me so social services didn't find out anything and that went on for around twelve years. It makes me feel awful to think they might be going through it too, even if i don't really know them.
Should i do anything? I'd ask my parents for advice but they're the type that would storm round there, now that they got help for their own anger, and i don't think that would help.
Thanks
Reply 1
should i do anything? 
Reply 2
It's a really tricky situation, especially as you are just the neighbour so what you may think is going on may be entirely different. However if you are genuinely concerned and social services have been involved before then I would contact someone about it, although I'd have no idea who. If it is all okay and nothing to worry about this will be established but it's better to be safe than sorry IMO, after all they are just children so they need protecting. Have you got any other neighbours you could discuss it with, first? If you do and you are in agreement about something not being right then it would make things easier for you but as said it's a tough situation and what I would do is likely to be completely different to what someone else would do in the same situation.
Reply 3
15
Personally, I'd get someone in a position of authority involved by contacting social services. I too went through severe abuse throughout my childhood, and as a child you can't act on it, so if I heard someone else going through the same now I'd be sure to contact someone about it as I wish people had done more for me. Otherwise, you're going to end up regretting it.
Drawing attention to the matter can allow the family to be monitored more closely. It might be the case that they're fine, but social services can be the ones to decide that. Still, saying that, if social services determine that the family is fine, it'd best to STILL monitor things yourself, as obviously they can get things wrong as well.
It's a bit of responsibility for you, of course, but if you're really concerned about this as small act on your part could help a lot.
Drawing attention to the matter can allow the family to be monitored more closely. It might be the case that they're fine, but social services can be the ones to decide that. Still, saying that, if social services determine that the family is fine, it'd best to STILL monitor things yourself, as obviously they can get things wrong as well.
It's a bit of responsibility for you, of course, but if you're really concerned about this as small act on your part could help a lot.
Reply 4
12
Yeah, I'd call social services.
Reply 5
14
Call and write to social services. If they've got it in writing then they'll have to act, as even if they're overstretched (which is highly likely, it seems to be one of the most popular budgets to cut) then they should know by now that having a paper trail leading to them doing nothing will result in all sorts of nasty things happening to them if something does go badly with the kids...
Or, you might want to offer to baby sit FoC once in a while. As a parent myself I can tell you that looking after small children 24-7 is very, very, very tiring. Its the same thing day after day, after day. I really look forward to the three hours on a Thursday afternoon when both of our daughters are in nursery at the same time. But then if these are school age children and they aren't being taken to school, I personally can't understand why not, but it has been half-term recently.
So anyway, rambling aside, I think you ought to contact your local social services child protection team.
Or, you might want to offer to baby sit FoC once in a while. As a parent myself I can tell you that looking after small children 24-7 is very, very, very tiring. Its the same thing day after day, after day. I really look forward to the three hours on a Thursday afternoon when both of our daughters are in nursery at the same time. But then if these are school age children and they aren't being taken to school, I personally can't understand why not, but it has been half-term recently.
So anyway, rambling aside, I think you ought to contact your local social services child protection team.
Reply 6
I would also call social services.
The way I see it, if you call them the worst that could happen is that they get the all clear (which would be great) and then the family would hate you (that's if they found out it was you)
If you don't call them, the worst that could happen is that it could escalate, and the kids could get into some serious trouble, then you would have that on your shoulders
In my opinion it would be so much better to call the SS to put your mind at rest and know you did all you can, before you regret it
The way I see it, if you call them the worst that could happen is that they get the all clear (which would be great) and then the family would hate you (that's if they found out it was you)
If you don't call them, the worst that could happen is that it could escalate, and the kids could get into some serious trouble, then you would have that on your shoulders
In my opinion it would be so much better to call the SS to put your mind at rest and know you did all you can, before you regret it
Reply 7
knock door run?????
oh no next its grenades through the letterbox.
Look - whilst its nice you want to get involved - stay out of it - they wont thank you and you may end up being the one who needs help
oh no next its grenades through the letterbox.
Look - whilst its nice you want to get involved - stay out of it - they wont thank you and you may end up being the one who needs help
Reply 8
call social services and put s**t through their letter box.
Reply 9
I'd give Social Services a call - it's better to be safe than sorry.
Reply 10
Anonymous
They're quite a young couple and they have four children in a three bedroomed house and i've heard they have problems with damp and things there,
Holy cow, this bit sounds like my life!!
I think the parents need help, and calling social services is the best thing to do. I manage not to shout, swear at, hit, and walk out on my 4 kids - im sure with help they can do the same.
It really needs to be stopped before something serious happens.
Good luck, and what a nice, thoughtful neighbour you are. Im sure you are doing those kids a big favour, I know id do the same thing. x
Reply 11
You need to call social services. I have never been in this position and I would worry about getting involved, but you need to report this. If anything more serious happened you would feel awful. I know someone that works as a social worker in child protection I will try and ring her this morning and ask her advice about what happens when it is reported. Sorry to be anon but as you can imagine my friend is hardly flavour of the month with some of her clients.
Reply 12
Call social services.
Reply 13
Ask the kids themselves. If its serious contact social services.
Reply 14
Got hold of my social worker friend, she said you can ring the council and you will be totally anonymous and your name will never be disclosed. It is a 24 hour service. She said that you will actually be helping the family because they obviously can't cope.
Reply 15
Call childline
Reply 16
Thanks everyone for the advice. The thing is, they already have a social worker who visits from time to time, but whenever she does, the children are sent off outside. Somedays there'll be arguments i can hear through the wall with crying from the children and shouting from the parents, but today for instance they're happily playing outside. I heard them in their back garden a few weeks ago being worried about social services being involved so i don't want to aggravate them any more to be honest.
I'd offer to babysit but tbh we're not that close, my mum sometimes talks to her but she doesn't go out of her way to. The kids also aren't particularly nice but then again i suppose they can't be expected to be, given that situation. It seems like the parents are trying to punish the children but that's the only way they know how to do it
I'd offer to babysit but tbh we're not that close, my mum sometimes talks to her but she doesn't go out of her way to. The kids also aren't particularly nice but then again i suppose they can't be expected to be, given that situation. It seems like the parents are trying to punish the children but that's the only way they know how to do it
Reply 17
I'm just worried that the family will act like there's nothing wrong because they seem to have total power over the children and i doubt they would tell the truth. Argh! I kind of know the reason i care so much is because i went through the same thing and i know how much it can mess someone up. I think i'll report it to my local children's social care office and just hope they can help.
Reply 18
15
Good choice on reporting it. You need to make as much of a fuss as possible if you think something is wrong - otherwise the right people won't pay enough attention.
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