Insecurities

What is the key to feeling good about yourself and to be comfortable in yourself?

I have always been quite shy and quiet and since coming to uni i am more confident and talk to people more easily. However, the only relationships i have ever had have been disasters... being lied to, cheated on, manipulation, not being genuinly cared for and in result i have a really low opinionof myself. With every relationship it has got worse and worse. In my head i think, 'why me? hes found someone better than me and treats her alot better than he ever did with me, there must be something wrong with me, if only i was better they would never have happened.'

I have lost all my self confidence and esteem because of this. I'm insecure and paranoid about what friends think of me, my own personality and relationships. I end up doing things just to make everyone else happy, i care too much about what people think of me i end up being boring and to afraid express myself... i dont even know how to anymore..

Does anyone have any advice on how i can change or give me steps to follow?

Thanks in advance

Reply 1

*Star*Guitar*

17

Have you spent more time in relationships than being single? That may be the problem.
Just take time to focus on yourself and what makes you feel better, forget everyone else and what they think.

Reply 2

russianroullette

2

Smile. Whenever and wherever you go, smile. You will fool people into thinking you're secure in yourself, and sooner or later you'll fool yourself, and then it will become a natural thing.

People don't mess with happy people ;D xx

Reply 3

-Adeline-

I think you have to acknowledge that you can't rely on other people in order to feel good about yourself. If you care too much about what other people think then you'll find that it's the compliments that people give you that sustain you and buoy your confidence and it gives someone else the power to destroy your self-esteem with just one comment. You've got to realise that self-belief comes from within. Feel proud of the things you've achieved, concentrate on the things you like about yourself and if you feel good about yourself no one else's opinion will matter.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

-Adeline-

I think you have to acknowledge that you can't rely on other people in order to feel good about yourself. If you care too much about what other people think then you'll find that it's the compliments that people give you that sustain you and buoy your confidence and it gives someone else the power to destroy your self-esteem with just one comment. You've got to realise that self-belief comes from within. Feel proud of the things you've achieved, concentrate on the things you like about yourself and if you feel good about yourself no one else's opinion will matter.

Thanks for the advice :smile:

Reply 5

calamityx

adopt a more laid back, couldn't care less persona and soon it will merge with you and become 1. The best way to gain confidence is by first feigning it. Slowly you'll get used to and believe that you are that confident.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

calamityx

adopt a more laid back, couldn't care less persona and soon it will merge with you and become 1. The best way to gain confidence is by first feigning it. Slowly you'll get used to and believe that you are that confident.

Its not about confidence its about self esteem. I can talk to people and appear ok but that doesn't change my thoughts or feelings of myself

Reply 7

Thrasymachus

6

Anonymous

Its not about confidence its about self esteem. I can talk to people and appear ok but that doesn't change my thoughts or feelings of myself

I can relate to that - but seriously - you seem to have what I would call an unhealthy obsession with what other people think of you and that is what is lowering your self-esteem. I could understand if it was specific people but you seem to be more concerned with making other people in general happy and not with your own happiness.

Anonymous

However, the only relationships i have ever had have been disasters... being lied to, cheated on, manipulation, not being genuinly cared for and in result i have a really low opinionof myself. With every relationship it has got worse and worse. In my head i think, 'why me? hes found someone better than me and treats her alot better than he ever did with me, there must be something wrong with me, if only i was better they would never have happened.'

Maybe, but I think its more accurate to say If only you weren't so stupid it would never have happened - nothing you did caused them to treat you like that - its what you didn't do. If you are being manipulated and not being genuinely cared for then I find it hard to believe these guys were pros - rather they were people who saw an easy target. They were uncaring manipulating cheating liars, and chances are your obsession with people liking you blinded you to it.

-Adeline-

I think you have to acknowledge that you can't rely on other people in order to feel good about yourself. If you care too much about what other people think then you'll find that it's the compliments that people give you that sustain you and buoy your confidence and it gives someone else the power to destroy your self-esteem with just one comment. You've got to realise that self-belief comes from within. Feel proud of the things you've achieved, concentrate on the things you like about yourself and if you feel good about yourself no one else's opinion will matter.

This definitely :yep:

Start owning yourself - and you will start to see through people who want to take advantage of you and they in turn will realise that you're not so easy to use.

Basically, if you want to make other people happy, make sure it is because you can not because you need to.

Bear in mind this is coming from a selfish miserable ****.

Reply 8

samba

6

russianroullette

Smile. Whenever and wherever you go, smile. You will fool people into thinking you're secure in yourself, and sooner or later you'll fool yourself, and then it will become a natural thing.

People don't mess with happy people ;D xx

so true!

ps. awesome name

Insecurities

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