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In need of some advice or comfort...

*sigh* Yesterday was probably the worst day of my entire life...There's this guy that I sorta like and my friends were absolutely positive that he liked me back (my friends did not know I liked him) and I recently found out that he does...alot. Which, it seemed so weird when I first found out, since he's one of my very best friends. I talk to him every day, tell him secrets, joke around, but I just never said anything because I was so afraid it might ruin our friendship. :frown: Well now that we both know that we like eachother, I just found out that my best friend for 4 years likes him too...I was so freaked out and finally got things worked out with her...She understands and is supporting whatever we decide to do. Of course, I don't know where to go now. It seems logical to start going out I guess but the problem is, he's leaving the country this summer for Jordan. He may move there and he doesn't feel we should make any sort of decision until he knows for sure where he's going to be...Another issue is that while I have always like him a little bit, I have always liked this other guy (I'm not close to him, nor does he appear to be interested in me, yet I feel like I've somewhat betrayed him in a way...) So, this whole issue has been dealt with fairly well and the guy and I are very open to eachother with our thoughts. We have no problems talking to eachother since we're already so close. Another issue is that we have different belief systems...I am catholic and he is a muslim. I am not all too religeous and we openly discuss our beliefs with eachother but I'm afraid that might come to be an issue since he is very firm in his beliefs. I want to talk about this with him, but I don't want to wait until he knows if he's leaving or not...I also don't quite know what I want from this. If anyone bothers to read this entire thing and give me some advice, I'd be very grateful :frown:

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Reply 1
You know what I'd do... just do what feels right. It sounds one of those things people say that that sounds simple, and can't be; but it is. Take out all of the external factors and think about what you want; and go after it.

There's always things which you can put in front of you to stop you moving forward (such as him going to Jordan, your conflict of religious beliefs); but ultimately - you know whether you want to be with this person or not.

Ok, you might have a great relationship for a month and he might then move to Jordan; but to share that one month together might be worth it. Of course you'd be upset at him leaving; but it seems like your in a similar state of mind now - so whatever route you take is not going to be easy. But that's life, and that's men for you!

The best thing you can do is spend tonight thinking about what you want, and then talk to him tomorrow. Tell him your worries - he's probably thinking the same things. Then you can move on from there.

Best wishes hun, things like this are never easy, but you'll be fine! :smile:
Reply 2
Lauren18
You know what I'd do... just do what feels right. It sounds one of those things people say that that sounds simple, and can't be; but it is. Take out all of the external factors and think about what you want; and go after it.

There's always things which you can put in front of you to stop you moving forward (such as him going to Jordan, your conflict of religious beliefs); but ultimately - you know whether you want to be with this person or not.

Ok, you might have a great relationship for a month and he might then move to Jordan; but to share that one month together might be worth it. Of course you'd be upset at him leaving; but it seems like your in a similar state of mind now - so whatever route you take is not going to be easy. But that's life, and that's men for you!

The best thing you can do is spend tonight thinking about what you want, and then talk to him tomorrow. Tell him your worries - he's probably thinking the same things. Then you can move on from there.

Best wishes hun, things like this are never easy, but you'll be fine! :smile:


Thanks...I suppose that if I eliminate all outside factors, I do know what I want...I want him. It's just that even though he likes me, he requested that we make a decision after he knew if he was staying or not...He thinks we should just be friends until then (nearly a month from now) and I just don't feel the same...I want to deal with it now. I just don't know how to approach him about it... :frown:
Reply 3
~*PinkTeaCozy*~
Thanks...I suppose that if I eliminate all outside factors, I do know what I want...I want him. It's just that even though he likes me, he requested that we make a decision after he knew if he was staying or not...He thinks we should just be friends until then (nearly a month from now) and I just don't feel the same...I want to deal with it now. I just don't know how to approach him about it... :frown:

Tell him what you just wrote. Look into his eyes and tell him that you want him, and if he likes you as much as he seems to, he won't possibly be able to resist! x
Reply 4
Lauren18
Tell him what you just wrote. Look into his eyes and tell him that you want him, and if he likes you as much as he seems to, he won't possibly be able to resist! x


I know how easy that is, but feels so difficult :frown: Another problem I run into is the fact that he's extremely flirtatious...Even if he doesn't like a girl, he flirts, and it sends them mixed signals...Should I have to set boundaries? If I was his grilfriend, I'd become extremely jealous if he was flirting with other girls, not because I think he likes them, but because they think he likes them...
Reply 5
{~*PinkTeaCozy*~} awww, poor you
Reply 6
Like you said, go with your instincts.
Reply 7
whatever you do.. never go into an intimate relationship yet... just let it stand that you both know you have feelings for each other and decide later..

your case is so similar to mine, and i'd tell you.. I am a loser.. =[
Reply 8
Lauren18

Ok, you might have a great relationship for a month and he might then move to Jordan; but to share that one month together might be worth it. Of course you'd be upset at him leaving; but it seems like your in a similar state of mind now - so whatever route you take is not going to be easy. But that's life, and that's men for you!

The best thing you can do is spend tonight thinking about what you want, and then talk to him tomorrow. Tell him your worries - he's probably thinking the same things. Then you can move on from there.


Indeed...
"It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" Lord Byron
Reply 9
Book
Indeed...
"It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" Lord Byron


I dont think Lord Byron ever loved and lost :rolleyes:

But still just tell him what you have said here, if you ask him out and he says yes everything great, if you dont and he does move away you will always regret it.

Good luck :smile:
Lauren18
Tell him what you just wrote. Look into his eyes and tell him that you want him, and if he likes you as much as he seems to, he won't possibly be able to resist! x

Simple but oh so magnetically effective. Rep!
Reply 11
Thank you everyone :redface: You're all so helpful...I think he wants to stay friends though...Not sure. He invited me to dinner w/his family tonight and my mom is throwing a fit over it...Now that she knows about us, she'll never want me to hang out with him again :frown:
Reply 12
from experience, ive been in two mixed religion relationships, i'm baha'i and she's muslim..
it didnt work out because my parents were against it, not because of religious differences.. but because of cultural differences. i trust my parents because they have known me all my life, plus while we arent all soo close.. i wouldnt want them to be unhappy while im happy in a relationship.. maybe it was me too who didnt really think the match was right..

but the thing is, you should not fall head over heels for him yet.. it would be wrong to change your religion just for the sake of another guy/gal.. trust me on that one! if i may go on, id say from other religious sources that your relationship with god is personal, it cannot be induced or forced, and is often blinded by love for people or material things.. while you are of two diff religions, imho, you still pray to the same creator. you may decide this and be able to live together like this.. or if he wants you to convert then i think its wrong, you shouldnt convert for the sake of another one you love. if ur mom has a prob with religion, and if what i said makes sense to you, then u should explain it to her the way i did.. or better yet, seek more religious counsel from your catholic church.. (youre anonymous during confessions, remember) good luck!

sorry if that sounded harsh, but it's just my view..
Reply 13
finnstar
from experience, ive been in two mixed religion relationships, i'm baha'i and she's muslim..
it didnt work out because my parents were against it, not because of religious differences.. but because of cultural differences. i trust my parents because they have known me all my life, plus while we arent all soo close.. i wouldnt want them to be unhappy while im happy in a relationship.. maybe it was me too who didnt really think the match was right..

but the thing is, you should not fall head over heels for him yet.. it would be wrong to change your religion just for the sake of another guy/gal.. trust me on that one! if i may go on, id say from other religious sources that your relationship with god is personal, it cannot be induced or forced, and is often blinded by love for people or material things.. while you are of two diff religions, imho, you still pray to the same creator. you may decide this and be able to live together like this.. or if he wants you to convert then i think its wrong, you shouldnt convert for the sake of another one you love. if ur mom has a prob with religion, and if what i said makes sense to you, then u should explain it to her the way i did.. or better yet, seek more religious counsel from your catholic church.. (youre anonymous during confessions, remember) good luck!

sorry if that sounded harsh, but it's just my view..

But she never said that he would need or want to change religions! :confused:

The OP just said that she thought it might be an issue between them, and something that they should talk about.
Reply 14
There is no problem witha muslim man marrying a christian woman.. It is ok with regards to the islam religion
Reply 15
ok, I went out with my best friend, and it didnt work out, and we didnt speak for 3 years, until recently when e realied that we were goig to uni and not going to see each other, so weve madeup and everythigns good again, but it took 3 years!Also, if hes going away, dont get into anything, it will only break your heart when he leaves
Book
Indeed...
"It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" Lord Byron

i was just about to say that!

if you don't do anything about your feelings towards each other, then you will alwasy wonder "what if". you may even regret it and you shouldn't have to live a life full of regretss just beacuse you were scared to follow your heart. do what feels right, if it's meant to be then it will, if not well at least you gave it a shot. you tried and thats the best any of us can do.
Reply 17
xXMessedUpXx
i was just about to say that!

if you don't do anything about your feelings towards each other, then you will alwasy wonder "what if". you may even regret it and you shouldn't have to live a life full of regretss just beacuse you were scared to follow your heart. do what feels right, if it's meant to be then it will, if not well at least you gave it a shot. you tried and thats the best any of us can do.


very well put!

life's too short to be messing about wondering what you SHOULD do or what's 'right', live for the now, do what you feel's right, and don't let yourself regret anything!
Reply 18
dunkymunky
ok, I went out with my best friend, and it didnt work out, and we didnt speak for 3 years, until recently when e realied that we were goig to uni and not going to see each other, so weve madeup and everythigns good again, but it took 3 years!Also, if hes going away, dont get into anything, it will only break your heart when he leaves


On the religeon issue, neither of us would convert...We're not that serious :wink: We both agree that "God" and "Allah" a basically the same thing and respect our different ways of worship...However, he does not like it here in the states because he cannot worship freely without people calling him a terrorist :frown: He likes me, but he wants to go home...I guess I want whatever makes him happy, but I'm torn...He is the one who made the decision not to talk about anyhing until we knew if he was leaving. He is obviously much less frivolous than I and understands what could happen to our friendship if we mess this up...
Reply 19
~*PinkTeaCozy*~
Thank you everyone :redface: You're all so helpful...I think he wants to stay friends though...Not sure. He invited me to dinner w/his family tonight and my mom is throwing a fit over it...Now that she knows about us, she'll never want me to hang out with him again :frown:


BTW I ended up not being able to go because my parents didn't feel like driving me :frown: It would have been alot of fun. I don't know any of his family, but I'm pretty close with his little cousin...She's very sweet :biggrin: