boyfriend problem

iv only just got back together with my boyfriend, and it seems that his drinking has gotten even worse....a few months ago, he'd go out bout 3 or 4 nights a week and get slightly drunk, but, recently, hes been out every night, and got completely wasted....even though im worried about him, its also making me really mad, coz, if im not with him, he goes to the pub and doesnt get intouch for 2 days, but, when i am with him, he starts declaring that he loves me and he promises to get his act together and always text etc (i realise its mostly the drink talking)....
the last time i saw him he got really drunk and asked "do i have a problem?"...wots the difference between someone drinking alot, thinkin its sociable, and an alcoholic? i cant speak to him bout it yet as its too early in the relationship really..but hes being a right idiot!!

Reply 1

tishysquishy

10

hmmm.... it seems very much like he has a drinking problem. I would leave him, and not try and get back with him, but thats my view. He tells you he loves you, and will change, but he's being hypocritical in just going out getting completely wasted again. The relationship will not be fair on you if he behaves like this.
You could tell him that you are worried about his health and its not good for him and that he may have a proper alcohol problem, but i feel he will b reluctant to believe u or take much heed to what u say (denial). Unfortunately its probably going to take something awful to happen to him, like an injury sustained thru drinking, that will change his views.

Reply 2

embelina

OP

1

*sigh*....i dont wanna break up with him yet...even tho the thought does sound very tempting....when we r on a date, adn hes sober, we get on sooooo well, and i feel so strongly towards him...even when we r together and hes drunk, i feel strongly towards him as i start looking after him, and "mummying" him...
man, just to prove my point, iv just text him asking if hes drunk, and hes replied "maybe, doesnt mean i dont love you though"...this is the 7th day in a row!

Reply 3

tishysquishy

10

.... well then u shud have a proper serious talk with him, face to face, when he's sober. Tell him how you feel and that you are worried, that you enjoy his company so much when he is sober, when you cant talk to him etc, and if he really wants to change you want to see the changes. If he can go a week without alcohol, then he prolly doesnt have a problem and shud jst curb his drinking, hopefully he will realise he doesnt need to get smashed everynigth to have a good time. But if he cant, then try 3 days, if he cant do that, he shud realise that he does have a problem and shud ask his GP for advice, or people that he cud get in contact with. I've jst bin looking on the internet and i cant find any ppl that help with teenage drinking, i can only find alcoholics anonymous.

Reply 4

embelina

OP

1

he wouldnt last 3 days.....he already sees his doctor lots coz he has a heart condition....grrr, hes so irresponsible! he only admits he has a problem when hes drunk (shud really be the reverse surely!)..problem is, i neva kno when he is sober, coz thats when he forgets tog et in touch for 48 hrs!

Reply 5

Book

9

embelina

iv only just got back together with my boyfriend, and it seems that his drinking has gotten even worse....a few months ago, he'd go out bout 3 or 4 nights a week and get slightly drunk, but, recently, hes been out every night, and got completely wasted....even though im worried about him, its also making me really mad, coz, if im not with him, he goes to the pub and doesnt get intouch for 2 days, but, when i am with him, he starts declaring that he loves me and he promises to get his act together and always text etc (i realise its mostly the drink talking)....
the last time i saw him he got really drunk and asked "do i have a problem?"...wots the difference between someone drinking alot, thinkin its sociable, and an alcoholic? i cant speak to him bout it yet as its too early in the relationship really..but hes being a right idiot!!

I think you need to find out for sure if this guy REALLY likes you. - If he goes to the pub without you, and dosen't get in touch till days after; is rude to you when you show your concern, I think in my opinion these are bad signs. (but ofcourse, I don't know the whole story...)

If I'm right, I'd just diplomatically end the relationship. - Life's too short for argueing about spilt milk, and faffing around over people who aren't interested. Though, if you think he's got a "drink problem" confruont him. If he's got any decency, he'll respect you for it. best wishes

Reply 6

-TMG-

9

If he liked her he would have got his act together. I take it this is one of those relationships where you've split up ten times and got back together? Sounds like it.

I was in one of them, I left the girl on her own for a while. She went out with a few lads and realised I'm the one she loves and she stopped taking me for granted etc.

With some people the only way for them to get their act together is to be left on their own to take stock of things. Tell him you're leaving him and if you care about him say if he really cleans up you'll get back together. Maybe recommend him professional help.

But really, you don't need the hassle...I mean my girlfriend had a few self esteem and other issues that are easily solved. Drinking is pretty serious methinks.

Reply 7

mr_tomus

1

dump the alcoholic maniac.

Reply 8

Logan

4

You can't imagine the hell one of my mates goes through just because his father was alcoholic. An alcoholic man is never a good father, so dump him as early as now... unless he changes...

Reply 9

khil

15

embelina

*sigh*....i dont wanna break up with him yet...even tho the thought does sound very tempting....when we r on a date, adn hes sober, we get on sooooo well, and i feel so strongly towards him...even when we r together and hes drunk, i feel strongly towards him as i start looking after him, and "mummying" him...
man, just to prove my point, iv just text him asking if hes drunk, and hes replied "maybe, doesnt mean i dont love you though"...this is the 7th day in a row!

You clearly wanna stay with him. The thing though is - it depends if HE wants to change. It's no good if he doesn't recognise the problem and if he doesn't wanna change. No you should talk to him about it - first step to a good relationship I say it's always honesty, always trust. Be honest with him - you clearly care about him, so tell him.

Stay with him for now - talk to him about his drinking problem and see where the chat goes. If he's even remotely willing to change, then stay there and help him. It's worth it - you see something beyond the drinking problem - who he is and what he is - it's worth fighting for. Don't let the drinking ruin who he is. Support him through this he's gonna need it.

However, if he carries on longterm saying he'll change but never does, then you gotta draw the line as to when you call it quits. And definitely if he turns abusive - not saying he would but alcohol does that to people after all - if he does, then leave immediately. It's probably what I'll do.

Hope it all goes well :smile:

good luck

Reply 10

JoeCool_Lemming

An alcoholic is someone who drinks by themselves because they NEED to get drunk. If he feels like he NEEDS to drink or becomes a different person (eg - violent, abusive, grumpy, short tempered) without the drink then leave him. As soon as possible.

Reply 11

hippieglitter

19

I know you don't wanna break up with him, but if this doesn't improve then i think your gonna have to. If he is not doing anything to help his drinking get better it can only get worse. You must talk to him about it. Tell that he has a problem and that you are worried about him. Encourage him to not go out so much and get help.

Reply 12

saz_1989

2

Does he not have a job or college to go to? How can he be drunk all the time?

boyfriend problem

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