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A year off/ED watch

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    I don’t know what to do. I have just finished my GCSEs and my mum told me that she doesn’t think I’ll be able to do my A levels unless I get better this summer (I have an eating disorder, depression). I don’t think I can get better in just two months (or less). She says she doesn’t want me to struggle through them as I did with my GCSEs and it would be better for me to recover. She thinks I should delay taking them and take an early gap year to try and recover. I almost cried when she told me this. How can I NOT do my A levels?? I find it so distressing because I used to be a high achiever at school before my “illness” and after that I struggled to do as well. I really don’t want to be a year behind everyone else. What am I going to do? I’m so worried about this and can’t talk to anyone IRL. I feel really alone, can anyone please help me?
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    this is an idea - if you dont go to school you could self-teach yourself you a few months ...
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    I dont think its a great idea to stop yourself from going to do a-levels, you never know it might be the thing to make you feel a lot better. Your mum cant stop you and if its really what you want to do then go for it
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    if u get the txt books and past papers you can learn A level **** on your own anyway, u dont need a school
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    Can't you talk to your mum properly about it? Of course you should do your A-levels if they're what motivate you! Of course she wants you to get better but that kind of pressure just isn't good, is it?
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    if you can find something constructive to do in your gap year and actually work out how you are going to recover from your illnesses, then it's a very good idea. Esp. as AS levels are a lot harder than gcse's and there's a lot more temptation to skive lessons and it's so easy to do badly.
    There are plus-points to carrying on school too, like you'll have your friends around you for support (though they've just caused me grief all year!) But then you can get work experience and maybe do an evening course, a gap year won't be a waste of a year at all.
    Hope you feel better soon hun x
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    I mean, how will I get better? Can I do any real studying as I am? What she says does pressurise me and upsets me, but at the same time I think she has a point. I don't know if I can manage with A levels.
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    Loopz: Thanks...I just don't know what I can do to get better? What if I never manage to get better in that year and still can't do my A levels??
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    (Original post by Oh Happy Day)
    I mean, how will I get better? Can I do any real studying as I am?
    People with ED's are often really determined, if you can really see yourself being able to concentrate on 10 hours of homework each weekend and hours revision after school, then maybe you will do just as well this year as next.

    If you have actually got clinical depression, it's a proper illness due to chemicals in your brain and you should go to your doctor about it asap. In terms of your ED, maybe keep a food diary, ask your mum to sort out a menu of the amount you must eat each day and try to stick to it. Sorry, I'm not of more help.
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    That's the thing - I struggled this year and couldn't work well. I went to my GP about all this a couple of years ago and have started seeing a new counsellor about it all a few weeks ago. It's okay, thanks for trying to help.
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    I'd say put your foot down and stick it out with the A levels... I mean, what will you do if you're not at college? I would assume that having all that time to think about things would make it worse.

    On a practical side, A levels are a lot harder than GCSEs so I'd make sure you can cope - if she has a point, don't be too scared to admit it. Maybe go for the first few months and see how it goes? If you take your AS levels and they go badly then there're always retakes, very few people DON'T do some so it's not the end of the world. Another idea would be to wait for your GCSE results and see how you did in that - that'll be an indication of your coping strategies etc.

    Meanwhile, make sure you've got some decent medication from your doctor if you feel you need it, don't be put off by them and ask for a second opinion if they're reluctant to prescribe something. Maybe take someone with you for moral support on this one?

    Ultimately, it's your decision and you'll have to have a proper talk with your mum about it. Make sure you know what you want and go for it, and let her know you need her support in your decision.

    Hope you sort things out,
    skevvybritt x
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    Hey O_Happy_Day, don't panick yet it's not the end of the world.

    First of all, are you seeing a therapist / doctor for your depression and ED? Have you asked for their opinions?

    When you were doing your GCSE's, did you have to struggle a lot? Do you think having something to work on help you with your recovery or make it worse? How did you cope with the stress and do you think you can do it again (bearing in mind that the stress level might be higher this time round)?

    Just something for you to think about, you don't have to make up your mind yet. And remember, ultimately the decision is yours. We are just here to help you look at your situation from a different angle
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    (Original post by Oh Happy Day)
    I don’t know what to do. I have just finished my GCSEs and my mum told me that she doesn’t think I’ll be able to do my A levels unless I get better this summer (I have an eating disorder, depression). I don’t think I can get better in just two months (or less). She says she doesn’t want me to struggle through them as I did with my GCSEs and it would be better for me to recover. She thinks I should delay taking them and take an early gap year to try and recover. I almost cried when she told me this. How can I NOT do my A levels?? I find it so distressing because I used to be a high achiever at school before my “illness” and after that I struggled to do as well. I really don’t want to be a year behind everyone else. What am I going to do? I’m so worried about this and can’t talk to anyone IRL. I feel really alone, can anyone please help me?
    Chill! You've just finished your GCSEs, just go out with your mates, have a few drinks (or what ever else you enjoy doing). Seriously, you've just been through VERY TOUGH public exams (despite what you hear in the press about exams getting easier...), and you deserve a pat on the back and to put your feet up a bit!!

    Im sure there are pleanty of opportunities open to you, and pleanty of time to consider them when you've finished relaxing!! But do be assured that it is YOU that will make the decision about whether you do A Levels or not. That's the law. After 16, noone can force you to go to school ("your here 'cause youre want to be" in the words of my 6th form tutor...) and symetrically onone can stop you. - I am as yet unaware of the latter occuring in reality though. It may take time for the dynamics of your relationship between your mum and yourself to change to reflect that, but with time it will. - It did with my parents. As you approach 18, the role of your parents will increasingly shift away from being someone who makes all important decisions concerning you to your chief, respected, advisor. But, for now forget everything I said, just enjoy yourself! Best wishes.
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    (Original post by Book)
    Chill! You've just finished your GCSEs, just go out with your mates, have a few drinks (or what ever else you enjoy doing). Seriously, you've just been through VERY TOUGH public exams (despite what you hear in the press about exams getting easier...), and you deserve a pat on the back and to put your feet up a bit!!
    I don't think telling someone with an ED and depression to "chill" is useful. Alcohol is not the answer, it's a depressive. And nope GCSE's are not "VERY TOUGH". They're a walk in the park in comparison to sixth form exams. Yes I've done zillions of past papers and they're getting easier but that does increase the pressure which is tough.

    I think you need to sort out what you *really* want to do in your opinion, only you know how you can cope, all we can do is hope and offer meagre advice
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    Thanks, I didn't know that. (To be honest I don't reallly know what an ED is?)
    But I don't think the "advise" to drink alcohol will be taken literally though.

    Anyways, I said have a few "drinks" which does have a double meaning. Just try to enjoy yourself for the time being, by doing whatever you enjoy. I think it goes without saying that any professional medical advise overides anything said on TSR anyway. Cheers for telling me though
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    (Original post by Book)
    Thanks, I didn't know that. (To be honest I don't reallly know what an ED is?)
    But I don't think the "advise" to drink alcohol will be taken literally though.

    Anyways, I said have a few "drinks" which does have a double meaning. Just try to enjoy yourself for the time being, by doing whatever you enjoy. I think it goes without saying that any professional medical advise overides anything said on TSR anyway. Cheers for telling me though
    ED= Eating disorder, I think the way you said to go out and have a few drinks implied alcoholic but that's me being an alcoholic!
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    (Original post by Loopz)
    ED= Eating disorder, I think the way you said to go out and have a few drinks implied alcoholic but that's me being an alcoholic!
    Me too!! - If I learn nothing else today, today would have been worth getting up for. lol Cheers!
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    I would say that if there is any possible way to do your A-levels then do them
    Even if you end up doing Year 12 twice
    If I'd been forced to stop school and not start year 13 then i'd have just fallen into a hole and died I mean I wasn't THAT horrendously ill and i only get bad around exams anyway - but I would point out that without school you'll have nothing to do and get upset and low and lose social contact
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    I've had depression for years...and started having ED's since April 2003...right before i did my GCSE exams. I've only started to see a shrink this Feb and I know it's going to take me a long time to recover fully after refusing to acknowledge my ED's for 2 years and allowed them to worsen - but I've managed to get through my exams and everything. In fact, my last Alevel exam is tomorrow and then I'm (hopefully) for to Uni.

    It would be more difficult to deal with all the exams and work if you already have an ED, but personally i don't think it's neccessary to really take an year off unless you want to yourself.

    My advice is to see a shrink and ask for professional opinions as to whether or not your ED is serious enough that you won't be able to get through your Alevels without fully recovering first.

    My ED made me more difficult for me to concentrate and cope with the exam stress, esp. the first few months of Year 13, but i've managed to cope anyhow. Don't worry too much dear...it's the last thing you need.

    PM me if you have anymore questions. Take care sweetie. :hugs:
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    I have just finished my A levels. and this time a year ago i was struggling with depression and anorexia. its tough. its hard. it hurts. but you can get through it. all of it. i kept on with my A levels. if i hadnt and i had been forced to stay at home, i wouldve become more depressed, of this i am sure.

    just know there is a light. you can get through it. even now i still feel that sometimes theres a person in my head trying to make me revert back. but having goals and knowing what i want to achieve keeps me getting better.

    dont be pressured, deep down you know whats right for yourself. you know if the real reason you want to do your A levels is to get out of the house where noone knows what youre eating or doing, or whether you really want to do A levels. your mother probably hasnt been through it. trust your instinct.

    good luck.
 
 
 
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