The Student Room Group

Why do girls hardly ever go for the nice guys?

Even if they're good looking? And good at flirting etc? not saying i'm all these things (not saying i'm not either :wink: ) but why is it that so many girls seem to be put off by guys who go out of their way to be sweet and charming and treat them with respect?

...

yeah, she went for some jerk before I could ask her :mad:

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Reply 1
:iiam:
I don't know why either. :frown:
Reply 3
I think at the beginning of a relationship/ flirting etc. most girls thrive on drama. If you're a nice guy it generally means no drama which equals nothing to tell her friends, and nothing to keep her interested.

Obviously there are loads of girls who want a lovely, nice guy to be with - but these can be hard to find I guess.

There's something so appealing about a guy who's meanish to everyone but lovely to you - it makes you feel special. And is a sure-fire way of making a girl interested in you...
Reply 4
I'm not a girl, but this applies to gay guys anyway, so I'll explain it very simply:

Nice guys are not assertive and are not exciting... those are the two most important qualities you need when you're first attracting someone.
Reply 5
Nice biscuits > nice guys > bad guys

:holmes:
Reply 6
Its why they're nice.
Reply 7
trm90
I'm not a girl, but this applies to gay guys anyway, so I'll explain it very simply:

Nice guys are not assertive and are not exciting... those are the two most important qualities you need when you're first attracting someone.

You do make a very good point. However, most of the girls that I know, including myself, would much prefer 'nice guys'. A person can be exciting and assertive whilst being nice, and also you don't have to worry so much about them being violent, cheating, getting into serious trouble, etc. :smile:
Reply 8
it seems to always stick me in the friend zone though. and i'm not nice in a boring way, i do flirt and banter a heck of a lot, but it seems that girls don't seem to like guys who treat other ppl as human beings. :angry:
Reply 9
Yeah, definitely read the other thread. I've made the argument so many times on TSR now that I'm giving up.
Reply 10
Jelkin
Yeah, definitely read the other thread. I've made the argument so many times on TSR now that I'm giving up.


thanks, i already had a read of the other thread. And tbh i disagree with what u said, i think that if there wasn't a general trend of nice guys getting rejected then it wouldn't be a stereotype, but it is. I can understand the jealousy side of it, which definitely adds to the situation but my point still stands; a lot of girls seem to prefer to go for guys who are a bit of an *******.
Yeah, I'm a ******* jerk and they all love me.

Don't listen to the women here. What they say they want and what they really want are two different things.
Reply 12
No, they don't. They go for guys that YOU think are ********. For the most part girls like confident, assertive guys who are attractive and treat them as equals rather than princesses. My boyfriend is literally the nicest guy I've ever met. I do, however, have a friend who is a "Nice Guy", who when he likes a girl obsesses over her and clings to the idea of her, and builds up this extreme image of her as perfection, and is convinced that he would treat her better than ANY other guy could, and he can't understand why she won't choose him because he does everything for her. Girls don't want this. The stereotype exists precisely because of this type of guy, who gets bitter and convinces himself that he is "too nice" so that he doesn't have to face up to any other defects. A lot of these "nice guys" are, in my experience, a bit creepy, and only befriend women because they're hoping to get into their pants. I have loads of male friends who are very nice, and they all do fine with respect to women.

NB: I'm not saying you're definitely one of these guys; it's possible you've just been unlucky. But of course women don't prefer *****. It's really crappy to blame your lack of success on a whole gender.

Not to mention what the other thread said about the friend zone myth ... if a girl finds you attractive, she won't not go out with you because you're her friend. Unless you're really, really close and she's worried about it.

EDIT: And the girl in your scenario didn't even choose this other guy over you - she doesn't even know you're interested.
Reply 13
Anonymous
thanks, i already had a read of the other thread. And tbh i disagree with what u said, i think that if there wasn't a general trend of nice guys getting rejected then it wouldn't be a stereotype, but it is. I can understand the jealousy side of it, which definitely adds to the situation but my point still stands; a lot of girls seem to prefer to go for guys who are a bit of an *******.

The stereotype is propagated by whiny people on the internet. All the people who claim to be 'nice guys' are generally, whiny,weird, spotty creeps who are in the 'friend zone' because they are bordering on the stalker with the object of their affections rather than anything else.
Reply 14
Jelkin
No, they don't. They go for guys that YOU think are ********. For the most part girls like confident, assertive guys who are attractive and treat them as equals rather than princesses. My boyfriend is literally the nicest guy I've ever met. I do, however, have a friend who is a "Nice Guy", who when he likes a girl obsesses over her and clings to the idea of her, and builds up this extreme image of her as perfection, and is convinced that he would treat her better than ANY other guy could, and he can't understand why she won't choose him because he does everything for her. Girls don't want this. The stereotype exists precisely because of this type of guy, who gets bitter and convinces himself that he is "too nice" so that he doesn't have to face up to any other defects. A lot of these "nice guys" are, in my experience, a bit creepy, and only befriend women because they're hoping to get into their pants. I have loads of male friends who are very nice, and they all do fine with respect to women.

NB: I'm not saying you're definitely one of these guys; it's possible you've just been unlucky. But of course women don't prefer *****. It's really crappy to blame your lack of success on a whole gender.

Not to mention what the other thread said about the friend zone myth ... if a girl finds you attractive, she won't not go out with you because you're her friend. Unless you're really, really close and she's worried about it.

EDIT: And the girl in your scenario didn't even choose this other guy over you - she doesn't even know you're interested.


ok, your definition of a "nice guy" and my definition of a "nice guy" are completely different. i'm not talking about clingy creep stalker dudes, and i'm not blaming my lack of success on the whole gender. But guys who are undeniably pricks are more often then not a lot more successful then most other guys. I'm not however saying that most guys are pricks.
Reply 15
Jelkin
No, they don't. They go for guys that YOU think are ********. For the most part girls like confident, assertive guys who are attractive and treat them as equals rather than princesses. My boyfriend is literally the nicest guy I've ever met. I do, however, have a friend who is a "Nice Guy", who when he likes a girl obsesses over her and clings to the idea of her, and builds up this extreme image of her as perfection, and is convinced that he would treat her better than ANY other guy could, and he can't understand why she won't choose him because he does everything for her. Girls don't want this. The stereotype exists precisely because of this type of guy, who gets bitter and convinces himself that he is "too nice" so that he doesn't have to face up to any other defects. A lot of these "nice guys" are, in my experience, a bit creepy, and only befriend women because they're hoping to get into their pants. I have loads of male friends who are very nice, and they all do fine with respect to women.

NB: I'm not saying you're definitely one of these guys; it's possible you've just been unlucky. But of course women don't prefer *****. It's really crappy to blame your lack of success on a whole gender.

Not to mention what the other thread said about the friend zone myth ... if a girl finds you attractive, she won't not go out with you because you're her friend. Unless you're really, really close and she's worried about it.

EDIT: And the girl in your scenario didn't even choose this other guy over you - she doesn't even know you're interested.


You are completely right, I can think of several guys exactly like this.
+ rep
Jelkin
No, they don't. They go for guys that YOU think are ********. For the most part girls like confident, assertive guys who are attractive and treat them as equals rather than princesses. My boyfriend is literally the nicest guy I've ever met. I do, however, have a friend who is a "Nice Guy", who when he likes a girl obsesses over her and clings to the idea of her, and builds up this extreme image of her as perfection, and is convinced that he would treat her better than ANY other guy could, and he can't understand why she won't choose him because he does everything for her. Girls don't want this. The stereotype exists precisely because of this type of guy, who gets bitter and convinces himself that he is "too nice" so that he doesn't have to face up to any other defects. A lot of these "nice guys" are, in my experience, a bit creepy, and only befriend women because they're hoping to get into their pants. I have loads of male friends who are very nice, and they all do fine with respect to women.

NB: I'm not saying you're definitely one of these guys; it's possible you've just been unlucky. But of course women don't prefer *****. It's really crappy to blame your lack of success on a whole gender.

Not to mention what the other thread said about the friend zone myth ... if a girl finds you attractive, she won't not go out with you because you're her friend. Unless you're really, really close and she's worried about it.

EDIT: And the girl in your scenario didn't even choose this other guy over you - she doesn't even know you're interested.


I think Jelkin pretty much has hit the nail on the head - with the exception of John Major in 1992, nice guys don't come first. I'm not saying you have to be nasty, but the "sucking up" kind of nice = not cool.

Its the little things, like not making a decision on things like eating out - "you choose" or "I don't mind" are a poor effort. Be a man and say "we're going to...". Obviously if she says "I don't like pizza" you don't ignore her! Another example was the other day my girlfriend was trying to tickle me. A bit of play wrestling later I had her pinned to the floor and tickled her till I was contented. She loved it too! I can think of a few wussy types I know who wouldn't do that.

Respect is something different and should be accorded to all persons to varying degrees.
Reply 17
Nice guys are needy, they do nice things for approval, it creeps girls out

This is the chart.

Complete Wussies>douche>Nice guy>Jerk>Bad guy>Knight in shining armour guy


complete wusses = no self confidence
douche = acts cocky, but really is a douche
nice guys = not that exciting, average guy, comforting
Jerks = funny but insult girls a lot and are rude
Bad guys = are exciting, but still treats girl badly, (most likely to become wife beater)
Knight guys = These guys are the the creme de la creme, theyre adventurous exciting, unpredictable, charming, handsome, daring smile that make's girls weak at the knees, a dreamy guy basically
Reply 18
Cos the bad boys are always catching their eye.
Reply 19
Anonymous
ok, your definition of a "nice guy" and my definition of a "nice guy" are completely different. i'm not talking about clingy creep stalker dudes, and i'm not blaming my lack of success on the whole gender. But guys who are undeniably pricks are more often then not a lot more successful then most other guys. I'm not however saying that most guys are pricks.


Well I'll have to totally disagree with you then. When pricks are successful with women, it's usually because they manage to present themselves as NOT being pricks. IMO of course.