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Why does this make me feel so bad?
I feel really silly putting a thread up about this but I can't talk to anyone in the 'real' world about it so here goes...
I've been with my boyfriend for two years (living with him for the last year) and we have had some pretty bad times, but also some pretty good times, but all in all we're really close. The thing is, we both see our relationship as a lot stronger than the average - in that he doesn't lie and cheat on me, etc, like a lot of his friends do to their girlfriends. (this is where it all starts to sound pretty pathetic..) I thought it was cool that he was happy with me sexually and didn't feel the need to w**k over porn (and he told me this on several occassions).
We were packing our cases to come to his parents this weekend, and I was just messing about and opened his case - and there I found a crappy porno- he started freaking out and telling me not to look but I did and there were loads more. He said he'd been buying them when I was at college because he was bored. I know you're gonna say 'all men do it' blah, blah, blah, but the thing tjat has upset me is the fact that he's been lying about it. And now I'm on his computer and I have found loads of files of minging porn. I'm not a prude in any way, shape or form, but the girls are MINGING! If he looked at good looking girls it would be ok but there just blonde, fake titted, Jordan-esque slags. You can see from my profile picture that I am nothing like that!!! Abi Titmuss looks like a classy goddess in comparison to them!
I'm just so disappointed with him and have that awful feeling that women talk about when they realise ALL MEN ARE THE SAME. My head feels totally f**ked and I feel like seriously abusing him for making me feel like this.
I've been with my boyfriend for two years (living with him for the last year) and we have had some pretty bad times, but also some pretty good times, but all in all we're really close. The thing is, we both see our relationship as a lot stronger than the average - in that he doesn't lie and cheat on me, etc, like a lot of his friends do to their girlfriends. (this is where it all starts to sound pretty pathetic..) I thought it was cool that he was happy with me sexually and didn't feel the need to w**k over porn (and he told me this on several occassions).
We were packing our cases to come to his parents this weekend, and I was just messing about and opened his case - and there I found a crappy porno- he started freaking out and telling me not to look but I did and there were loads more. He said he'd been buying them when I was at college because he was bored. I know you're gonna say 'all men do it' blah, blah, blah, but the thing tjat has upset me is the fact that he's been lying about it. And now I'm on his computer and I have found loads of files of minging porn. I'm not a prude in any way, shape or form, but the girls are MINGING! If he looked at good looking girls it would be ok but there just blonde, fake titted, Jordan-esque slags. You can see from my profile picture that I am nothing like that!!! Abi Titmuss looks like a classy goddess in comparison to them!
I'm just so disappointed with him and have that awful feeling that women talk about when they realise ALL MEN ARE THE SAME. My head feels totally f**ked and I feel like seriously abusing him for making me feel like this.
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-TMG-
It's only porn. You don't prev on David Beckham or Johnny Depp? Get over it.
Porn is better than cheating, the women in porn aren't real and men arent attached to those women, they just fancy them for a few minutes.
Porn is better than cheating, the women in porn aren't real and men arent attached to those women, they just fancy them for a few minutes.
Yeah but they are MINGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Looking at porn shouldn't be a big issue... whatever the girls look like. It means nothing, and it's just a tool - I'd be more worried if he was looking at pictures of girls who look like you because that might indicate some sort of wish that you'd do what they're doing. It doesn't in any way indicate that you're not enough for him.
However, you're entitled to feel betrayed, not because he looks at porn but because he lied to you when you asked him. I'd talk to him and explain the situation - try and stay calm about the porn itself, remember it means nothing, but explain that you thought trust was important in your relationship and he lied to you.
Hope it works out
skevvybritt x
However, you're entitled to feel betrayed, not because he looks at porn but because he lied to you when you asked him. I'd talk to him and explain the situation - try and stay calm about the porn itself, remember it means nothing, but explain that you thought trust was important in your relationship and he lied to you.
Hope it works out
skevvybritt x
My ex had porn on his computer and I told him to get lost, seeing as he didn't need me. We stayed together and didn't split up for that reason but it didn't help. If he wants that kind of stuff why doesn't he do it with you? You should talk to him. If it helps, I feel the same and so do most women...it's just men see no problem with it. To get your own back, you could put up loads of pics of fit actors lol. But I'd go for the talking method first.
Maybe he lied to you because he knew that it would make you feel bad and that you would react really badly towards it.
Talk to your bf. Tell him you don't mind him looking at porn, it's the lying that upsets you. (And here I'm assuming that's the case.) And make sure you mean what you say (i.e. that you truly don't mind him doing that).
Talk to your bf. Tell him you don't mind him looking at porn, it's the lying that upsets you. (And here I'm assuming that's the case.) And make sure you mean what you say (i.e. that you truly don't mind him doing that).
You girls are so immature (the ones who have a problem with porn). Breaking up with someone because he looks at porn? That just looks like you aren't happy with yourself and feel threatened by a girl on a piece of paper...grow up. Would I dump a girlfriend if she said David Beckham was fit or if she watched porn? No I wouldn't.
I agree with ChocoVet. It may just be that, because you and your boyfriend are open in saying your relationship is stronger than average and that he doesn't need porn, he felt that looking at porn was wrong and didn't want to upset you. I don't think looking at porn whilst in a relationship is wrong in itself (my boyfriend does it all the time when he's away at uni, its quite amusing!) but lying to you about it is never good.
Perhaps you're both setting really high standards for your relationship? Its all well and good saying he doesn't lie and cheat, but everyone has secrets sometimes, we're all only human after all. This might mean that when he does something which would make some aspect of your relationship seem slightly under those standards, he has to hide it.
Obviously, I don't know much about your relationship so I might be completely wrong, but I definitely think you both need to sit down, talk things through and make sure he doesn't feel the need to lie about something like that again.
Perhaps you're both setting really high standards for your relationship? Its all well and good saying he doesn't lie and cheat, but everyone has secrets sometimes, we're all only human after all. This might mean that when he does something which would make some aspect of your relationship seem slightly under those standards, he has to hide it.
Obviously, I don't know much about your relationship so I might be completely wrong, but I definitely think you both need to sit down, talk things through and make sure he doesn't feel the need to lie about something like that again.
My boyfriend does it too. I'm actually happier with him looking at the minging girls rather than the pretty ones, it kinda makes me feel better. I don't know why, it just does. Hey, i found porn om my bf's phone, when he told me he'd deleted it off his computer, he had just moved it. i got my own back, and i enjoyed it.
SophistiCat
I feel really silly putting a thread up about this but I can't talk to anyone in the 'real' world about it so here goes...
I've been with my boyfriend for two years (living with him for the last year) and we have had some pretty bad times, but also some pretty good times, but all in all we're really close. The thing is, we both see our relationship as a lot stronger than the average - in that he doesn't lie and cheat on me, etc, like a lot of his friends do to their girlfriends. (this is where it all starts to sound pretty pathetic..) I thought it was cool that he was happy with me sexually and didn't feel the need to w**k over porn (and he told me this on several occassions).
We were packing our cases to come to his parents this weekend, and I was just messing about and opened his case - and there I found a crappy porno- he started freaking out and telling me not to look but I did and there were loads more. He said he'd been buying them when I was at college because he was bored. I know you're gonna say 'all men do it' blah, blah, blah, but the thing tjat has upset me is the fact that he's been lying about it. And now I'm on his computer and I have found loads of files of minging porn. I'm not a prude in any way, shape or form, but the girls are MINGING! If he looked at good looking girls it would be ok but there just blonde, fake titted, Jordan-esque slags. You can see from my profile picture that I am nothing like that!!! Abi Titmuss looks like a classy goddess in comparison to them!
I'm just so disappointed with him and have that awful feeling that women talk about when they realise ALL MEN ARE THE SAME. My head feels totally f**ked and I feel like seriously abusing him for making me feel like this.
I've been with my boyfriend for two years (living with him for the last year) and we have had some pretty bad times, but also some pretty good times, but all in all we're really close. The thing is, we both see our relationship as a lot stronger than the average - in that he doesn't lie and cheat on me, etc, like a lot of his friends do to their girlfriends. (this is where it all starts to sound pretty pathetic..) I thought it was cool that he was happy with me sexually and didn't feel the need to w**k over porn (and he told me this on several occassions).
We were packing our cases to come to his parents this weekend, and I was just messing about and opened his case - and there I found a crappy porno- he started freaking out and telling me not to look but I did and there were loads more. He said he'd been buying them when I was at college because he was bored. I know you're gonna say 'all men do it' blah, blah, blah, but the thing tjat has upset me is the fact that he's been lying about it. And now I'm on his computer and I have found loads of files of minging porn. I'm not a prude in any way, shape or form, but the girls are MINGING! If he looked at good looking girls it would be ok but there just blonde, fake titted, Jordan-esque slags. You can see from my profile picture that I am nothing like that!!! Abi Titmuss looks like a classy goddess in comparison to them!
I'm just so disappointed with him and have that awful feeling that women talk about when they realise ALL MEN ARE THE SAME. My head feels totally f**ked and I feel like seriously abusing him for making me feel like this.
Well, I can understand your feelings. It is very disgusting to figure out that ur BF lies to you. But you know 1st I'd like to write that NOT ALL MEN ARE THE SAME, and as I saw it from what you have wrote, you have really wonderful man, and u have great relationship...if he lied to you, may be there was a reason, I mean ppl lie when they are afraid of other ppls reaction. May he lied coz he knew how you'd react? He knew that ur reaction would be not so nice...thats why he didnt want to dissapoint you. I know it can be pretty hard for u to be with him like u used to be, but try to forget all this. give him a second chance...
you knowI found porn in my BF bag too, and we had a fight or smth, then I got that the only one thig that was bad it was that he havent told me about this, but then I thought - how woudl he tell me about this "honey, u know, I have been a bit bored when u were not with me and decided to m********e a bit with those cool porn girls"??/ I mean I got a thought that every person have smth a bit privat, even if theyare dating. and it was his privat thingy, you know...and I think this is not the only one privat thing he might have, but if he is afraid to tell you about this, u wont hear it ever!
so, I guess try to talk to him...
I think the big problem was "he lied to you in the first place" and yeah, that is tough. But hey, talk to himfor the reasons wyhe lied.. I would lie to my GF about watching porn just to keep her (If I was in that situation 
) And all boys are not the same, yeah we have similarities but we treat gurls differently.
If you have a sexual relationship I dont know why would he need to look at porn in the first place. There must be something wrong. Discuss it with him and decide, which i think your decision would be to break up with him.
) And all boys are not the same, yeah we have similarities but we treat gurls differently.If you have a sexual relationship I dont know why would he need to look at porn in the first place. There must be something wrong. Discuss it with him and decide, which i think your decision would be to break up with him.
nasht
If you have a sexual relationship I dont know why would he need to look at porn in the first place. There must be something wrong. Discuss it with him and decide, which i think your decision would be to break up with him.
That's just not true... a relationship isn't the same, it's emotional and most people needs a mindless release once in a while.
I agree with skevvybritt.
Its a bit pathetic to break up with a guy because he looks at porn, practically all guys do it as far as my experience goes. And it doesn't devalue the sexual part of a relationship either, since there's a difference between looking at it and having a proper sexual relationship.
Watching porn doesn't always mean there's something wrong with your sex life, it just means you like porn.
Its a bit pathetic to break up with a guy because he looks at porn, practically all guys do it as far as my experience goes. And it doesn't devalue the sexual part of a relationship either, since there's a difference between looking at it and having a proper sexual relationship.
Watching porn doesn't always mean there's something wrong with your sex life, it just means you like porn.
Thank you everyone for your replies...
I think the reason I'm so upset is because he was actually quite horrible to me at the start of our relationship. My self esteem was really low and I was still recovering from an eating disorder so I wasn't very body confident (but you wouldn't really know this from the way I dressed, I hardly wore tents and I always made an effort)- and he told me that he didn't find me as 'aesthetically pleasing' as other women (using Pamela f***ing Anderson as the example). That was a while ago, and we have kind of sorted all that now, but then I see he's been looking at porn, so surely these women are what he does find 'aesthetically pleasing' yet they are complete MINGERS!! I just feel like hitting him for making me feel like rough slags are more attractive than me.
I think the reason I'm so upset is because he was actually quite horrible to me at the start of our relationship. My self esteem was really low and I was still recovering from an eating disorder so I wasn't very body confident (but you wouldn't really know this from the way I dressed, I hardly wore tents and I always made an effort)- and he told me that he didn't find me as 'aesthetically pleasing' as other women (using Pamela f***ing Anderson as the example). That was a while ago, and we have kind of sorted all that now, but then I see he's been looking at porn, so surely these women are what he does find 'aesthetically pleasing' yet they are complete MINGERS!! I just feel like hitting him for making me feel like rough slags are more attractive than me.
SophistiCat
Thank you everyone for your replies...
I think the reason I'm so upset is because he was actually quite horrible to me at the start of our relationship. My self esteem was really low and I was still recovering from an eating disorder so I wasn't very body confident - and he told me that he didn't find me as 'aesthetically pleasing' as other women (using Pamela f***ing Anderson as the example). That was a while ago, and we have kind of sorted all that now, but then I see he's been looking at porn, so surely these women are what he does find 'aesthetically pleasing' yet they are complete MINGERS!! I just feel like hitting him for making me feel like rough slags are more attractive than me.
I think the reason I'm so upset is because he was actually quite horrible to me at the start of our relationship. My self esteem was really low and I was still recovering from an eating disorder so I wasn't very body confident - and he told me that he didn't find me as 'aesthetically pleasing' as other women (using Pamela f***ing Anderson as the example). That was a while ago, and we have kind of sorted all that now, but then I see he's been looking at porn, so surely these women are what he does find 'aesthetically pleasing' yet they are complete MINGERS!! I just feel like hitting him for making me feel like rough slags are more attractive than me.
One thing my bf mentioned about the mingers he looked at was it made him happy to realise that his actual gf was so much better looking than these models, maybe think of it that way, it made me feel a lot better.
Ant93
One thing my bf mentioned about the mingers he looked at was it made him happy to realise that his actual gf was so much better looking than these models, maybe think of it that way, it made me feel a lot better.
I bet he never told you he found them more aesthetically pleasing though!??
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