Turn on thread page Beta

Chose between bf and university watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Me and my bf were having a conversation earlier, and I mentioned the fact that I want to go to uni. (hopefully next year) My bf then went really quiet and said ‘perhaps we better split up then before we get too serous”. I asked him what he meant, and he said that if I go to uni, he couldn’t carry on the relationship, as there would be ‘no point’ and he ‘hates long distance relationships’ because ‘there pathetic’ he then went on to say, he couldn’t hack only seeing me like three times a year. Hearing him say that, was a real kick in the teeth to me, I love him so much, and hate the thought of us splitting up, especially over something like that. I feel like I have to chose between the two, and I don’t like feeling like this.

    Has anyone else been in a situation like this?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    University. No matter how much you love him now, you'll hate him forever for not letting you go to university. Enjoy the time you have, and then move on.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    I think he does not love you that much. He's cares much more about the "things" about the realationship than you. If I truly loved a woman, distance would be of no matter.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    1. Can He Go With You?
    2. Can you go to a local uni
    3. Push Comes To Shove, Choose Uni, You'll regret it later otherwise
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    He's not prepared to make a committment, so a long distance relationship is doomed from the start even if you do persuade him to be more open minded about it.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Its true, if he truely loved you, you could make it work. No it isnt ideal, but you cant have each other on a tight leash. So ask him what he wants from the relationship, because if he feels a ldr would be pathetic then he doesnt value you enough!
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by The Colonel)
    1. Can He Go With You?
    2. Can you go to a local uni
    3. Push Comes To Shove, Choose Uni, You'll regret it later otherwise

    he couldn't really go with me the uni is in manchester, and I live in south wales. so it's not that far way
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by The Colonel)
    1. Can He Go With You?
    2. Can you go to a local uni
    3. Push Comes To Shove, Choose Uni, You'll regret it later otherwise

    he couldn't really go with me the uni is in manchester, and I live in south wales. so it's not that far way
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Sounds like he doesn't have much faith in the relationship and he's not prepared to commit. A guy who loves you wouldn't make you choose between your education and him.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    too true
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    If I had a gf right now whose leaving to get a good education... honestly I would let her go as it is for her own good.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    3 times a year?? don't forget the massive uni holidays where you will be back at home for months!
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Make your own mind up and dont let other people tell you what to do, they will all say the "sensible" option is to go with uni, but then they dont feel about your boyfriend like you do. Remember you can always go back to an education. Bear in mind also though that your boyfriend may feel differently about you than you do about him - if you would be willing to go to uni and have a long distance relationship but he thinks there'd be "no point" and it would be "pathetic" then there's a difference there that needs thinking about.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    I think it's rather pathetic of him to try and deprive you of university.

    Most definitely go to university.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    The fact that he is making you chose is enough grounds to dump him. He should see that this is really important to you and support you no matter what.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Your boyfriend shouldn't make you choose between him or University! I know its really difficult but you need to make it clear that this isn't a choice you are willing to make. If he loves you enough he'll understand that, if not he isn't worth being with. I know it might be harsh but its the truth sweetheart. Good luck and I hope things work out. :hugs:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    UNI!.. if he loves u, he must support u, and he should wait till u finish the uni..
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Every post more or less says what I have to say on the subject. Your boyfriend shouldn't make you feel like you have to choose between your education and him - it's not fair on you. He should accept that you want to go to university and he should support you – well in an ideal world.

    From my interpretation, it seems as though your boyfriend may have said what he did without much thought on the matter - he was probably put on the spot with the prospect of losing you and grasped at any opportunity to keep you by 'threatening' to dump you. I think you should talk to him - explain how a long-distant relationship would work between you (that you'd visit him whenever you could/phone him etc) - and then see if he changes his mind. If he still has the attitude: 'me or university', it'll be hard, but it's time to call the relationship to an end. I don't think anyone should be blackmailed.

    How long have you two been going out can I ask?
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Hayley_2k4)
    Me and my bf were having a conversation earlier, and I mentioned the fact that I want to go to uni. (hopefully next year) My bf then went really quiet and said ‘perhaps we better split up then before we get too serous”. I asked him what he meant, and he said that if I go to uni, he couldn’t carry on the relationship, as there would be ‘no point’ and he ‘hates long distance relationships’ because ‘there pathetic’ he then went on to say, he couldn’t hack only seeing me like three times a year. Hearing him say that, was a real kick in the teeth to me, I love him so much, and hate the thought of us splitting up, especially over something like that. I feel like I have to chose between the two, and I don’t like feeling like this.

    Has anyone else been in a situation like this?
    yes.

    the relationship survived for over a year and then came to a close. we are both good friends to this day.

    depends on the distance and how long you're away for. i saw my then girlfriend pretty regularly as she came home at weekends a lot and i visited sometimes. her uni was only 60 odd miles away (long distance by northern irish terms!)
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Hayley_2k4)
    Me and my bf were having a conversation earlier, and I mentioned the fact that I want to go to uni. (hopefully next year) My bf then went really quiet and said ‘perhaps we better split up then before we get too serous”. I asked him what he meant, and he said that if I go to uni, he couldn’t carry on the relationship, as there would be ‘no point’ and he ‘hates long distance relationships’ because ‘there pathetic’ he then went on to say, he couldn’t hack only seeing me like three times a year. Hearing him say that, was a real kick in the teeth to me, I love him so much, and hate the thought of us splitting up, especially over something like that. I feel like I have to chose between the two, and I don’t like feeling like this.

    Has anyone else been in a situation like this?

    Uni


    No guy is worth your career life over at this age.
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 5, 2005

2,704

students online now

800,000+

Exam discussions

Find your exam discussion here

Poll
Should predicted grades be removed from the uni application process

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.