Your parents have not ruined your life, I often find people with depressiona nd anxiety problems make sweeping generalisations which make their situation seem much more difficult. You're 21. Your upbringing has left a difficult legacy and of course it will affect you deeply, but from here on in its about what you want, and what you are going to do, without anybody elses influence. You cant blame them for not forcing you to go to school, parenting is not easy when your child is clearly unhappy. My suggestions from here onwards are 1. Go to the gp and make clear what affect this is having on your life, they will probably suggest counselling, which you need to take, and perhaps medication, which I think you would benefit from. 2. Continue with your access course, really put your all into it, and forge a life for yourself. Every area of your life that you arent happy with or that you find difficult, break it down and work out the reasons why, and then change things so they work better. This is all about attitude, and although I understand how overpowering depression and anxiety are, determination to be who you want doing what you want can be stonger.