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I'm too sensitive.. or people are just getting to me watch

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    (Original post by -TMG-)
    You're over-analysing and looking at everything in a negative light. Of course if you died people would notice. And people would cry. Maybe they didn't take you with them wherever they were going (I doubt they were having fun) and left you to have a chat with your nan. She's an elderly relative and you could have took the time to get to know her you know.

    Get some therapy or somethin if you're really bothered. Best thing to do though is change your negative thinking it does you no good. If you want to know why your parents didnt take you with them and left you at the picnic ask them. Unless you're a mind reader.
    yes i agree i'm too sensitive, it's in the title :rolleyes:. Can you offer any advice on getting over that?
    Yes my family were having fun, and I didn't appreciate (rightly or wrongly) being left with my nan, freezing cold for ages. If i asked my parents why they didn't include me the answer would be because: 'you didn't jump up when we said we were going.' But that's because I've got some manners and wouldn't leave my nan all alone with the picnic stuff.
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    (Original post by Saffie)
    Thanks for being here and i might just take you up on calling you (though right now i need sleep). I'd never thought it was *them* with the problem not me :cool:. Ah, now that's a good mindset. Thanks for the hope.
    Well if you need me don't you think twice about getting in touch! Seriously any time day/night! I think my MSN is on my TSR Public Profile but if it isn't just pm me and I'll tell ya! In the mean time get some sleep Sweet dreams! :hugs:
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    I hate to say the word 'phase', but this really does sound like it might just be a bad period that you're going through. Trust me, it will not last forever, your circumstances will change and you will change. I used to be in exactly the same position, and eventually things worked out.

    Maybe you should have some counselling. Its not just for depressed people (although it sounds like you might have mild depression, perhaps), and I found that it really helps. A counsellor can help you work out why you feel the way that you do, and even bring members of your family into the sessions so that you can talk to them in a mediated environment. A counsellor can also help you to find ways to tackle your friends, and to feel better about yourself.

    Good luck. Mata.
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    (Original post by Saffie)
    yeah when i care about others opinions it makes me quieter. Maybe my family didn't mean to leave me out today but my mum always has a go for being miserable. I would've thought it was obvious yelling at me wouldn't help that?!

    *
    Hun,look at the bright aide,maybe your parents moan about you being miserable just because they want you to be happy and feel guilty when they see you sad,sometimes people can't express what they really want,my mom always yell at me when I frown ,she goes like yelling for sure:p:(HERe you go again,every time you want something and you dont get it frown,dont start screwing up my day,I'm never gonna do anything for you.......etc) and stuff like that,It's just maybe because they are happy when we are,and |I agree that the problem is not you but it's them as I said eariler,plus when you are confident and have a high self esteem people likes you better,it's like ginore them and they will run after you ...(people are just big babies):p:
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    Speaking as an ex-psychiatric nusrse - I would urge caution when considering counselling. Imo it can sometimes do more harm than good.

    @ SAFFIE I think before you can come to terms with your relationships with others, you have to come to terms with yourself. What I'm about to suggest may seem childish to you - but why not give it a go?
    Ok. Make a list of what you consider to be your GOOD points, then counterbalance that with what you consider to be your BAD points, k? Then do the same with members of your family and those you consider to be your "best" friends - (from what you wrote - I use the term "best" loosely). It won't be easy, but try to be OBJECTIVE when doing this - if you find you're criticising yourself - then that's good - it shows willingness and honesty.
    Bottom line Saffie - we are what we are - and unless you're REALLY bad (which you're not), then to attempt to change yourself to appease others is folly. People in this thread have offered to talk with you. Add me to the list.
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    Did someone on this thread add me to MSN? o_0 Hmmm. Anyway Saffie, I think bodhisattva is right - you're not a bad person, and you don't need to change for anyone (unless, maybe, one of your hobbies is murdering poor little kittie cats. Then you need to change). Anywho, add me to that list as well - you sound really cool, and it's a shame to have you upset over something like this.
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    I'm not sure if there is anything I can say to help, but I'll try anyway. I can understand how hard this must be, you wish you had loads of really good friends you could trust out of sight and who respect you and generally behave like friends should. You also think that this is something everyone else has and so you wish you had the same as you don't want to be left out. Think about it though... I'm sure if you think things through and try to put yourself in your friends' positions you'll realise that they don't actually have all this – they don't have loads of friends who really care for them a great deal and who they can trust absolutely. They may not be as affected by this as you as they aren't as sensitive or simply have a lot of self confidence and just look past all that, while you are more introspective and keep thinking about every word and action someone else may have taken 'against' you. People who are very self confident will just let hurtful remarks bounce off them, because they are happy with who they are and couldn't care less if someone insulted them – they just ignore the hurtful remark and continue living instead of spending ages pondering it at night. You should realise that this is basically the only difference, the others just aren't hurt by such comments and actions and you are. You think they should understand how much they hurt you, but because they themselves aren't hurt by such remarks they don't expect you to be. When you best mates crack jokes and don't include you – well, you said yourself you don't like those jokes anyway, they probably do realise that and so you can't expect them to include you really. You can't change your friends and make them more introspective people, they are who they are, loud and outgoing and you shouldn't be offended by the fact that they are different than you. Just try not to take so much offense from their actions and what they say, because often people are very careless and rude towards those they love most (I bet they are nice and polite towards strangers), just because they think you can take it and will know that they don't actually mean it. I mean, think how you treat your mother or any brothers and sisters you may have – would you ever dare to treat a stranger like that? I very much doubt it – people often don't mean to hurt anyone when they act like that, they just do out of carelessness, forgetting how much hurt they can cause. Just try and remember that they don't mean to hurt you, they don't think less of you – otherwise they wouldn't call themselves your friends.
    Also, it's not important to have loads of friends, what do you need loads of friends for? It's more important that those friends you have do like you, even if they are just human and so prone to be careless with other's feelings – you won't find perfect friends, because all your friends are just human and very susceptible to being selfish and thoughtless at times – but they are just as caring at other times.
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    (Original post by Adarah)
    ...put yourself in your friends' positions you'll realise that they don't actually have all this – they don't have loads of friends who really care for them a great deal and who they can trust absolutely.
    well they have me to do that. The thing is, they seem really happy the way things are, they somehow feel at ease with just ripping jokes out of each other all the time and like they aren't bothered if people are trying to snatch a mic they'll snatch harder, unlike me.
    People who are very self confident will just let hurtful remarks bounce off them, because they are happy with who they are and couldn't care less if someone insulted them....You should realise that this is basically the only difference [between you]
    Yea i used to be able to bounce harsh remarks off me, but once you realise none of your 'friends' and probably no-one else really likes you, it really gets to me. I can't see real reasons why they should dislike me.
    you said yourself you don't like those jokes anyway, they probably do realise that and so you can't expect them to include you really.
    I'm sure they do but It's not good when they and others are laughing hysterically and I don't relaly know what about.
    you shouldn't be offended by the fact that they are different than you. Just try not to take so much offense from their actions and what they say, because often people are very careless and rude towards those they love most (I bet they are nice and polite towards strangers), just because they think you can take it and will know that they don't actually mean it.
    I'm not offended so much that they're different from me, although i cannot agree with being such attention-seekers. I'm offended by the fact people tell me/ imply or simply do not like me. My 'official best' mate is an example of exactly what you describe, she apparently does like me even though I've not seen much evidence of that but she thinks because we've known each other longest it's ok, and to an extent it is.
    Just try and remember that they don't mean to hurt you, they don't think less of you – otherwise they wouldn't call themselves your friends.
    they call me a friend because we once were close, and we see each other every day and share random nothingness conversation, if i left school, only my 'best' mates would keep in contact. Some of them probably do mean to hurt me, to take me down a peg or two. But they don't see me get upset and I wouldn't want them to.
    Also, it's not important to have loads of friends, what do you need loads of friends for?
    I don't want loads of friends, but people that like me and I like them and people i can trust.
    you can tell i'm an over-analyser... I practically disected your post, but thanks for your perspective
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    (Original post by bodhisattva)
    Speaking as an ex-psychiatric nusrse - I would urge caution when considering counselling. Imo it can sometimes do more harm than good.

    @ SAFFIE I think before you can come to terms with your relationships with others, you have to come to terms with yourself. What I'm about to suggest may seem childish to you - but why not give it a go?
    Ok. Make a list of what you consider to be your GOOD points, then counterbalance that with what you consider to be your BAD points, k? Then do the same with members of your family and those you consider to be your "best" friends - (from what you wrote - I use the term "best" loosely). It won't be easy, but try to be OBJECTIVE when doing this - if you find you're criticising yourself - then that's good - it shows willingness and honesty.
    Bottom line Saffie - we are what we are - and unless you're REALLY bad (which you're not), then to attempt to change yourself to appease others is folly. People in this thread have offered to talk with you. Add me to the list.
    Mata- I really don't want to see a councellor, and I don't think I'm depressed. I always, [rightly or wrongly] considered it to be a chemical imbalance and when you're affected physically. I'm not ill i'm just slighlty screwed up because i don't have any decent relationships.
    Bodhisattva- i attempted to write lists for me and my two best mates, but it ended up with loads of +ve's for me and not so many for them. And equal but different -ve's for me and them. I think I know who i am, i think the problem is that others might misinterpret me. :confused:
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    (Original post by Saffie)
    I think I know who i am, i think the problem is that others might misinterpret me. :confused:
    Saffie - people interpret the signals we ourselves give out - whether we send those signals conciously or subconciously. You can be the nicest, most caring, and genuine person in the world, but if you're sending out "crossed signals"............d'you see what I'm getting at?
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    To me it sounds like you have depression. I recognise the symptoms such as your eyes filling with tears for no reason, and a bit of paranoia. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but it might do you good to go see a professional - they'd recognise the symptoms too, and wouldn't think you're being melodramatic or neurotic.
    Also, i would think twice about anti-depressants, they're highly addictive and a lot of the time have a worse effect than depression itself. Cognitive therapy would be much more beneficial.
    NOTE: Just my opinion. No qualifications or owt, just some life experience
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    Bodhisatvva- yeaa i see what you're getting at, but not being difficult, but being really disturbed by people around me's selfishness and exhibitionist type behaviour is just me being overly sensitive i guess.

    (Original post by raven4723)
    To me it sounds like you have depression. I recognise the symptoms such as your eyes filling with tears for no reason, and a bit of paranoia. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but it might do you good to go see a professional - they'd recognise the symptoms too, and wouldn't think you're being melodramatic or neurotic.
    Also, i would think twice about anti-depressants, they're highly addictive and a lot of the time have a worse effect than depression itself. Cognitive therapy would be much more beneficial.
    NOTE: Just my opinion. No qualifications or owt, just some life experience
    I always considered anti-depressants as a quick fix. Talking about problems is hard enough on here, let alone with someone trained to try and figure me out. And hey, i just think i'd be wasting a professional's time.
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    (Original post by Saffie)

    I always considered anti-depressants as a quick fix. Talking about problems is hard enough on here, let alone with someone trained to try and figure me out. And hey, i just think i'd be wasting a professional's time.
    A professional would help you get rid of that defeatist attitude. You can't get help unless you actually want it!
    If you really want to stop feeling like this then you need to talk about your problems. It sounds harsh, but saying its too hard suggests you don't want help.
    And if it is depression, then these people know how to deal with it - you don't.
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    (Original post by oilcan)
    You have no right to die to be honest.
    Are you not going to justify that comment? You can't just go around telling people whether or not they have the right to live!
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    (Original post by Saffie)
    Bodhisatvva- yeaa i see what you're getting at, but not being difficult, but being really disturbed by people around me's selfishness and exhibitionist type behaviour is just me being overly sensitive i guess.

    I always considered anti-depressants as a quick fix. Talking about problems is hard enough on here, let alone with someone trained to try and figure me out. And hey, i just think i'd be wasting a professional's time.
    Saffie - there is NO SUCH THING as being overly-sensitive. There are degrees of sensitivity - but not in the sub-normal/normal/above normal kind of way. So you're disturbed by people's selfishness and exhibtionist type behaviour? Join the club - so am I - and I'll wager there's quite a few on this board feel the same way. I don't need psychiatric help - and I suspect neither do they. Anti-depressants are not a "quick fix" for anything - unfortunately they're dispensed far too freely nowadays to save time and money. And I do think that only a professional is qualified to judge whether you're wasting their time or not.
    And I'll let you into a trade secret. Seven times out of ten, when I used to "counsel" people for this, that, or the other - they would have gained JUST as much benefit from talking to ANYBODY. It's just the talking and letting it out.
    People on this board have offered to talk with you - offered friendship - including myself. If you're serious about sorting this out - talk to one of them - any of them. You need not be alone. Your choice.
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    I'd just like to point out that I didn't suggest counselling because I think you're chemically imbalanced or actually depressed or anything, I wouldn't presume that. Just that, it can be good to have someone to talk to that won't leave the room or blurt out something stupid. And if you have nobody else that you feel you can talk to, then it might be an idea.

    Each time I went through therapy, I was convinced that I was wasting their time, that there was nothing they could do. Its only afterwards, when I actually thought about what I'd said and done in there that I realised that as professionals, they knew exactly what I was doing. Bodhisattva is right: some of my 'issues' could have been worked out by talking to anybody, its just that I didn't feel that I *could* talk to someone that I knew. You need to think about whether you can talk to family, or people on this board, or whether you need an impartial listener and adviser. The best thing that a counsellor ever did for me was *reassure* me that my feelings were valid. I wouldn't have believed that from anyone apart from a professional.

    Whatever happens, please don't isolate yourself from everyone, keep talking about it.
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    For anyone who's interested, a précis of symptoms of depression


    • Being unable to gain pleasure from activities that normally would be pleasurable.
    • Losing interest in normal activities, hobbies and everyday life.
    • Feeling tired all of the time and having no energy.
    • Difficulty sleeping or waking early in the morning (though some feel that they can't get out of bed and 'face the world').
    • Having a poor appetite, no interest in food and losing weight (though some people overeat and put on weight - 'comfort eating').
    • Losing interest in sex.
    • Finding it difficult to concentrate and think straight.
    • Feeling restless, tense and anxious.
    • Being irritable.
    • Losing self-confidence.
    • Avoiding other people.
    • Finding it harder than usual to make decisions.
    • Feeling useless and inadequate - 'a waste of space'.
    • Feeling guilty about who you are and what you have done.
    • Feeling hopeless - that nothing will make things better.
    • Thinking about suicide - this is very common. If you feel this way, talk to somebody about it. If you think somebody else might be thinking this way, ask them about it - IT WILL NOT MAKE THEM MORE LIKELY TO COMMIT SUICIDE.


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    (Original post by oilcan)
    No, it's just you're being melodcramatic.
    You have no right to die to be honest.
    A few people are getting on your case boo hoo.
    You don't live in grinding poverty. You actually have parents. You live in an opulent and safe country. You don't have to wave an AK in front of someone else's face. You have an education etc...

    This is what really pisses me off about Western Society and especially Western Youth; they don't appreciate all the good things they have in their life, they take everything for granted, they never count their blessings. They concentrate on the small, trivial issues and augment them in to something they're not.
    How is that supposed to help?

    I'm bloody miserable too. I live in a nice house in a quiet area, with parents who are still together and one brother. My mum's just got a big pay rise so we have plenty of money, and I have a full-time job which is really well paid and will help me out loads when I go to uni in October. I'm going to study English at Bristol and have an unconditional offer so I don't even have to worry about results.

    But at the moment I'm single, desperately unhappy about that, and not one of my friends wants to talk to me because they're all too busy with their boyfriends.

    I know there are people dying of cancer, living homeless on the streets and starving in Africa, with no clean drinking water and no schools. I know how lucky I am. But being lucky doesn't make you happy. Fact.

    So if you can't say something helpful and supportive to this person, just don't say anything at all.
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    Raven4723 and Bodhisattva , I know I *need* to talk to someone and yet people offer to talk and I don't take them seriously. I've never just added someone to msn and especially now, I wouldn't know what to say. I can't really go "yeah x, y, z has happened in my life, it's screwed me up". I just feel under-appreciated and hurt by small but numerous things that happen in my life and as a couple of posters have said, i don't have much *right* to complain, when people have it so much worse than me. Then when i look at the list of symptoms for depression, I have most of them just not too any great extent. Anyway, Bodhisattva, I added you to msn.

    susiemakemeblue- his posts got worse, the one i reported was 'border-line' but still deleted.
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    (Original post by Saffie)
    Argh, I apologise for the long post but I’d really appreciate some help..

    Basically, I keep getting so down when people are harsh or leave me out etc, which happens so much it’s really depressed me.
    Like, today, my family (mum, dad, brother and sister) left me with my nan for 1.5 hours today to look after a picnic while they ran off somewhere and had fun, they didn’t ask if I wanted to join or anything, I was literally just thinking ‘omfg I need+ how am I going to get antidepressants’ and ‘if I committed suicide no-one would notice’. I complained after, no apology. I just can’t be happy around them, (they’re always making rubbish jokes etc) my mum’s always having a go at me for 'always moaning, never smiling', (because shouting at me really helps?!) In short, I have no emotional support from my family.
    My two ‘best’ mates are particularly loud, Thursday, I was left sat in the common room while they turn to sit with their backs to me, then roll around the floor in laughter for ages, they have their own [increasingly dirty] jokes that I’m not included in, nor do i find funny. One of them apologised for that time, the other whose my official ‘best mate’ probably didn’t notice- she always rips the mick out of herself (fine), but also everyone around her, like she keeps bringing up this one time I was drunkenly sick when its actually a really sensitive issue (take my word for it).
    The rest of my ‘mates’… well, I was at a gathering last week and we were playing Singstar and even while sober, they’re snatching mic’s off each other, snatching alcohol, and most of them hadn’t even provided any. Regarding the wine I brought, people jumped up and were like ‘I want some’ and I just couldn’t believe the selfishness, the attention-seeking, the lack of manners. (At this point I resolved to get totally wasted) So then later this girl whose reputed as really sweet tells me “Sometimes I don’t like you when your sober, but when your drunk you’re really cool.” Unfortunately I’m usually sober so usually she doesn’t like me! One girl (ho was very drunk) was going around telling people I’m a lesbian :confused: , I went to lie down and the next day my friend said “We didn’t notice you’d disappeared for ages..”. And they were sober at that time. In March, my best mates and I fell out with half of our group and, I know they a) are nasty people that I don’t really want to know and b) don’t like me. I’ve lost contact with some really good friends from yr 11, basically because they don’t have time to speak to me.
    These last couple of weeks, I just really cannot function at school (or anywhere but my bedroom), my eyes are now always filling with tears but no-one ever notices. I just think no-one really likes me, and one of my best mates even practically admitted it, I gave her a list of about 10 names (on msn), and she only named 3 who like me.
    But it isn’t just low self-esteem- I know I’m quite attractive and [in my school anyway] intelligent, but I just know people don’t really like me, even though I never do anything to offend anyone- I think that’s something that scares people about me too.
    Thanks if you read all that.
    Have a hug. Seems like you need it. The only thing I can say is wait until you get to uni. I know it's horrendous. I'm doing the same thing. But all your problems are temporary. As soon as you leave, you won't have to live with your family any more, and you don't ever have to see your friends again if you don't want to. You'll be meeting new people and you'll be able to find people who are really worth spending time with. I know it's hard. Katie xx
 
 
 
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