Turn on thread page Beta
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Ive had an incredibly bad year, 2005 has been such a stressful, frustrating and unlucky year for me. It all began with a group project I had to do in Jan, for one of my main modules at University with two other girls I barely knew. Whenever we met up for group meetings all they did was chat non stop about irrelevant things like boyfriends, soap operas, last nights party etc.. I have never been the "leader" in any group work so I found it hard to speak up and say shut up and get on with the work. We decided to split up the work between us (but there was no proper planning as to who would do what), and as the deadline got closer I found myself feeling nervous and unable to understand what the assignment was exactly about. Our tutors did not spend much time to explain us what we actually had to do and we left all of it till the very last minute. These girls didnt seem to care much and didnt even have the lecture notes for the area we were supposed to work on and borrowed them off me! Around 2 days before it was due one of the girls text me in a very *****y manner saying how unfair I was being towards the group by not contributing and that they couldn´t do everything themselves! At that point I lost my temper and thought stuff them Im doing it on my own! This was jus the day before it was due and I guess it was a very big mistake on my part but my bad temper didn´t let me think what I was doing so these girls took an innocent face to the tutors and complained about me! It was a battle of 2 against 1! I couldnt make it to the presentation as I was unable to finish such a huge proportion of work on time so I had to submit my work late whereas those girls managed to do it on time, and I wonder how!
    The tutors called me and showed sympathy for those two girls, also revealing how they had complained about me in the earlier stages when I had to come back late from home during Xmas and that they had been trying to contact me during that period but I never replied back which was a very big lie! I never found out about this, which means that they had been fake all the way right from the start and won the tutors side whereas Id been thrown into isolation and failed the module as a consequence of all that.
    Throughout this period I was suffering depression from my personal problems and since things on the academic front werent going smooth it jus made matters even worse.
    I am now under professional counselling as I feel like I have no self-confidence, feel extremely pressurized due to my parents expecting me to get 80% and above at University, and have even lost many friends during this course. Nothing´s favouring my side at the moment, the two main tutors at University have a bad impression of me being very unprofessional and irresponsible and I have this fear inside me which doesn´t permit me from talking to my parents openly... its just not possible i keep my feelings bottled up inside.
    I was bullied severely in the past for 3 whole years at school which has shattered me into pieces and my parents haven´t really understood what I´ve been through, just constantly nagging at me to do well and get 80% above.
    I feel hopeless and I really would like some sound advice as to what should I do next as I would like to lead a normal life and achieve success in the long run.
    I had great ambitions as I child which have vanished into thin air and Id like to be my bright, bubbly and optimistic self again. Next year is my final year at Uni, Id like to change the tutors attitude towards me, remove all grudges, learn from my mistakes (I do admit that I have been at fault partially various times) and hopefully get a 1st class degree (which is going to be incredibly hard).
    Also i was considering lying to my parents about my failed modules but they will find out someday....what should I do?
    Thanking anyone who replies back in advance!
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    i feel really bad, sorry, guilty, disraught from reading this. i'm sorry you have to suffer this tough period but it sounds as though you are going in the right steps-being able to talk to a counsellor, so well done for getting this far! you have to take it one step a t a time and slowly you will find yourself being able to pick yourself when life throws you one. you tutors seem very unprofessional with the way they have treated you and i can relate to how you feel about them girls in youyr group-they are b***hes and no way deserved the praise they got. however, i've learnt that life is full of these sorts of people and they're just not worth it. you can't change the past but like you say, you can learn from your mistakes. by the sounds of things, you are lready learning, by being able to accept these mistakes. you're almost there hun! keep going and don't give up!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    why dont you just tell your parents everything you've written down there?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Se77en i wish i could but I dont really share a very open relationship wid my parents... i have never felt comfortable in doing so which is the reason why Im writing it all out here!! I wish they´d understand but they never have in the past...so I guess its of no use.
    Thanks for the reply starry eyed i really appreciate it.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Hi
    I can't really offer much advice to you, never having been in your situation, but hopefully there might be something you find useful in what I say...

    Firstly, if you haven't already, speak to your personal tutor about what you've been going through. You don't have to mention everything you've said here, but if you tell them you've been suffering with depression and that it affected your work last year, then he can pass the message on to your tutors. Once your tutors are in the picture you'll hopefully find their bad impression of you improves.

    As far as those two girls you did your project with go, forget about them. They sound like idiots... I know it's easier said than done, but I guess you just have to find things to do to take your mind off last year. Making new friends, throwing yourself into your work etc.

    Finally, it sounds like you haven't been seeing a counsellor for long (sorry if I'm wrong about that). Counselling can be really effective, I've seen wonderful changes recently in my dad since he's been seeing a counsellor. You were bright bubbly and optomistic in the past, so don't lose hope in yourself. Those qualities are still inside you, and you WILL find them again. I really hope it works out for you. x

    P.S. If you ever want to talk about anything, just pm me and I'd be more than happy to try and help.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    You poor thing, that sounds awful. I'm not sure that I have any particularly good advice other than this: try not to worry about other people's expectations of you and don't live your life trying to please other people (easier said than done, I know :rolleyes: ). It's a cliché, but it's your life and no-one is going to live it for you. Don't let these unpleasant girls spoil things for you. Put all of the bad experiences behind you and start next year with a clean slate. Stick with the counselling, hopefully that will help you address your lack of confidence and deal with the consequences of bullying.

    It might be worth trying to talk to your parents about all this - perhaps they have no idea how their expectations are affecting you, and you may be pleasantly surprised by their reaction. If you feel that you really can't talk to them, is there someone else you could speak to, such as a sympathetic relative or a friend?

    I really hope things get better for you soon,

    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    its good that you're talkin to a counsellor... does it help do you think\? i was like a counsellor in my school and found that people feel much more comfortable talking to people they don't know
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    which university was this? I think it's unfair that the uni initially took the girls side straight away, the uni needs to know what the girls done, but then again its hard to argue the case.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    That is truly awful, I'm sorry I don't have much advice to give but I just really want to say it's not your fault, you're a great person, you have one year left so don't give up- you've made it past the worst of things and things will get better. Keep up the councelling, and go out and try your best to enjoy your last year, to do what you want, and work your best, no matter what tutors or idiotic peers think.

    You're a great person, regardless. :tsr:
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    hello there,
    it feels really good to receive such warm and comforting messages from the fellow members of this board. thank you all very much. I told my parents and they weren´t too pleased as expected. Its true that I haven´t been seeing a counsellor for that long, I was visiting a counsellor at Uni (which kept me on huge waiting lists) due it the service being free. At home, I can´t find any free counsellors and would have to pay for professional help so Im going to have to wait until September as I can´t really afford it.
    We don´t have personal tutors at Uni, not in my course atleast, we have different tutors for different modules but Im thinking of confiding in my course leader and see what happens? Is that a good idea?
    What im thinking about next is to plan strategically for my final year.. am considering spending most of the days at Uni reading books, writing up assignments and revising for exams with a few break in between and going out only once a week. As for my part-time job I think I´ll have to sacrifice that in order to devote more time to my studies.
    I will continue with the gym which will help me destress and release more energy...
    In the meantime, I shall try to maintain and develop good relations with my tutors as they shall be writing my references when I go to work in the real world, and report any group problems right beforehand. I can´t pick my groups but I was contemplating on taking a voice recorder and recording whatever happens (secretly ofcourse) in the group meetings (anyone dossing about) in order to have some evidence as proof incase things do go wrong... I can´t let myself lose this time!
    What do you guys think? Am I being a lil freaky? Pls let me know!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Don't tape the group meetings, it'll reflect badly on you later.

    Apart from that, just hang in there...things will get better.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I feel bad for you but it seems that you are trying too hard to excel in everything. Maybe you expect too much from yourself. try to slow down a bit, have some fun and learn to stop worrying about so much things at once!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I am so sorry to hear about what's been happening and I can relate to you.
    I've kind of been in the same situation but it wasn't so bad. My only problem was that I hated my course (Audiology at Manchester, god it was SO boring) and I didn't get on with that many people and was depressed so my work suffered.
    I ended up dropping out and applying to UCAS late this year (literally on the 30th June) and I'm waiting for the replies. I'm not close to my parents either and they don't know this has happened....eek.

    All I can say is that I know how you must feel vulnerable and dejected, but stay strong and know that you will get through this. Just pursue the things that excite and challenge you and it will reward you with happpiness....I used to be a very insecure person, I still am, but I developed the confidence to surround myself with people who care. And there are people out there who will support you. You need support, just look and you'll find it.

    About those girls, god, I hope someone would lock them in a room of poison bumble bees and make them think about what they've done. But anyhow, they'll get their just deserves. Stay strong, you'll get through this.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    hey guys,
    all of you have been very supportive, sympathetic and wonderful.. thanks so much for the replies.
    I can sense the pressure building up inside me (regarding my degree) but to be frank I´d like to achieve a 1st class degree as much as my parents expect me to! I know that if i put in some good effort in my final year then it could probably be achievable (trying to be optimistic here!) but then again to achieve something that´s so high up the ladder you need to face some obstacles and there are quite a few on my way! The main tutors attitude towards me has changed, I would like to win back their trust and prove that I have the ambition to work hard and not unprofessional as they say... then I need to overcome this depression problem and for that I shall have to visit the counsellor on a regular basis however they seem to have long waiting lists and I only manage to get appointments once a month which aint enough.. Ive got some financial constraints and would love to continue with my part-time job at Uni but that means sacrificing the time spent on my degree and after careful consideration I have no other choice but to give up and try to earn money back as soon as I graduate (parents agreed on this!).
    I am also in a relationship and have been having problems on that front, I don´t know if I love my boyfriend or not.. I think the only reason why Im in that relationship is because I feel insecure and need a guy who can love me and be there to take care of me.. I know it sounds selfish but I don´t know wht to do!!
    God lifes so complicated... but again I think I should thank myself that Im not poor, deprived of food or shelter, going to University, not disabled, not been seriously injured or hospitalized... thank god for the good things I have... *touchwood*
    The one thing that would make life complete is forgetting about those days when I got bullied and making a trustworthy friend circle... which I haven´t been able to do so as yet.. hence why I am confiding in u all!!
    Very much appreciated!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Notorious_gurl, you should get your counsellor to maybe send letters to your tutors to explain your situation to them. That might help things alot.

    Also, regarding your parents, one thing that might help would be for you to write a letter and give it to them, or leave it for them somewhere they will find it, instead of talking to them directly. It is usually much easier for you to explain your situation indirectly by writing rather than direct talking.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Sorry if this is all irrelevant now...
    Will your uni counsellor talk to you over the phone? I had a similar exerience to you last year, but my tutors were brilliant about it. I saw the counsellor for most of the year and it's made SUCH a difference. Anyway, the counsellor I was seeing said that they're available by phone/email over the summer - maybe yours do the same? In my experience of counsellors (I have a LOT!) the ones at uni understand a lot better what's happening and give more practical advice - the ones I saw at home tended to think like depression + anxiety = no hoper...

    just my two cents
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by AMathStudent)
    Sorry if this is all irrelevant now...
    Will your uni counsellor talk to you over the phone? I had a similar exerience to you last year, but my tutors were brilliant about it. I saw the counsellor for most of the year and it's made SUCH a difference. Anyway, the counsellor I was seeing said that they're available by phone/email over the summer - maybe yours do the same? In my experience of counsellors (I have a LOT!) the ones at uni understand a lot better what's happening and give more practical advice - the ones I saw at home tended to think like depression + anxiety = no hoper...

    just my two cents
    I think you have a good point, i'm sure the counsellers at uni are used to helping students in yours or similar situations. I don't think i can be much help here, although i know how hard is it to have to cope with the aftermath of being bullied and how it can affect you in life etc but don't let those girls from last year or anybody bring you down. If you want a 1st then only you can do it.
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 16, 2005

1,069

students online now

800,000+

Exam discussions

Find your exam discussion here

Poll
Should predicted grades be removed from the uni application process
Useful resources
Uni match

Applying to uni?

Our tool will help you find the perfect course

Articles:

Debate and current affairs guidelinesDebate and current affairs wiki

Quick link:

Educational debate unanswered threads

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.