Boyfriend lied about drugs

I have got inspiration from the 'do you tell your partner everything' thread.

What would you guys do if you and your partner had been together for 3 years, long distance, and you found out they had been lying for months about doing drugs?

He swore on his life he hadnt done them - im not really against drugs but i would never personally take them. I was more bummed about the fact he could lie to my face about it, not the actual drug taking. There are other things he has lied to me about but the drugs are the main issue.

So yeah, would you forgive your partner? Im finding it pretty hard to but i dont want to throw my relationship away because of it.

Reply 1

randomgirl

14

Forgiveness is of course, entirely upto you. Personally, if my partner had been lying to me for a few months about something then I don't know if I'd forgive and forget or not. I think it would make a huge dent in the levels of trust in my relationship, and IMO a relationship is built on trust. So if you can't trust your partner, maybe you shouldn't be together. However, if you think things will change and don't want to end things, don't finish with him.

Have you explained to your boyfriend exactly why you are so hurt? Has he apologised to you? And ask yourself, do you think that you can trust him?

If the trust still remains, maybe give things a go and hope you can work through it. I hope things work out :smile:

Reply 2

SacreBleu

13

let him do drugs , then he wont have to lie.

Reply 3

Melting Sugar.

14

Depends how I found out, if he came clean to me then it would probably affect how i'd react tbh than if i'd found out from someone else. At the end of the day I probably would forgive them.

Reply 4

tigerlily09

4

find someone honest. liars are rubbish.

Reply 5

username196545

19

It wouldn't bother me remotely if my bf did drugs.

Reply 6

kamc

15

I'd dump him. I wouldn't want to be with someone who could lie to me for months, I wouldn't be able to trust them again. If you can'r trust your partner then is there any point being with him?

Reply 7

The_Musty_Piglet

well what was he taking duh.

Reply 8

brokenheroes

16

my and my boyfriend have been together for ages. he's looked after me/held me up/told me to be quiet when i've been so off my face on various things i've been purely paralytic. he finds in fun to poke me in the face when it goes numb, etc..

however he has always said he is against drugs personally and wouldn't take them, due to some family history with it. the other night him and some friends went out, and he told me that our friends had taken some methadrone but didn't mention himself. talking to my friend later, he dropped in that my boyfriend had taken it too "yeahhh he was loving it," etc

as before, i obviously have nothing against drugs. i was a little confused why my boyfriend just didn't tell me about it, and when i brought it up he just shrugged it off. i wasn't annoyed or anything, it's totally his prerogative. he probably had his reasons, and i'm sure your boyfriend has his.

Reply 9

Ronar

15

Depends what drugs :p:

If he's lying about taking cocaine everyday then dump

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Its really really not about the drugs, like i said. If he wants to do them then that is his choice, im really more bothered about him lying about it.

Reply 11

Leeah

Anonymous

Its really really not about the drugs, like i said. If he wants to do them then that is his choice, im really more bothered about him lying about it.

If he has gotten seriously into drugs, and may have a problem, then perhaps he lied about it because he was afraid to tell you. Sometimes when people get too into drug use, they can't tell anyone- are often in denial about it themselves - and in these cases, it's generally hard for someone to come clean about it. Especially to loved ones; maybe he does not want you to think badly about him.
Maybe he wanted to tell you but didn't know how.
If he has a problem, leaving him when you find out might be the worst answer...His drug use could potentially increase, or he may not confide in anyone (ie - might not seek help) because the experience of you finding out did not go so well.
If it is less serious than this, and he just simply lied when there was no reason to lie, then that's a different story. Have you had an honest relationship up until this point? If so, speak to him about it. Tell him that you do not appreciate lies, and that it really upset you that he lied.
The best thing to do right now would be to talk to him directly...Make sure that you're on the same page as him (did he outright lie to you? was it something he meant to tell you in future? was he afraid to tell you? or did he simply not want you to know?) Doing things behind someone's back is never a good sign.
Hope this helps!
Good luck!

Reply 12

danni_bella

17

tigerlily09

find someone honest. liars are rubbish.

I agree, they're very annoying! But OP, some of the other replies here are worth considering too. For instance it sounds like you could benefit from chilling out and being a bit more accepting of other people/their past behaviour... at the end of the day it's up to you though :smile:

Reply 13

Leeah

Bubbles*de*Milo

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Be quiet!

what's your problem?! :confused:

YOU be quiet!

Reply 14

maxfire

14

It's up to him. If you're gunna put a controlling rule like that in your relationship, then it's to be expected, unless he's your little puppy dog, worshipping the ground you walk on.

Reply 15

andreavivan

Anonymous

I have got inspiration from the 'do you tell your partner everything' thread.

What would you guys do if you and your partner had been together for 3 years, long distance, and you found out they had been lying for months about doing drugs?

He swore on his life he hadnt done them - im not really against drugs but i would never personally take them. I was more bummed about the fact he could lie to my face about it, not the actual drug taking. There are other things he has lied to me about but the drugs are the main issue.

So yeah, would you forgive your partner? Im finding it pretty hard to but i dont want to throw my relationship away because of it.

Well what kind of drug? I am exactly in the same situation as you two, my girlfriend lives in Moscow, I live in Switzerland. She is totally against drugs and the fact that I enjoy a hard LSD trip once in a while is unacceptable. So she makes me promise, she asks me did you do drugs and things like that when it is obvious that I have been doing drugs earlier in the day (we see each other o skype) and well its just really annoying. You should talk to him or not talk about this kind of thing at all

Reply 16

tinktinktinkerbell

16

no i wouldnt forgive him, i refuse to have anyone in my life who does illegal drugs and if he lied about it, it would be a bigger kick in the teeth

i dont like druggies and i dont like liars

Reply 17

FrancesO

9

People seem to be missing the point here...

My boyfriend did something very similar, I won't say over what, but it was the fact that he lied about that upset me. I didn't even care that he did what he did. I forgave him pretty quickly, but it took me a much longer time to trust him again.

Make sure he knows that it's the lying you're upset about rather than the drugs, and that you need to be able to trust him to be honest with you.

Reply 18

katierattray

14

If a boyfriend took drug I would dump him, Even if he lied or not.

Reply 19

lordbonney

1

Does it matter how much he has lied? I mean is he lying about taking coke and speed every other night, or about smoking cannabis once a week or so? If its hard drugs every couple of days then I'd say thats a bigger lie than just smoking or doing shrooms every now and then.

As a few others have said as well does he have a reason for lying? Is he embarrassed, in too deep, doesnt want you to get involved etc?

Boyfriend lied about drugs

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