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    im going to post some of my poems i hope you dont mind. if you want to add coments or poems of your own please do so... thanks.


    Losing you.

    I learned the truth a moment too late
    I felt the pain that was my fate
    some one had come to take you away
    it was hard to live another day

    I made a mistake of losing touch
    and coming back with way too much.
    but I made it through with much remorse
    it helped to know this couldn't get worse

    I look to find a photograph
    the pose included a hidden laugh
    younger he looked I must confess
    his smile lit up the lonely darkness


    this poem is about my best mate who did recently in a car crash 3hrs after we had an argument. *~R.I.P. Joe*~
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    A very good poem
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    (Original post by *in*ya*dreams*)
    Losing you.

    I learned the truth a moment too late
    I felt the pain that was my fate
    some one had come to take you away
    it was hard to live another day

    I made a mistake of losing touch
    and coming back with way too much.
    but I made it through with much remorse
    it helped to know this couldn't get worse

    I look to find a photograph
    the pose included a hidden laugh
    younger he looked I must confess
    his smile lit up the lonely darkness
    in some places the rhyme is a bit clumsy, and with the 'confess, darkness' rhyme, it seems as if that you put 'confess' there solely to rhyme with 'darkness'.

    but those 2 little things are overshadowed by the feeling in the poem, especially the lines:

    but I made it through with much remorse
    it helped to know this couldn't get worse

    the half rhyme of 'worse' makes that line stand out more; like a jolt as it doesnt fit in with the perfect rhyming of the other lines. Its a extremely sad line; you're finding a comfort in such a tragic event because you knew it couldn't get worse. It's such a heart wrenching thought.

    I'm sorry for your loss.
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    It's nice. I'm sorry to hear about friend.

    I agree with the 'confess, darkness' thing, but don't think it matters much, as it's a poem and they don't even HAVE to rhyme, even if that was your intention.
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    (Original post by tishysquishy)
    in some places the rhyme is a bit clumsy, and with the 'confess, darkness' rhyme, it seems as if that you put 'confess' there solely to rhyme with 'darkness'.

    but those 2 little things are overshadowed by the feeling in the poem, especially the lines:

    but I made it through with much remorse
    it helped to know this couldn't get worse

    the half rhyme of 'worse' makes that line stand out more; like a jolt as it doesnt fit in with the perfect rhyming of the other lines. Its a extremely sad line; you're finding a comfort in such a tragic event because you knew it couldn't get worse. It's such a heart wrenching thought.

    I'm sorry for your loss.
    thank you so much for the advice. joe died almost 3months ago and me and his sister are coping really well thanks again XxxxX
 
 
 

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