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Cheated on my Boyfriend with my Best Friend - please please help

I’ve cheated on my boyfriend of several years with my best friend who also has a long-term girlfriend. I know I’m the worst person in the world, my boyfriend deserves better etc, don’t bother because I couldn’t feel any worse.

Me and this guy are so so close and we’ve always had a harmlessly flirty relationship for as long as I can remember but it turns out he liked me and so when we were both really drunk he initiated something and even though I don’t fancy him I was drunk enough to go along with it. But he wouldn’t break up with his girlfriend despite how messed up this sounds he loves her to bits and they have an amazing relationship. He’s never cheated on her before.

I’m not telling my boyfriend. It would ruin him, his faith in girls and I couldn’t hurt him like that. It’s my problem, I should have to suffer not him.

That would have been fine. Except since the cheating incident I have started to fall in love with my best friend. Maybe it’s the dirty secret, or the long chats about it all where I’ve got to know him so much better or all sorts of other things. I am a huge sucker for boys who tell me secrets nobody else knows and he’s made me feel so special. I hate to admit it but the sex was also so exciting and he now just has to touch my arm and I get turned on. Meanwhile my boyfriend just nags me all the time, whinges that I don’t spend enough time with him and this whole thing has highlighted how stale our sex life has got it’s really good but I don’t get that thrill of sleeping with someone new or that you shouldn’t.

I really need help. I'm an emotional wreck. I love my boyfriend so much however bad this all seems. I want to make the relationship work. But I’ve been wondering if I need a break, I’m still really young.

Any genuine, constructive advice would be really really appreciated.

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Reply 1
Is it just me or are there more threads about cheating than usual??

Must be the Christmas spirit :s-smilie:
tell your boyfriend. if you really love him i don't see how you could lie to his face every single day.

its gonna hurt and he's probably gonna screw at you, possibly break up with you. but its something you have to take. you screwed up, accept the consequences.

put yourself in his situation. if he had cheated on you would you want to know?
Tell your boyfriend, so he can dump you and find someone who deserves him!
Reply 4
:troll: you are that same person that post a thread about you cheating on your bf
Reply 5
didgeridoo12uk
tell your boyfriend. if you really love him i don't see how you could lie to his face every single day.

its gonna hurt and he's probably gonna screw at you, possibly break up with you. but its something you have to take. you screwed up, accept the consequences.

put yourself in his situation. if he had cheated on you would you want to know?


Honestly no, if it was a one off and he didn't really like her.
People make mistakes and in the long run what I didn't know couldn't hurt me, whereas if I found out that would be the end.
Reply 6
Tsukuyomi
:troll: you are that same person that post a thread about you cheating on your bf

I'm not.
I saw that thread and it gave me courage to post my own thread lol. Cheating threads on here produce some of the most horrible responses so I wasn't really sure it was worth it.
Anonymous
Honestly no, if it was a one off and he didn't really like her.
People make mistakes and in the long run what I didn't know couldn't hurt me, whereas if I found out that would be the end.


What? You're exact words were ''I have started to fall in love with my best friend.'' Emotional cheating is just as bad as physical.
Eva2
Is it just me or are there more threads about cheating than usual??

Must be the Christmas spirit :s-smilie:


Agreed.

Threads like the recent ones, well, they make me worry that one day I'll get cheated on and not find out, and continue thinking things are fine, and and... :cry2:
Reply 9
Sakura-Chan
What? You're exact words were ''I have started to fall in love with my best friend.'' Emotional cheating is just as bad as physical.


Yes I know but originally I didn't like him.
I wish I wasn't falling in love with him but the only way to stop it would be not to see him and that's impossible.
If telling my boyfriend was the best solution I would but it would kill him, like some guys would just go oh **** her, get angry and move on. I don't think my boyfriend would break up with me that's what's bad, he would try and make it work :frown:
Reply 10
Sakura-Chan
Agreed.

Threads like the recent ones, well, they make me worry that one day I'll get cheated on and not find out, and continue thinking things are fine, and and... :cry2:


same, although im not likely to have a relationship so that wont happen to me anyway :smile:

it makes me worry about what our society is coming to though, people cheating on each other because they let their emotions get the better of them.
Much as you care about your boyfriend, the fact that you've started falling for your best friend really obliges you to break up with the boyfriend - even if the best friend won't leave his girlfriend, you owe it to your boyfriend and yourself to end your relationship b/c frankly, the way you feel about your best friend says just as much about your relationsip with your boyfriend as it does about your relationship with your friend. Sounds to me like your relationship with your boyfriend has run its course but you still care about him - end it, and there's no need to tell him what happened with your best friend.
Reply 12
Tell your BF so that he can DUMP DUMP DUMP YOUR ASS! You are a silly girl who should really not commit to a relationship if you are going to sleep around. I mean I really don't understand why someone would cheat on their partner. It just reeks of dirty sluttiness! Does anyone agree with me or am I a ranting old twit?
I think you should tell your boyfriend

I cheated on my boyfriend a year and a half ago with someone more "exciting". I then told my bf and split up with him, and went with this new "exciting" guy who made me turned on.

Within a week I was depressed and talking to my old boyfriend (we'd been going out a year and a half then) and I realised that I was a complete idiot, got back with my boyfriend... 3 years on and going strong.
Anonymous
Honestly no, if it was a one off and he didn't really like her.
People make mistakes and in the long run what I didn't know couldn't hurt me, whereas if I found out that would be the end.


i just know i could never lie to my gf. and this isn't really just a mistake, its a full blown betrayal his trust.

and by the sounds of it, you do actually like the guy you slept with.
In my opinion I would say go on a break from your current boyfriend and think about it. Spend time with both of them and work out who you have the strongest feelings for. I would tell him though about what's happened. My long-term boyfriend cheated on me earlier this year and even though it broke me down and I was so so gutted it was a one-off "too off his face" type things and we've been better than ever. But in your situation, I think he has a right to know so that he doesnt blame himself when you ask for space for a bit.
However from a guy's perspective if he's hurt enough, he might just break it off because he may feel like he cant trust you anymore and I'd say - trust, attachment and a general care for the other person is needed in a relationship.

I hope everything works out for you in the end.
x
Anonymous
Yes I know but originally I didn't like him.
I wish I wasn't falling in love with him but the only way to stop it would be not to see him and that's impossible.
If telling my boyfriend was the best solution I would but it would kill him, like some guys would just go oh **** her, get angry and move on. I don't think my boyfriend would break up with me that's what's bad, he would try and make it work :frown:


Yeah but that's not the point! You're falling in love with him now! Why can't you see in some respects that's even worse than sleeping with him in the first place?

As for your boyfriend, it'd hurt him to know you slept with someone else and it was just sex. I'm pretty sure it'd destroy him to know you love/think you love someone else. You can't just pretend it's all okay and keep going on and not telling him, for his sake.
Reply 17
I think if you cheated on your boyfriend and fancy someone else then you can't really be in love with your boyfriend. It wasn't meant to be. I think you should bite the bullet, tell your boyfriend, and then be single for a couple of months.

Just because your "friend" slept with you and says he likes you doesn't mean he will leave his long-term girlfriend for you. To be honest, he sounds like a complete sleazeball and not someone I would personally count as a close friend. Firstly, he cheated on his girlfriend, secondly, he took advantage of a girl who was drunk, thirdly, that girl was you, a girl who was supposed to be his friend.

It's quite possible that your feelings for this "man" have only come about due to the "exciting" nature of your encounter with him and the comparative tedium of your current relationship. If you were to embark on a relationship with your "friend" it is likely your feelings for him will fade. Why has it taken you so long to fancy him? Quite a coincidence it happens after your drunken fumble.

Telling your boyfriend won't be pretty. In fact, it will be painful, and he will probably go ballistic, as he is entitled to. But in the long run, he will be grateful for your honesty and letting him come to terms with it. And it will help you move on too. I guarantee that if you do not tell your boyfriend, this will eat and eat at you for the rest of your life. If you have a conscience or indeed a soul, you will tell him. For the first few months after telling him you might feel a bit rubbish but you will heal and it will make you a much stronger person.

I would hope that your "friend" tells his girlfriend too. It's possible your boyfriend might let her know, unless they don't know each other.

Finally you really need to assess what you look for in a friend and in a boyfriend.
Reply 18
Sakura-Chan
Yeah but that's not the point! You're falling in love with him now! Why can't you see in some respects that's even worse than sleeping with him in the first place?

If you're boyfriend's like that, it'd hurt him to know you slept with someone else and it was just sex. I'm pretty sure it'd destroy him to know you love/think you love someone else.


Of course I see that.
If it was just sex I *almost* wouldn't regret it because it initially made me feeling happier in my relationship cos I'd been wanting to be with other people and I realised me and my boyfriend were great together.

But then recently my boyfriend's been constantly annoyed with me and he's been initiating lots of arguments, whereas me and my best friend have been so jokey and happy. It just highlights contrasts and makes me unsure. Maybe falling in love was a bit of an exaggeration, but it's more that whereas before I didn't fancy him now I think about him a lot. I need to stop. I just don't know how.

I will try and make it work with my boyfriend - I know he should dump me but everybody makes mistakes and I know I've made one.
Reply 19
admit it, i have done stupid things drunk and maybe this is a lesson to you as harsh as it may be. know you're limit.

you're relationship cannot be that strong, this is shown by the fact when you are drunk you show you're insecurities and this is obviously one of them if anything admit it, face the consequences or you'll be living in guilt and that will just kill you on the inside.