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Regretting being a complete idiot

I usually come to the Oxbridge forums, but there's something I just realised today that's driving me crazy. Unfortunately, my best friend's away, and this forum seems to have all sorts of threads anyway, so I've come to TSR Health and Relationships to get this off my chest. :smile:

(Please do bear with me)

There's this guy I knew from school who I thought was somewhat of a happy-go-lucky flirt, although sometimes I'm surprised when I hear that he's actually quite smart (e.g. scoring the highest on a test on some occasions). He flirted with me from the first day we met, but I've always shrugged it off/rebuffed him (nicely) because I assume he's like that with everyone. Plus we're not from the same social circle (he didn't seem to have the, erm, driven/over-achiever attitude like, well, me and my friends :biggrin:

), and I've found that non-driven/non-over-achiever types often get intimidated by driven/over-achiever types so I've steered clear from those. Now I'm on a gap year, and he's at a top university studying law.

Recently, I met a senior executive for my gap-year job, and the senior executive reminded me so much of him. So today I can't stop thinking about the guy, and looking back, I think I've been a total idiot: I think he actually genuinely liked me. I've always thought that I was just another flirting conquest to him, but now that I think about it, I think I was mistaken. I think he was sincere in trying to get to know me, and I was just too focused, busy, and closed-minded to consider the possibility. One incident I really regret was this one day when I was having a bad day and he tried to walk and talk with me about the class we just came from, and I totally bit his head off and told him to get lost in a very, very mean (albeit non-scandalous) way. I think he was shocked and just quietly left.

Maybe it was just the trigger of meeting someone who's like an older version of him, but I really regret being a total bitch to the guy. I found his blog, and from what I've been reading, I think we actually could've gotten along fantastically.

(Oh, and he's actually kind of cute. :biggrin:

)

So the whole point of this post/thread is just to tell the world what a total idiot I am, not so much for having a story of "The one who got away," but for having a story of "The one you told, 'Go away.'"

Sigh.

(whew, that was a load off my chest) :smile:

Reply 1

Flicker

13

~kitty~

I usually come to the Oxbridge forums, but there's something I just realised today that's driving me crazy. Unfortunately, my best friend's away, and this forum seems to have all sorts of threads anyway, so I've come to TSR Health and Relationships to get this off my chest. :smile:

(Please do bear with me)

There's this guy I knew from school who I thought was somewhat of a happy-go-lucky flirt, although sometimes I'm surprised when I hear that he's actually quite smart (e.g. scoring the highest on a test on some occasions). He flirted with me from the first day we met, but I've always shrugged it off/rebuffed him (nicely) because I assume he's like that with everyone. Plus we're not from the same social circle (he didn't seem to have the, erm, driven/over-achiever attitude like, well, me and my friends :biggrin:

), and I've found that non-driven/non-over-achiever types often get intimidated by driven/over-achiever types so I've steered clear from those. Now I'm on a gap year, and he's at a top university studying law.

Recently, I met a senior executive for my gap-year job, and the senior executive reminded me so much of him. So today I can't stop thinking about the guy, and looking back, I think I've been a total idiot: I think he actually genuinely liked me. I've always thought that I was just another flirting conquest to him, but now that I think about it, I think I was mistaken. I think he was sincere in trying to get to know me, and I was just too focused, busy, and closed-minded to consider the possibility. One incident I really regret was this one day when I was having a bad day and he tried to walk and talk with me about the class we just came from, and I totally bit his head off and told him to get lost in a very, very mean (albeit non-scandalous) way. I think he was shocked and just quietly left.

Maybe it was just the trigger of meeting someone who's like an older version of him, but I really regret being a total bitch to the guy. I found his blog, and from what I've been reading, I think we actually could've gotten along fantastically.

(Oh, and he's actually kind of cute. :biggrin:

)

So the whole point of this post/thread is just to tell the world what a total idiot I am, not so much for having a story of "The one who got away," but for having a story of "The one you told, 'Go away.'"

Sigh.

(whew, that was a load off my chest) :smile:

i like the inference that you can't be a happy-go-lucky flirt AND intelligent! :rolleyes:

Reply 2

Naxalite

Saw my girl with a golden touch, give her a taste but not too much

Reply 3

~kitty~

OP

allisandro

i like the inference that you can't be a happy-go-lucky flirt AND intelligent! :rolleyes:

Okay, that didn't come out right. Sorry :biggrin:

I meant that if you met him, you'd think he was really a slacker. Not *stupid,* but the type who doesn't put much importance on school work. I was surprised not because he was *actually* intelligent, but because I thought he didn't care that much about schoolwork.

Reply 4

Flicker

13

~kitty~

Okay, that didn't come out right. Sorry :biggrin:

I meant that if you met him, you'd think he was really a slacker. Not *stupid,* but the type who doesn't put much importance on school work. I was surprised not because he was *actually* intelligent, but because I thought he didn't care that much about schoolwork.

i was just teasing :wink:

if you've found his blog, why not get in touch with him?

Reply 5

~kitty~

OP

allisandro

i was just teasing :wink:

if you've found his blog, why not get in touch with him?

I actually could if I wanted--a really close friend of mine studies in the same uni with him (reading law too! though my friend doesn't know the *significance* of the guy except for the fact that we knew each other from school), and the place where I work right now is actually near his uni. But what am I supposed to say to him? "Hi, I'm really sorry for being a total b1tch back in school, do you wanna have coffee?" ? :confused:

Reply 6

Drogue

19

More of a "how are you doing, fancy having a coffee and catching up?". Everyone remembers the good times, and even if you hurt him, if you're friendly he'll probably like to meet up for a chat. You may have blown it as far as a relationship goes, but who knows? There's no harm in trying :smile:

Reply 7

~Raven~

11

Actually, getting it touch might be a good idea - and if you do end up having coffee and just can't resist getting it off your chest then it wouldn't seem too stupid to say that you were a bitch then and have changed - it might even work in your favour! Go for it!

Reply 8

Chris.

1

The way i interpreted that i seems like you choose who to speak and not speak to based on how intelligent they are or how hard they worked in school.

You sound like great fun :rolleyes:

Reply 9

undercover-ange

Definitely get in touch with him! Maybe leave a comment on his blog to say you stumbled across it and it would be cool to catch up. You'll regret it if you don't and what's the worst that could happen? xxx

Reply 10

Mata

16

Don't worry, I completely understand what you're talking about. Sometimes, you realise too late that the guy you thought was one thing, was in fact another, and that maybe you made a mistake. Or he always catches you on a bad day, when you need to be somewhere else.

Honestly, I would get in touch with him, just to test the waters. If he doesn't want to get in touch, then he won't, and at least you'll have some closure on the situation.

Reply 11

sanelunatic

1

Hmmm, As a ''happy-go-lucky flirt AND........ possibly intelligent!'' I thought it may be worth showing you the flip side of the coin...

I dont know the full story behind how well you knew him etc, however by the sounds of it, he never and still doesnt realise that you like him. So frankly you suddenly getting in touch with him going 'Hi, lets do coffee.' Is going to be some what random. Unfortunately, he may not feel quite the same way towards you as you do towards him, the result being you get upset and decide he is not what you thought and thus ruin the image you had of him. Plus being at different universities and trying to make something of it is not going to be easy.

In my opinion you should, ''FIX UP LOOK SHARP'' As there are plenty more fish in the sea. (If fish aint your thing, there are men to)

Reply 12

=Keith=

3

hmmmmmmmm.. somewat like my story.. there was this girl.. hu really liked me.. i was a dog with her too... but we made up with eachother... now... not as a couple.. jus friends.. but damn it was way too hard to go and talk to her...

so jus try... (i know its tough).. but once u get .. over .. with it.. u feel good.. trust me..

Reply 13

hippieglitter

19

~kitty~

"Hi, I'm really sorry for being a total b1tch back in school, do you wanna have coffee?" ? :confused:

Sounds good to me. Try that one might work. Others could be, "Hi, we were at school together, why not meet and catch up?" or "Hey there, I remember you, lets have coffee sometime?"

Reply 14

hjmorgstew

truth is that before you thought that you were too intelligent for him,but now you have heard that he is doing law you know otherwise. this clearly shows how up your own arse and arrogant you are.

Reply 15

honest_mistake

oooh yes, i am also currently realising what an idiot i have been. didnt realise someone actually liked me so didnt do any thing, now looking back it was SO obvious but well, kinda maybe too late! i know i wont follow my own advice (yes i shall continue being an idiot!) but you should get in touch else you'll always be wondering "what if?!" and if it doesnt work out, at least you've tried!

Reply 16

Kingspharm

10

~kitty~

I actually could if I wanted--a really close friend of mine studies in the same uni with him (reading law too! though my friend doesn't know the *significance* of the guy except for the fact that we knew each other from school), and the place where I work right now is actually near his uni. But what am I supposed to say to him? "Hi, I'm really sorry for being a total b1tch back in school, do you wanna have coffee?" ? :confused:

Sounds good to me, you've already said that you regret not giving it a chance before, so if you're available now then why make the same mistake again?

I kinda had the same situation, there's a girl I knew from school and liked a lot, but never did anything about it. I sometimes wonder what if but I'm not in touch with her anymore, so it's just something in the past and I've moved on.

But if you still have a chance to talk to him - then do it!

Reply 17

~kitty~

OP

Thanks for all the helpful advice, guys! :smile:

I think I'll just brave it and try to get in touch with him. Although I must say, it seems kinda hard, but I'll do it anyway, if only for the closure. :smile:

Just to clarify though: I did not rebuff him/bite his head off because "I thought he wasn't smart" nor do I want to do something about the situation now because "oh, he's actually smart." It was more that I was caught up with the rush of school and everything (you know how exams are like, and for me school was the main thing on my mind always back then), and I was too absorbed with things to think about it. I think one of the posters said it: it was like a "wrong place, wrong time" thing. It's only now when I'm not too pressured with school that I realise how things really were.

For those who've called me an arrogant arse/intellectual elitist, I'll have you know that I actually have friends who aren't the "over-achiever" types. It was just that "happy-go-lucky" types seldom get along with me because they think I'm a robotic freak or something for wanting to get good grades, and my really close/good friends (i.e. the ones I hang out with and really talk to) are like me because they understand my "tendencies."

Plus, I'm sure that I've been written off by the other "types" as well because of the "type" I'm classified into. It's a social circle thing: I had my own social circle, and he had his. So I admit committing a big mistake succumbing to social stereotypes, and perhaps I did come off as an arrogant arse, but it's not something I do intentionally or deliberately and it's not something I am, and I'm quite sure I'm not the only one who uses stereotypes as a point of reference when dealing with people I don't know very well.