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My grandpa just died and i don't know what i should feel

I wasn't that close to him, we saw each other maybe three to five times a year so i don't know if that's got to do with it but i can't help but feel like a cold heartless bastard for not feeling devastated about this :frown:

I saw him for the last time two days ago and we all knew he wasn't gonna live much longer anymore. He died of cancer and had been fighting it for six years already and i've seen him become weaker and weaker among the years. It was only during the past week that he suddenly became much worse and it was inevitable that he would pass away soon..

I do feel sad about him dying, but i don't feel like i'd burst out crying about it uncontrollably (i am crying now, but only because i feel like i should). He slept away peacefully and didn't feel pain. I feel like crying when i think about my dad and my grandma though.. i don't know how they will cope with this and i don't know what i can do to support them. i'm awful at these things. maybe it just hasn't hit me yet. i dont know. is it normal to feel this way when something like this happens?

Reply 1

Pink Bullets

15

Sure. If you weren't that close to him, why would you be devastated? Besides, I'm assuming he was pretty old and he was sick for a long time. Naturally, you're not surprised that he died. Nobody expects you to be totally distraught over this xxx

Reply 2

manwithaplan

9

Tbh I feel somewhat the same as you, My granddad had been really ill for several weeks and last week when I was in Somerfield my Dad phoned up and said that he had a heart attack during his operation and then he burst out crying as he said he died (This is the only time I've ever heard my dad cry before).
Although me and my Granddad only saw each other once or twice per year (He lived in South Africa) I'd still say we were close but, I havn't cried or felt emotional or anything, I am sad but and I do show my emotions and I also feel a bit like cold bastard in a way.
Maybe because you knew it was inevitable, we all knew that my granddad probably wouldn't make it, he was in hospital for 6 weeks and when he was going to have the operation he knew there would be a 20% chance of survival, so maybe you'd already prepared yourself for the worst.

Anyway, if you want to talk then just PM me as I'm going through pretty much the same situation as yourself.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

I've never been able to mourn the death of a loved one, I squeezed out a tear during my grandfather's funeral when I was young because I felt like I had to. People handle grief differently, go along with whatever you're feeling (but if you've still repressed it after a while then it might be good to see a therapist).

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

Don't feel bad. A friend, not close but I saw and talked to him every day, died recently. I felt nothing. I guess thats just the way some of us are.

Reply 5

LOV3R

Anonymous

Don't feel bad. A friend, not close but I saw and talked to him every day, died recently. I felt nothing. I guess thats just the way some of us are.

I guess your right, if dont feel for someone, you wont be expecting to grieve.

Reply 6

Sanyore

14

Mine died two days ago. I saw him every week, and I only shed a tear when I saw his body an hour after he'd died. I haven't cried since. It could have something to do with his dying painlessly. It works differently for everyone, don't pressure yourself.

Reply 7

Jade-Li

2

My Grandma died and we were really close, and crying was quite delayed for me, like I needed time to fully register what happenned before it sunk in. I was a bit younger though. As people have said, people have their own ways of grieving. I shouldn't worry about it.

Reply 8

Aelred

2

I saw my grandmother less often than you saw your grandfather (maybe once every 3-4 years, because she lived in Northern Ireland and my parents didn't go over that often). I liked her but we weren't close. When I heard she had died, it didn't have a massive effect on me. Then when I went to the funeral and lots of people were crying, I did too, even though I hadn't expected to. Emotions can be funny things! Not much point trying to predict or force them, just deal with them as they come (or not, as the case may be).

Reply 9

Anonymous #4

I was in the exact same situation few months back.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

i just feel so horrible when i'm talking on the phone with my sisters about it :s-smilie:

she called me to ask if i was okay and i could hear in her voice that she'd been crying.. i felt like i had to make myself sadder than i really was or else she'd think i was unemotional and cold. i almost feel like its a relief that he's gone now because before it was as if he wasn't really that "alive" anymore because of his weak health (his bedroom was made into a "hospital room" about two weeks ago with nurses coming in four times a day to check on him and take care of him) but he was still there and everyone was worried about him. I mean, now that he's gone there's nothing that can be done to help him anymore so no one needs to lose sleep worrying about him suddenly dying anymore. I know everyone around him did everything possible to help him, there just was no way to stop it.. I'm only going to be around for the next two weeks or so and then i'm going back to uni so i don't know how i should support my dad from such a distance? any ideas of what i should do?

Reply 11

Symph

16

There's no 'right' way to feel in these situations. My grandma passed away yesterday, but like you I kind of knew it was inevitable as she has been slowly getting worse over this year (not with illness, just old-ness!) I've had a cry, but knowing she was comfortable and ready to go has made me feel more relief than grief. My grandpa, bless him, is stuck in hospital for a few more weeks and didn't get a chance to say goodbye, that honestly makes me feel sadder as they were married for 63 years, but he too seemed to be quite glad that she went peacefully in her sleep without any pain. It'll no doubt be an emotional funeral, but not in a sad way I hope.

Reply 12

Anonymous #5

Anonymous

i almost feel like its a relief that he's gone now because before it was as if he wasn't really that "alive" anymore because of his weak healthQUOTE]

This is how i felt when a very close friend of mine died..
I cried when i found out, alot.
But then when the shock went.
I felt relieved as she was finally out of pain.
(She died of cancer and we knew she didnt have that long left.)

Reply 13

disneylove84

I lost my grandpa last feb, i miss him everyday but like you i wasnt close to him, he lived in Arizona n im in Scotland, although we talked online every few days it just wasnt the same as being there in person. will always miss him and now i know i cant talk to him at all it makes it harder sometimes but i still havent cried for him. just gotta deal with the grief and get on with your life, better to remember the good times u had with him and enjoy the rest of ur life as there is no pause button! :smile:

Reply 14

username358506

20

When my grandma died, I felt indifferent, even though we were really close we saw each other every week. It's weird and I haven't really thought about her for a while now.

Reply 15

xoJessicaAnn

14

Anonymous

I wasn't that close to him, we saw each other maybe three to five times a year so i don't know if that's got to do with it but i can't help but feel like a cold heartless bastard for not feeling devastated about this :frown:

I saw him for the last time two days ago and we all knew he wasn't gonna live much longer anymore. He died of cancer and had been fighting it for six years already and i've seen him become weaker and weaker among the years. It was only during the past week that he suddenly became much worse and it was inevitable that he would pass away soon..

I do feel sad about him dying, but i don't feel like i'd burst out crying about it uncontrollably (i am crying now, but only because i feel like i should). He slept away peacefully and didn't feel pain. I feel like crying when i think about my dad and my grandma though.. i don't know how they will cope with this and i don't know what i can do to support them. i'm awful at these things. maybe it just hasn't hit me yet. i dont know. is it normal to feel this way when something like this happens?

I'm in exactly the same position as you. My grandpa died of heart failure a week and a half ago and we weren't close. However, he's been ill for many years and I know he was great with me when I was little, so I do feel very sad when I see photographs and everything.
I do feel awful for not having the same kind of feelings as my father does. However, I'm a naturally emotional person - and yeah, I hate it, so I do find myself crying often about it or when something else upsets me, I go back to the fact he died because I just find when anyone dies a sad thing..
I think the best thing you can do is be there for your dad and grandma, as they need you the most now. For example, I'm going with my dad to the funeral directors on Wednesday because he wanted some support there.
If you weren't close, it is natural for you to feel this way. It's just different people's way of handling a tough situation such as this.

Reply 16

Bubbles-go-pop

Anonymous

I wasn't that close to him, we saw each other maybe three to five times a year so i don't know if that's got to do with it but i can't help but feel like a cold heartless bastard for not feeling devastated about this :frown:

I saw him for the last time two days ago and we all knew he wasn't gonna live much longer anymore. He died of cancer and had been fighting it for six years already and i've seen him become weaker and weaker among the years. It was only during the past week that he suddenly became much worse and it was inevitable that he would pass away soon..

I do feel sad about him dying, but i don't feel like i'd burst out crying about it uncontrollably (i am crying now, but only because i feel like i should). He slept away peacefully and didn't feel pain. I feel like crying when i think about my dad and my grandma though.. i don't know how they will cope with this and i don't know what i can do to support them. i'm awful at these things. maybe it just hasn't hit me yet. i dont know. is it normal to feel this way when something like this happens?

my grandma died unexpectatldly but when she did i didnt cry. and i was really close to her.
i just couldnt and i didnt know why. but then at her funeral i was in floods.
and it might hit you at another time or it mightjust be how you are. but dont worry about it. no one will come up point a finger at you and say why arent you crying. it's just one way of lettting out our emotions and you proabbly have another way of doing this. dont let it get you confused and worked up.

i'm really sorry about your grandpa though.
xx

Reply 17

ontheoverpass

I understand what you mean. My granddad died earlier this year, I saw him maybe once every 2 years and he had been unable to communicate verbally for something like 10 years, so I wasn't really in any way close to him. I felt sad for my parents and relatives who had known him better but I didn't honestly feel all that sad myself, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Be sensitive around your parents, because they might be upset if you tell them you weren't close to him, but don't feel bad about it.

Reply 18

username196545

19

I was like this 2 weeks ago with my gran, http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=22673824#post22673824

Reply 19

Kim redman

1

I know because I have lost my grandpa in 2016 because he had brain cancer and he just dead and I really miss him so much but I didn't tell he m that I love him so much what can I do

My grandpa just died and i don't know what i should feel

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