to go or not to go [to a party]

hey all, this will seem like such an unimportant thing to most people, but id really appreciate people's thoughts :smile:

I've been invited to a house party by someone in my year on Thursday night. She's invited a few people from my year, but mostly form out of school, and its a joint birthday party with someone who used to go to my school (who i don't actually know very well!). Now, the girl who has invited me is very academic, but unfortunately knows she is and is quite boastful and has irritated people so much that she's not friends with many in the year, even those which she has invited.

Now, i'm very shy, and found out today that the only people i'll know at this huge party, the other people invited in my year, have said to her that they are going, but are all planning to text her at the last minute to say they can't make it. I would go, but i will literally only know one other person who is going, and since its a joint party, a lot of people will be going, getting really drunk, etc, which isnt really my thing. I don't know whether to do the right thing and go, but most likely not have a great time, or to say last minute i cant go - but feel very guilty as i like to think im a nice person - and have let her down (shes the type of person to hold grudges!). Rather stupidly, i stopped her today to ask her address (shes moved house), so that implies that im intending to go.

What should i do? :confused:

Reply 1

hippieglitter

19

If you don't think you'd enjoy it don't go, don't do what all the other people are doing, i.e. say they'll go then text at the last minute saying they can't cos that is a bit bitchy. One of my rules is always if i don't enjoy something i don't do it, cos i always know while i'm doing it that i could be doing something better. Don't do something cos its convenient for someone else. Think up a good reason for not going and tell her, you don't have to lie you could plan something and just bend the truth a little and say you have a previous engagement (which you'll make as soon as possible). But if you know you won't enjoy it ther is no earthly point in doing it and no good reason why you should.

Reply 2

Zerforax

21

you could always pop in for a bit - wish her happy bday, dance a bit, still feeling uncomfortable? just leave :P

Reply 3

sokas

8

yeh you could go round and see how it goes, you never know u might have fun! You might find other unexpected people there that you know anyway, thats usually the case, or you might not in which case you can always make your excuses and go

Reply 4

JakeR

1

would you be having more fun at home?

you only live once, it could end up being fun. i'd go.

Reply 5

~nat~

OP

1

Ant93

If you don't think you'd enjoy it don't go, don't do what all the other people are doing, i.e. say they'll go then text at the last minute saying they can't cos that is a bit bitchy. One of my rules is always if i don't enjoy something i don't do it, cos i always know while i'm doing it that i could be doing something better. Don't do something cos its convenient for someone else. Think up a good reason for not going and tell her, you don't have to lie you could plan something and just bend the truth a little and say you have a previous engagement (which you'll make as soon as possible). But if you know you won't enjoy it ther is no earthly point in doing it and no good reason why you should.

Thats the principle i go by! i was up for going before i realised what the rest of my rather bitchy year were planning to do, but im a rubbish liar, and she'd know something was up for me to suddenly changed my mind, especially as i seemed to be really enthusiastic when i automatically asked her for her new address! (regretting that move, i think you can tell!)

sarforaz

you could always pop in for a bit - wish her happy bday, dance a bit, still feeling uncomfortable? just leave :P

thats what i was thinking of doing - show my face, then leave early. I will only know literally one person, and i know a few others who are going, but dont know them as friends..lets just say, they're not very nice people!

I'm sorry to sound so pathetic, im just in a bit of a lose lose situation here. I appreciate the sggesstions though.

Reply 6

Lirael Abhorsen

1

yeah sometimes it can be awkward if you don't know many people, however she may feel let down if all her school friends don't come. it could in the end be fun, and opportunity to meet lots of new people. is there a chance you could go and perhaps take along an impartial friend? if you don't want to get drunk at the party then there's no reason why you should have to.

Reply 7

~nat~

OP

1

sokas and JakeR - i see what you're saying. I think I'll go - if i get really miserable, i guess i'll leave. I really hope there are some ok people there: as i said before im pretty shy, (plus i dont like drink very much - hell, i sound like such as bore, but its just not my thing!) so im afraid of bieng amongst loads of unknown, rowdy people... :redface:

Reply 8

~nat~

OP

1

Lirael Abhorsen

yeah sometimes it can be awkward if you don't know many people, however she may feel let down if all her school friends don't come. it could in the end be fun, and opportunity to meet lots of new people. is there a chance you could go and perhaps take along an impartial friend? if you don't want to get drunk at the party then there's no reason why you should have to.

i agree with all your points there, thats my dilemma exactly! Sadly, no impartial friend so to speak - im one of her few school friends - most people think shes a show off (im making her sound like a horrible person, but shes not, just most dont give her the benefit of the doubt, and i like to see the nice things in people :smile:

)

Reply 9

Ynox

11

go, start talking to random people there, you'll probably have a good time. Besides, you know one person. So thats means you can get talking to randoms even easier.

Reply 10

lirael

7

I'd go say hi but you can't stay its basicly 5 minates. Then make out to the rest of the year that you didn't mean to go but you were forced. Plus if you just talk to people then you will know them. You could meet new friends.

Reply 11

~nat~

OP

1

lirael

I'd go say hi but you can't stay its basicly 5 minates. Then make out to the rest of the year that you didn't mean to go but you were forced. Plus if you just talk to people then you will know them. You could meet new friends.

I dont really mind what the rest of my year thinks, so i dont have toexplain myself to them.

To break it down its either:

I go:
- know one person, plus the birthday girl!
- could meet new people anyway, and end up having a better time
but:
- Im shy and will be surrounded by a bunch of unknown people
- I dont drink, and it is guaranteed to get rowdy

or I dont go:
- avoid awkward situation of many counts for me
but:
- feel guilty for doing last minute cancel like rest of the people from my school

Reply 12

evil groove

~nat~

Now, i'm very shy, and found out today that the only people i'll know at this huge party, the other people invited in my year, have said to her that they are going, but are all planning to text her minuteto say they can't make it last.

Yes, you just go along with what the others are doing, and make this poor girl feel like she's so worthless, no-one would come to her party, that she had very nicely organised for all her 'friends'. I'm guessing you're about 14. Well, you're acting that way anyway. Don't worry, you'll grow out of it.

Reply 13

john !!

14

why don't you drink? if you don't drink, and youre asking people on an internet forum if you should, then don't go. if you're shy and all that then I dont think youd enjoy it. cancel.

but if it were me Id go in an instant - its a free house for crying out loud. if you dont drink because of religion or some serious reason then thats cool but if I were you id consider getting a few alcopops or something (nothing too hard) and go, meet some people and have a good time.

Reply 14

~nat~

OP

1

play_the_world

Yes, you just go along with what the others are doing, and make this poor girl feel like she's so worthless, no-one would come to her party, that she had very nicely organised for all her 'friends'. I'm guessing you're about 14. Well, you're acting that way anyway. Don't worry, you'll grow out of it.

please dont be so brash about this! For the record, I am not 14 and really dont think its worth it to make such a comment! My whole point is that i don't want to go along with what others think - I'm doubting whether to go simply because it may not be my kind of thing, not because im being intentionally spiteful and would cancel at the last minute solely to be mean to the girl! I think youve unintentionally misunderstood me :smile:

if i dont go, trust me, its not because i want to 'go along with what the others are doing'.

Reply 15

~nat~

OP

1

mik1w

why don't you drink? if you don't drink, and youre asking people on an internet forum if you should, then don't go. if you're shy and all that then I dont think youd enjoy it. cancel.

but if it were me Id go in an instant - its a free house for crying out loud. if you dont drink because of religion or some serious reason then thats cool but if I were you id consider getting a few alcopops or something (nothing too hard) and go, meet some people and have a good time.

when im with friends who drink a lot more than me, i dont mind, its the fact that i dont know them that makes me feel more uncomfortable than usual. (By the way, im not completely against alcohol or anything like that, i just dont drink excessively! :smile:

)

Reply 16

evil groove

~nat~

please dont be so brash about this! For the record, I am not 14 and really dont think its worth it to make such a comment! My whole point is that i don't want to go along with what others think - I'm doubting whether to go just because not my kind of thing, not because im being spiteful and would cancel at the last minute solely to be mean to the girl! I think youve unintentionally misunderstood me :smile:

if i dont go, trust me, its not because i want to 'go along with what the others are doing'.

Brash is my middle name! :wink:

Fair enough...what I meant by the whole '14' thing was that you are worrying too much about one party; like 14 year olds tend to do. I don't think you should go afterall, because I have the feeling you won't enjoy yourself, which is the most important thing at a party. (Which I think you said before actually :smile:

)

not because im being spiteful and would cancel at the last minute solely to be mean to the girl!

I know alot of people that do do things like that...especially when they were 14. I'd hate to be 14 again... *daydreams*

Reply 17

~nat~

OP

1

play_the_world

Brash is my middle name! :wink:

Fair enough...what I meant by the whole '14' thing was that you are worrying too much about one party; like 14 year olds tend to do. I don't think you should go afterall, because I have the feeling you won't enjoy yourself, which is the most important thing at a party. (Which I think you said before actually :smile:

)

I know alot of people that do do things like that...especially when they were 14. I'd hate to be 14 again... *daydreams*

lol, same here! Unfortunately, many people in my year are immature, and i dont want to be a sheep and go down that road. With regards to my dilemma, I am worrying about it too much, but worrying is my middle name! I just want to do the right thing - i really dont mean to make such a fuss :smile: