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Bf lying about not being a virgin, and all his past gf’s watch

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    I just found out that my bf has been lying about not being a virgin, he told me he slept with two other girls, and he confessed today he hasn’t’ and that he was actually a virgin until he met me. He has also confessed that he lied about all his past ‘girlfriends’ (I’m his only gf he’s had)

    He said he did it to ‘compete’ with me, as I had past sexual relationships. But the thing that hurt me most is, I was cheated on in my last relationship, I was badly hurt, and it took me months to get over it, I told my bf this, and he told me that his past ‘gf’ also had cheated on him. We had a big conversation about how horrible it is, and he was telling me about how hurt he felt. I really believed him, but now I found out he only said it to ‘compete’ with me. I’m now in a mood with him, and I’ve told him I need some time to think about things. I mean, he’s lied to me about two of the most important things, our whole relationship so far has been based on lies. I feel so hurt and let down.


    What do you all think I should do? Any advice would be welcome. Thank youx xx
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    I reckon you should tell him that you would love him even if he did tell the truth when you first got together it would of made it easier but lying has not helped as it does with most things
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    Hopefully he'll realise how silly he has been and you can forgive him. I had something similar at the beginning of a relationship a long time ago. I expressed how upset I was, how let down I felt and he felt awful about it (and rightly so).
    You need to negotiate between how bad you both feel about it and hopefully reconcile if you feel the relationship is worth salvaging.
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    dump
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    At least he's told you now! Better than carrying it on, he obviously feels bad and guilty about it and realises that your relationship is pretty serious and so he can't keep on lying to you. He's being honest and hoping that you will forgive him because he's told you what you needed to know.

    To be honest, he probably feels worse than you do right now because it was his fault in the first place. I'm not saying go easy on him or that you don't feel bad, but I think you do need to talk to him and say that you're disappointed with him lying to you BUT you should be happy that he has been honest with you. To be honest, he could've kept that lie up forever and you (probably) would never have found out!

    Hope it goes OK
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    (Original post by octavius)
    dump
    Thank you for that. Next time someone asks for a 4 letter word which is a slang name for faeces we'll call you, but for now this thread seeks a more insightful response :rolleyes:
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    This happened with a friend of mine - his gf pretended to be more experienced than she was and it turned out he was her first bf ever. For guys it isn't that much of an issue though - i wouldn't be concerned if someone had lied about their past experiences. Can't see myself doing it (mainly because they're good stories to tell!!) but beginnings of relationships can be tough, especially when you're not v experienced...
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    (Original post by Hayley_2k4)
    I just found out that my bf has been lying. I feel so hurt and let down.

    What do you all think I should do? Any advice would be welcome. Thank youx xx
    I can see why you are upset and I would be in a mood! I think the reason why he has lied to you is because he loves you and doesn't want to lose you. Maybe he felt you wouldn't be interested in him if you knew about his past. It is a bit strange that he made up a story the same as yours but maybe this was because he thought it would bring you closer together :confused: You need to let him know how much he has hurt you and that you want a relationship based on truth not lies!
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    The vast majority of people lie about being a virgin to their mates but to lie when you're going out with someone, I don't really get that...

    I understand why you'd be upset Hayley because you basically felt close and confided in him when you were telling him about being cheated on. You should definitely give him a wake up call because he acted like a complete w*nker. I'm not sure if it's the case but if he lied so that you would confide in him, become close, maybe close enough to sleep with him, then you should dump him because that's absolutely pathetic.
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    i think that it is more likely that he felt insecure so resorted to lying as otherwise you might view him as incompetent and naive and might not want to get close to him..he may have thought you wouldn't have wanted to go out with him if you knew the truth.. saying that there's no excuse for deceiving you to such a degree and that's obviously a cause for concern, however saying that he could have never told you so he must have some courage for telling the truth -which is hard when you've built up such a great lie... i suggest you talk to him about it and hopefully get things sorted
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    Yeh, like someone said above, its totally fair that you tell him u need to think about stuff etc, but if he really likes you, he probably meant "compete" in the tamest way, like he secretly felt intimidated about your past experiences and still wanted to fell 'the man', if u get me? x
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    Although what he's done is stupid and ******ish, it must have been tough for him to admit it. If he was a real scumbag he'd have kept you in the dark forever. Sometimes these things start as little white lies and get out of hand, and it takes a lot to fess up once lies get to that stage.

    I'm not trying to vindicate him or anything.. just as someone who is generally trustworthy yet found themselves in a stupid lie themselves, I know for myself that it's hard to admit it all and make things right, and that putting yourself in that vulnerable position and risking what you have is a good sign.
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    (Original post by octavius)
    dump
    i concur.
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    (Original post by dobbs)
    Thank you for that. Next time someone asks for a 4 letter word which is a slang name for faeces we'll call you, but for now this thread seeks a more insightful response :rolleyes:
    :rofl: brilliant :p: xoxo
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    my first boyfriend lied like that and i caught him out after 5 months. but we stayed together for another 8 or 9... talk to him about it. at least he didn't say he was a virgin when he wasn't...it could be worse. he obviously feels that you would have looked down on him if he wasn't as experienced. i feel a little sorry for him. how long have you been going out? i say have a go at forgiving him, but don't let him off just yet. give him a few days to think about it, but in the end, he hasn't done anything except be a stupid stupid boy. he shouldn't have pretended his "ex" cheated on him though.

    make sure he's not lying about anything else if you stay with him
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    I understand how you feel but I don't really think this is a dumpable offence. When you first went out he obviously felt intimidated about his lack of sexual experience because you'd had other relationships and now hes reached the point when he feels comfortable enough with you to tell you the truth and trust you with the fact you were his first.
    I don't know about the whole cheating thing but I'm guessing he was probably trying to help you and based his story on that of his mates. He doesn't sound like a bad guy he just sounds a bit messed up. After all this time its probably taken him a heck of a lot of courage to come clean to you when realistically he could have kept you in the dark forever. Emphasise to him that now he trusts you he is to be absolutely honest now at all times and give him another chance. Thats what I'd do anyway.
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    (Original post by hulachick15)
    I reckon you should tell him that you would love him even if he did tell the truth when you first got together it would of made it easier but lying has not helped as it does with most things
    She doesn't know whether she would have loved him. How could she? That scenario never happened. She may assume she could have, but she certainly cannot say with any authority that she would have loved him.
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    I think your boyfriend has serious issues. You need to talk to him about how you feel. He can't just go lying to you about things like that. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. Take away the trust and you have no relationship.
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    For all we know, since Hayley hasn't really told us too much about the whole relationship in general, she may have really intimidated him to start off with. I'm not saying she did or even that it's her fault because no he shouldn't have lied....but if when they started seeing each other or were just friends she talked a lot about her ex's and what she had done, or talked about other guys and what they had done - if she was like this then her bf may have felt VERY VERY unexperienced and bad and so yes he shouldn't have lied but I can see how it would have been very easy for him to do so!

    Also on the topic of the pretending of the girlfriend dumping him...again very bad but if Hayley was talking about her experience and he felt he couldn't help or support her at all then he made something up that would make her feel better! OK so it's a stupid thing to do, he could've just hugged her or something, but it's his first relationship and he has no idea what's going on...give the guy a break!

    I think he deserves another chance, tell him exactly how you feel and ASK HIM how he feels. If he's any decent guy he'll feel incredibly guilty and bad for what he's done, but as I say I think he deserves another chance, just make sure he knows how you feel about him lying. He shouldn't do it again if he really wants to make the relationship work
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    he's a good lad that fella.
 
 
 
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