Turn on thread page Beta

Bf lying about not being a virgin, and all his past gf’s watch

    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Drogue)
    Yes, because men are, to a larger extent. Everyone tends to believe that the things that they're bothered by are the same things others are.

    Have you ever thought it might be because he's embarassed about it, and nothing to do with her? If a bloke was embarassed that they were a virgin, they'd probably not want to tell the person they cared about most about it. I've met girls that have lied about how many people they've slept with, because it was a large number and they felt embarassed about it.

    Surely you can understand when you're dating someone you care about deeply that you'd want them to think well of you, and so might not tell them things that you felt embaressed by? Even lie about things you felt embaressed about.

    Some people aren't happy being themself. They feel ashamed of things, or they feel the need to be better. This is made far more acute when caring about someone, about what they think of you. Lots of people, if they're not happy with themselves, make things up or conceal the truth, because they're embarassed about who they are.

    This isn't about whether she'd "rather he was honest", this is about someone who felt so ashamed of themselves they felt they had to lie to someone they cared about to conceal what they were ashamed of. He even had the guts in the end to come out with it. I'm not "siding with him" because he's a guy, I'm siding with him because I can understand being ashamed of something and think he did really well for managing to admit it in the end.

    He know's he shouldn't have lied, he doesn't need someone having a go at him. I'd have thought someone who truly cared about him would be compassionate and find out why he lied, why he felt ashamed of being a virgin, and helped him to feel better about himself.
    Took the words right outta my mouth....that saves me a big long post
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Drogue)
    Yes, because men are, to a larger extent. Everyone tends to believe that the things that they're bothered by are the same things others are.

    Have you ever thought it might be because he's embarassed about it, and nothing to do with her? If a bloke was embarassed that they were a virgin, they'd probably not want to tell the person they cared about most about it. I've met girls that have lied about how many people they've slept with, because it was a large number and they felt embarassed about it.

    Surely you can understand when you're dating someone you care about deeply that you'd want them to think well of you, and so might not tell them things that you felt embaressed by? Even lie about things you felt embaressed about.

    Some people aren't happy being themself. They feel ashamed of things, or they feel the need to be better. This is made far more acute when caring about someone, about what they think of you. Lots of people, if they're not happy with themselves, make things up or conceal the truth, because they're embarassed about who they are.

    This isn't about whether she'd "rather he was honest", this is about someone who felt so ashamed of themselves they felt they had to lie to someone they cared about to conceal what they were ashamed of. He even had the guts in the end to come out with it. I'm not "siding with him" because he's a guy, I'm siding with him because I can understand being ashamed of something and think he did really well for managing to admit it in the end.

    He know's he shouldn't have lied, he doesn't need someone having a go at him. I'd have thought someone who truly cared about him would be compassionate and find out why he lied, why he felt ashamed of being a virgin, and helped him to feel better about himself.
    Ok, i can understand him being embarrassed about being a virgin, but then so was my boyfriend when i met him and he still told me. I can also understand that he wants the person he cares about to think well of him, but how could he think that she would think any less of him for being a virgin, it doesn't change who you are, and if he really cared about her surely he would have wanted to be honest with her from the start. I just don't see why he felt he had to lie.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    provided that was the only thing he's lied about, i'd just think it was kind of cute that he felt the need to 'compete'.

    Plus it's seriously a big deal that he's confessed to it...i don't think i know anyone who would do that! To be honest if i'd lied about something at the start of a relationship and kept it up, i don't think i'd have the guts to confess!
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ant93)
    Ok, i can understand him being embarrassed about being a virgin, but then so was my boyfriend when i met him and he still told me. I can also understand that he wants the person he cares about to think well of him, but how could he think that she would think any less of him for being a virgin, it doesn't change who you are, and if he really cared about her surely he would have wanted to be honest with her from the start. I just don't see why he felt he had to lie.
    People are different though - just because your boyfriend was comfortable with telling you it doesn't mean everyone is :rolleyes: Also has your boyfriend had girlfriends before? The person in question hasn't, which makes Hayley his first girlfriend and so he's in a very uncomfortable position, being unsure of what exactly to do and when you're in a situation like that you do things that you later regret!

    Also, relationships change over time - when they start they're generally shakey and so although he cares about her a lot, back then he may have just seen her as someone he may have an off-chance with (he'd never had a gf before so why now? - that's what he'd be thinking) and so to really make sure he made a good impression (in his mind) he told a lie, thinking it wouldn't matter. Obviously later on he REALISED HIS OWN MISTAKE (big bonus points lol) and confessed...very honest of him!

    Also, please don't go on about "funny how it's all the guys who are siding with him" it's kinda insulting, I may have a penis but it doesn't mean I stick up for every other penis-owning human on the planet just to get at women :rolleyes:
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 14, 2005

1,065

students online now

800,000+

Exam discussions

Find your exam discussion here

Poll
Should predicted grades be removed from the uni application process

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.