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No respect for parents watch

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    Last night I realised that I have absolutely no respect for my parents. From a young age (I mean about 6) I have been independent and more responsible than both of them! They have both been in prison for pathetic things and both chose a 'partner' over me - subsequently ending in me having to leave my mums (when I was nine) and my dads (when I was 14 and suffering from an eating disorder - mainly brought on by my dad's psycho-girlfriend), to live with my grandma. I'm back with my dad now (he & the psycho split up) but I'm going to uni in September.

    They are the most selfish people I think I have ever met - I honestly think they shouldn't have been allowed to have children. It seems I have buried all of my anger towards them and, now that I am growing up, it's all starting to come back to me. It feels almost unbearable to have these feelings towards your own flesh & blood. I almost feel sick that these people actually CREATED me! Sometimes I think there is no point even coming back to the IOM to see them when I'm at uni.

    This probably sounds really scary & overly personal but I felt I had to tell someone about it! Has anyone had or knows someone who has had any similar experiences/feelings? If you can offer any thoughts/advice I would be V. grateful!
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    I kind of do. not with my parents they are both brilliant and I love them totally but we had a big falling out with some of our relatives a few yrs ago when my grandad died and I still love them but at the same time feel amazingly angry with them (don't want to talk about it, its a long story). Sometimes I don't think about it for weeks and then when i get down it really really upsets me. I had felt so close to them before I'm an only child and so is my cousin and I always felt we were more like brother and sister than most cousins. I cna''t believe that people can act so badly and just treat you like **** when you have a history of being a family. Don't feel bad about your feelings I think they are pretty healthy.
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    I'd have to sympathise, SophistiCat. Having parents choose someone else over you is heartbreaking. I know because my best friend for a long time recently had a huge row with his parents and now he's living at my place until he has the green light to stay with his cousin (who's 26). I feel so sorry for him, but he's holding on to his rage to keep himself same. I guess I just have to help him in any way I can.
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    same as above but I do have respect for my parents and love them loads
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    SophistiCat I really feel for you. Your situation is unfortunate and very sad - if I were you I'd have it out with them and tell them what absolute *******s they are. It will make you feel better. Tell them you have no respect and how if you ever have children you'll deprive them of being grandparents. Be reaaaaalllllly harsh. I would.
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    Best advice I can give is - forgive them. Bitterness does you no good and in the end it's not them you're hurting - it's yourself. I say just forgive them, move on and enjoy yourself, be a happy person and don't let the past make you a bitter person. It's not worth it.

    Btw when I say forgive them, I'm not telling you to do it overnight. But in the long run, it's do-able. Just let it go gradually.

    All the best
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    (Original post by irisng)
    Best advice I can give is - forgive them. Bitterness does you no good and in the end it's not them you're hurting - it's yourself. I say just forgive them, move on and enjoy yourself, be a happy person and don't let the past make you a bitter person. It's not worth it.

    Btw when I say forgive them, I'm not telling you to do it overnight. But in the long run, it's do-able. Just let it go gradually.

    All the best
    I really feel for you.
    I agree with the above, just wait until you go to uni and them right them both a letter about how you feel, all the injustices etc. They aren't likely of done any of it delibrately to hurt you and may be unaware of the damage caused. By writing you can take your time make sure you explain yourself fully and avoid an arguement. They will also absorb the information better as they don't have to reply immediately and can reread your letter.

    Most importantly look forward, don't be bitter. even if you don't forgive them then you really don't need to have anything to do with them until at the earliest when your married. So look to the future, try to forgive and most importantly learn from all the experiences.

    Hope that helped, I know it is easier said than done
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    Dont worry gurl, my parents are the most immature parents i think there is. I try to be good to them because I "pity" them rather than "respect" them.. I do have some respect though. But my life is hellish because of them, almost everyday I have to listen to "heartaching" sermons.. which really hurt me so bad. I dont want to talk to them as they always think they are right, they ask me to talk to them and have a proper conversation... so i did. But then the proper conversation turned into a sermon from my mum and yeah.. i just had to keep quiet, because everytime i say a word she just gets more and more angry... even if i keep silent the same thing happens.

    The worst thing is that I have A's on 3 of my A level subject and one C. Whenever I sit in front of my pc, they just shout at me telling me to stop as I have been sitting all day round and doing nothing. I mean, I do study hard and I could not have got A's if it was not for my efforts. They just dont seem to see my side. Im on the verge of break down really. And all i am doing now is i am doing it for myself.. I just want to get through uni and leave my family.
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    One of the best things you can do is limit the amount of time spent in their presence. I mean, stay in your room and don't come out unless you are going to go out with friends or it is urgent. This way you will avoid saying or hearing anything harmful. Because I am a bit of a loner in real life anyway, I don't have a problem with this. I just stay in my room and read, write or play my bass guitar. This advice is for eveyone who fails to get along well with their parents, not just SophistiCat.
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    (Original post by Euge)
    One of the best things you can do is limit the amount of time spent in their presence. I mean, stay in your room and don't come out unless you are going to go out with friends or it is urgent. This way you will avoid saying or hearing anything harmful. Because I am a bit of a loner in real life anyway, I don't have a problem with this. I just stay in my room and read, write or play my bass guitar. This advice is for eveyone who fails to get along well with their parents, not just SophistiCat.
    that sounds like a temporary solution to me, and a sure way to getting depressed. Isolation is the worst thing for some people (including me).
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    (Original post by Euge)
    One of the best things you can do is limit the amount of time spent in their presence. I mean, stay in your room and don't come out unless you are going to go out with friends or it is urgent. This way you will avoid saying or hearing anything harmful. Because I am a bit of a loner in real life anyway, I don't have a problem with this. I just stay in my room and read, write or play my bass guitar. This advice is for eveyone who fails to get along well with their parents, not just SophistiCat.
    true, that is what i have been doing. but my parents are just really annoying. They always dart into my room, especially my mum who always checks on me if i am in front of the pc or what. And then just starts sermoning, very awful. And if I sleep, they complain of me doin nothing.. i mean... T_T so sad
    :bawling:
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    My mum found me on tsr at 2 am the other night...i know how it feels!
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    Nah I do respect my parents but I completely see why you don't. In the end, it takes more than a genetic link for someone to be a parent. They need to be there for you and support you and it doesn't sound like that's what's happened. You have evry right to be upset and feel the way you do; it's totally understandable. I hope you have some other supportive people in your life. Just because they act like that doesn't mean you will so don't worry that they 'created' you - at the end of the day you can create yourself - if that makes sense lol. Just make your own life and if you can find a way to incorporate them into it then go for it but if there's too much that needs to be said then try and find the most painless way (for you and them I guees) for it to be said. Good luck anyways. You'll have an ace time at uni and you'll be able to embrace the opportunity to be so independent.
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    I'm so sorry for you SophistiCat. I have some idea of what this is like - I hate my biological father with a passion. He used to be an alcoholic and beat up my mum when she was pregnant with me. Thankfully she left him, taking my older brother with her. Needless to say, I think he's scum - and it doesn't help that I didn't find any of this out until I was 12. So for 12 years I thought he was the perfect dad, and then I found that out. There's not really an easy way of dealing with it - just be proud that you're the person you are today without their help, and know how much stronger you are because you've had to deal with it. If you feel it helps, then write them a letter explaining how you feel.
    I can totally understand if you never want to forgive them - but as one of the above posters said, it's best to try and let go of the majority of hate or bitterness that you have, as it'll make you feel worse. The best thing you can do is talk about how you feel and to get it off your chest. Good luck
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    I don't blame you for not having much respect for your parents.. its hard to respect someone who appears to be sending you in the opposite direction you want to be going. I have a lot of repsect for my parents, so I consider myself lucky. However, I do kind of know how you feel because since my nan died 9years ago, my grandad hasn't spoken to me or my parents, I think he blames me for my nan's death because it was the day before my birthday, so I am a reminder. Anyway, give it time and as you go through life, you may begin to feel forgiveness toward your parents. BTW, how do you feel about your other relatives-you really should have some support for what you've been through
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    (Original post by irisng)
    Best advice I can give is - forgive them. Bitterness does you no good and in the end it's not them you're hurting - it's yourself. I say just forgive them, move on and enjoy yourself, be a happy person and don't let the past make you a bitter person. It's not worth it.

    Btw when I say forgive them, I'm not telling you to do it overnight. But in the long run, it's do-able. Just let it go gradually.

    All the best
    Is there any reason why she should. This advice seems rather shabby and sycophantic. Her parents must take responsibility for what they've done, only then is she obliged to at least attempt to forgive.

    MB
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    I've had a friend shose father is an alchoholic, beats up her mum, and takes away money from her... as bad as it can get. Thats why I'm afraid to become a parent, I dont want to put any flaws in the upbringing of my child... im too afraid to hurt him/her and in the end hate you.
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    I really feel for you, but you have to forgive them. If you don't forgive them, you risk letting yourself get screwed up by it all. Learn from their mistakes. Now you're off to uni, you're branching off independently and starting your own life. Live your life the way you want to, and learn from the mistakes your parents made. Do things differently.
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    Well, I'm a complete **** to my Mum, which I feel terrible about. She's a cool person really as well, but what with my hormones raging and all, I always take it out on her, and I feel bad, and sometimes there are indeed stages where I feel like I don't respect her. And she pisses me off immensely, and as you say, there are occasions when I can't believe that I came from her. And sometimes I feel bad that I'm always going to have a bit of her in me!! Eek. But deep down I love her really, she doesn't half do my ****ing head in though! But there are aspects of her that I respect, and I find that I respect her more the more I learn about her. I respect her intelligence definitely, she's rather clever.

    But my family situation is completely different to yours, so no, I can't really relate...
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    well i don't have nearly the intense situation of some others, however my dad has persistently shown himself to be very controlling, he orders my mum around and switches off tv programmes shes watching etc, and tells her what she can and can't wear.. when my sister got a bf he kept calling her a slut and a fornicator, which made me very upset understandably. i don't really have respect for him after this and can't forgive the way he treated her. i just humour him when necessary really.
 
 
 
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