The Student Room Group

Should I tell? [ex-bf cheated on his current gf with me]

OK, so I was out on a girls' night last night and my arsehole ex was texting me all night asking if I was out - I ignored them.

I then bumped into him in a nightclub and he bought me a drink etc.... I was talking to him for a while and I ended up having a right go at him for the way he had treat me in the past (constant accusations, calling me a slut, hitting me etc.. nice guy :rolleyes: ) and then he leaned over and kissed me!! I think it was just the drink but I kissed him back for a bit before realising what I was doing and pulled away. He then started telling me how sorry he was and how much he still loves me (i dumped him 1 year ago) and how he wants me back. He then asked if he could come back to my house!!! (I told him where to go). No amount of alcohol could have made me take him back - I'm definitely glad the relationship is over and would rather eat out of a toilet than go through hell with him again.

The thing is, he's been seeing this girl for about 9 months and she always comes up and talks to me if she sees me, and also quizzes me alot about him. I've always just fobbed her off and said "yeah, he's an OK guy" etc., but I really don't know how I'll react when I see her again. I would hate to find out that he's hurt her in some way and I never said anything to her to warn her. Should I tell her how he really used to treat me and that he's still declaring his love for me? Does she have the right to know? :confused:
Reply 1
Yes, I thik she has a right to know; she has a right to know what she is letting herself in for by going out with this guy.
The fact they've been together 9 months and she still asks you what he's like means she clearly has her own worries about him. If he is still like that I would let her discover it herself. If she has any sense she'll ditch him, but if you get involved you will simply risk making things worse and might cause her to attach herself to him even more; reverse psychology and all that. People make mistakes in relationships but they should be allowed to do so themselves. For all you know your ex has changed and the night in the club was a drunken accident (or he does have feelings for you!) Chances are he is still a bastard but as I said, I'd steer clear, it's not your duty to act as a health and safety label for your ex.
Reply 3
I agree with both of you!

He does still like me, he's been texting me this morning - I think I'll just let sleeping dogs lie. I change my mobile number and won't say anything to his girlfriend, but if he tries it again I'll just tell her (me thinks - ???). Thank you!
Reply 4
I think you sound quite wise there - tell her, ignore him, and after that just stay out of it. :smile:
Reply 5
oh and you macked out with her man at the back of a club is some thing you also need to tell her....
It's obvious that he cares very little for her after the 'incident' with you in the club. I think you should definitely tell her, but only if she directly asks you about him (as nicely put by lessthanthree). If you find her and force the information upon her she might not believe you, think you're a crazy lady etc.
Reply 7
i agree that you should definately tell her; not in a malicious way tho that will make her think you're jealous or bitter or anything along those lines.

im a bit concerned tho that she wont seek you out again as shes already asked, what reason has she got to ask another time? in which case she may start or is already experiencing nasty surprises.

perhaps you should go directly to her, saying 'about what you asked me before, i wasnt saying the whole story' or you know, that kind of thing. if it didnt come accross in a malicious way i think i wouldnt fobb it off so quickly...
Reply 8
Put yourself in her shoes. What would you want?

Motherless Child
Reply 9
But, he could have changed and turned over a new leave, and you could ruin everything...as its technically none of your business, but then again he could be the same person in which case she deserve to know and you have a duty to tell her; balance the 2 then make your decision
Reply 10
if she asks you, tell her. but be prepared for her to not believe you or go mental at you.
jason8857
But, he could have changed and turned over a new leave, and you could ruin everything...as its technically none of your business, but then again he could be the same person in which case she deserve to know and you have a duty to tell her; balance the 2 then make your decision

if he had changed and wanted to start new then why would he be cheating on his girlfriend? he doesnt sound like good news and as lessthanthree said if she asks u about him then tell her, but make sure she knows your saying it for her sake and not cos ur "jealous" and want him back ...
Reply 12
Thanks for all your help!!

I've got thousands of texts on my phone from the last year, just wanting me back!! It's SO annoying, I'm sooo gonna change my number! Luckily I lost my phone last night so I'll take this as a blessing in disguise and get a new one.

I'm kinda hoping that someone seen him kiss me in the club that knows her and tells her... even though that sounds kinda mean! He even went mental at me last night when I told him I'd met a lad for a drink on Friday!! I thought his jealousy would have faded by now!

I should change the title of this thread to "Paula's rant about ex thread"!
puk2184
Thanks for all your help!!

I've got thousands of texts on my phone from the last year, just wanting me back!! It's SO annoying, I'm sooo gonna change my number! Luckily I lost my phone last night so I'll take this as a blessing in disguise and get a new one.

I'm kinda hoping that someone seen him kiss me in the club that knows her and tells her... even though that sounds kinda mean! He even went mental at me last night when I told him I'd met a lad for a drink on Friday!! I thought his jealousy would have faded by now!

I should change the title of this thread to "Paula's rant about ex thread"!


i dont get it u lost ur phone in the end or not?
just keep the msgs he sent and keep them as proof.
Reply 14
kriztinae
i dont get it u lost ur phone in the end or not?
just keep the msgs he sent and keep them as proof.

yep, the phone's gone... my 3rd lost phone this year :frown:

hopefully it'll be his girlfriend who finds it and reads the texts :biggrin:
puk2184
yep, the phone's gone... my 3rd lost phone this year :frown:

hopefully it'll be his girlfriend who finds it and reads the texts :biggrin:

Hey puk, howz it goin' mate?

Personally I would leave it, he sounds like a s**t and so grassing on him will only bring you down a level, all things come around as they say, and if she is asking you about him even though she is his girlfriend that means it can't be going too well and it won't last anyway.

Also, if you tell his gf and they split up because of it, then he may think you did it because you still want him and split them up because of it. Just a theory...

Unless she is a very good mate then I wouldn't tell, just get on with your own life, its too short to be worryin' bout crappy ex's.

Speak to you in armed forces forum puk.
Cal
Reply 16
puk2184
OK, so I was out on a girls' night last night and my arsehole ex was texting me all night asking if I was out - I ignored them.

I then bumped into him in a nightclub and he bought me a drink etc.... I was talking to him for a while and I ended up having a right go at him for the way he had treat me in the past (constant accusations, calling me a slut, hitting me etc.. nice guy :rolleyes: ) and then he leaned over and kissed me!! I think it was just the drink but I kissed him back for a bit before realising what I was doing and pulled away. He then started telling me how sorry he was and how much he still loves me (i dumped him 1 year ago) and how he wants me back. He then asked if he could come back to my house!!! (I told him where to go). No amount of alcohol could have made me take him back - I'm definitely glad the relationship is over and would rather eat out of a toilet than go through hell with him again.

The thing is, he's been seeing this girl for about 9 months and she always comes up and talks to me if she sees me, and also quizzes me alot about him. I've always just fobbed her off and said "yeah, he's an OK guy" etc., but I really don't know how I'll react when I see her again. I would hate to find out that he's hurt her in some way and I never said anything to her to warn her. Should I tell her how he really used to treat me and that he's still declaring his love for me? Does she have the right to know? :confused:



NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DONT. dnt spoil things for them