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Advice for rekindling?

Hi. I'm a little reluctant to post about my relationship on here but i guess i need some advice.
I've been with my bf about 7 months, and we're like the best of friends - but lately it's been hard as i've been quite down and he doesnt know how to handle it and so comes off as being quite cold. Also, we've not really had sexual relations properly for months as i've got suspected endemetriosis so its very painful (have a hospital appointment on tuesday so hopefully things will be clearer then)
We dont get to see each other too much because of committments but when we do i sometimes feel angry and i dont know why - and i end up taking it out on him :frown:

Any advice how to rekindle it? We love each other a lot and don't want to give up on it, we've been through worse together.

Reply 1

Trousers

11

I hate to say it but, if this has been going on for a while, AND you've been through worse together, in the course of seven months... do you really think it's worth saving the relationship?

Anyway, I'm not in your situation, so for the moment I'll believe you when you say you want to make it work. It's very admirable that you don't want to give up.

It sounds to me like you need to talk it through properly. For a start, you need to tell him that you're angry and he doesn't deserve to be treated the way you've been treating him (if that's how you really feel). This should set him mind at rest, because he probably thinks he's done something wrong.

When you've got a free afternoon, sit down with a cup of tea and really thrash it out - be honest with each other, and see if you can come to an agreement about what's wrong and how to sort it out. If neither of you wants to break up and you both think it's worth fighting for the relationship, you'll be okay.

Hope it works out - good luck!

Reply 2

Fleece

OP

15

Thanks - it would be good to just have it out. I think i made it sound worse than it is because we do have a lot of fun and there is a lot of love there. It's just lately there have been external factors that seem to conspire against us! I guess i just feel a little exhausted at the moment :-\

p.s. boothby graffoe is a leg-end!

Reply 3

hippieglitter

19

Try and get him to understand how your feeling and if he is coming across a bit cold i think he could try and be a bit more comforting, try not to take your anger out on him, but talk to him about your problems, this mught help the two of you get a little closer and if he knows what is wrong he will find it easier to help you through it.

Reply 4

Fleece

OP

15

I think he's just finding it hard to deal with the whole breaking sporadically into tears usually in public places thing. It's so horrible - i cant control it and because it's usually when im in public then i try to stop it, but you know that feeling where you try to stop it and you just want to cry and cry and never stop? But i have to, so every time now that i have the chance to cry and i start (in private) i cant cry properly and it feels forced :frown:

Reply 5

Trousers

11

Fleece

I think he's just finding it hard to deal with the whole breaking sporadically into tears usually in public places thing. It's so horrible - i cant control it and because it's usually when im in public then i try to stop it, but you know that feeling where you try to stop it and you just want to cry and cry and never stop? But i have to, so every time now that i have the chance to cry and i start (in private) i cant cry properly and it feels forced :frown:

I know it might sound funny, but have you considered therapy? If you cannot control your crying fits, you should go to your GP and describe how you feel. You might be able to go to a counsellor on the NHS and find out what's wrong - there are obviously issues that are making you feel like this, and you need to find out what they are and how to deal with them, especially if your mental state is affecting a loving and cherished relationship.

I think everyone knows what it feels like to cry and cry until you can't stand it any more. But the fact that this is happening a lot, with no obvious trigger, and in public... well, that needs some attention.

Reply 6

Fleece

OP

15

I know. I've had a bit of a history of it, but i've been good for coming up to a year now. Every time ive gone to the doctor for help, they've referred me to someone but they always took about 2 months for the appointments to come through. This was never good for me as a) i needed help - what the hell is 2 months all about and b) i've been on the move a lot these last few years....so if i go and get referred again, i'll have moved to uni before i get chance to speak to anyone :frown:

Reply 7

Trousers

11

Fleece

I know. I've had a bit of a history of it, but i've been good for coming up to a year now. Every time ive gone to the doctor for help, they've referred me to someone but they always took about 2 months for the appointments to come through. This was never good for me as a) i needed help - what the hell is 2 months all about and b) i've been on the move a lot these last few years....so if i go and get referred again, i'll have moved to uni before i get chance to speak to anyone :frown:

How about paying for a private counsellor? If you can't afford that, uni might be a bit of a godsend - I think every uni has at least one counsellor you can go to, and I can't imagine their waiting lists would be huge. Try to sign up as soon as you get to uni - you'll have to go for a medical check anyway, so ask then.

Reply 8

blissy

15

IMHO you can't carry on in a relationship with someone when you know you're not much more than friends. You get angry and resent the fact you're in the relationship and that the other person isn't all you want (i.e. you want love and sex not just friendship). If your situation is like that then I'd finish before it drags on and you have the fact that you've been together for x amount of time as another excuse to stay in a less than ideal relationship.

Reply 9

Fleece

OP

15

Nooo it's not like that at all - we're way more than friends...if we ever thought we were becoming just good friends then we'd both know it was wrong. It's nice to know that he's being so patient with the whole sex thing and it frustrates us at times but its nice to know its not the basis of our relationship!

Reply 10

Jayjayjay

1

Maybe tell him exactly how you are feeling - what is going on in your head and why you may come across as cold etc. If you feel that something is missing then only you as a couple can find that catalyst to rekindle the flames, as you said good for him to be so patient with you, that seems quite positive - there being depth to your relationship.
(Hope that did not sound rude =0(

Reply 11

Fleece

OP

15

Hehe no you're ok :tongue:

I spoke to him tonight and he said the only way this relationship was going to end would be if i ended it..which im not....its just a tough time at the moment what with family illness n stuff but we should be ok..better for a talk! thanks everyone who commented.x

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