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So fed up - Can't be bothered with uni anymore watch

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    Please keep anon or delete.

    I lost my mum last month and I'm still coming to terms with it. I was meant to go back to uni this week but haven't been able to face it so I've stayed at home. I've attempted some of my assignments, one of which is already a month overdue, but I really can't concentrate. It takes the slightest thing to have me in tears and once that starts, I can't stop.

    I've just logged into my university emails and the amount of emails I have regarding new essays has just made me cry because I'm so stressed, as silly as that may sound :\ Three of my lecturers, one of them being my tutor, knows about my circumstances but I feel bad using it as an excuse. I do want to do well, I want to make my mum proud. Before she died I was getting the equivalent of firsts in my essays (I'm in the first year) and I'd love to keep it up but I'm really struggling.

    I know I should tell university that I'm struggling but I feel guilty. I already dropped out last year, so I can't take a year out or anything. I have to stick at it.

    I just feel so useless Any advice?
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    :erm:
    sorry to hear that!
    If your mum was proud of your academic progress, then I think you should use it as motivation to do the thing that would make her proud. :yy:
    Although obviously it's easier said than done, but you should definately tell the uni so that they are aware it's not because you're doing poorly it's due to the circumstances.
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    I appreciate what you're going through and I have no idea how hard that could be.
    There must be so much going on in your head that you just can't get rid of. Do you have anyone you can talk to? a close friend or family member you can just cry everything out to and let them comfort you. It can be so comforting just to tell another person and have them give you a hug. Sometimes that's all you need for the motivation to go back.

    Get back to uni would be my advice. Dropping out would be disastrous and it could well be that being at home is making things worse. If you get your head down and try to remain as focused and determined as you can. Get as much of the work done as you can, even if its late or not done too well, just get it out of the way. I hope you find your feet and get back on track.

    Find something to drive you forwards, a hope an ambition? some kind of motivator. maybe even just some stress release, like a sport or a hobby.

    Hope I helped. Even if just a little bit.
    Good luck with everything

    Just in case it might help, here's a virtual hug:

    *hug*
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    do what your heart tells you. & im so sorry for your loss.
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    First of all, my deepest sympathy on losing your mum. I can't imagine how it must feel.
    Secondly, everyone will understand. I lost my grandfather mid-way last term, and even for that, my uni were extremely sympathetic; much more than I expected them to be.
    A month is not enough time to grieve. You may want to make your mum proud, but believe me, there is nothing wrong with taking some time out. Set up a face-to-face meeting with your tutor, explain that you just aren't coping. You have nothing to feel guilty about, and if you tell them how you are stuggling, they will certainly understand. Ask about the possibility of leaving and coming back in September to repeat 1st year. Then take the 6 month to come to terms with what's happened. You certainly do not have to 'stick at it'; whether you dropped out last year or not should be of no concern.
    If you really can't/won't leave, ask if your workload could be lightened. Maybe they could ignore the missed deadlines, and allow to not submit those? Or possibly keep your amount of due work over the next month or so to a minimum? Its important that you are honest about how you are feeling and how its affecting your work, and they will understand.
    I hope that helps, feel free to PM for any more advice. Again, I really am so sorry for you - I hope everything works out. Remember, a year of uni can be repeated, but the time it takes to get your head together is both vital and immesurable.
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    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss that must be a really hard thing to deal with Last month is still very recent, maybe you need some more time out? I'm sure your tutors would understand and you should not feel guilty about using it as an "excuse"; its a definite reason and obviously your work is going to be affected. they might have some kind of halfway compromise they can do so you can do a reduced workload? you should definitely talk to them and see what they say.
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    Hugggggggggggg, I know how you feel - it's hard to concentrate when you feel so ******. You obviously have the ability to do well, hence the firsts. Just try and focus on something positive that will come from finishing university.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know I should tell university that I'm struggling but I feel guilty. I already dropped out last year, so I can't take a year out or anything. I have to stick at it.

    I just feel so useless Any advice?
    I would talk to a university counsellor asap and they should be able to give you excellent advice on what you should do about your situation.

    I would imagine that you would absolutely be able to take time off.
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    im so sorryy about that it must be really hard. after reading that im amazed at just how brave you are, trying to get back normal when it was only last month. I would take some time out for a bit, its probably a bit much too soon? xx
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    What would you suggest I email my tutor/course leader? I really don't know what to say to them :\
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    I lost my father over my GCSE's and it's difficult. Please don't do what I did. I hid away from school for months on end and ended up getting to the point I couldn't repair the academic damage I had started. It royally screwed me over and now at almost 21 years old I've just been able to complete an access course and apply for Uni this year after mindlessley drifting and wallowing in self pity for nearly 5 years. Take all the support you can and talk to your tutor. My school was crap dealing with what happened to me but I'm sure Universitys have a much better support structure. My last bit of advice is talk to people, don't let this bottle up and if you feel depressed TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR it helped me through some of the darkest parts of bereavement. By the way my deepest sympathies for your loss It really is awful. But you will get through this if you don't let it beat you! Keep working hard for your mum
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    Thanks for the replies. I do have a great set of friends who I can talk to really easily, so that isn't a problem. It's just university that I'm struggling with.

    I've written an email out, explaining why I haven't been in but I've not really said much as I don't know what to say.
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    Just say basically what you said in your first post. Be honest and explain your situation, say that you want to do well but things are getting on top of you (understandably) and you know you have the ability to do well, but you need time to sort yourself out. They will understand, in these circumstances they can hardly blame you for not being yourself at the moment.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I lost my mum last month
    :eek: Only a month ago?!?

    Obviously people deal with grief differently, but if that was me I'd be still lying on the couch feeling uber depressed!

    Basically what I am trying to say is don't rush yourself. Just explain to your uni and I'm sure they'll let you take more time off.

    :hugs: hope you feel better soon x
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    You do need to send that email to uni. They can't support you if they don't know you're struggling. Don't worry about dropping out last year. This is a completely different set of circumstances and will be dealt with separately I'm sure. Your first year marks don't usually count towards your degree classification so don't worry if your work suffers this year (if you do decide to go back). It's very early days but when you feel ready you might find being at uni is more conducive to work as there will be fewer associations with your mum.
    I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. I know it's hard to believe but one day you will be able to remember happy times with your mum rather than sad ones.
    Take care of yourself.
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    When I lost my mum (it wasin the first year of my A-levels) I found it better to try and carry on and get back to some sort of normality. It helped to distract me and I could pretend life was almost normal...If you don't want to go into too much detail with your uni then keep it vague and maybe you could speak to them face to face if that can be arranged? Feel free to PM me also. I know how hard it is especially this time of year...3 years yesterday. Hope I helped a little
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    I spoke to my course leader and she was lovely, saying she didn't want uni to become a problem for me as I have enough to worry about.

    Although I spoke to my personal tutor today and he said I need to catch up on four weeks worth of work and discuss my essays for this term I'm going to have a chat with him on Weds. I don't feel in the right mind whatsoever to do work yet. I can't concentrate and since going back to uni I've started to get panic attacks which weren't happening before Great!
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    Glad the course leader was helpful. Don't start stressing about the work yet. You haven't even spoken to your personal tutor properly yet. Of course you're still feeling delicate. Have you approached uni counselling for help? Also some short term medication might be in order to get you over the panic attacks. Well done on making it back to uni. Look after yourself now.
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    That is horrible you should definitely contact your advisor of studies or someone who deals with this sort of stuff at your uni. And talk to your dad or siblings about how you struggle. There is no way anyone can help you if you don't open up about it. You shouldn't feel guilty, not at all. *hug* Everything is gonna be alright in the end, trust me difficult things in life always seem to sort out somehow in the end, don't think of this as the end of the world, it'll be just okay
 
 
 
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