Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Long Distance Relationship - My Asian BF hates his new Uni in leeds.. watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Ive been in a long distance relationship for the last 4 years, and only used to see my bf about once a month when he used 2 drive up 2 see me.. hes now moved 2 leeds to be more near me and i get to see him every week.. but i know he hates it..

    hes living in halls and he doesn't really get on with the ppl there, well he gets on with them but he hasnt really made any GOOD friends who are always there etc...

    i know hes just here for me but every time i tell him to transfer Uni's he says no coz he dusnt wana be apart. i only get to see him a couple of times a week and the rest of the time when hes not got Uni hes alone n i feel so sorry for him n really selfish!

    hes joined societies etc but i dont know what he should do.. im a bit younger so havent started uni yet and will be startin in leeds this yr so we'll see each other a lot more if he stays next yr.. but still in the evenings etc hell be alone.. he just stays in his room coz theres no1 to chill wiv! hes in a flat of 4 n there keys to get into flats etc so u cant jus really wander around..

    another thing is that hes asian so he does feel most comfortable wiv asian mates as they hav more things in common etc and he just feels more comfortable.. any advice plz .. i feel realy bad for him..

    thnx!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Your boyfriend needs to sort out his own social life.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Tell him to go to the Dry Dock on Tuesday. He'll have friends by the end of the night. Simple!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    He needs to hunt for friends
    tell him to hold on only a good few months till you start uni.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Forget the relationship thing for just a moment, because at the end of the day, he needs to be happy. If he moves to a uni further away he can still see you, just not as often, which is what it was to begin with, and I'm sure you were both happy then, even if it is a pain sometimes.

    He needs to do one of two things really. The first is to sort out the social side of things. Societies might not be doing too much these first few weeks because of exams, but in general, don't they meet every week? All of mine do; I know that. Monday-Wednesday and Friday nights I do societies. Thursdays I have free, which I use for working. Surely your boyfriend could do something along the same lines? Go down to the socials, he'll meet loads of people (Asians and non-Asians - he'll have plenty in common with both to be fair) and it's a good laugh. If his door is locking or w.e., prop it open with a crate of beer with a sign which reads, "Free Beer" - I'm sure that could kick things off with his flatmates at least a little.

    The other option, but is more suggested if he's not really enjoying the course and the university together, is to switch universities. You'll get used to the long-distance again and it just makes it even better for when you do get chance to meet up.

    I'd suggest the first option though.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    People really shouldn't sacrifice their own happiness for a loved one like that.

    Major turn off.
    Offline

    1
    I really think you should break up with him because being with you is not giving him the chance to experience uni life properly i.e. he would transfer to somewhere he was happy if he didnt have you to restrict him.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Lover's Knot)
    I really think you should break up with him because being with you is not giving him the chance to experience uni life properly i.e. he would transfer to somewhere he was happy if he didnt have you to restrict him.
    Not this, OP.

    The OP isn't restricting him, he's doing the restricting - she's suggested he transfer unis, and he's made the choice not to so he's not apart from her.

    He has to sort out his social life by himself. Is there an option he could swap to a uni closer to Leeds than one he's considering swapping to? Is he very course-restricted? I do understand his situation, as I really disliked my first year at uni and made hardly any close friends I actually did things with - I was close to coursemates, but we all split off and went our separate ways, so I spend a lot of time by myself or with a handful of friends from halls, from other London unis, etc, so I wasn't isolated. I admit it was my fault in not being proactive. "joining a society" does not equal instant friends, he still needs to put work in. I joined a society, went a couple of times, then didn't go regularly - therefore, cutting myself off from potential friends there. He needs to either put more effort in at his own uni, or consider a transfer. However, a transfer may not help anything if he's not willing to help himself and throw himself into the social side of uni, as it may just happen again.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Theres so much to do in Leeds , I'm so jealous, I want to come home If he feels more comfortable around asian people theres loads of asian societies and they do allsorts of stuff.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ive been in a long distance relationship for the last 4 years, and only used to see my bf about once a month when he used 2 drive up 2 see me.. hes now moved 2 leeds to be more near me and i get to see him every week.. but i know he hates it..

    hes living in halls and he doesn't really get on with the ppl there, well he gets on with them but he hasnt really made any GOOD friends who are always there etc...

    i know hes just here for me but every time i tell him to transfer Uni's he says no coz he dusnt wana be apart. i only get to see him a couple of times a week and the rest of the time when hes not got Uni hes alone n i feel so sorry for him n really selfish!

    hes joined societies etc but i dont know what he should do.. im a bit younger so havent started uni yet and will be startin in leeds this yr so we'll see each other a lot more if he stays next yr.. but still in the evenings etc hell be alone.. he just stays in his room coz theres no1 to chill wiv! hes in a flat of 4 n there keys to get into flats etc so u cant jus really wander around..

    another thing is that hes asian so he does feel most comfortable wiv asian mates as they hav more things in common etc and he just feels more comfortable.. any advice plz .. i feel realy bad for him..

    thnx!

    Post in the English language unless in an area where it is acceptable to do otherwise (a language society thread or the languages academic help forum.) Outside these areas always provide a translation. No text speak.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    he need to be a man .and face the challenges rather than express them or act like in a complaining manner infront of her girl friend.hope that will help
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    another thing is that hes asian so he does feel most comfortable wiv asian mates

    if i put this about a white guy feeling more comfortable around white people, that person would be branded a horrible, devil worshiping racist.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    i think you both need to sit down and talk to one another him being unhappy is stopping you from being happy...use both are hurting...u need to decided what the best thing to do is as 4 years with someone is a long time to just throw away x
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by _xAnonymous)
    He needs to hunt for friends
    tell him to hold on only a good few months till you start uni.
    yeah thats what hes sayin hes gona do now.. guess we'll c what happens at the end of the yr, he cant transfer until then anyway but I dont want him 2 sacrifice another yr just for me! Love the jingle bless btw lmao!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Lover's Knot)
    I really think you should break up with him because being with you is not giving him the chance to experience uni life properly i.e. he would transfer to somewhere he was happy if he didnt have you to restrict him.
    I never told him to come.. he would do anything for me though and I would never leave him so thats not really an option..
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by DarkWhite)
    Forget the relationship thing for just a moment, because at the end of the day, he needs to be happy. If he moves to a uni further away he can still see you, just not as often, which is what it was to begin with, and I'm sure you were both happy then, even if it is a pain sometimes.

    He needs to do one of two things really. The first is to sort out the social side of things. Societies might not be doing too much these first few weeks because of exams, but in general, don't they meet every week? All of mine do; I know that. Monday-Wednesday and Friday nights I do societies. Thursdays I have free, which I use for working. Surely your boyfriend could do something along the same lines? Go down to the socials, he'll meet loads of people (Asians and non-Asians - he'll have plenty in common with both to be fair) and it's a good laugh. If his door is locking or w.e., prop it open with a crate of beer with a sign which reads, "Free Beer" - I'm sure that could kick things off with his flatmates at least a little.

    The other option, but is more suggested if he's not really enjoying the course and the university together, is to switch universities. You'll get used to the long-distance again and it just makes it even better for when you do get chance to meet up.

    I'd suggest the first option though.
    Good Advice thankyou :yes:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by punkyrocker)
    Not this, OP.

    The OP isn't restricting him, he's doing the restricting - she's suggested he transfer unis, and he's made the choice not to so he's not apart from her.

    He has to sort out his social life by himself. Is there an option he could swap to a uni closer to Leeds than one he's considering swapping to? Is he very course-restricted? I do understand his situation, as I really disliked my first year at uni and made hardly any close friends I actually did things with - I was close to coursemates, but we all split off and went our separate ways, so I spend a lot of time by myself or with a handful of friends from halls, from other London unis, etc, so I wasn't isolated. I admit it was my fault in not being proactive. "joining a society" does not equal instant friends, he still needs to put work in. I joined a society, went a couple of times, then didn't go regularly - therefore, cutting myself off from potential friends there. He needs to either put more effort in at his own uni, or consider a transfer. However, a transfer may not help anything if he's not willing to help himself and throw himself into the social side of uni, as it may just happen again.
    Thanks a lot for the advice.. he's met a guy who might be staying in Leeds witth him next year and they really get on! Thumbs Up
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yeah thats what hes sayin hes gona do now.. guess we'll c what happens at the end of the yr, he cant transfer until then anyway but I dont want him 2 sacrifice another yr just for me! Love the jingle bless btw lmao!
    thanks lol
    yeah just tell him to cope for the meanwhile and stay positive and socialise more during his free time instead of staying at uni, and if he really wants to transfer at the end of they year allow him to do so, if it makes him happy otherwise he'll just get stuck in a rut.. or if you bieng at uni with him will make it better than just leave it as that.
    and as for the asian thing im sure it aint a barrier you can get on with anyone if you try no matter how different you are .

    hope it works out
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 14, 2010
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.