I've decided not to let people win. There was a massive argument yesterday and I packed my bags and walked out of the house. During the peak of the argument I ran out, and started storming off down the street, but I knew I would have done something stupid in that frame of mind, so I checked myself and walked back. I knew I would not be coming back if I'd have carried on walking, and I know that I have a good future ahead of me that's what makes it all the more frustrating that I feel so worthless enough to take my life. I just want to realise that potential (not being arrogant) but if I did make my dreams come true as it were.....completing a degree, nothing to fantastical, finding someone that will love me and not mess me around like the last person did, and finding true friends that I can reach out to when i feel so rubbish instead of resorting to this, then I think I would not feel this way. I've been diagnosed with a health condition but I try and not let the label get me down. I've achieved a lot more than a lot of the people I know and a lot of my family members. I want to follow in a cerain family members footsteps who went to live a dream out of absolutely nothing. (may he rest in peace)
I know deep down that I want to live. If I never wanted to live I would have done something in 2006 when I had a massive nervous breakdown and ended up on a psychiatric ward. That was the lowest of the low for me. But people who have the temurity to tell me I'm a weak person need to know I'm stronger and bigger than that. I want to prove that to others, alhough I shouldn't have to to my family members. Half the people I know who have the sort of childhood I endured (domestic abuse, bullying at school, and then the above problems in thei adolescence, half those people are dependent on drugs or alcohol to numb the pain of their life. And I just have simple hope propelling me through. Something inside is stronger than what people make me out to be. Just because I get so low where I think I can't take it anymore doesn''t mean I would do anything about it, becaus once you do something like that there is no turning back.
The people who think they're comedians with their stupid one liners- you just make me stronger and stronger with your abuse, so keep it coming cos I'll only rise above it. It makes me a better person than you'll ever be. Just remember that if someone did kill themselves because you forced them over the edge with your cyber bullying, it'd be blood on your hands. And prisons aren't nice places. Because you think you can bully people on the Internet doesn't mean you could do it in real life-there's always someone bigger and better out there than you.