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Is what I did unforgiveable?

After ten months of being together, me and my boyfriend had a huge row last October over something silly in which I dumped him. That night I went out with my friends, got really drunk and ended up pulling someone.

The next day he called me and we got back together, and I told him straight away that I had pulled someone the night before. He went crazy but we eventually sorted it out and moved on.

However, since then, if I ever want to go out without him, he gets really, really moody with me and brings up what happened in October, saying the thought of me going out just "reminds him" of what happened back then. It's four months later and everytime I want to go out, it becomes an issue.

Today he actually said on the phone that he doesn't know if he can ever forgive me for it, and that it's all my fault for ruining what we had. Is what I did really that terrible when we had broken up?! I want so much to be with him but how can I convince him that it will work?

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Reply 1
Avatar for cpj1987
cpj1987
15
Personally, I would find it hard to forgive considering the fact that you only broke up for 24 hours (or less).

If I were in the situation that he is in, I would've wanted to be told BEFORE I got back together with someone, so that I could decide against the whole thing and move on.
its not so bad in the sense that you were split with him but the way hes seeing it is he clearly didnt/doesnt mean that much to you if you could go out an pull the day after breaking up with him oh no correction you pulled the DAY you broke up with him WOW

yes hes within his right to be pissed, he clearly means **** all to you :-|
In all fairness, you pulled somebody literally hours after breaking up with your boyfriend; hardly shouts, "I care about you loads and our relationship is important".

A man's greatest fear is infidelity. This is his call to make, not yours. You've apologised and that's all you can do.
Reply 4
Avatar for S_123
S_123
14
Do you watch Friends? Remember Ross and Rachel? It's like them. I think you need to speak with your boyfriend and make it clear that you were on a break.
Reply 5
Avatar for Zottula
Zottula
16
You were single at the time, very upset at the time. I can understand why he was upset, but he should forgive you as you didn't actually cheat on him as you weren't together at this point.
Reply 6
Avatar for VeryLost
VeryLost
Relevent to topic:



Ross's expression is priceless. :awesome:

IMO make him understand that it won't happen again, in addition you were probably a little sad/depressed when it happened thus cannot be fully blamed, also you were clearly on a break.
To be honest - you told him outright, very quickly, what you'd done. He then had the choice to still take you back or not. This really annoys me - if you decide to stay with someone who has 'cheated' (I'm not sure if that's what your situation is, OP, but for lack of a better word), then you are promising to forgive and forget what they did, and move onwards. Otherwise, you should break up - it's not fair him constantly bringing it back up and throwing it in your face at every opportunity that vaguely resembles the time you pulled someone else, i.e. when you want to go out.

I understand why he might be wary, but he has to trust you or your relationship isn't healthy. Just give him a choice. Say what I've said above - in still taking you back, he agreed to let it drop, and it's unfair of him to keep making you feel bad about it.
well you did get with someone a few hours after you broke up which would give him the impression that you don't care much for him. yes you had broken up and technically you didn't do anything wrong but if he had done that how would you be feeling? probably the same as he is now

it might take some time for him to get over it however if it carries on the relationship will end soon
I really don't see the problem, you were a free agent and you rebounded onto someone which to be fair is what a lot of people do when they're broken up. You also told him the truth. He should get over it.
punkyrocker
To be honest - you told him outright, very quickly, what you'd done. He then had the choice to still take you back or not. This really annoys me - if you decide to stay with someone who has 'cheated' (I'm not sure if that's what your situation is, OP, but for lack of a better word), then you are promising to forgive and forget what they did, and move onwards. Otherwise, you should break up - it's not fair him constantly bringing it back up and throwing it in your face at every opportunity that vaguely resembles the time you pulled someone else, i.e. when you want to go out.

I understand why he might be wary, but he has to trust you or your relationship isn't healthy. Just give him a choice. Say what I've said above - in still taking you back, he agreed to let it drop, and it's unfair of him to keep making you feel bad about it.


Agreed!

I hate how everyone is saying just tell him you were on a break and it didn't count. Yes, it might not have ''counted'' as cheating, but her boyfriend is obviously still cut up about it, so saying that he has no reason to be such a bitch about it and that he should get over it because they weren't together is blunt and uncaring.
Reply 11
Avatar for kamc
kamc
15
punkyrocker
To be honest - you told him outright, very quickly, what you'd done. He then had the choice to still take you back or not. This really annoys me - if you decide to stay with someone who has 'cheated' (I'm not sure if that's what your situation is, OP, but for lack of a better word), then you are promising to forgive and forget what they did, and move onwards. Otherwise, you should break up - it's not fair him constantly bringing it back up and throwing it in your face at every opportunity that vaguely resembles the time you pulled someone else, i.e. when you want to go out.

I understand why he might be wary, but he has to trust you or your relationship isn't healthy. Just give him a choice. Say what I've said above - in still taking you back, he agreed to let it drop, and it's unfair of him to keep making you feel bad about it.


I agree with this. You told him what you did and he chose to forgive you and give your relationship another chance, he has no right to bring it up again. Follow the advice above.
punkyrocker
To be honest - you told him outright, very quickly, what you'd done. He then had the choice to still take you back or not. This really annoys me - if you decide to stay with someone who has 'cheated' (I'm not sure if that's what your situation is, OP, but for lack of a better word), then you are promising to forgive and forget what they did, and move onwards. Otherwise, you should break up - it's not fair him constantly bringing it back up and throwing it in your face at every opportunity that vaguely resembles the time you pulled someone else, i.e. when you want to go out.

I understand why he might be wary, but he has to trust you or your relationship isn't healthy. Just give him a choice. Say what I've said above - in still taking you back, he agreed to let it drop, and it's unfair of him to keep making you feel bad about it.



Well said :smile: he was fully aware of what you did, and it's understandable he was upset at first, but at the end of the day he agreed to give it another go, and it's not right that he thinks he can control you by basically emotionally blackmailing you every time you want to enjoy yourself!
He sounds like a **** that's stuck in the past; your relationship won't progress forward if he continuously regurgitates negative things from last year. You'd be better off getting rid.
Well technically you did dump him so you wern't actually together in a relationship during the time you hooked up with some other guy. You're not really in the wrong, what does it matter if it happens on the same night or if it were to happen 2 months after the break up? It's the same principle, just because the break up was brief doesn't mean it can be almost taken as cheating.

You were single and it wasn't cheating so it is forgiveable, if it's even anything to forgive. Tell your boyfriend he should know his role, and shut his mouth :cool:
Reply 15
Avatar for Moa
Moa
13
The way you pulled someone straight after this row, seems to him like you were waiting for first occasion to **** some other guy. He most probably thought about you and what happened all night while you were shagging some other guy.
The situation does need some kind of resolution. I can understand his feelings about it - but they alone can not justify his reaction. Maybe for the two of you to work as a couple, you need some kind of fresh start? Or maybe you need to turn back the hand of the clock?
Anonymous
After ten months of being together, me and my boyfriend had a huge row last October over something silly in which I dumped him. That night I went out with my friends, got really drunk and ended up pulling someone.

The next day he called me and we got back together, and I told him straight away that I had pulled someone the night before. He went crazy but we eventually sorted it out and moved on.

However, since then, if I ever want to go out without him, he gets really, really moody with me and brings up what happened in October, saying the thought of me going out just "reminds him" of what happened back then. It's four months later and everytime I want to go out, it becomes an issue.

Today he actually said on the phone that he doesn't know if he can ever forgive me for it, and that it's all my fault for ruining what we had. Is what I did really that terrible when we had broken up?! I want so much to be with him but how can I convince him that it will work?

My boyfriend did to me what you did to yours (only without the breaking up). You can't convince him it will work if he can't/doesn't want to forgive you. If you want to keep trying be prepared for whatever you get from him. Obviously he will be worried when you want to go out because he cant trust you anymore. Basically, if you stick there with him and regain his trust it might work. With me and my bf its been years since he cheated, and i still get angry at him for it and suspicious of his actions, even though i don't tell him because i don't want to bring it all back up. Prove yourself trustworthy and stick by him if its what you both want, but be prapred it might take a long time.
Reply 18
Avatar for Iapetus
Iapetus
9
Anonymous
After ten months of being together, me and my boyfriend had a huge row last October over something silly in which I dumped him. That night I went out with my friends, got really drunk and ended up pulling someone.

The next day he called me and we got back together, and I told him straight away that I had pulled someone the night before. He went crazy but we eventually sorted it out and moved on.

However, since then, if I ever want to go out without him, he gets really, really moody with me and brings up what happened in October, saying the thought of me going out just "reminds him" of what happened back then. It's four months later and everytime I want to go out, it becomes an issue.

Today he actually said on the phone that he doesn't know if he can ever forgive me for it, and that it's all my fault for ruining what we had. Is what I did really that terrible when we had broken up?! I want so much to be with him but how can I convince him that it will work?

Wait. I don't think you were clear. You got back together and THEN told him? I think this is crucial.

If so: Firstly, woahhhh you have some nerve. It's entirely down to him. You shouldn't be complaining at all.
If not: I completely agree with punkyrocker's post.
An episode of friends comes to mind WE WERE ON A BREAK!

To be honest yes its very hurtful what you did but you had dumped him so technically no cheating, but still very hurtful to think you could just do it like that.

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