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I am a pedophile
I'm a 20 year old guy, first year at uni, and live a normal life. For years, I've fantasized over children as young as 5. I've not really thought to much into this in the past, and passed it off as a phase that i might grow out of, and otherwise ignored it. Its not like i spend my life wondering around thinking about it, but its something that comes into my head if I'm masturbating. I can, and do masturbate over girls my age, but its never as intense.
Recently, this whole thing is really ******* with my head. I've been feeling depressed for quite a while, and can't see the point in a life as a sick disgusting freak. Its so morally wrong, and truly revolting, yet I can't help the way if feel. The guilt is starting to make me think of suicidal thoughts.
I spent a bit of time researching on the internet, and a lot of people akin it to being gay - something your born with, and can't help. The way my minds been 'programmed,' and something that can't be changed. I'm not comparing it to being gay in any moral or other way, but as a sexual preference that your born with.
I know the best thing to do would be to go to a doctor or psychiatrist, but the thought of having to physically say it out loud, and the way the psychiatrist would think of me (even without making it obvious) is to much. I also don't want this to be stored on some record that will label me as a freak and mental health patient for the rest of my life. Pedophilia is classified as a mental health disorder, and the thought makes me even more revolted in myself.
I have never acted on my urges, as strong as they may be, but i can't help my eyes and mind wondering at times. I'd kill myself before I would act on them. I have looked up child porn before, and although it feels amazing when looking at it and ******* over it, it leaves me feeling so completely disgusted and guilty. I haven't in the last year and a half or so.
I just needed to get this out of my head. I've never really thought about it compared to how people are supposed to think, and just accepted it as something that didn't matter. It obviously it does...
I did have a girlfriend for a year and a half, and had the most amazing relationship with her. We lived together for over a year. I never thought of anything other than her when sleeping with her. I am still sexually attracted to women, and do (as I said) masturbate over normal porn. But its constantly there, the knowledge that thinking about young girls will feel better, and make me *** quicker.
I know how much this will revolt, shock and disgust most of you. I just need to get it out of my head more than anything else... What do you think I should do about it? I want to live a normal life, and have a family and everything else. I just don't want this eating away at me inside for ever.
Thank you for reading this, sharing has helped me already, even if you hate me..
--
ps Have set up this account specifically. Sorry mods, but kinda want to hide this from you to... Also, pm with anything you want to say, that you don't want public. Good or bad.
Recently, this whole thing is really ******* with my head. I've been feeling depressed for quite a while, and can't see the point in a life as a sick disgusting freak. Its so morally wrong, and truly revolting, yet I can't help the way if feel. The guilt is starting to make me think of suicidal thoughts.
I spent a bit of time researching on the internet, and a lot of people akin it to being gay - something your born with, and can't help. The way my minds been 'programmed,' and something that can't be changed. I'm not comparing it to being gay in any moral or other way, but as a sexual preference that your born with.
I know the best thing to do would be to go to a doctor or psychiatrist, but the thought of having to physically say it out loud, and the way the psychiatrist would think of me (even without making it obvious) is to much. I also don't want this to be stored on some record that will label me as a freak and mental health patient for the rest of my life. Pedophilia is classified as a mental health disorder, and the thought makes me even more revolted in myself.
I have never acted on my urges, as strong as they may be, but i can't help my eyes and mind wondering at times. I'd kill myself before I would act on them. I have looked up child porn before, and although it feels amazing when looking at it and ******* over it, it leaves me feeling so completely disgusted and guilty. I haven't in the last year and a half or so.
I just needed to get this out of my head. I've never really thought about it compared to how people are supposed to think, and just accepted it as something that didn't matter. It obviously it does...
I did have a girlfriend for a year and a half, and had the most amazing relationship with her. We lived together for over a year. I never thought of anything other than her when sleeping with her. I am still sexually attracted to women, and do (as I said) masturbate over normal porn. But its constantly there, the knowledge that thinking about young girls will feel better, and make me *** quicker.
I know how much this will revolt, shock and disgust most of you. I just need to get it out of my head more than anything else... What do you think I should do about it? I want to live a normal life, and have a family and everything else. I just don't want this eating away at me inside for ever.
Thank you for reading this, sharing has helped me already, even if you hate me..
--
ps Have set up this account specifically. Sorry mods, but kinda want to hide this from you to... Also, pm with anything you want to say, that you don't want public. Good or bad.
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
Have spoken to many doctors, specifically paediatricians who first approached paedophiles with an open mind and then soon learned there was something a lot more sinister to paedophilia. As long as you don't approach children though or appear threatening you should be fine.
On another note... inb4troll
On another note... inb4troll
Reply 2
12
Regardless, you need to seek help.
Reply 3
Maybe hypnosis will help?
Reply 4
gingergooner
Have spoken to many doctors, specifically paediatricians who first approached paedophiles with an open mind and then soon learned there was something a lot more sinister to paedophilia. As long as you don't approach children though or appear threatening you should be fine.
On another note... inb4troll
On another note... inb4troll
Maybe the sinister side is the result of the way a pedophile would need to act to get what they desire? I don't think i'm sinister, or theres anything else particularly wrong with me... other than the depression and self loathing. But i think its fairly obvious where that comes from
Reply 5
tig ol bitties
you're sick and need to be shot.
for something that i'm born with, and have had no choice over?
Was waiting for this one, and i don't blame you for thinking this. It's not really a fair punishment though? killing someone for something they haven't chosen?
Reply 6
ParadigmShift
Troll.
Troll.
no.
Unfortunately.
Reply 7
Just for this thread
Maybe the sinister side is the result of the way a pedophile would need to act to get what they desire? I don't think i'm sinister, or theres anything else particularly wrong with me... other than the depression and self loathing. But i think its fairly obvious where that comes from
Well they spoke of most examples of them being quite psychotic and sadistic, and having serious controlling issues. Basically in order to try for a sexual relationship with someone who can never be interested nor can they gain anything from such an encounter one would have to have symptoms of mental illness. If I were you I'd seek professional help. Carefully. Obviously though, the only paedophiles that doctors know about are the ones who have acted upon their desires. You clearly haven't.
Reply 8
14
I really don't think TSR is your answer, as I'm guessing there is not a single user that will be able to empathise.
And by looking at the previous posts, it looks like I'm right.
And by looking at the previous posts, it looks like I'm right.
Reply 9
Urgh what is the point in everyone shouting TROLL?
Who cares if this guy is a troll or not? This makes for an interesting thread regardless, even if this particular guy isn't actually real, someone in this actual situation could find this and read this and find it useful.
It's not even witty. It's just boring and clogs the thread up.
Who cares if this guy is a troll or not? This makes for an interesting thread regardless, even if this particular guy isn't actually real, someone in this actual situation could find this and read this and find it useful.
It's not even witty. It's just boring and clogs the thread up.
Reply 10
Just for this thread
for something that i'm born with, and have had no choice over?
Was waiting for this one, and i don't blame you for thinking this. It's not really a fair punishment though? killing someone for something they haven't chosen?
Was waiting for this one, and i don't blame you for thinking this. It's not really a fair punishment though? killing someone for something they haven't chosen?
A murderer may have genetics that make him insane and then he kills. It is not a valid excuse.
You have already admitted to possession of child porn. It's only a matter of time before you commit physical abuse on children.
Reply 11
Just for this thread
for something that i'm born with, and have had no choice over?
Was waiting for this one, and i don't blame you for thinking this. It's not really a fair punishment though? killing someone for something they haven't chosen?
Was waiting for this one, and i don't blame you for thinking this. It's not really a fair punishment though? killing someone for something they haven't chosen?
i blame hannibal lecter, KMFDM and Fritzl
Reply 12
I don't know what to suggest really.
If you stopped having these thoughts when you had a girlfriend, try and get another one. If it turns into a long term relationship then you may stop having them over time.
As much as people hate anything to do with paedophiles (Spelling?), it is true that some people are born like that, just like some are born gay, some are born straight, etc... But you can't expect anything other than insults and people telling you to kill yourself on the internet.
Of course I can see how you would be too embarrased to say anything to a doctor or anyone about it.
In the end, if you really want to change who you are, you just need to have some self control. Every time you start to have a thought you don't want, get up, walk around, do anything to get it out of your head. Maybe eventually they'll stop.
I'm hardly a trained professional though.
Maybe you could try a website for mental health issues or something, or a phoneline so you don't have to do it face-to-face. Don't know really.
If you stopped having these thoughts when you had a girlfriend, try and get another one. If it turns into a long term relationship then you may stop having them over time.
As much as people hate anything to do with paedophiles (Spelling?), it is true that some people are born like that, just like some are born gay, some are born straight, etc... But you can't expect anything other than insults and people telling you to kill yourself on the internet.
Of course I can see how you would be too embarrased to say anything to a doctor or anyone about it.
In the end, if you really want to change who you are, you just need to have some self control. Every time you start to have a thought you don't want, get up, walk around, do anything to get it out of your head. Maybe eventually they'll stop.
I'm hardly a trained professional though.
Maybe you could try a website for mental health issues or something, or a phoneline so you don't have to do it face-to-face. Don't know really.
Reply 13
gingergooner
Well they spoke of most examples of them being quite psychotic and sadistic, and having serious controlling issues. Basically in order to try for a sexual relationship with someone who can never be interested nor can they gain anything from such an encounter one would have to have symptoms of mental illness. If I were you I'd seek professional help. Carefully. Obviously though, the only paedophiles that doctors know about are the ones who have acted upon their desires. You clearly haven't.
I think profesional help would be the best thing. But in the end of the day, you can't change someone from being gay. I desperately hope that being a peadophile is different, and maybe I can be 'cured.'
Reply 14
i honestly think the best thing you can do is to go and talk to someone about it.
it is so important that you dont act on it but you seem to know that
and dont take your own life.
(well if you do act on it then do but just don't!!!)
if you talk to someone about it, no matter how hard it may be to say it or confess to it it can only help!
it is so important that you dont act on it but you seem to know that
and dont take your own life.
(well if you do act on it then do but just don't!!!)
if you talk to someone about it, no matter how hard it may be to say it or confess to it it can only help!
Reply 15
I think what is important here is that your heart is in the right place.
You should seriously consider seeking professional help. If you have a mental disorder it maybe horrible but you should try not to run from it. They maybe able to help you. You don't know until you talk to them.
Psychologists tend to separate the condition from the person. In other words, it is not your fault, they won't pin any blame on you, it isn't something you can help.
Don't suffer with the condition on your own. Seriously, seek professional help.
Goodluck
You should seriously consider seeking professional help. If you have a mental disorder it maybe horrible but you should try not to run from it. They maybe able to help you. You don't know until you talk to them.
Psychologists tend to separate the condition from the person. In other words, it is not your fault, they won't pin any blame on you, it isn't something you can help.
Don't suffer with the condition on your own. Seriously, seek professional help.
Goodluck
Reply 16
Dairy Milky Chocolate
A murderer may have genetics that make him insane and then he kills. It is not a valid excuse.
You have already admitted to possession of child porn. It's only a matter of time before you commit physical abuse on children.
You have already admitted to possession of child porn. It's only a matter of time before you commit physical abuse on children.
The genetic make that makes him more likely to kill. Are you suggesting that peoples genetics should be analyzed at birth, and those with a make up that makes them likely to kill, or be a peadophile should be discarded then and there?
and i don't have possession of child porn, and have never downloaded or bought any.
Reply 17
Just for this thread
I think profesional help would be the best thing. But in the end of the day, you can't change someone from being gay. I desperately hope that being a peadophile is different, and maybe I can be 'cured.'
I'm not talking about cure, I'm talking about self control and focusing on something adult, male or female, whatever that you find attractive as well, and then hopefully you'll move on.
But if I was to give my honest opinion... I don't think its the same as being gay. Obviously I don't know, but I seriously doubt evolution has allowed for that, I'm convinced being gay is just a natural way that someone has obtained attractions that were originally confined to the opposite sex, but in the beginning, noone fancied children to be fair.
Reply 18
17
Just for this thread
I have never acted on my urges, as strong as they may be, but i can't help my eyes and mind wondering at times. I'd kill myself before I would act on them. I have looked up child porn before, and although it feels amazing when looking at it and ******* over it, it leaves me feeling so completely disgusted and guilty. I haven't in the last year and a half or so.
I genuinely feel sorry for you mate. You cannot help the way you are, just like a gay person cannot help being gay as a mental sexual-orientation; you must never let your urges allow you to commit such acts as that is truly terrible.
Looking at child porn is acting on your urges I'm afraid. Those children are there in those pictures because they've been abused, and you are partly responsible by funding the industry by paying for it, or at least helping the evil site by viewing it and seeing the ads etc. That is something to feel guilty about.
Seek mental help bud, you'll be better off for it in the long-run.
Oh, and real mature TSR.
When somebody makes an seemingly anti-gay comment you all jump on him but when somebody else comments about a sexual orientation he cannot help, some of you tell him to commit suicide. Double-standards much?Reply 19
Dairy Milky Chocolate
THERE IS NO SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE THAT SUGGESTS IT IS A FACT THAT PEOPLE ARE BORN AS PAEDOPHILES OR HOMOSEXUALS
when will people get this?! the scientific consensus is that this is learnt behaviour.
when will people get this?! the scientific consensus is that this is learnt behaviour.
so i chose it?
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