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22 y/o female with 51 y/o male....(Sugardaddie) watch

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    .....OK, Im not saying this is me, And people are no doubt going to say- this is so about the OP and not her friend as she is saying...but this is genuinely a situation my friend has, she has asked me for advice and I dont know what to say.

    Basically she's studying at uni- at Oxford, shes doing law. Her parents have just gone bankrupt, their house has been repossessed, and she has no money at all, neither do her parents anymore. SO, shes now faced with either drop out of uni and get a job, OR try and get a job alongside uni.

    OR....have this sugardaddie/sugarbabe type relationship. With a guy who is 51( and to be honest, he is looking good for 51- but STILL he is 51). If she does this, she wont have to worry about her money.

    She asked me what she should do? Well, I know that to have a job and do law at Oxford is hard...but, if she goes with him, its more or less prostitution ...right?

    What should she do ? :confused: Shes ringing me later to discuss it, and i really dont know what to advise. Because I could sit on my high horse and say no thats immoral, but in her situation....i can honestly i dont know which id chose.
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    why cant she get student loans/grants like everybody else?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    .....OK, Im not saying this is me, And people are no doubt going to say- this is so about the OP and not her friend as she is saying...but this is genuinely a situation my friend has, she has asked me for advice and I dont know what to say.

    Basically she's studying at uni- at Oxford, shes doing law. Her parents have just gone bankrupt, their house has been repossessed, and she has no money at all, neither do her parents anymore. SO, shes now faced with either drop out of uni and get a job, OR try and get a job alongside uni.

    OR....have this sugardaddie/sugarbabe type relationship. With a guy who is 51( and to be honest, he is looking good for 51- but STILL he is 51). If she does this, she wont have to worry about her money.

    She asked me what she should do? Well, I know that to have a job and do law at Oxford is hard...but, if she goes with him, its more or less prostitution ...right?

    What should she do ? :confused: Shes ringing me later to discuss it, and i really dont know what to advise. Because I could sit on my high horse and say no thats immoral, but in her situation....i can honestly i dont know which id chose.
    If she has any qualms about it don't do it. If she's fine with it do it.
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    has she asked her university for advice?
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    If she's that out of pocket has she not heard of the hardship fund?
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    Mmmm, this is what I have said. I dont really know the ins and outs of her financial situation. I think the head and tail of it, is that she doesnt want to have to scrape by- her parents have always been VERY well off, and she would think nothing of getting a £1,000 handbag.

    I guess some people would consider that ridiculous and her spoilt....and I did, but....if you think about it, if that is all she has ever had can you blame her? I mean if you never have had money you dont miss it when its not there, because its usual. But if you go from having THE lifestyle to having nothing- id imagine thats harder?

    Im not making excuses for her, but I just dont like to be too judgemental....but you know, she said to me "Well, I want a certain type of lifestyle, Im only using what my mother and father gave me :p:"....thing is, for me it isnt quite that simple.

    I just wanted to see if I was being...i dunno, too uptight in the advise i was giving her.
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    I think you should advise her against it. Ultimately, it will give her more appreciation of money and it's value.
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    This sound like some ****** sitcom scenario but if she is that attached to money and luxury she probably could do with losing it all. If she's willing to use her body to go out with someone just for their wads of cash it sounds like she is scared of change. Tell her not to do it. She'll learn to cope.
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    (Original post by mikeyd85)
    I think you should advise her against it. Ultimately, it will give her more appreciation of money and it's value.


    mmm I see your point. Thing is, I couldnt say she doesnt appreciate the value of money. She is completely appreciative that you know, some people have to struggle by a lot more than she has...and is genuinely grateful for not having to go through that. Its like its nothing to her if she buys something expensive...whereas, if we did it...if at all, it would be a rarity, whereas for its commonplace.

    So what Im saying is, though she has a lot more than most people, or has had rather...i couldnt say she didnt appreciate the value of things.

    I put that to her, And she said to me..you know, I know its important to appreciate these things, and I do- I do the best i can and know how. But I have a choice here, whether i want to scrimp and save by, or whether i want to have a better lifestyle- ok its at a price, but im just trying to weigh up the pros and cons"

    So I didnt really know how to answer that, because diff people have diff morals, and for me maybe thats immoral, but for her maybe its not :confused: I especially wouldnt push my religious opinions onto her with regards to morality...thats why im asking here i guess. I just dont want her to make a decision she regrets, whether thats regretting going with him, or not regretting going with him.
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    She ought to look at grants, loans, hardship funds. She needs to adjust and accept the new reality.

    There is no guarantee that this older man will always be there for her. And this situation may become messy and haunt her when she is older.

    She may as others have said use this time to learn the value of money, this is part of the challenges that life throws at us. How we face them builds character. The easy way out may turn out to be more harmful.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just dont want her to make a decision she regrets, whether thats regretting going with him, or not regretting going with him.
    Ah, but that's one of the great things in life, looking at a decision and not knowing what the outcome will be.

    I'd let her decide for her self. Just let her know you'll be there to support her if things don't work out no matter which direction she chose.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    mmm I see your point. Thing is, I couldnt say she doesnt appreciate the value of money. She is completely appreciative that you know, some people have to struggle by a lot more than she has...and is genuinely grateful for not having to go through that. Its like its nothing to her if she buys something expensive...whereas, if we did it...if at all, it would be a rarity, whereas for its commonplace.

    So what Im saying is, though she has a lot more than most people, or has had rather...i couldnt say she didnt appreciate the value of things.

    I put that to her, And she said to me..you know, I know its important to appreciate these things, and I do- I do the best i can and know how. But I have a choice here, whether i want to scrimp and save by, or whether i want to have a better lifestyle- ok its at a price, but im just trying to weigh up the pros and cons"

    So I didnt really know how to answer that, because diff people have diff morals, and for me maybe thats immoral, but for her maybe its not :confused: I especially wouldnt push my religious opinions onto her with regards to morality...thats why im asking here i guess. I just dont want her to make a decision she regrets, whether thats regretting going with him, or not regretting going with him.
    If she was truly appreciative she'd take this opportunity to actually work for her money rather than relying on her parents. Of course it's a shock having been used to her lifestyle but she doesn't need to drop out of uni and get a job. She can however:

    sell some of her nice things for cash
    get a part time job
    get grants/loans/bursaries/hardship fund
    take the sugar daddy option

    This is a great opportunity for her to think on her feet and she whether she is truly capable of living in someone else's shoes. Which doesn't mean to say she can't take the sugar daddy option.
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    Uuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggghhhhhhhhh hhhh
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    Did they repossess her brain as well? Why can't she make her own decision? So she has ultimately put you in charge of her future.
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    (Original post by romeos*****)
    If she was truly appreciative she'd take this opportunity to actually work for her money rather than relying on her parents. Of course it's a shock having been used to her lifestyle but she doesn't need to drop out of uni and get a job. She can however:

    sell some of her nice things for cash
    get a part time job
    get grants/loans/bursaries/hardship fund
    take the sugar daddy option

    This is a great opportunity for her to think on her feet and she whether she is truly capable of living in someone else's shoes. Which doesn't mean to say she can't take the sugar daddy option.

    She sold a LOT of her stuff to pay off her parents debts (her parents sold a lot of stuff too) I believe, her father has a big gambling problem...but anyway....yeh i guess you are right.
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    (Original post by WhatIsAUsername?)
    Did they repossess her brain as well? Why can't she make her own decision? So she has ultimately put you in charge of her future.

    No, but everyone needs some advice from time to time. Especially when in a situation that's new, confusing and not nice in comparison to how things were before.

    Whether I agree with what she is or isn't going to do. We are true friends, and are always there for one another.
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    Loan, hardship grant. I don't understand why she'd need to consider this 'Sugar Daddy' relationship unless she genuinely wants to be with him.

    Has she not even looked for the hardship funds? She needs to talk with the university's finance office, not go after a 51 year old man for money.
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    I was just watching Casino, is she like Sharon Stone's character? Tell her to get the grants and loans, like everyone else.
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    Thats the problem (Im on the phone to her now) she says that whilst a certain type of life is "satisfactory for everyone else" it isnt for her- she doesnt want to be "everyone else"...

    ....argh that annoyed me a bit, what do i say??? :confused:
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    if she's at Oxford then she can't work during term time. she's not allowed, right?
    i'd say hardshiop fund and other relatives' money? and work damn hard during the holidays?
    sell a story to mags- they pay around £400+ per story printed
 
 
 
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