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Girls: Prenuptial agreement for marriage? watch

    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by Smack)
    I never implied them all. In fact, I specifically devised a fool proof - or so I though - plan that would avoid people misrepresenting what I meant by explicitly stating, in basic English words, that I am not referring to every woman with my post.

    Alas, my plan failed.
    I didn't read your later posts when I decided to rant at you.

    Feeling a little sorry for you now.

    Just (please) re-evaluate some of your stereotypes.
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    (Original post by Muffinz)
    Can you?
    You don't seem to understand what is sexist and what isn't. Saying "some women just want money from a relationship" isn't sexist. It's the truth. I'm not saying it's commonplace or anything, but it is true.
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    I would totally force her to sign one. My thinking is like this. If we are in love it shouldn't matter anyway cause we will stay together. And if we did fall out, I should hope we don't though seeing as how selective I am, why the **** should she get my hard earned pounds?!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I didn't read your later posts when I decided to rant at you.

    Feeling a little sorry for you now.

    Just (please) re-evaluate some of your stereotypes.
    What stereotypes? Can you not read either?
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    (Original post by VampireKnight)
    I couldn't marry someone who asked for a prenup... Not becasue I care about money. But quite frankly anyone who is even thinking about getting divored BEFORE marriage seems wrong to me .
    Divorces happen to couples who think they're going to stay married forever - nobody marries thinking they'll get divorced. It's best to be realistic, and acknowledge that you MIGHT get divorced, even if the chance is minimal. I therefore can't see any valid reason for refusing to sign a prenup really; it just gives the impression you're quite happy to screw over your partner (or have him screw you over) should you get divorced.
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    You're geting (married) a piece of paper making everything material belong to both of you. Not before you get (pre-nup) another piece of paper making sure... the marriage doesn't really happen.

    :indiff:
    • #1
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    (Original post by Smack)
    How the **** does it undermine trust? Would you refuse to wear a seatbelt in someone's car because it undermines the trust you should have in them not to crash into a tree?
    I don't think anyone sees a divorce coming. That's fair enough.

    But a prenuptial agreement is essentially defence against someone's character. It's saying "I need you to sign this, because I don't trust you not to be a mega ***** at some point in the future"

    I'm not a mega *****. If I get married, if I get divorced - I have no intention of being unfair.

    If firstly, the person who wants me to be with them forever doesn't think of me well enough to consider that I would be a mega ***** just cause we split up, then goes on to tell me "we can't get married because I don't trust your word.. it has to be written down"..

    Of course that undermines trust.

    It is not comparable to a car crash - because
    a) a car crash does not have to be the driver's fault
    b) even if you think they're **** at driving this doesn't reflect on their character
    c) Wearing seatbelt doesn't have emotional implications

    If other people want to sign prenuptial agreements - I don't have a problem with it.
    But I would be hurt, and it would probably make me question the premise of the marriage.

    If that means being screwed over come divorce time, at least I can say I -didn't see it coming, and was stupid enough to go through with it anyway-.
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    Yes. Except there must be a provision in the case of children. Not sure if that is covered in a prenuptial agreement, but it probably is.
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    i'd be hurt, and probably have second thoughts about who i was marrying. but i can see why they're needed!
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    (Original post by Jonty99)
    Divorces happen to couples who think they're going to stay married forever - nobody marries thinking they'll get divorced. It's best to be realistic, and acknowledge that you MIGHT get divorced, even if the chance is minimal. I therefore can't see any valid reason for refusing to sign a prenup really; it just gives the impression you're quite happy to screw over your partner (or have him screw you over) should you get divorced.
    I've know many couples that have stayed together throughout their lives. And my refusing to sign a prenup does not mean I want to screw anyone over. In my opinion a marriage should be built on trust. Whether you happen to end up getting divorced or not. So surely you trust the person to not screw you over in the long run... I know faaaar too many people these days do, but there are also people who are honest and not self interested.
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    no i wouldnt accept i would tell him to **** off, i would have no interest in taking half of his anything i would only want the things i was entitled to IE things i bought/things that were mine
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think anyone sees a divorce coming. That's fair enough.

    But a prenuptial agreement is essentially defence against someone's character. It's saying "I need you to sign this, because I don't trust you not to be a mega ***** at some point in the future"

    I'm not a mega *****. If I get married, if I get divorced - I have no intention of being unfair.

    If firstly, the person who wants me to be with them forever doesn't think of me well enough to consider that I would be a mega ***** just cause we split up, then goes on to tell me "we can't get married because I don't trust your word.. it has to be written down"..

    Of course that undermines trust.

    It is not comparable to a car crash - because
    a) a car crash does not have to be the driver's fault
    b) even if you think they're **** at driving this doesn't reflect on their character
    c) Wearing seatbelt doesn't have emotional implications

    If other people want to sign prenuptial agreements - I don't have a problem with it.
    But I would be hurt, and it would probably make me question the premise of the marriage.

    If that means being screwed over come divorce time, at least I can say I -didn't see it coming, and was stupid enough to go through with it anyway-.
    Pre-nups are a defence against someone's character in the same way that seatbelts are a defence against someone's bad driving. Your attacks against my analogy are all rubbish and thus don't stand. You strap up in a seatbelt when in a car in case something bad that you didn't plan to happen comes up; just like I will be signing a pre-nup when I get married in order to protect myself in case something unforeseen comes up. No one can argue that those who refuse to sign it are not planning to gain if the **** hits the fan.
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    (Original post by VampireKnight)
    I couldn't marry someone who asked for a prenup... Not becasue I care about money. But quite frankly anyone who is even thinking about getting divored BEFORE marriage seems wrong to me .
    It's just sensible. You can never predict how life will turn out; that's why you pay for all kinds of insurances. To have a safety net doesn't mean you plan to use it. (You don't plan to fall ill so that you can use your health insurance.)

    Probably you could compare it to agreeing with your partner to have regular STD tests. Even though neither of you will cheat, it's a very sensible thing to do anyway. Just out of curiosity, would you object to that also?
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    I would ask for one yes.
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    This prenup **** is stupid.

    Whatever amount of money there is in terms of savings should be split in such away that it reflects the percentages earned by each party.

    All material posessions go to the person who wrote their name on it first. Including children.
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by Smack)
    What stereotypes? Can you not read either?
    I think my sympathy just evaporated. I can obviously bloody read. And type. If you're gonna try insults at least be intelligent/witty/funny/remotely true?
    That one just particularly grates because it is used so often :rolleyes:

    I seem to recall you saying:

    Gold-digging was "only reason" why anyone might have a problem with prenuptial agreements.

    Or alternatively because it removes women having "all the power in the marriage"

    "A lot of girls are after the money"

    You accused someone who was arguing with you of having a "feminist agenda"


    I'm not saying you're sexist. Because in fairness your posts seem pretty balanced and you're not judging "all women", and you're emphasising that it goes both ways etc.

    It's just your arguments do seem to rely upon a lot of stereotypes. You say it's silly for any man not to want a prenuptial agreement on the basis that a lot of women are after the money.

    That only works as an argument if the woman in question fits that stereotype. Without the sterotype, what you're saying kinda falls apart.

    I'm not like that at all. So why the insistance that my feelings against pre-nuptials are foolish? You can't use the gold-digger argument against someone who isn't a gold digger.. simply on the basis that they are female I might add. That's stereotyping and I don't like being put in a box for you to make fun of.

    You're right to argue about something without being called sexist. My right to argue about something without being called a feminist or a gold digger or some other box so frequently used to dismiss anything a woman says in defence of her own gender.
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    If I was earning a serious amount, I'd MOST certainly consider it.

    Or I could say talaq three times and head off into the sunset, leaving her in the gutter :cool:
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by Smack)
    Pre-nups are a defence against someone's character in the same way that seatbelts are a defence against someone's bad driving. Your attacks against my analogy are all rubbish and thus don't stand. You strap up in a seatbelt when in a car in case something bad that you didn't plan to happen comes up; just like I will be signing a pre-nup when I get married in order to protect myself in case something unforeseen comes up. No one can argue that those who refuse to sign it are not planning to gain if the **** hits the fan.
    What's wrong with any of my criticisms of your analogy?
    Can you think of anything besides "rubbish"

    I'll say it again

    A car crash doesn't have to involve bad driving. Plenty of good drivers are in car crashes.
    Being a mega ***** is kinda your own fault.

    To sign a prenuptial indicates you think someone might turn out to be a mega*****. To wear a seatbelt only implies you think a crash could happen, and not necessarily that the person can't drive.

    Besides.. "you might be a ***** who'd happily stab me in the back" is somewhat more insulting (to me at least) than "you might make a mistake driving".
    One of those is a character-based criticism and one isn't.

    I wouldn't refuse to sign a prenuptial agreement because I plan to gain from future divorce. I'll probably be earning more than my partner in the future.. like i ALREADY SAID.
    Seriously what kind of person do you think I am, secretely scheming the downfall of my fiance? If I wanted to dupe some guy into handing me cash I'd prostitute myself. I actually find what you're saying pretty offensive, just as I would find it offensive in my future husband because that's essentially what someone is saying to if they ultimatum you into signing - "you don't want to agree because you want my money"
    May as well call me a whore to my face.


    If I was marrying a pauper I wouldn't sign one. I have sensible, non-greed reasons for disagreeing with you, despite your reluctance to accept this.
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    (Original post by llys)
    It's just sensible. You can never predict how life will turn out; that's why you pay for all kinds of insurances. To have a safety net doesn't mean you plan to use it. (You don't plan to fall ill so that you can use your health insurance.)

    Probably you could compare it to agreeing with your partner to have regular STD tests. Even though neither of you will cheat, it's a very sensible thing to do anyway. Just out of curiosity, would you object to that also?
    I suppose I've just always been brought up in a way where trust is the crux of a marriage and thus in my own opinion I'd prefer not to sign a prenup. I know many people who would prefer not to get married if they were asked to sign one.

    And no, I would not object to STD tests. But for me, that's an entirely different matter. You don't have to agree.
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    Aw this thread made me sad. 45% of marriages ending in divorce?


    I came into this thread about an hour ago thinking "wtf I wouldn't sign one of them it just shows complete distrust of me", however the more I think about it I think it's probably a good idea. After 27 years marriage my parents got divorced about 3 years ago, and the court case only finished a few months ago sharing out the money. Their comments about each other to me ALL THE ******* TIME, usually about money, is just unreal the amount of hatred they hold for each other. I would hate to become like that.
 
 
 
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