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Divorce
Have any of you had parents divorce when you were older?
I'm 18, going to uni this autumn and today my parents told me they are splitting up. I have known this was coming for a long time but actually hearing them say it was such a shock. My dad is moving out this week, until then they have arranged not to be staying at home at the same time. I just don't know what to do with myself at the moment.
I'm 18, going to uni this autumn and today my parents told me they are splitting up. I have known this was coming for a long time but actually hearing them say it was such a shock. My dad is moving out this week, until then they have arranged not to be staying at home at the same time. I just don't know what to do with myself at the moment.
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Reply 1
aww sweetie have a big hug!!!!
Reply 2
*huggles*
My parents divorced when I was 12. It'll be difficult for a while, but make sure that you never get put between them. If they ever ask you to take messages back and forth, don't do it because then you just get put in the middle of fights, which is unfair on you. It's a traumatic experience, but by leaving home now you'll probably miss the worst of it.
good luck
My parents divorced when I was 12. It'll be difficult for a while, but make sure that you never get put between them. If they ever ask you to take messages back and forth, don't do it because then you just get put in the middle of fights, which is unfair on you. It's a traumatic experience, but by leaving home now you'll probably miss the worst of it.
good luck
I have no experience in this as my parents are still together but firtlsy...
big hug 
Many of my friends have gone through their parents divorcing, and I've been there for them. I told them that their parents still loved them, they just fell out of love with eachother, and from then on they'd both be happier, and so eventually things would become easier for them. I know it sounds like something you say to a 10 year old, but its still the truth. Even though you're 18, you would maybe feel better knowing they still love you very much. Also this shows by the fact they've waited til you were old enough to be moving out, so that it didn't effect school/college work. I think you'll be going through a big enough change anyway moving away to Uni, that you won't notice the big change at home as much. It will be really different but if you can just get through the next 8 weeks or so, it will be time to start Uni and you can get more settled into a different environment.
It's always horrible when people split up, not just for the couple involved ut also for those around them, my thoughts are with you and PM me anytime if you need to
big hug Many of my friends have gone through their parents divorcing, and I've been there for them. I told them that their parents still loved them, they just fell out of love with eachother, and from then on they'd both be happier, and so eventually things would become easier for them. I know it sounds like something you say to a 10 year old, but its still the truth. Even though you're 18, you would maybe feel better knowing they still love you very much. Also this shows by the fact they've waited til you were old enough to be moving out, so that it didn't effect school/college work. I think you'll be going through a big enough change anyway moving away to Uni, that you won't notice the big change at home as much. It will be really different but if you can just get through the next 8 weeks or so, it will be time to start Uni and you can get more settled into a different environment.It's always horrible when people split up, not just for the couple involved ut also for those around them, my thoughts are with you and PM me anytime if you need to
Reply 4
i have that... except my dad left my mum.
it tore me up inside as i never suspected a thing (and i dont think my mum did muh either) but im slowly dealing with it
but its hard i know
it tore me up inside as i never suspected a thing (and i dont think my mum did muh either) but im slowly dealing with it
but its hard i know
Because I am older I feel I am having to grow up quicker because of it. Christmas for example, we as a family are usually invited to lunch by several different people and we choose one to go to. If I was younger when they got divorced I would just be put with one parent and do what they did, but because I am older I'll now be invited separately to each of them, left to decide for myself which invite to accept. This may not make any sense at all to anyone else but it's worrying me, I'm not ready to be an adult like that.
And birthdays, what do you do on your birthday?
My mother says she still loves him and she doesn't want this to happen, I think maybe she is just scared of the future now.
And birthdays, what do you do on your birthday?
My mother says she still loves him and she doesn't want this to happen, I think maybe she is just scared of the future now.
my parents split up when i was 3, i remeber the day my dad left so well. it has made things really difficult like birthdays and things, even more so for me as my birthday is on christmas day! so from a young age ive had those seperate invitations and it really has made things difficult, if you see one parent you only dissapoint the other one.
i really does make things difficult, but i think going to uni will only help the situation becuase then you live with neither parent. i know things will be much better when i move out.
i really does make things difficult, but i think going to uni will only help the situation becuase then you live with neither parent. i know things will be much better when i move out.
Reply 7
I don't know if this is true or not, but from my mum's friends it is the ones whose parents got divorced when they were pre-teens or teens whose marriages tend to succeed. If your parents weren't happy, you tend to be more likely to read the signs I think, and more likely to want to make your own marriage work.
So perhaps this will make you stronger in the long run..
So perhaps this will make you stronger in the long run..
Reply 8
SammyD
Because I am older I feel I am having to grow up quicker because of it. Christmas for example, we as a family are usually invited to lunch by several different people and we choose one to go to. If I was younger when they got divorced I would just be put with one parent and do what they did, but because I am older I'll now be invited separately to each of them, left to decide for myself which invite to accept. This may not make any sense at all to anyone else but it's worrying me, I'm not ready to be an adult like that.
And birthdays, what do you do on your birthday?
My mother says she still loves him and she doesn't want this to happen, I think maybe she is just scared of the future now.
And birthdays, what do you do on your birthday?
My mother says she still loves him and she doesn't want this to happen, I think maybe she is just scared of the future now.
These are exactly the issues that are killer. Whatever you do, don't pick sides (in my parents divorce, both tried to outdo the other), that can be the worst. Divorce is usually both people's fault, and it is better that they don't live together and make each other miserable. It's also better for you as it won't set this down as the ideal model.
It's not as bad as it could be though. If you were younger you'd probs have to spend time between two homes. Even if it's one weekend a fortnight (as it was with me) it's hell moving your whole life from one place to another, even if it's a few days. Hopefully now you're 18 everyone will just expect you to do your own thing anyway, so you won't be put on the spot too much..
Reply 9
im waiting for my parents to get divorced, my dad says he will wait till im 18! 
Its tough when your older cause even though your aprents dont do it intentionally you will have them bitching at you about the other. Basically cut them off before they start. DO NOT LET THEM PUT YOU IN THE MIDDLE!!! You do have to be pretty hard faced about the whole thing but you have to do it really.
Reply 11
anjimcflanji
aww sweetie have a big hug!!!!
SammyD I was around your age, actually prolly slightly younger I was 17 (I'm 21 now) when my parents split up for good, so I know how difficult it is for you atm. Plus it seems there are quite a lot of TSRians who have experienced similar things, which is what I found over the past couple months - so you're defo not alone
Frost105's advice is wise, and I agree - no matter how much you love your parents you can't let them interferre with your life by letting them put you in the middle. At the end of the day, they still have a responsibility to be good parents and not cause you the extra stress of you having to pander to their emotional pleas. So if they complain about each other to you, please don't let it affect you - they don't really mean it, and these things certainly don't reflect on you as an individual
Hope things all work out, and yeah if you want feel free to PM, as I've been in, pretty much, yep what sounds like the exact situation as you a couple years ago,
Best of luck,
DB_x
Hey i'm 16, and my parents are going to split up-well so my mum says! It's horrible, if my dad puts a toe out of line she threatens him with divorce. Sometimes it seems like shes bluffing but now shes really serious. It's horrible but in the end if your parents love you stuff like birthdays and christmas will be fine, just because they have split up doesnt mean they can't ever see each other again, you can all get together for holidays. But i still now what your going through and it's horrible, my mum keeps being really nice to me, and then will ask me if i will live with her not dad grrr!! I know it sounds selfish but i just want things to be normal. Are you still living with your parents? my sisters 25 and although it affects her we only see her 2 times a month so she doesnt really understand what i'm going through. PM me if you need to take about ANYTHING
my parents split up a year ago and they're divorced since this June... my dad found a new "girlfriend" (dunno how to call that bitch) which was the reason of splitting up - and now he lives with her and her son who apparently became also his "son" now - and he doesn't give **** about me. Sop the only thing i could do (and did) is to forget about him - don't need him for my life any more..
Reply 15
SammyD
Have any of you had parents divorce when you were older?
I'm 18, going to uni this autumn and today my parents told me they are splitting up. I have known this was coming for a long time but actually hearing them say it was such a shock. My dad is moving out this week, until then they have arranged not to be staying at home at the same time. I just don't know what to do with myself at the moment.
I'm 18, going to uni this autumn and today my parents told me they are splitting up. I have known this was coming for a long time but actually hearing them say it was such a shock. My dad is moving out this week, until then they have arranged not to be staying at home at the same time. I just don't know what to do with myself at the moment.
Firstly i'm sorry you're having to go through this, sadly it doesn't seem to be a more difficult experience when you're older, i had one friend whose parent ssplit up when she was 16/17 and she got really depressed and had to resist her AS levels.
For me, well my mum and dad divorced when i was 3 so can't remember much of that other than the arguements and the fact they still aren't talking, but my dad and ex(?)-stepmum got divorced when i was about 14/15 which was a lot worse cos i was more aware of it. Plus she'd been a big part of my life for 11 years. I know how hard it can be when you feel like you're stuck in the middle, i mean i had my dads side of the family constantly slagging off my mum and stepmum in front of me and it was hard to stand up to them then, but i feel now i'm older i can make my own mind up.
It's not easy to but try to take yourself out of the picture till the worst is over, see your friends and have fun, and remeber your parents are divorcing each other, not you. I know i spent several years blaming myself, especially with the divided loyalties, but please don't blame yourself in any of this. I won't lie to you, it's probably going to be a rough ride (tho soem parents can remain civil..wish mine had) but you'll get through it with your support of friends, and maybe other fmaily members? I hope you're ok hun, good luck with everything
Reply 16
tate
my parents split up when i was 3, i remeber the day my dad left so well. it has made things really difficult like birthdays and things, even more so for me as my birthday is on christmas day! so from a young age ive had those seperate invitations and it really has made things difficult, if you see one parent you only dissapoint the other one.
i really does make things difficult, but i think going to uni will only help the situation becuase then you live with neither parent. i know things will be much better when i move out.
i really does make things difficult, but i think going to uni will only help the situation becuase then you live with neither parent. i know things will be much better when i move out.
*hugs*
Yeah i've had the same problem,
we always had the arrangement that i'd be at my mums on xmas day and my dads on boxing day though if you're bday is xmas day understandably it'd be more difficult.
Still ....2x presents
it's not all bad..For years my mother has been saying she's going to leave him, going on and on about how she thinks he has someone else, how she's going to bleed him dry, how he is trying to get things set up to leave her, drive her away, ect ect .....
However my mother is a bit of a drama queen so I'm still stunned that it's actually happening. She has always been bitching about him and going on about leaving but I don't think that alone means they are going to divorce, I think she was just using it as a weapon, because now he has said he's leaving her she is very upset.
However my mother is a bit of a drama queen so I'm still stunned that it's actually happening. She has always been bitching about him and going on about leaving but I don't think that alone means they are going to divorce, I think she was just using it as a weapon, because now he has said he's leaving her she is very upset.
I don't have any experience of parents divorcing, but I do know what it's like to split up with a long-term partner. This must be awful for you, but don't forget that your parents are going to need your support - your mum, in particular, will be devastated. Try not to make life any harder for her.
My biological father left when I was born...*sneers*
When I was 4, My Mum met somebody who I call my Dad...they had 3 children and got married but divorced when I was 11
4 years ago, My Mum met somebody else who now lives with us.
The moral of this story is that I've got 3 Dads, one of which I've only ever seen twice and do not wish to see again. Thisngs will always be hard at first. I cryed something silly when my 'rents divorced but its for the best. They don't argue anymore, the tension in the household isn't there and I couldn't be happier with my Mum's partner. Both my Dad and my Mum's partner are great guys who I love to bits. You have to realise that although they are going to be divorced, they will always still be there for you. At the end of the day, its just a piece of paper. My Mum and Dad are still friends and my Dad is round nearly everyday.
Believe me sweety, its for the best, nopt just for them but for you too.
When I was 4, My Mum met somebody who I call my Dad...they had 3 children and got married but divorced when I was 11
4 years ago, My Mum met somebody else who now lives with us.
The moral of this story is that I've got 3 Dads, one of which I've only ever seen twice and do not wish to see again. Thisngs will always be hard at first. I cryed something silly when my 'rents divorced but its for the best. They don't argue anymore, the tension in the household isn't there and I couldn't be happier with my Mum's partner. Both my Dad and my Mum's partner are great guys who I love to bits. You have to realise that although they are going to be divorced, they will always still be there for you. At the end of the day, its just a piece of paper. My Mum and Dad are still friends and my Dad is round nearly everyday.
Believe me sweety, its for the best, nopt just for them but for you too.
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