over the last few years ive began to notice that im lagging behind many of my peers in these two areas. i understand that one is unique and should be judged as so, but nevertheless my "record" with women is quite appalling and depresses me, as well as destroys any potential with any other women. for the background part, im a 22 yr old guy, and i have literally no romantic history. no sex, no girlfriends, no women ever have made an open interest in me (aside from the one i will detail below) - in fact ive never even kissed a girl in my lifetime. this is pretty depressing and leaves me often wondering why. to be frank, i have no idea. i guess it must just be down to ugly looks and a poor personality, otherwise id at least have had some girls show interest in me. its a horrible feeling to know you have no positive points.
as stated above there has been a girl lately who has shown some sort of interest, but there are points with her that just make me feel worse. first off, we "met" on a dating website that i had signed up to for moral support for a friend who was taking it seriously - i had no intention of doing so. this was about the start of october and we text vigourously to this day.however we havent met up since before december which is nearly two months. so despite showing all the interest via text and msn im not sure her heart is in it. along with that, it makes me slighlty depressed to think that the only girl i have ever had any romantic interest from, i met on the internet. sickening in my eyes, that i cant even have a girl in the flesh show some sort of feeling towards me. i want to vomit. as i said above contact is regular, but despite this and despite meeting 4 or 5 times before we stopped going, nothing ever happened. no kisses, not even a hug as we were parting ways. i feel i have a negative effect on women and feel vulgar towards the opposite sex. although nothing has ever happened between us we have met up, she has already said taht she wants sex,which leads me onto the second point of my depressing situation, which i will detail in the next paragraph. on top of this, i look at the girl and she seems nice. however i look at the girlfriends other guys have and i can tell she isnt the prettiest. im not even sure if i find her attractive or whether im keeping her around because i know there will never be another interest for me.
i am scared of sex, and to add to this i am probably scared of any sort of contact with a girl. my shyness always gets me. i was brought up in a correct christian home and was told repeatedly "no sex outside marriage". it was drilled into me (no pun intended) that i would go to hell if i did, perhaps not in such terms but it was implied, with also being told that if i got a girl pregnant i would have to leave home. on top of this, my current living situation is living with 8 christian folk. so i cant even bring people round for the business. this situation was thrust upon me and i darent explain why here. nonetheless between my parents and the house situation i feel ashamed at the thought of having sex. im also terrified of getting a girl up the duff, as well versed in contraception as i am. i also routintely get very annoyed at myself and go into a deep bad mood if i read or hear people talk about sex lifes, cos im jealous of it all. the same goes for exes.
so in conclusion:
1) lack of relationships destroying any possibility of one
2) i dont think i have anything to offer in life.
3) i have this girl but i dont knwo if i keep her because i want sex, a relationship, or am scared of noone else coming along.
4) sex intimidates me.
From budgets to cutbacks...