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I don't know what to do anymore watch

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    I am Anon 156 in the LDR thread, read that for some back story.

    So I was engaged to her for 2 years until recently, it was a LDR, she lived on the other side of the world and somehow it just faded away for her (the love or whatever she felt). Inexplicably, I might add (again read the LDR thread for more). I was filled with confusion, anger and hurt. So after already sending her a gift (downpayment for a car, around $700) as what I thought would be some kind of closure for me...I realised that I couldn't get over her. I missed her too much, and I did not want to give up after everything based on sporadic phone calls. So out of impulse I bought a flight ticket leaving this week. I wanted to see how she felt if she saw me face to face again. If anything, at least we could say goodbye properly.

    So I tell her this, and she goes biserk. I'm however super excited to see her. She hangs up, saying she needed to collect her thoughts. I'm fully awake at this point (5am) and happy that I can see her. Then she calls me back, saying she won't be able to see me. She doesn't want to. I play a card, and say "Well, you don't have to. But I'm coming anyway. I'll wait at the Arrivals. If you dont turn up, I'll go back home". She again repeats how much she doesn't want to see me and I'm confused...I've done nothing to hurt her yet she is completely shunning me.

    Then she tells me something I suspected, she's met someone. Although our relationship was deterioating for 2 and a half months, we officially broke up about 3 weeks ago. It was fuelled by the fact that she seemed willing to give up her number to random blokes who chatted her up. She said "I finally met someone who makes me happy". I was standing leaning on the wall, legs crossed, and when I heard this my mouth hit the ground and knees felt weak. I dropped down unable to speak. I whispered "what" and she told me that - "Well, we're not a couple or anything. I'm just happy to have some kind of freedom. I've never had much social life and the LDR killed it for me".

    This is the same girl whom by the way said she wanted to marry me only 7 weeks ago.

    Anyway, um. I threw up, lost the phone on the ground and well yeah. 36 months ago this other girl whom I liked, my first "relationship" if you can call it that, admitted to cheating and I reacted the same way. When I met my recent ex, she was the complete opposite. After a year, I knew that no matter what she would be faithful and never make me cry in heart break, certainly not in that way. And yet here I am now going through the same feelings. But this is worst.

    I know it sounds like she was not interested or whatever, but I would not have considered moving from London to California and dropping everything to start a life with her if she hadn't made some kind of impression on me through these two years. She is/was amazing...everything and more you could want in a companion, because she was more than a fiance or girlfriend. She's the type you could debate on who'd win in a fight - Batman or Superman, or have deep philisophical debates, or share rude social jokes with and still want to say 'I love you' at the end of it all. That's why I cried, and cried and cried. It wasn't just because I had lost her, but I had lost everything that I could love in a person along with her. Guys, we had our kids names chosen and a wedding date decided. I still do not understand what is going on and how everything changed for her.

    Did she truly love me? I truly love her and I still do despite knowing she was literally desperate to hang up and end conversation. I suppose what I realise through both those experiences is that whether it was true love or not, both believed 100% they did love back truly and if someone can believe that from the start, then there is no assurance that they won't one day have no real feelings for you. That's scary. I was a pathetic romantic, thinking that if you meet the right person, forever really means forever - even if it means with breaks in the middle.

    Anyway, I just wanted to post this here because I don't really have anyone else to talk to. What's the great lesson learnt? Love doesn't last forever for most.
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    women are *****es is the biggest lesson
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    Damn...she cut you deep :-/ tbh she sounds like a bit of a *****..! She had that nastiness in her and don't you think it's better it came out before you got married rather than afterwards? Atleast now you can eventually move on and hopefully find someone better...
    Can you change that flight ticked to another destination and treat yourself to a holiday? Maybe somewhere with some hot chicas..?
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    (Original post by Seanisonfire)
    women are *****es is the biggest lesson
    Not all women!
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    Wow. Ok. Dude, i'm sorry, that sucks When was the last time you saw her before this happened?
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    (Original post by Meus)
    She is/was amazing...everything and more you could want in a companion, because she was more than a fiance or girlfriend. She's the type you could debate on who'd win in a fight - Batman or Superman, or have deep philisophical debates, or share rude social jokes with and still want to say 'I love you' at the end of it all.

    ********, I've been like that all my life and I'm not what anyone wants as a companion TTT____TTT....they just find me weird and never talk to me....:eek3:

    Edit- you'd probably only end up hurting her anyway. I was in a relationship with a guy like you, he just ended up hurting me all the same. Love is temporary for most....Sorry, I'm talking way too much about myself...but I'm trying to give examples lol...She wasn't as great as you thought >__<
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    (Original post by Anon13)
    Wow. Ok. Dude, i'm sorry, that sucks When was the last time you saw her before this happened?
    7 weeks ago. Just a week ago, she sent me an email that somehow only appeared in my inbox today saying she wanted to get back together. I don't understand how she could have moved on so quickly. She says that I encouraged her to move on, well I'm sorry but that was after she convinced me that she was moving on herself and that I should too. Her entire attitude recently has been nonchalant clearly giving the impression she was not attached. And then I get this email today. And then I get the update.

    I was not looking to try to start again with her, that wasn't the main interest, I just wanted us to solidify a bond. Everything in my life that I do now and love doing, she introduced me to it. I can't wake up and not see her in everything I do. I just wanted to end things - if thats what she wanted - in a way where we could still be close friends. But even after all this, she doesn't want me in her life. She seems desperate to ignore everything that isn't 2 weeks old. She can be with others if that's what she chooses. What hurts the most is how the girl that was my everything for two years is just devaluing our memory so easily. I truly truly believed we'd last and I was a crazy cynic at one point. To be raised up and then dropped on the floor like this, its just..too much. She was/is my dream girl and it took me quite a bit of time to realise that I am actually good enough for her. But in hindsight I guess I wasn't. It's clear who here was more in love.

    I haven't cried this much since I was 12 years and its bloody embarrassing how I have to mute my agony so I don't wake up the family.
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    (Original post by EmiPark)
    ********, I've been like that all my life and I'm not what anyone wants as a companion TTT____TTT....they just find me weird and never talk to me....http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...ilies/eek3.gif

    Edit- you'd probably only end up hurting her anyway. I was in a relationship with a guy like you, he just ended up hurting me all the same. Love is temporary for most....Sorry, I'm talking way too much about myself...but I'm trying to give examples lol...She wasn't as great as you thought >__<
    How did he hurt you? In my case, whatever caused her feelings to fade away, my biggest gripe is how she has handled the whole thing. I literally had to beg her to stay on the line so I could speak. And then the other minute shes trying to reassure me in how great I am :confused: Me and her used to laugh at how couples treated each other like this but whatever. I've said my piece, not here to moan
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    (Original post by Meus)
    7 weeks ago. Just a week ago, she sent me an email that somehow only appeared in my inbox today saying she wanted to get back together. I don't understand how she could have moved on so quickly. She says that I encouraged her to move on, well I'm sorry but that was after she convinced me that she was moving on herself and that I should too. Her entire attitude recently has been nonchalant clearly giving the impression she was not attached. And then I get this email today. And then I get the update.

    I was not looking to try to start again with her, that wasn't the main interest, I just wanted us to solidify a bond. Everything in my life that I do now and love doing, she introduced me to it. I can't wake up and not see her in everything I do. I just wanted to end things - if thats what she wanted - in a way where we could still be close friends. But even after all this, she doesn't want me in her life. She seems desperate to ignore everything that isn't 2 weeks old. She can be with others if that's what she chooses. What hurts the most is how the girl that was my everything for two years is just devaluing our memory so easily. I truly truly believed we'd last and I was a crazy cynic at one point. To be raised up and then dropped on the floor like this, its just..too much. She was/is my dream girl and it took me quite a bit of time to realise that I am actually good enough for her. But in hindsight I guess I wasn't. It's clear who here was more in love.

    I haven't cried this much since I was 12 years and its bloody embarrassing how I have to mute my agony so I don't wake up the family.

    Say this is a bit random...but did you ever go without talking for ages and it was your own fault, because of work or something?
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    (Original post by EmiPark)
    Say this is a bit random...but did you ever go without talking for ages and it was your own fault, because of work or something?
    No. We talked almost every night for two years. But she became increasingly depressed and unhappy at how it was just phone calls and it wouldn't have changed for a very long time. Not wanting to do it anymore is one thing, to fall out of love or not feel anything towards the other person so dramatically and so quickly is just something I'll never understand.

    The good thing out of all this though is that she is happier now. Whether or not this is her trying to "live" by opening herself up to people, I don't know. But she needs this freedom. I just wish she would have said goodbye to me properly or feel some kind of attachment.
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    (Original post by Meus)
    How did he hurt you? In my case, whatever caused her feelings to fade away, my biggest gripe is how she has handled the whole thing. I literally had to beg her to stay on the line so I could speak. And then the other minute shes trying to reassure me in how great I am :confused: Me and her used to laugh at how couples treated each other like this but whatever. I've said my piece, not here to moan
    It was in a LDR, he lied to me. That was about 1 and half years ago, I stayed with him but kind of pushed him away. Our relationship was on and off. I only recently cut contact off with him for proper. I don't even know if he ever loved me. He used to tell me about how I helped and done so much for him and made him happy after his life was really bad, but now it's like he doesn't need me anymore and I feel like all I ever was, was something to help him get back on track....now I'm left with nothing. Relationships suck, especially when they are good because they are destined to go bad.
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    (Original post by azn-wonder91)
    Not all women!
    You'd be surprised...
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    (Original post by EmiPark)
    It was in a LDR, he lied to me. That was about 1 and half years ago, I stayed with him but kind of pushed him away. Our relationship was on and off. I only recently cut contact off with him for proper. I don't even know if he ever loved me. He used to tell me about how I helped and done so much for him and made him happy after his life was really bad, but now it's like he doesn't need me anymore and I feel like all I ever was, was something to help him get back on track....now I'm left with nothing. Relationships suck, especially when they are good because they are destined to go bad.
    Her birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I'd like to send out a birthday card to her but I'm not sure if she'd want that. Part of me realises that she doesn't really care about me anymore, and yet I reject my pride in this regard because doing little things for her like wishing her a happy birthday makes me happy. But then that happiness is an ever-reminder of what isn't there anymore. She really did love me at one point, I have to believe that. Meeting her for the first time was like a scene from a romantic disney movie. I have these memories but I think she just wants to forget me to be honest and move on with her life.

    I don't know whether or not to try and move on, or just follow my heart and wait for her one day. :sigh:
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    (Original post by Meus)
    Her birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I'd like to send out a birthday card to her but I'm not sure if she'd want that. Part of me realises that she doesn't really care about me anymore, and yet I reject my pride in this regard because doing little things for her like wishing her a happy birthday makes me happy. But then that happiness is an ever-reminder of what isn't there anymore. She really did love me at one point, I have to believe that. Meeting her for the first time was like a scene from a romantic disney movie. I have these memories but I think she just wants to forget me to be honest and move on with her life.

    I don't know whether or not to try and move on, or just follow my heart and wait for her one day. :sigh:
    I could understand what she was doing if you'd done something bad to her. She's lucky. She sounds a bit like she doesn't know what she wants, so she's keeping her options open. Or maybe she is denial about how she feels about you.
    Lastly, she could have just changed. That's what happened with him or so I'd like to think. I like to think that he once or maybe still does love me, I think I'd lose all hope in humanity if I didn't.

    She might start to miss you and come back, you know.
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    Dude the only advice im going to give you is move on!!!
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    (Original post by Meus)
    I don't know whether or not to try and move on, or just follow my heart and wait for her one day. :sigh:
    If it was me i would go and see her. From my experience it's hard to move on if things just end over a phone call or whatever. For me, there has to be a face to face meeting. Maybe that's just me, i don't know. I would go and see her, if even just to say goodbye, for some closure. If she's suddenly just decided this then it's the least she can do for you.

    I don't know what to tel you about moving on or not. I'm in a similar situation. My boyfriend and I broke up because it ended up being a choice between being with me or seeing his daughter more than once a fortnight. We're both still in love but can't be together and i can't bring myself to move on, not knowing that he still loves me, no matter where he is. I know he won't leave his daughter again, it was killing him to be away from her but there is a slight chance that he might come back and i'm holding on to that when i know i shouldn't. I know i should move on but i can't bring myself to, not knowing how perfect we were for each other

    Sorry, when you said about having no one to talk to and having to hide from your family it sounded like you were me. I have no one i can talk to either and i have to hide from my housemates, trying not to let them hear me cry nearly every night

    I really hope things work out or get better soon x
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    what a ******* *****. i feel so sorry for you.
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    So, how damn sexy is Milla Jovovich?
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    (Original post by Anon13)
    If it was me i would go and see her. From my experience it's hard to move on if things just end over a phone call or whatever. For me, there has to be a face to face meeting. Maybe that's just me, i don't know. I would go and see her, if even just to say goodbye, for some closure. If she's suddenly just decided this then it's the least she can do for you.

    I don't know what to tel you about moving on or not. I'm in a similar situation. My boyfriend and I broke up because it ended up being a choice between being with me or seeing his daughter more than once a fortnight. We're both still in love but can't be together and i can't bring myself to move on, not knowing that he still loves me, no matter where he is. I know he won't leave his daughter again, it was killing him to be away from her but there is a slight chance that he might come back and i'm holding on to that when i know i shouldn't. I know i should move on but i can't bring myself to, not knowing how perfect we were for each other

    Sorry, when you said about having no one to talk to and having to hide from your family it sounded like you were me. I have no one i can talk to either and i have to hide from my housemates, trying not to let them hear me cry nearly every night

    I really hope things work out or get better soon x
    Here's something really strange. One moment she tells me that she would potentially love to get back together if there was no distance, and I suggested I'd move to America and she was chuffed at the idea but continued to say she needed her space first. A few hours later, I tell her that I've bought a flight ticket to see her - to at least say goodbye and the conversation derails to the point where she claims she wouldn't even want to be with me if there was no distance.

    If after everything we've been through the years can cause her to be this emotionally confused and nonchalant about me, then why am I chasing someone who doesn't want me.
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    (Original post by Meus)
    Here's something really strange. One moment she tells me that she would potentially love to get back together if there was no distance, and I suggested I'd move to America and she was chuffed at the idea but continued to say she needed her space first. A few hours later, I tell her that I've bought a flight ticket to see her - to at least say goodbye and the conversation derails to the point where she claims she wouldn't even want to be with me if there was no distance.

    If after everything we've been through the years can cause her to be this emotionally confused and nonchalant about me, then why am I chasing someone who doesn't want me.
    True. But to me it sounds like there's something else going on there. Talking face to face can make a huge difference. Seeing you there in front of her might make her realise what she really wants?
 
 
 
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