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I don't know what to do anymore watch

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    Meus, I don't know you in real life but from your posts you seem like a very smart, mature, non-aggressive or passive-aggressive* person, and I can't actually think of anything that might have "caused" her to fall out of love with you. If it is only the distance that brought this on, then all is not lost.

    Basically she is trying to avoid confrontation. She is probably afraid that seeing you in person will make her feel guilty and destabilise her emotions, because she still likes you, but as you put it "has met someone else" she has also started to like - how much is not known. Her feelings are probably quite fragile at the moment and seeing you would be the one thing that could bring it all down.

    Now - you can go there and bring it all down - and maybe it would work - maybe all her love for you would come rushing back and you could sort it out with a lot of open talking, and stay together, and live happily ever after (I'm not being sarcastic - I do think it is a possibility). Or maybe it would end in disaster and finalise things between you.

    Or you could stay at home and let her move on and move on yourself. That option is as valid as the other. You might keep asking yourself for a while, "what if I had done something?", but you would find peace eventually.

    If you already have the tickets... well, I don't know what I would do. But try not to approach this question ( "should I go or should I not" ) with bitterness. Maybe take a step back and think what you would advise someone else to do in this situation.

    *sometimes a problem with "nice" guys
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    Thanks for the life story, now roll with it
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    Lesson: Don't get with girls in a foreign country on the internet :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Meus)
    Here's something really strange. One moment she tells me that she would potentially love to get back together if there was no distance, and I suggested I'd move to America and she was chuffed at the idea but continued to say she needed her space first. A few hours later, I tell her that I've bought a flight ticket to see her - to at least say goodbye and the conversation derails to the point where she claims she wouldn't even want to be with me if there was no distance.

    If after everything we've been through the years can cause her to be this emotionally confused and nonchalant about me, then why am I chasing someone who doesn't want me.
    She thinks that you flying over (and possibly buying the ticket without consulting her first) closes her space.

    She's wrong about that, btw: physical space doesn't equal emotional space. You can fly over and talk to her and still give her "space". It could be quite difficult though, considering how emotionally worked up you both are at the moment.
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    This is not Islamic practice.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is not Islamic practice.
    What are you referring to?
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    (Original post by llys)
    Meus, I don't know you in real life but from your posts you seem like a very smart, mature, non-aggressive or passive-aggressive* person, and I can't actually think of anything that might have "caused" her to fall out of love with you. If it is only the distance that brought this on, then all is not lost.

    Basically she is trying to avoid confrontation. She is probably afraid that seeing you in person will make her feel guilty and destabilise her emotions, because she still likes you, but as you put it "has met someone else" she has also started to like - how much is not known. Her feelings are probably quite fragile at the moment and seeing you would be the one thing that could bring it all down.

    Now - you can go there and bring it all down - and maybe it would work - maybe all her love for you would come rushing back and you could sort it out with a lot of open talking, and stay together, and live happily ever after (I'm not being sarcastic - I do think it is a possibility). Or maybe it would end in disaster and finalise things between you.

    Or you could stay at home and let her move on and move on yourself. That option is as valid as the other. You might keep asking yourself for a while, "what if I had done something?", but you would find peace eventually.

    If you already have the tickets... well, I don't know what I would do. But try not to approach this question ( "should I go or should I not" ) with bitterness. Maybe take a step back and think what you would advise someone else to do in this situation.

    *sometimes a problem with "nice" guys
    I don't know how she feels. She refuses to talk to me about them which is frustrating because if I knew she didn't have any kind of attachment to me, I could move on. But despite her rejections of me last night, I still have the text and email messages from only up till a week ago where she is completely different towards me.

    I don't understand how talking to another guy is going to do anything her good for her because all she wants is to feel free. So what in 6 months time she still doesn't want to talk to me so I could move on? Or what if she wants to come back to me and I say no?

    If she wants to talk to me, I'll go see her. If not then she can find herself somewhere. I'm just afraid I'll grow to resent her because she refuses to talk to me
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    Eitherway she's not handing things very professionally...

    You deserve to at least know her response after 2 years of knowing each other.
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    (Original post by KayK)
    What are you referring to?
    Communicating with a member of the opposite sex without going through her wali.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Communicating with a member of the opposite sex without going through her wali.

    Ah, but im sure the user has reasons for his actions. [Besides religion lol]
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    (Original post by KayK)
    Ah, but im sure the user has reasons for his actions. [Besides religion lol]
    Islam is a manner of living. It is the reason for this life. I suggest Meus seeks refuge in Allah and keep away from the evils of emotional or physical fornication.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Islam is a manner of living. It is the reason for this life. I suggest Meus seeks refuge in Allah and keep away from the evils of emotional or physical fornication.
    Look I appreciate your advice, but this isn't really the time to tell me I am emotionally fornicating. Again, thanks for the advice but I'll post on the Islamic Thread if I need spiritual advice.
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    How often did you actually get to see her?
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    OP, my ex did a similar thing to me. Don't talk to her until you're over it. She didn't deserve you, since she did that.
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    (Original post by Meus)
    Look I appreciate your advice, but this isn't really the time to tell me I am emotionally fornicating. Again, thanks for the advice but I'll post on the Islamic Thread if I need spiritual advice.
    If you are able to dislocate Islam from your 'life', then reconsider your priorities.
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    :hugs:

    I agree with Seanisonfire.. women = *****es/hoes etc..
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    sounds bad but talking on the phone every night just isnt enough. Especially if its like that for two years. i was with someone who moved away and we talked on the phone every night, but over time it really does just fade, and you get used to them not being there, and then the prospect of seeing them again is hard because you got so used to them not being there. However, im not condoning the way she broke up with you, it was inconsiderate and unsensitive. She sounds rather fickle to me, and tbh you sound like a good person and therefore a bit too good for her.
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    (Original post by Meus)
    Her birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I'd like to send out a birthday card to her but I'm not sure if she'd want that. Part of me realises that she doesn't really care about me anymore, and yet I reject my pride in this regard because doing little things for her like wishing her a happy birthday makes me happy. But then that happiness is an ever-reminder of what isn't there anymore. She really did love me at one point, I have to believe that. Meeting her for the first time was like a scene from a romantic disney movie. I have these memories but I think she just wants to forget me to be honest and move on with her life.

    I don't know whether or not to try and move on, or just follow my heart and wait for her one day. :sigh:
    Awww im sorry to hear that, but i think you should move on, like she has. Theres no point in waiting, you'll probably just waste time feeling more sad. I dont think you should send her anything for her birthday, becasue she's probably trying to cut you off, so she could get annoyed if she is trying to move on.
    I think it was really harsh, the way she told you that she found someone else, but maybe she panicked when you said that you're still coming over to see her.
    Sometimes when you're in a LDR, you could feel suffocated, sad and lonely because you're not seeing the person you love,....and when she says she free, its probably free from feeling like that.
    The best thing you could do is give it time, and since you use to talk everyday on the phone, then maybe if she still has feelings for you, she'll miss you and contact you.
    But i agree that something might have changed, for her to react so fast with her feelings.
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    To the OP: you should be honest with this girl and tell her how you feel and how strongly you feel, don't you think it'd be like some sort of therapy. vent
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is not Islamic practice.
    read what he said, he didnt ask you anything about that
 
 
 
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