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gf wanting to end it due to depression. watch

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    • #4
    #4

    I feel very similar to your girlfriend atm OP. I think I may be suffering with depression, and feel like I'm dragging my boyfriend down alot of the time. I have asked him if he wants to break up before because I feel like my problems must infuriate him and that he can do much better than me. His immediate reaction is "no" but part of me doesn't believe it - your girlfriend may feel like you're only saying you want to stay with her out of being nice, alls you can do is reassure her and give her so much love, I think that's the only thing that really makes me feel better. The one difference is I daren't tell my boyfriend I'm depressed, as he said in the past he wasn't sure about me at first because I'm not like most girls that there was a good chance I could be "depressed and weird" in which case he wouldn't have wanted to get in the relationship. So since then, I know I can't tell him I feel "depressed" I can only say I feel "sad". My advice then would be then to just show her how much you support her, that the depression doesn't matter to you, it doesn't put you off or drag you down it just makes you want to care for her more. Very best of luck to you hope it works out well
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by FrancesO)
    (Original post by mel45)
    (Original post by EffigyWellington)
    (Original post by EM(Lin))
    (Original post by Ice_Queen)
    (Original post by Sprockette)
    sorry for the mass quoting need some more advice!

    just been to chat with her again, make sure she knows how much i care about her and want to be with her regardless etc.
    and basically she says she doesn't really know what she's thinking at the moment and could be easily swayed either way. She totally gets my point of view, but due to being in the state of mind she's in isn't thinking particularly logically at them moment and is just generally confused about everything. and needs more time to sort it all out in her head. she also said she wished i wasn't such a nice guy as then this would all be much simpler :/

    i guess it doesn't help that normally she is the most indecisive person i've ever met, and it seems to have gotten worse with the depression...

    oh and she's now told her best friend here at uni, which also happens to be my best friend here and also amazingly sensible, so at least that opens up the possibility of actually talking to someone here about it.


    i'm just slightly confused as to what to do next? obviously i don't want to push it and need to give her space. i just feel so helpless though



    oh and thankyou soo much for your everyones advice
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    Hmmmm. Well I think you need to give her some space to figure her own head out. I mean, keep in contact, text her/FB her, and let her know you are there to support her whenever she needs you. Also, let her know that you are waiting for her to make her decision, either way. She needs to sort her head out before she can even think about deciding what she wants with you, but dont take any notice until she is being more rational. Give her time, support and space.
    Your friend may also help the situation too, as she could let you know how your girlfriend is feeling and give you any advice on helping her out. I know you must feel useless and helpless, but sometimes, its the best thing for them. She may just need some time to figure **** out. However, if she gets really bad, she may come to you for support. There is no obvious way to play this! Good luck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    sorry for the mass quoting need some more advice!

    just been to chat with her again, make sure she knows how much i care about her and want to be with her regardless etc.
    and basically she says she doesn't really know what she's thinking at the moment and could be easily swayed either way. She totally gets my point of view, but due to being in the state of mind she's in isn't thinking particularly logically at them moment and is just generally confused about everything. and needs more time to sort it all out in her head. she also said she wished i wasn't such a nice guy as then this would all be much simpler :/

    i guess it doesn't help that normally she is the most indecisive person i've ever met, and it seems to have gotten worse with the depression...

    oh and she's now told her best friend here at uni, which also happens to be my best friend here and also amazingly sensible, so at least that opens up the possibility of actually talking to someone here about it.


    i'm just slightly confused as to what to do next? obviously i don't want to push it and need to give her space. i just feel so helpless though



    oh and thankyou soo much for your everyones advice
    It's great that she's talking to you about this, I think it's pretty obvious that she doesn't 100% want to break up with you. However, I still think you should suggest a break (nothing permenant) just so she doesn't have the added pressure of actively being in a relationship until she feels up to it. You can still be close, treat her like she's your best friend, not your girlfriend, for a while. I think that's (probably) what she wants for the time being.

    It's also brilliant that she's confided in someone else. Hopefully she won't feel quite so guilty about dumping all this on you. It'll also be hugely helpful for you, because it's not going to be easy for you either. You'll need someone to talk to sometimes too.

    I really hope this works out for you both.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    sorry for the mass quoting need some more advice!

    just been to chat with her again, make sure she knows how much i care about her and want to be with her regardless etc.
    and basically she says she doesn't really know what she's thinking at the moment and could be easily swayed either way. She totally gets my point of view, but due to being in the state of mind she's in isn't thinking particularly logically at them moment and is just generally confused about everything. and needs more time to sort it all out in her head. she also said she wished i wasn't such a nice guy as then this would all be much simpler :/

    i guess it doesn't help that normally she is the most indecisive person i've ever met, and it seems to have gotten worse with the depression...

    oh and she's now told her best friend here at uni, which also happens to be my best friend here and also amazingly sensible, so at least that opens up the possibility of actually talking to someone here about it.


    i'm just slightly confused as to what to do next? obviously i don't want to push it and need to give her space. i just feel so helpless though



    oh and thankyou soo much for your everyones advice
    Maybe just leave things how they are now? Just be there but not overbearing, every few days or however much you see her now. I know the usual advice isn't "don't talk about it" but maybe don't talk to her seriously about breaking up (I mean if you don't want to) and just 'be there' - sorry for that really unoriginal line!

    Good advice above btw - treat her like a friend for a while
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    (Original post by sidi)
    Make sure she gets proper medical advice then you can both be thinking clearly about what is best for your relationship.
    Indeed! Medical advice would be beneficial, it may be Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and that is EXTREMELY fixable! Just thought I should say something as you said the depression comes and go and came over winter so.

    I might be wrong but hey, good luck!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    sorry for the mass quoting need some more advice!

    just been to chat with her again, make sure she knows how much i care about her and want to be with her regardless etc.
    and basically she says she doesn't really know what she's thinking at the moment and could be easily swayed either way. She totally gets my point of view, but due to being in the state of mind she's in isn't thinking particularly logically at them moment and is just generally confused about everything. and needs more time to sort it all out in her head. she also said she wished i wasn't such a nice guy as then this would all be much simpler :/

    i guess it doesn't help that normally she is the most indecisive person i've ever met, and it seems to have gotten worse with the depression...

    oh and she's now told her best friend here at uni, which also happens to be my best friend here and also amazingly sensible, so at least that opens up the possibility of actually talking to someone here about it.


    i'm just slightly confused as to what to do next? obviously i don't want to push it and need to give her space. i just feel so helpless though



    oh and thankyou soo much for your everyones advice

    Just give her the time she needs. It's as simple as that. Like I said in my earlier post, depression is irrational in itself, it's difficult to make any decisions. She'll snap out of it and wonder what the hell she was thinking, and she'll like/love you even more for being there.
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    It's going to take a lot out of you. She's going to need constant support and reassurance. It's going to be a massive responsibility on your part and it's going to drag you down at times.
    It would be a beautiful thing if you could stand it and support her. But if you couldn't take it - if it was too much - I don't think you should beat yourself up if you eventually had to walk away.
    It sounds harsh but sometimes you have to think of yourself, too. Support her as much as you can but remember that you can't give her every bit of yourself.

    Don't think of this as being negative and saying that you'd be better off leaving her. I do speak from experience. But you should be aware - if she lets you stick around, and it sounds like you're going to be able to persuade her - just how difficult it's going to be.
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    stick with her
    when she comes through she will appreciate what you did

    = more sexy time
    you'll have plenty of points to trade in
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    sorry for the mass quoting need some more advice!

    just been to chat with her again, make sure she knows how much i care about her and want to be with her regardless etc.
    and basically she says she doesn't really know what she's thinking at the moment and could be easily swayed either way. She totally gets my point of view, but due to being in the state of mind she's in isn't thinking particularly logically at them moment and is just generally confused about everything. and needs more time to sort it all out in her head. she also said she wished i wasn't such a nice guy as then this would all be much simpler :/

    i guess it doesn't help that normally she is the most indecisive person i've ever met, and it seems to have gotten worse with the depression...

    oh and she's now told her best friend here at uni, which also happens to be my best friend here and also amazingly sensible, so at least that opens up the possibility of actually talking to someone here about it.


    i'm just slightly confused as to what to do next? obviously i don't want to push it and need to give her space. i just feel so helpless though



    oh and thankyou soo much for your everyones advice
    I'd say give her some space to think about it, but not before telling her that you really mean it that you want to be with her regardless and that she doesn't need to feel like she needs to break up with you because of this.

    Also, talking about it with your mutual best friend would seem like a really good idea, as he/she probably knows her pretty well.
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    You are in a pickle.
 
 
 
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