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Me, My Girlfriend and My Mum watch

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    this is quite a long story but i hope not to sound like im having too much of a rant. i would like peoples opinion on my situation.
    i have been going out with my girlfriend for a year and 1 year and 4 months (ever since start of college). we are both 17 and looking to go to uni. i went to a open day at lancaster last year and instantly decided thats where i wanted to go, at this point my girlfriend didnt want to go to uni and we sort of had it as we would break up when the time came or try to make it work long distance. but over the course of the next few months a couple of things didnt work out for her plans after college and she decided going to uni would be a good option, she started to really like phychology and started researching universities. she came up with the list of york, lancaster, sheffield, cumbria and exeter. she then started her application etc as did i. i also researched a few other unis that might be a good back up for lancaster being bolton, york, keele and sheffield. well over the last few weeks the replies have been coming in and i recieved an offer from lancaster, keele and bolton and i was so happy. my girlfriend on the other hand got rejection from york and sheffield and an offer from cumbria (which asked for lower grades and was always planned to be insurance). she was really unhappy until yesterday she got her offer from lancaster through and was really happy. i then told my mum and thats when hell broke loose.

    my mum really likes my girlfriend and thinks shes really nice which even more baffles me. she started a rant at how she doesnt want us going to the same uni and THEN acused us of collaborating between which unis we would apply for. which we did not. she said how she thinks nobody will talk to me if i have a girlfriend and we will both be loners(yes they are her words). she said i will not attept to make friends cos ill be spending all my time with her. which i currently do not. i see her maybe an hour and half a day. and then we spend friday nights together. i have made plenty of friends since going out with her which i never spoke to before. she has been saying how im going to blow my chance because of her. one other thing she said was, and i dont know if this is out of anger for for real. but if my girlfriend decided to follow me to lancaster (because of the good phycology course as well as me) she would refuse to help me out financially for paying for halls etc.

    now basically i dont know what to do or think. if we are still together by the time the start of uni comes around we will both be 18 and have been together 2 years. is it just me or does that mean something? too much to just end when its strong? right now there are no cracks and its great. i can understand her but she fails to understand me, my girlfriend and the relationship we have. neither controls the other person and we are both our own people. she also has not been to university and therefore i fail to understand how she would know what its like.

    thanks for any replies and support i just need someone to talk to and to get help i feel like rubbish this morning and actually had to walk away from her in tears last night....for a guy thats pretty bad. she has really really hurt me.
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    Tell your mum everything you just wrote there.
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    Okay, if you do both get the grades and end up at Lancaster, just make sure you don't apply to the same halls/accommodation? That way your mum might back off a bit if she thinks there'll be some distance between you both, and you and your girlfriend are happily at the uni you wanted to go to.

    If you've been together two years and you're both happy it would be foolish to break up just because your mum doesn't like your uni situation. Just make sure you do make other friends and make an effort to go out without your girlfriend sometimes so she can't say 'I told you so.'
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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    Okay, if you do both get the grades and end up at Lancaster, just make sure you don't apply to the same halls/accommodation? That way your mum might back off a bit if she thinks there'll be some distance between you both, and you and your girlfriend are happily at the uni you wanted to go to.

    If you've been together two years and you're both happy it would be foolish to break up just because your mum doesn't like your uni situation. Just make sure you do make other friends and make an effort to go out without your girlfriend sometimes so she can't say 'I told you so.'
    thanks to both of them replies. i have been thinking of saying this to her but you cant understand how much of a ***** she can be. i also fear upsetting her as she suffers from depression which is really quite bad at the moment. and ill have to think long and hard about how to speak to her. also the part about the halls was really something i was gonna suggest. even if we are in the same college and halls doesnt mean we will be on the same floor or even the same stairs. we have entirely different subjects and everything. do you agree that a strong two year relationship isnt just some teenage fake love? we feel like an adult couple, we dont sit there for 20 mins saying how me love each other before the phone hangs up. the situation just annoys me and precisely what i dont need 3 days before 2 important maths exams :\

    thanks again
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    your mum is probably worried that you'll miss out on things because you're in a long term relationship at such a young age... she probably thought uni would be a chance for you to get out there and make new friends and enjoy the uni experience, and now that your gf is going there too she's worried you'll be introverted and not make the effort to make friends, cuz you have your gf there too.
    you just need to explain to her that you wont be living together, just going to the same uni. just reassure her that you wont be one of those couples and that you are looking forward to meeting new people and enjoying the uni experience.

    i would also seriously consider applying to diff colleges. im at lancs and in my first year i lived in the same flat as a couple, it drove us all insane. they didnt make many friends because there were together aaaall the time (living together, same societies etc). not cool.
    plus you'll be less tempted to JUST hang out with her if you are in diff colleges... that way you can both make separate friendship groups with your own colleges (and of course, meet each other's friendship groups).. freshers week can be intimidating and it's easy to become withdrawn/not make the extra effort to make friends, especially when you're in a relationship.

    hope you sort things out with your mum! just sit down and talk things through with her. she cant control your life and make your decisions, you are an adult now after all.
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    (Original post by popple7)
    your mum is probably worried that you'll miss out on things because you're in a long term relationship at such a young age... she probably thought uni would be a chance for you to get out there and make new friends and enjoy the uni experience, and now that your gf is going there too she's worried you'll be introverted and not make the effort to make friends, cuz you have your gf there too.
    you just need to explain to her that you wont be living together, just going to the same uni. just reassure her that you wont be one of those couples and that you are looking forward to meeting new people and enjoying the uni experience.

    i would also seriously consider applying to diff colleges. im at lancs and in my first year i lived in the same flat as a couple, it drove us all insane. they didnt make many friends because there were together aaaall the time (living together, same societies etc). not cool.
    plus you'll be less tempted to JUST hang out with her if you are in diff colleges... that way you can both make separate friendship groups with your own colleges (and of course, meet each other's friendship groups).. freshers week can be intimidating and it's easy to become withdrawn/not make the extra effort to make friends, especially when you're in a relationship.

    hope you sort things out with your mum! just sit down and talk things through with her. she cant control your life and make your decisions, you are an adult now after all.
    thanks a lot popple7, thats really helpful. i was never planning on spending all my time together and neither was she. i was also not planning on attempting to join flats etc. that would just be too much and then i could understand my mother. she clearly does not understand that i plan to live my own life just like couples do. if it ends then it ends naturally and so be it. i refused to end a good relationship knowing we both still love each other. another point is im not sure if we could ever be just friends as we have hit it off from the moment we met. and splitting up like this and still going same uni, im sure would end up with us just back together as there is no hard feelings or bad in our relationship.

    thanks again
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    I can see your Mum's point. You might miss out on a lot if you're in a relationship when you start uni, the change can also be a big strain on relationships and a potential break up could result in things being awkward around uni. If you go to uni together and share a friendship group etc. then end up breaking up, you may lose some of your friends.

    Having said that, you may be very happy together and live happily ever after. Either way, I'd recommend that you live in difference halls and try to spend time apart, people will notice if you're attached at the hip.

    Or you could wait until summer, tell your Mum that you've broken up with this girl because you want to be single at uni, once you're at uni she's hardly going to know what you're upto anyway.
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    i think you mom has a point you may become loners, but i don't think thats an excuse to fly off the handle and you won't need help financially you will have a lone and can get a part time job
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    "Me, My Girlfriend and My Mum" - I'm glad this thread didn't go in the direction I thought it was going to!
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    I too, can see this situation through your mum's eyes. She just doesn't want you to miss out on any part of the university experience and maybe thinks that going to the same university as your girlfriend at such a young age would be folly and cause problems. Maybe she had a similar situation earlier in her life which has made her feel strongly about this?

    You should ask her why she thinks that way so strongly and explain that your both getting offers from the same uni is a coincidence, pointing out that even if you were to go to the same uni then you've never had problems before with keeping enough distance between your love life and social life for you to go out and enjoy yourself.
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    (Original post by Tetrahydro)
    "Me, My Girlfriend and My Mum" - I'm glad this thread didn't go in the direction I thought it was going to!
    :rofl: that's exactly what I was thinking :laugh:

    I guess dirty minds think alike :awesome:
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    My boyfriend and I applied to a couple of the same Unis and in the end we both puyt down Bristol as our firm. We hadn't intended on both going to the same one deliberately, it just kinda happened.

    We certainly arent loners! Both of us have plenty of our own friends, and as we aren't in the same accommodation we haven't just stuck together. My friend from school is actually in the same accommodation as me, and we have plenty of friends also . I don't think that going to Uni with your bf/gf is a problem unless you make it one. If you do just spend all your time with them and no one else, then yuor mum would be right. But goin by what you've said, it doesn't sound like you would. I see my boyfriend a couple of times a week, and we walk to a few lectures together, but I'm mainly with my flatmates and friends.

    I can see where your mum is coming from, but I think she's blowing it out of proportion!

    Ruthxx
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    (Original post by angel_night)
    My boyfriend and I applied to a couple of the same Unis and in the end we both puyt down Bristol as our firm. We hadn't intended on both going to the same one deliberately, it just kinda happened.

    We certainly arent loners! Both of us have plenty of our own friends, and as we aren't in the same accommodation we haven't just stuck together. My friend from school is actually in the same accommodation as me, and we have plenty of friends also . I don't think that going to Uni with your bf/gf is a problem unless you make it one. If you do just spend all your time with them and no one else, then yuor mum would be right. But goin by what you've said, it doesn't sound like you would. I see my boyfriend a couple of times a week, and we walk to a few lectures together, but I'm mainly with my flatmates and friends.

    I can see where your mum is coming from, but I think she's blowing it out of proportion!

    Ruthxx
    this is really helpful as i was looking for someone who had been in my situation. how long have you been at uni and how long have you been together before going? i do not in any way intend on spending all my time with her and having read the views of many of you i think ive come to the conclusion that she cant stop me do what i want. she needs to understand that ill be 18 and in a 2 year relationship. also i will speak to my girlfriend and my mum about us going to different colleges and see how that makes her feel.. although i have a feeling theres no reasoning with her :\.

    thanks for all the replies they really do help and i just want to know the views of people my age and not parents who are control freaks.

    ps haha at the couple who thought this could be dirty . that hadnt even crossed my mind :\.
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    (Original post by Playboy King)
    :rofl: that's exactly what I was thinking :laugh:

    I guess dirty minds think alike :awesome:
    I was thinking the exact same thing...
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    A swift backhander to your mother should sort this porblem out.
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    (Original post by J1mjam)
    this is really helpful as i was looking for someone who had been in my situation. how long have you been at uni and how long have you been together before going? i do not in any way intend on spending all my time with her and having read the views of many of you i think ive come to the conclusion that she cant stop me do what i want. she needs to understand that ill be 18 and in a 2 year relationship. also i will speak to my girlfriend and my mum about us going to different colleges and see how that makes her feel.. although i have a feeling theres no reasoning with her :\.
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    Me and my boyfriend had been going out 3 and a bit years when we arrived at Uni. We've been here since the end of September now, soabout 5 months? We've been going out 4 years in June. Everythings fantastic between us, and in many ways I prefer our relationship here to when we were at home. I actually get to speak to him a lot mroe now, as he rings me everyday (we have free phones between Uni lines in our rooms ). We never really considered splitting up because of Uni, and we're definitely sure that we made the right decision . Although we were tempted to live together next year, we decided that it would be best to wait til lafter Uni (if, fingers crossed, we get that far! But I don't see why not) as we dere worried we may end up seeign each toehr and no one else. I'd definitely say apply to different accommodation. My boyfriends is only 5 minutes away from me, so its ideal

    Ruth xx
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    (Original post by g_star_raw_1989)
    A swift backhander to your mother should sort this porblem out.
    LOL...

    (Original post by angel_night)
    Me and my boyfriend had been going out 3 and a bit years when we arrived at Uni. We've been here since the end of September now, soabout 5 months? We've been going out 4 years in June. Everythings fantastic between us, and in many ways I prefer our relationship here to when we were at home. I actually get to speak to him a lot mroe now, as he rings me everyday (we have free phones between Uni lines in our rooms ). We never really considered splitting up because of Uni, and we're definitely sure that we made the right decision . Although we were tempted to live together next year, we decided that it would be best to wait til lafter Uni (if, fingers crossed, we get that far! But I don't see why not) as we dere worried we may end up seeign each toehr and no one else. I'd definitely say apply to different accommodation. My boyfriends is only 5 minutes away from me, so its ideal

    Ruth xx
    this is precisely what i want to do. your situation is exactly what i envisioned us to be in. to have her there but not living together and by no means attached at the hip. to make our own friends in our respective colleges and subjects and to see each other when it matters. free phone lines are a saviour and something im really looking forward to . even if she says no to this i couldnt give one...
    thanks very much ruth. youve helped me a lot to understand how to make it work at uni.
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    (Original post by J1mjam)
    LOL...



    this is precisely what i want to do. your situation is exactly what i envisioned us to be in. to have her there but not living together and by no means attached at the hip. to make our own friends in our respective colleges and subjects and to see each other when it matters. free phone lines are a saviour and something im really looking forward to . even if she says no to this i couldnt give one...
    thanks very much ruth. youve helped me a lot to understand how to make it work at uni.
    No problem . I'm glad I could help! I remember freaking out big time about Uni and my boyfriend lol. But it really is absolutely fantastic being here and having him so close. I don't regret us goign to the same University at all . And if something did happen (which I'm hoping and don't think it will), not being in the same accommodation and things would mean he wouldn't be in my face everyday. It's the perfect scenario

    Ruth xx
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    aww mate, i thought this was going to be some epically disturburbing porn!

    your mums actually on the right lines, and she seems pretty cool. Go to different Unis, if you and your GF were meant to be, then you'll be. But its best to go to what your first choice is, if its the same then thats great, if not then thats good to.
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    Explain it to you mum. I'd suggest getting separate colleges in Lancaster and don't be tempted to share rooms or get one of those bedsits. Also make an effort to go out with your flat/corridor/college during freshers week and not each other.

    In reality nearly everyone I've meet who came to uni with their partners have become quite isolated because they spend all their time together BUT I am a few years older so maybe that's why.
 
 
 
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