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Threatening to break up as an ultimatum? watch

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    Hi, sorry if this is a bit long, but I really need to get all of this out.

    Recently, I've been feeling really depressed, mainly because of my bf, who I've been with for 3 months. The reasons for this are because he's become quite distant, as in he doesn't text as much as he used to, and is not as intimate. He has this thing where he doesn't believe we should have sex unless we both really want it, or that often, otherwise it becomes like a chore and nothing special. Now, every time I'm affectionate towards him he thinks I want to have sex, and sort of draws back. He said I'm too affectionate all the time, and should only be when I really mean it. The thing is, I do. Is it so wrong I want to cuddle/kiss/hold hands with my own boyfriend? He used to be so affectionate, but now he isn't.

    The thing is, we've talked about this a couple of times before. He's explained that he can't deal with girlfriends who are clingy and need to hear from him all the time, which is fair enough. I just feel like we hardly talk though.

    I KNOW I should talk to him about how I feel and everything I've said in the post, but I feel like I do so often I'm just nagging him. I really do want this to work, because these are really the only problems we have, and we're both so happy together otherwise. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like he no longer values me as much as he used to, and feel like threatening to break up with him as an ultimatum.
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    It's very strange for him to be so harsh and distant...especially so early in the relationship. The beginning is usually the honeymoon phase where you can't keep your hands off each other. Personally, I'd be questioning his feelings for you...maybe even if he has someone on the side?
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    If you're going to threaten to break up in this situation, all I can say is prepare for it to backfire.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, sorry if this is a bit long, but I really need to get all of this out.

    Recently, I've been feeling really depressed, mainly because of my bf, who I've been with for 3 months. The reasons for this are because he's become quite distant, as in he doesn't text as much as he used to, and is not as intimate. He has this thing where he doesn't believe we should have sex unless we both really want it, or that often, otherwise it becomes like a chore and nothing special. Now, every time I'm affectionate towards him he thinks I want to have sex, and sort of draws back. He said I'm too affectionate all the time, and should only be when I really mean it. The thing is, I do. Is it so wrong I want to cuddle/kiss/hold hands with my own boyfriend? He used to be so affectionate, but now he isn't.

    The thing is, we've talked about this a couple of times before. He's explained that he can't deal with girlfriends who are clingy and need to hear from him all the time, which is fair enough. I just feel like we hardly talk though.

    I KNOW I should talk to him about how I feel and everything I've said in the post, but I feel like I do so often I'm just nagging him. I really do want this to work, because these are really the only problems we have, and we're both so happy together otherwise. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like he no longer values me as much as he used to, and feel like threatening to break up with him as an ultimatum.
    Awh :console:
    Being very frank, me thinks he's cheating. Or has found someone else to **** and sees you very much as a good friend (as you mentioned, you have fun and you feel happy around him) Kind of had the same experience and yep, the ******* was a cheater :dry:
    Ask him upfront whats his problem is with being that close to you. After all it is a big part of a relationship. I'd advise to break it earlier than later if this persists. You'd be digging a big hole for yourself before you realise it. And breaking up with him now (and then getting back together if things sort out) is better than prolonging it and being left heartbroken.
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    Personally, I would only threaten such a thing if I meant it.
    And in your case, I'd be fully willing to mean it - if he doesn't want to spend time with you or talk to you, something is wrong.
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    I don't think he's cheating simply because he's not the type of guy to casually see someone. I just tried texting him and then calling him and he didn't answer. Would you say it's clingy or over the top if I text him again asking him what the hell is going on?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think he's cheating simply because he's not the type of guy to casually see someone. I just tried texting him and then calling him and he didn't answer. Would you say it's clingy or over the top if I text him again asking him what the hell is going on?
    Would he be busy now? Wait till you see him. I'd do these kind of things face to face.
    Good luck with it all :console: let us know how it goes
 
 
 
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