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I had an affair with a married man and I can't stop feeling guilty Watch

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    It happened a few years ago when I was 21... and our relationship was really volatile. I had just converted to a religion (this isn't about the religion so don't focus on that) and I met this guy on a marriage site for that religion.

    The guy was married but really downplayed it claiming he was only in it for his kids' sake and that he was allowed more than 1 wife. I didn't want to 'marry' him although he kept suggesting it because I didn't trust I wanted to be with this guy forever. We became intimate and although I'd dated a guy before him and we'd done 'some' sexual things... in this relationship we did much more (I feel so ashamed ...).

    I really resented the fact he had a separate life and we used to argue a lot... he'd go on the marriage site often and flirt lots of different women.
    We'd often fight over it and he'd accuse me of talking to men online and sleeping around... I wasn't.

    Eventually our relationship ended after couldn't we stop fighting. By then it had dragged on for a year. I changed my number and wanted to make a fresh start. What happened next was that he started to write letters to me all the time that he loved me and then begin to threaten me. He accused me of giving him a sexually transmitted disease and sent me a blurry picture of myself naked... he had taken photos without my permission (I know it was my body). He told me he was going to tell my family I was promiscuous. He even offered me £50 for our time together claiming I was a prostitute.

    I eventually went to the police and informed them he was trying to blackmail me. He waited for me in his car outside my house and followed me when I noticed him and tried to get away. We had a huge fight in he street and he told me he wanted a 'hug'. He asked me if I was having sex with anyone else and I told him it was none of his business if he was. He shouted 'oral, anal or ...?' just trying to humiliate me. I told him to leave me alone. Soon after me stopped contacting me.

    During this whole episode I was studying and I ended up not taking my final year exams. I walked away from my degree because I was so anxious and depressed.

    I'm back on track now, studying for another degree and doing well but... my problem is that although I've learnt from the mistakes of this episode, years have past and I haven't been able to feel 'safe' or that I can trust men. I also carry the fear that my ex is going to come back into my life at some point and threaten to display nude pictures of me. This all happened such a long time ago but I can't escape the fear.

    How can I move on and learn to have a healthy relationship with a guy?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How can I move on and learn to have a healthy relationship with a guy?
    By understanding and accepting not all guys are absolute freaks. Just some of us :teeth:
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    First off, you're a **** for doing what you did.
    (what's your number? :sexface:)

    Secondly...erm, I don't know :dontknow: and to be honest I don't care

    can you tell the guy I'll pay him good money for those pictures? :bigsmile:
    appreciate it :yy:
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    Religion triumphs once again!
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    (Original post by Playboy King)
    First off, you're a **** for doing what you did.
    (what's your number? :sexface:)

    Secondly...erm, I don't know :dontknow: and to be honest I don't care

    can you tell the guy I'll pay him good money for those pictures? :bigsmile:
    appreciate it :yy:
    .... OK. Well, I'm pretty much a nervous wreck around men now.
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    of ALl the men in the world u found a married man to have a affair-sorry we serve the needy not the greedy
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    Just get over it. Try aiming for single men and move on from there.
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    (Original post by greenforce)
    of ALl the men in the world u found a married man to have a affair-sorry we serve the needy not the greedy
    Well.. this happened 5 years ago and I learnt my lesson in regards to never going near a married man again... no matter what excuses I hear about being allowed 4 wives etc
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    What a weirdo.

    Not sure what you can do to become less defensive/suspicious now. Just take the plunge with someone else I suppose.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    .... OK. Well, I'm pretty much a nervous wreck around men now.
    lol okay you sound serious, I retrieve my previous comments :erm:

    I think it will just take time, although you shouldn't be using this experience as the foundation of your perspective of men/relationships I can understand it can be mentally traumatic and make you feel vulnerable.

    Just concentrate on your work and on just enjoying yourself, your own company, finding good friends...relationships/men will come when it's the right time, eventually you'll get the confidence back and feel more secure...secure enough to be with a normal guy who isn't a psycho.

    Hope this has been more constructive than my last post. :yy:
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    (Original post by Playboy King)
    lol okay you sound serious, I retrieve my previous comments :erm:

    I think it will just take time, although you shouldn't be using this experience as the foundation of your perspective of men/relationships I can understand it can be mentally traumatic and make you feel vulnerable.

    Just concentrate on your work and on just enjoying yourself, your own company, finding good friends...relationships/men will come when it's the right time, eventually you'll get the confidence back and feel more secure...secure enough to be with a normal guy who isn't a psycho.

    Hope this has been more constructive than my last post. :yy:
    I've been concentrating on my work for the past 3 years and I feel that life is passing me by because of my problems being able to connect with a member of the opposite sex and trust him..
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    (Original post by greenforce)
    of ALl the men in the world u found a married man to have a affair-sorry we serve the needy not the greedy
    I know... but it's not like I planned it. He acted like he wasn't married online.. joked and I couldn't tell and I later found out and he told me he and his wife never slept together.
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    Do you have any brothers or a father? Do you have any male friends?

    Don't look for relationships right now. Settle for friendship. When that works, you know you are ready again to look for a relationship.
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    (Original post by llys)
    Do you have any brothers or a father? Do you have any male friends?

    Don't look for relationships right now. Settle for friendship. When that works, you know you are ready again to look for a relationship.
    I don't have any father figure or male siblings. I also don't really have many male friends..just hi/bye uni acquaintances.
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    just try to get to know the guy BEFORE you date him... like, become friends first. it always works out better that way. not all men are like that but i wouldnt recommend u go for a married guy, he wont respect u for it and you already know he's a cheater
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    (Original post by _dudette_)
    just try to get to know the guy BEFORE you date him... like, become friends first. it always works out better that way. not all men are like that but i wouldnt recommend u go for a married guy, he wont respect u for it and you already know he's a cheater
    I was about to say this....do you have a lot of male friends? Maybe start by having guy FRIENDS first...
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    and you believd him........awww thats very innocent-wake up..wt u doing.get away from him.and wen you single again-wt say?:cool:
 
 
 
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