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Worried about mental health watch

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    Please keep anon.

    I'm just here because I need to talk and I need advice, though I'm not sure anyone will be able to give it to me. I literally don't have anyone else I can talk to about it. I'm concerned that I may have some form of mental illness. At the moment I am crying every day, but that's alot to do with being stressed because I'm doing exams and I'm doing really badly at my course despite working really hard, but feeling so desperate is distracting me from my revision, which panics me even more. The thing is, I feel like this alot, even when there's "nothing wrong". I detest myself and I feel like I'm in a rut I can't get out of. I've tried to talk to my friends about feeling depressed, but they don't take me seriously and say they don't understand how I can say I'm unhappy. I daren't talk too much about it to my boyfriend because of a comment he made in the past. I feel so lonely at university, and doing so badly in my course is making everything worse. Before university I had a lot of friends, and then I took a gap year and while I still had those friends, something happened somehow, I completely lost my confidence I think it was through work, then meeting my boyfriend did help me a bit. But that loss of confidence has meant I've not managed to make friends here really, along with some difficulties back at home. I find it really difficult to "promote myself". As I mentioned earlier, I think I probably have depression... but the thing that worries me is there's something else, which I know is abnormal, and I wonder if it connects with my constant over-hanging sadness. Basically, I am overly paranoid. This morning for example, my boyfriend phoned me to see how I was and said that he was off into town to meet up with his best friend and his work mates. Immediately, a slight panic just starts in my head like oh my god there'll be a girl there what if they really hit it off what if they go back to his best friend's house and he wishes he wasn't with me and they do something and I over-play it in my head to the point where I really upset myself. I know this is abnormal, I know everyone has little worries but I know that how I am is probably over-paranoid and abnormal. I don't think my boyfriend would go off with anyone else, and he gets upset sometimes because he knows I'm not confident that he could only want me but I still get this ridiculous paranoia that takes over me for a while. Please don't laugh at me or give me abuse, I am ashamed of feeling like this. I just wondered if anyone knows if there's a link between depression & paranoia which is a genuine illness? I'm far too scared to tell anyone about it partly because I feel stupid and scared that they will laugh and say grow up and partly because I'm scared that I'm right and I do have some sort of mental problem. My uncle has schizophrenia which makes me more inclined to worry. I guess I'm just looking for an answer. I don't really want to be on medication or anything, and I don't think I could tell anyone if I got diagnosed with something so in that sense would rather suffer in silence, but at the same time I feel like I need to control this. I wish I was dead alot at the moment and it's really scaring me. I've had thoughts like that before, but at the moment I just feel so trapped and scared that it's worrying me more. If you have any knowledge of mental illnesses or if you think something I've said sounds familiar then I would appreciate your wisdom. Thanks for listening, sorry this went on a bit.
    • #2
    #2

    Hiya, just bumping for you, it's sad that no one's replied yet. Also, I thought I'd share that I feel really similar to this, feeling sad and crap all the time, and failing at school. I think I might have depression and I plan on going to the doctor's next week, and I suggest you do that too. It can put your mind at ease to find out if you really are suffering anything, and then get the appropiate treatment. Good luck
    • #3
    #3

    Tbh, and I'm going to get loads of stick for this, I really wouldn't tell anyone, especially not a medical professional, about anything that could be construed as "paranoia". They give you "meds" to treat it and make you "normal" but these things sap your entire personality. They make concentration on work impossible, conversation becomes extremely difficult and you will probably put on loads of weight.
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    I think you may have depression due to your thinking patterns. I went to the doctor about my depression last week and he recommended an online CBT course such as MoodGYM. I'm currently working tough it and its made me realise so much about my thoguht processes when I am feeling depressed. I've seen an improvement as well within a week. I'm not saying its a miracle cure coz I still have a long way to go and I only suffer moderately. Also I would recommend you find a counsiller, just to talk to someone in confidence. Its easier to talk to a stranger sometimes. Noone needs to know you are seeing them either, same with the CBT.

    If you are worried, I'd recommend seeing your doctor just to let them know you are suffering, and maybe give you something to aid sleep or symptoms if its that bad (I'm trying to stay off them thought personally)

    Most of all, remmeber you are not alone, depressiona nd anxiety is so common these days, and theres so many people suffering, even some in silence. There is loads of help available, so get it if you can

    Best of luck :hugs:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Tbh, and I'm going to get loads of stick for this, I really wouldn't tell anyone, especially not a medical professional, about anything that could be construed as "paranoia". They give you "meds" to treat it and make you "normal" but these things sap your entire personality. They make concentration on work impossible, conversation becomes extremely difficult and you will probably put on loads of weight.
    Not all are like that. Doctors don't just say 'You have depression, you need these anti-depressants that will give you horrible side effects.

    Meds don't treat depression, they only treat the symptoms, and some people won't be able to get through the day without them.

    Was this opinion taken from a personal experience? :hugs:
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    I was expecting this thread to be about you hearing voices or something.

    I am dissapoint.
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    I really can't read block text like that so I've only skimmed it. It does sound like you have depression. I don't think the term 'mental health' is very nice. You can have depression and be very high functioning, plenty of very successful people have depression at some point in their lives. 1 in 4 people will have a mental health problem at some point in their lives. If you went to your GP and told them how you felt then they would take you seriously, they would never laugh at you.

    The treatments that will be suggested to you are generally talking therapy or antidepressents so it's probably a good idea to think about if you want either/both/neither before you go to your GP.

    If its got to the stage where your mood is affecting uni work then you should probably give something like counselling or CBT a try because they do help a lot of people. Antidepressants help people too but obviously there's more likely to be physical side effects. If you just battle on there's a chance that things will get worse so getting help now might be a good idea. In the meantime I suppose you could buy a self help book, some people find them helpful.
    • #1
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    Thanks for all the posts guys. I've tried counselling twice in the past because I have low self-esteem and I wonder if that's alot of the problem. It's the paranoia over my boyfriend that worries me as much as the depression, I can't talk to him about it because it will break us up, and he gets upset about it because he doesn't know what he's doing to make me feel unsure (nothing is the answer, and I've never told him to what extent I get paranoid or he'd run a mile).

    The counselling didn't work for me - the first counsellor just made me feel guilty about being there so I lied my way out of it sharpish and then when I got to University I tried again, it was better, but it just made me think about the reasons why I felt like that, which was comforting for a while but it didn't seem to offer any way out of falling into the trap, so I fell back into it.

    I really don't want to have to resort to medication, I just don't like the idea, but at the same time the way I feel atm seems dangerous, I'm constantly on the verge of tears and constantly thinking about being dead, and whether I should end it and how etc. But then I'll always get a phone call from a parent, and something they say will stop me. So basically, I think the only reason I'm not is for other people. My parents would be devastated and they've got their own problems atm, my flatmates, although I am pushed out of the clique, it would kill them if they found me, although I don't even know if they would, the probably wouldn't notice I hadn't come out of my room because these days I don't much anyway. I've felt like this before when I was 15, and it took a near-death experience to change my mind. I think this time I need to take action, but like I said I'm just so apprehensive about medications and my parent's reaction, and my boyfriend leaving me over it. I'm so confused about everything. I think I will look into this CBT, thanks so much for the suggestion
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    Btw OP I've edited my post so you can see the link I gave.
    • #2
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for all the posts guys. I've tried counselling twice in the past because I have low self-esteem and I wonder if that's alot of the problem. It's the paranoia over my boyfriend that worries me as much as the depression, I can't talk to him about it because it will break us up, and he gets upset about it because he doesn't know what he's doing to make me feel unsure (nothing is the answer, and I've never told him to what extent I get paranoid or he'd run a mile).

    The counselling didn't work for me - the first counsellor just made me feel guilty about being there so I lied my way out of it sharpish and then when I got to University I tried again, it was better, but it just made me think about the reasons why I felt like that, which was comforting for a while but it didn't seem to offer any way out of falling into the trap, so I fell back into it.

    I really don't want to have to resort to medication, I just don't like the idea, but at the same time the way I feel atm seems dangerous, I'm constantly on the verge of tears and constantly thinking about being dead, and whether I should end it and how etc. But then I'll always get a phone call from a parent, and something they say will stop me. So basically, I think the only reason I'm not is for other people. My parents would be devastated and they've got their own problems atm, my flatmates, although I am pushed out of the clique, it would kill them if they found me, although I don't even know if they would, the probably wouldn't notice I hadn't come out of my room because these days I don't much anyway. I've felt like this before when I was 15, and it took a near-death experience to change my mind. I think this time I need to take action, but like I said I'm just so apprehensive about medications and my parent's reaction, and my boyfriend leaving me over it. I'm so confused about everything. I think I will look into this CBT, thanks so much for the suggestion
    Hiya, I just thought I would say good luck with your treatment, glad you're making a start. Also, try to think more positively about the good things you have in life. At least you have a boyfriend who loves you, I find it hard to even get one which kinda depresses me. But yeah, you have it better than some people.
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    Yes, I think you would be diagnosed with depression by most doctors. The whole 'paranoia' thing is probably just a part of the depression and not something separate, so don't worry too much about it.

    As has been said, destructive thought processes are a likely cause of the depression and a reason why you can't break out of that mental 'prison'. I would recommend you see your GP, but be aware that medication doesn't work for everyone - one med might work for one person and not another. You've said you don't want to go on them anyway, and that's probably a good thing. I speak from experience here. Counselling is another option but again be careful - it doesn't work for everyone.

    You are unlikely to get therapy with any rapidity on the NHS and each therapist will have their own preferred approach. Some opt for CBT, others will try different methods. CBT sounds like a good idea but I have no experience of it.

    The most important thing to consider is that there should be no shame in having to ask for help.

    Edit: Just read your second post. Yes, the self-esteem is almost certainly an underlying cause. You'll need to beat that in addition to the depression.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just wondered if anyone knows if there's a link between depression & paranoia which is a genuine illness?
    Potentially yes, I had a girlfriend like this who hated herself. She was neurotic, self hating and paranoid. I don't consider myself to be an overly attractive person, but she couldn't seem to understand why I would stick with her and why I liked her when she was "so ugly" and "such a bad person" which I would always try to deny, to no avail to her confidence. I was crazy about her, but this was quite a severe problem. So the link for her being paranoid would have sprung from her own lack of self esteem.

    I could be off the mark here, you might be different I don't know but whatever about it SEEK HELP especially if you are starting to get suicidal tendencies. Get help for it NOW before it turns into something completely uncontrollable, or you do something very stupid. It also sounds like it is cutting into normal important everyday activities such as work and revision, which could have a negative effect on your future. If your own self confidence is hitting you this badly, stop asking help from randoms on the internet and book an appointment with your GP, an independent listener, a psychiatrist, anyone at all who has some sort of experience dealing with problems like this.
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    Being depressed really messes with your head and that combined with low self-esteem could easily cause paranoia.

    I just want to add to what everyone else has said and say there's nothing wrong with taking antidepressants. Not that they're necessarily the right choice for you, but it might be worthwhile finding out a little about them before completely dismissing the idea - they can sometimes help people.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Tbh, and I'm going to get loads of stick for this, I really wouldn't tell anyone, especially not a medical professional, about anything that could be construed as "paranoia". They give you "meds" to treat it and make you "normal" but these things sap your entire personality. They make concentration on work impossible, conversation becomes extremely difficult and you will probably put on loads of weight.
    That's wrong. I assume the meds you started on was a form of SSRI, and only some of them demonstrate a liability to provoke clinically significant weight gain. The side-effects you mention are likely just a personal reaction to the type of medication you were prescribed.

    OP, I urge you to see a doctor. I'd say you are maybe depressed, but certainly you do have an exaggerated instantiation of paranoia. That can be controlled medically. You can be calmed, but you can't be cured. It's something that will lift itself if allowed the time, or can be worked through with CBT. Either way, you need to level the playing field by stopping things from getting worse. Once you see things are stable, it'll give you the confidence to deal with the problem you've identified.

    EDVB
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Loz17)
    Btw OP I've edited my post so you can see the link I gave.
    Yeah thanks alot, I signed up to MoodGym last night and started working through some of the exercises. Hopefully it will have a positive effect on me so I'm going with this to start with and see how I go on. & if afterwards I end up falling back into it, then I'll go and see a GP. I know I can't live the rest of my life like this, it's not fair on me or the people I love around me. Thanks so much for the link
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    Thanks to all of you for your opinions and advice I'm going with CBT for the moment and hopefully that will work. If not then I will go and see a GP about it cus I know it would be silly not to if I'm no better after the CBT. So yeah thanks again
 
 
 
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