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How do I tell my dad I'm not marrying the guy he wants me to marry? watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Keep Anon or delete please.
    My dad has had a guy in mind for me since the past few years, by the way, he hasn't told me that, I found out from someone else - my cousin told me.
    I don't like the guy, because I know who he is (I hardly ever talk to him) and i've always seen him as a friend/brother...
    My dad is very strict religiously and about everything! And he's one who wont take no for an answer!
    I don't know what to do, how do I tell him? What if he kicks me out of the house, or never speaks to me again? He might try and use emotional blackmail on me too..
    The reason I don't wanna marry the guy is as I said before, and also but looks wise he's not my type (no I don't mean he doesn't look like Brad Pitt, but he's not my type), also he's not very educated and I just DON'T LIKE HIM!
    Please help you guys, this is affecting my studies and has taken over my whole life!
    Only serious answers please.
    • #2
    #2

    Hello, I am so sorry you are being effectively abused in this way and controlled...

    If you are Muslim then the Muslim Youth Helpline might be a good place to seek help and guidance - http://www.myh.org.uk/
    Sorry if you aren't. Google for other help sites...

    Your father must love you and perhaps if you got your other potential husband to seek someone-else or ask another that would help...
    • #3
    #3

    Can tell you're Asian.

    From one asian to another, just speak to him in a very sensible manner and ask him if he has any otehr guys he's got in mind? That the guy he's got in mind for you is nice and all but I don't think we would click,we're opposites.

    Best way to chat to him is really calmly, especially that he's religious.
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    Sorry to hear this, he cannot force you just be straight up and say you dont want to marry him, if it's against your own choice than its not really a marriage religiously it's not allowed either explain that to him.

    Dont bring it up unless he tells you, you have to because as you said he hasn't mentioned it yet and your cousin just suggested.

    If he does say you have to give your reasons why you dont want to. If he kicks you out than so let it be, it will be way better than staying in a marriage your not happy with, and may even regret for the rest of your life.

    Really hope it works out for you.
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    sorry to hear this, erm why not talk to your mum..?
    i've always found it easier to talk to my mum first.
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    If he hasn't told you his wishes face-to-face how are you supposed to know, you're not physcic i take it? Just tell him in the most amicable and obscurantist manner possible, or / and progressively slurr the candidate that he has chosen, and erode his image as a possible husband.
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    Are you a muslim?
    You say your dad is religious, if he is muslim, he'll know he can't force you to marry the guy so don't bring it up until he does. But when he does talk to you about it, just talk to him calmly and say 'I'm not interested'.
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    Two year prison sentence for those found guilty of trying to force their children into marriage. Always use that fact as a backup if he doesn't take kindly to your decisions.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Keep Anon or delete please.
    My dad has had a guy in mind for me since the past few years, by the way, he hasn't told me that, I found out from someone else - my cousin told me.
    I don't like the guy, because I know who he is (I hardly ever talk to him) and i've always seen him as a friend/brother...
    My dad is very strict religiously and about everything! And he's one who wont take no for an answer!
    I don't know what to do, how do I tell him? What if he kicks me out of the house, or never speaks to me again? He might try and use emotional blackmail on me too..
    The reason I don't wanna marry the guy is as I said before, and also but looks wise he's not my type (no I don't mean he doesn't look like Brad Pitt, but he's not my type), also he's not very educated and I just DON'T LIKE HIM!
    Please help you guys, this is affecting my studies and has taken over my whole life!
    Only serious answers please.

    Start making comments about how you think the said guy is a douche bag and you don't like him. As well as other boys.
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    Maybe you could ask this guy to refuse this arrangement ?

    Depends what kind of person he is, obviously.

    Failing that - you will have to move out one day, anyway. I know this is not easy but start to think independently. Try to plan ahead.

    There are also organisations that will help you. I don't know any at the moment, but for example if you call childline I'm sure they will be able to refer you to professional help in your vicinity.
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    Are you a Muslim? If so, you should tell him that it is not allowed in religion to force a marriage. And explain to him that you don't like him and it's important for you to marry someone who is similar to you and that you are attracted to, not only physically but emotionally and mentally.

    P.S. Excuse me if you're not a Muslim.
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    This reminds me of movies where the girl acts like a total slob to disgust the potential groom so that HE is the one that breaks it off.

    Do it.
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    Does the guy your dad wants you to marry know about this? And does he like you? If no, then maybe you could both work together, to make your dad change his mind....get into a physical fight with each other? Lol...sorry x_x
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    If I were you I would tell your father straight. If he threatens to disown you, then it's his loss as much as yours. I'm assuming he won't become violent to your objections though.

    The simple fact is that you will never be happy with somebody that you don't want to be with and I believe that would be even harder to live with than losing the support of your father. In any case you are growing up and will become independent to a point that you don't even need your parents.
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    no one can really understand the emotional turmoil inside you - and how you cant simply go against everything you have been nrought up with. This will be happening to me soon. What can I say - I just hope that you can take whatever step neccasary to preserve your own happiness.

    Maybe I should anon this post too - because you wouldnt guess that someone like me is under the same ****** up pressures of asian society.

    xxxxxxxxx
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by _xAnonymous)
    Sorry to hear this, he cannot force you just be straight up and say you dont want to marry him, if it's against your own choice than its not really a marriage religiously it's not allowed either explain that to him.

    Dont bring it up unless he tells you, you have to because as you said he hasn't mentioned it yet and your cousin just suggested.

    If he does say you have to give your reasons why you dont want to. If he kicks you out than so let it be, it will be way better than staying in a marriage your not happy with, and may even regret for the rest of your life.

    Really hope it works out for you.
    I know it's true, because i've talked to my aunty about it, and she said she can only advise him, nothing more. When she talked to him on the phone, she said "don't force your children into marriage" and he went quiet and changed the topic.

    I want to talk to him about it though, because the guy and his family think im there daughter-in-law already, I don't want to leave it till too long, and then them saying "well you made us wait!" It's just gonna cause so much problems

    Thank you
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    Get yourself invited to his parents house for dinner. Mid-way through dinner, excuse yourself and head to the bathroom. Proceed to smear poop everywhere. Curtains, windows, inside the taps, ceiling etc. Exit via the window.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Start making comments about how you think the said guy is a douche bag and you don't like him. As well as other boys.
    LOL tried that, it just makes him angry, and somehow draws him more to the idea of me marrying that guy. I didn't mention that this guy lives in another country, so my dad could possibly take me on "holiday" and then i'm I have no where to run to!
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    Why do BEM immigrants bring their alien cultural troubles here? Just go away.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by EmiPark)
    Does the guy your dad wants you to marry know about this? And does he like you? If no, then maybe you could both work together, to make your dad change his mind....get into a physical fight with each other? Lol...sorry x_x
    Yes, the guy knows and wanted to marry me even before these past few years! But I don't like him in the slightest!
 
 
 
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