Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

I've never seen something written as true as this about nice guys... watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Heartless *****es International)
    You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless ***** for dumping him."

    I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like ****, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

    If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

    What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

    Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

    Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

    Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

    They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

    They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

    Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

    Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

    Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

    The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"

    More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

    Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

    This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".
    This is an almost exact representation of what goes on in my mind and in my life, as much as I like to put myself in denial.

    It's quite probably the reason I'm so unlucky in love, but I can't stand being hated.
    Offline

    0
    I didn't read all of it because it's utter ***** - if you are a 'nice guy', you will find someone and that relationship will stay.

    If you are genuinely nice, you are not doing anything wrong - keep being you
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    You do realise there are such things as nice guys who aren't retarded? I read half that an got bored, but not every nice guy is as insecure as u make out... I mean, I'm a nice guy, I say nice things to people, but I don't try and buy peoples affection, or be nice to cover up who I really am. I'm nice because it means people are nice back. I'm just happy, not insecure.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Yes, that sounds about right. Then again, there are some people who truly are nice, borne out of no more than a moral principal, and yet are secure, satisfied, deeply happy individuals.

    Though I fear I fail to live up to the appellation 'nice', I find it evermore worth my while to endeavour to do so, and am surely the happier for it. I also find myself satisfied and made deeply happy by life, and by the smallest of its wonders on a more-than-daily basis.

    Yet in so doing I find no occasion to be the antithesis to decency and moral conduct which so often is assumed as the only escape from being 'nice'. Indeed, to do so would be to succumb to the path of least resistance, a path which so often leads the expression of humanities darkest and ugliest outlets. To resist, to choose to be nice is often difficult.

    So lets not slam being nice, but rather being insecure, or dull, or neurotic - states which I, and many others are bound to, find infinitely more tragic and less soluble than the oft-mistaken fault of nicety.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Nice guys are spineless and boring.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    This post is way too long!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    There are farrr too many generalisations there! :facepalm:

    As long as you dress normally (eg no high trousers), have proper hygiene, make a minimum effort to look good, are intelligent/funny/kind (or some other trait girls find appealing) and can hold a conversation, i can't see how you wouldn't be able to find someone for yourself.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Intresting read.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Blah blah blah
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    There's no one type of nice guy.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by vintage_007)
    I didn't read all of it because it's utter ***** - if you are a 'nice guy', you will find someone and that relationship will stay.

    If you are genuinely nice, you are not doing anything wrong - keep being you
    The "nice guy" thing is sarcastic. It means guys who think of themselves as sooo nice, nicer than all the other guys and therefore think they're entitled to have girls like them and when they don't it's a problem with all girls "oh they only go out with *******s!" not with themselves. It doesn't mean an actual nice decent male person!
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by vintage_007)
    I didn't read all of it because it's utter ***** - if you are a 'nice guy', you will find someone and that relationship will stay.

    If you are genuinely nice, you are not doing anything wrong - keep being you
    This thread is about a different kind of nice, though. "Nice", if you will. :\
    But yeah, many people will be just nice. I think the OP's quote is to highlight different aspects of "Nice Guys" (and what's wrong with them).. which is achieved by dramatizing them.

    edit: my post and the post above seem to complement quite nicely! First post explains the "Nice Guy" thing better, mine explains this thread better... anyway.. moving on.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Very Interesting read.
    Offline

    0
    (Original post by nolongerhearthemusic)
    The "nice guy" thing is sarcastic. It means guys who think of themselves as sooo nice, nicer than all the other guys and therefore think they're entitled to have girls like them and when they don't it's a problem with all girls "oh they only go out with *******s!" not with themselves. It doesn't mean an actual nice decent male person!
    Ohhhhhh! NOW it makes sense! Should probably have read the full article before slating it tbh, but it's 2am and I'm shattered...
    Sorryyyyy!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by time.to.dance)
    There are farrr too many generalisations there! :facepalm:

    As long as you dress normally (eg no high trousers), have proper hygiene, make a minimum effort to look good, are intelligent/funny/kind (or some other trait girls find appealing) and can hold a conversation, i can't see how you wouldn't be able to find someone for yourself.
    You know, I would hazard a guess that physical attraction plays a part.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Dunno... doesn't seem sarcastic to me, and I'd hate to see even one more guy start believing he needs to become a **** in order to get his way with girls. It's a tragic road to go down, that.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by marcusmerehay)
    This is an almost exact representation of what goes on in my mind and in my life, as much as I like to put myself in denial.

    It's quite probably the reason I'm so unlucky in love, but I can't stand being hated.
    I class myself as a "nice guy", but most of that text bears no resemblance to the way I act in relationships.

    I think this calls for more accurate classification within the category! Suggestions?
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by vintage_007)
    Ohhhhhh! NOW it makes sense! Should probably have read the full article before slating it tbh, but it's 2am and I'm shattered...
    Sorryyyyy!
    S'okay, I think you needed to know of the stereotype of the Nice Guy™ to get it. I don't think the term was invented by the author of this piece, as I've read other things about it - the author just assumed people knew of it, I think, and so didn't explain.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by domlague)
    Dunno... doesn't seem sarcastic to me, and I'd hate to see even one more guy start believing he needs to become a **** in order to get his way with girls. It's a tragic road to go down, that.
    There's a difference between being nice, "nice" and a ****, the second being an arguable worst.

    Orrr am I misunderstanding you and are you actually arguing that being "nice" is less bad than being a ****? I'm not really sure, I'm afraid.. kinda late, kinda tired. :P
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    **** reading all of that...

    Anyway, nice is just THAT, nice!

    And something that is NICE, can't be BAD!

    So through the process of applying simple logic, I conclude that being a nice guy will result in LONG-LASTING RELATIONSHIPS and not ONE NIGHT STANDS.

    Thank you.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 8, 2010
Poll
Do you agree with the proposed ban on plastic straws and cotton buds?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.