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I've never seen something written as true as this about nice guys...

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Being "nice" and being "insecure" aren't the same thing. Sure they may come together sometimes and in those cases the article is somewhat valid but being "nice" doesn't mean someone is automatically "insecure". What I don't get about all this is...what the hell's wrong with being nice?

vintage_007

If you are genuinely nice, you are not doing anything wrong - keep being you :smile:

Basically this.

Reply 81

Chrosson

markdr

You misunderstand. There's nice guy (a normal person being nice) and 'nice guy' (which is what the article talks about)

Reply 82

blonde-beth

i want a nice guy :frown:

pity all the ones i know are taken/gay

Reply 83

SteveWood

A lot of that is so relevant to me, even the personality disorder part, i 'm seeing a girl who has one.

Strange.

Reply 84

Rick-Raith

Lizia

That's completely true. So many of my male friends complain that they're a "nice guy" but never get the girl because she always wants a bad boy. No, she wants a guy who will play an equal role in the relationship, not some spineless loser who lets her walk all over him and spoil her beyond normality.

Just curious, but the spoiling, does this only include tactile gifts such as jewelery, flowers etc??
Cause in my case, i have been told i am a nice guy, and i do feel like i am a nice guy... i am a bit more unconventional compared to some nice guys but yea... but yea i do enjoy spoiling the girl/woman, but it isn't cause i am putting them on a pedestal or feeling insecure, its more to the point of me wanting them to have an amazing time... I respect women a lot more than most guys (been told this by many women). But i spoil them by giving them experiences and different sensations.

I do have a large ego i must say which is different to most nice guys, but still- I have given two girls a totally different experience to what they have ever had... i am quite clingy to a point, but not really, i deal with it without involving the girl... but just please answer my first question (ie, does the spoiling the woman only include tactile gifts or also amazing new sensations??)

and then do i still fit in to the stereotype of a nice guy :P

Reply 85

gummers

You run, they chase.. You chase and they'll keep on running ;-)

Reply 86

Rick-Raith

Lizia

It means buying them things for no apparent reason (like the "roses on a coffee date" example or buying her something new every other week for no reason), fawning over them 24/7 and never insisting she give you anything in return. I've had boyfriends like that in the past who bought me thing for no reason, would always do whatever I told them, would always want to please me and never asked me to do something they enjoyed. That just makes you look like a spineless weirdo, and couldn;t be a bigger turn off.

ok, thx for clearing that up, unfortunately i suppose i am very like that i certain aspects, like whoever i am even hanging around i tend to let them make the decisions, but more based on the fact that i am cool with most decisions... and though i still feel random gifts are a lovely romantic gesture i feel it can get a bit much... (Recently was wearing this one girl's bracelet and actually took it back to my house for a while by mistake, though it just meant I HAD to see her again :P and that i could give her a gift :P ) lol...

But would this count as being "too nice"... loads of people love being massaged, tickled (like a light stroke) etc, and if I continually do this to please them does is count as too nice?? And if you take into consideration that i am a tactile person and love touching people, therefor enjoy massaging/tickling them, still makes me a "nice guy"??

(PS, apart from the true facts, this is more hypothetical questions as my niceness appears to work wonders on most girls that i get to get close enough to- which is still very rare but yea)

Reply 87

d123

I don't agree with that at all; I don't know about other girls but I'd much rather have a nice guy, even if he is insecure, than some idiot who thinks he's God's gift to women or whatever.

Reply 88

saab_101

marcusmerehay

This is an almost exact representation of what goes on in my mind and in my life, as much as I like to put myself in denial.

It's quite probably the reason I'm so unlucky in love, but I can't stand being hated.

I definitely used to be like this until my best mate employed some tough love and pointed it all out to me. Not saying i'm not insecure at all anymore, but I'm a lot better now than I was. :biggrin:

First step is recognising and accepting your flaws I guess.

Reply 89

Rick-Raith

good nice guy or wrong nice guy?? lol

Reply 90

Rick-Raith

Lizia

You're a "nice guy" by the sounds of it, rather than a truly nice one. You sound like a creep in the way you describe things, and if you talk to real-life girls like you talk on the internet, then you're going to scare them off. You seem to be too determined to be the nice guy, as it was stated in the OP.

At the end of the day, girls can smell desperation. We can tell if you're letting us choose what we do because you're desperate to please us, or you're genuinely not bothered what you do. We can tell if you're giving massages because we both enjoy them, or because you're trying to please us alone.

If you do these things because you enjoy them, then you're probably just a regular guy. Most regular guys are fairly nice. If you have to keep asking if you're giving off a vibe of desperation, that probably answers your own question.

Haha, fair enough. get your point but yea, i got my ways, they work in most cases, well if i get the chance.

I have a very direct way of doing things (if i like someone i show it, if they tell me they like me i expect them to show it in some way, if i go for someone i expect them to do one of two things, make it clear they aren't interested, or give me a chance)

I please women psychologically which still sounds creepy, but lets just say that though i manipulate, i don't do it deviously or intentionally, its more like intuition and i know how someone thinks i will react, wants me to react, and doesn't want me to react... and I do non of those which gives a different dimension... only been with two girls, and both are so confused about me and how different i am from a "nice guy" and all others :P i am arrogant at times but have a major ego and major confidence though insecure. I contradict myself in personality but am not hypocritical .

(and i love matters of psychology, and oddly am able to understand how others think fairly easily, and am able to do things first time and be good at them) I am a freak, but it works for me :P

Reply 91

Jukukiwaiyi

......?

Well, if you wanted to substitute them it would have been more like

"Nice Guys are mammals. Nice Guys are losers. Therefore all mammals are losers."

And you do maths.

Erm no, that's just another way of putting it. Your way of putting it isn't really relevant to point of this topic though, as the topic is telling us that all nice guys are losers, when in reality, only some are.

I can't really see what this has to do with maths, but if it really does, I think you best just let me do it all.

Reply 92

Wahaaaay

Although there are parts of the post that may be true, it is a ridiculous stereotype. Something tells me a bitter woman, finding it hard to get into a relationship HERSELF wrote this article :wink:

Reply 93

phen

Chrosson

You misunderstand. There's nice guy (a normal person being nice) and 'nice guy' (which is what the article talks about)

Thank you for standing with me in this crusade against poor reading. :P

Reply 94

MarmiteOnToast

marcusmerehay

This is completely and utterly true about my boyfriend of two years, especially the worshipping and descision making thing... He never tells me when anything is wrong, I have to coax it out of him, like a mother and he's always scared to suggest something incase I bite his head off (not that I ever, EVER have). We've never argued and I just thought this was because we were soulmates but maybe it's just because he's too pathetic to stand up for what he believes in and just lets me get my own way :frown:

I've always known it and just accepted it because I wouldn't have him any other way, however, I'm starting to doubt our relationship now. Does he really want to be with me or does he just want a girlfriend...any old girlfriend?

Sorry for a bit of a thread hijack and rant...no idea where all that came from.

Reply 95

Anonymous #2

I'm an Alpha male

And girls want to **** alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasons you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no mattr how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you ******* touch her beyond that?

Yeah, I'm ******* her.

The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly asks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?

Yeah, I'm ******* her too, even harder.

The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?

Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?

And what's more? I laugh at guys like you. When you cry about how much girls treat you bad, and wonder why they can't just see that you're a nice guy who would always treat them right? I nod and tell you to hang in there, you'll find someone right for you someday, don't give up hope man. But inside? I'm laughing my ass off at you you pathetic ****. Every girl you set your sights on, who isn't a disgusting pig-monster, I'm going to **** 6 ways from sunday before you even tell her you think she's cute. I won't bother trying when you finally settle for that 18 girl who works at ASDA, you can have that. Anything else I'm going to cum on her face before you get those lips near it.

And the biggest reason I laugh? It's not me doing all this. It's the girls. When you cry about how lonely you are? Or talk about how you just want to curl up and dissapear, and all that emo ********? You're triggering her "Don't ****" instinct something fierce. You're a miserable weak coward, why would she want your genes? Feel free to buy her a new computer and help her decorate her apartment, you're great for that. But her baby-maker is barking orders at her, telling her to wrap her legs around me and hold on for as long as she can. She needs it, on a primal level you'll never get to see first hand, even if you do get a chance to **** her. Sooner or later one of them will lay back and spread their legs, but you won't see any hunger in their eyes. They won't beg you to love them forever and make them yours. You won't know what it's like to see her animal side needing you as much as she needs to eat and breath.

And she's cheating on you, I promise that. When she sits around quiet and uncomfortable, acting irritable and irrational towards you, wanting you to just back away and leave her alone, it's not her period. It's because I haven't called her for a day or two and her instincts are telling her to go find me. The primitive section of her brain doesn't want to risk smelling like another man when she gives herself to me, she wants me to know she's completely mine. We do things together she tells you she never would. Her pooper? Mine. I want to give her a facial? of course. I want her to suck the cum out of my dick, even though I just finished pumping away at her ass? she's never going to tell me no. She doesn't WNAT to tell me no. She wants me to know she'll do anything it takes to keep me. She'll rim my ass while she's down there sucking me off if it means pleasing me. She'll drink my cum from a shotglass. She'll wear a buttplug when we go out to dinner. She'll sleep handcuffed to my headboard. Anything.

And then she'll go home to you and tell you she's not in the mood today.

I'd say you should kill yourself, but you being around makes her want a real man all the more, so keep fagging it up emo bitches, I'll keep that pussy warm while you're crying in the corner.

Reply 96

Rick-Raith

Lizia

You're a creep. Don't talk to girls like that. They won't appreciate being analysed like some psychology experiment.

I don't analyse them, well not consciously, my mind automatically reacts to what they say or do with the 'right' reaction based on what they are like... for example flirting etc... works best when flirting but still works on other times...

And please tell me what you mean by don't talk to girls like that... i don't believe i have said anything bad...

PS, i tend to say things which go different ways and just cause i know how some people may take things (well face to face) i justify/correct what i say so no misunderstandings

Reply 97

fox_the_fix

People need to learn the different types;
- nice guys
- good guys
- bad guys

Most of the idiot women/men going 'that is like soooo not true bcus my boyfriend is the nicest guy eva' don't realise that they're talking about a GOOD guy not a NICE guy. If your bf/gf started acting clingy/desperate/controlling/approval seeking you would dump them in an instance = Nice guy.

Reply 98

Rick-Raith

Anonymous

I'm an Alpha male
...

curious, is this aimed at me? or just a general message?? cause i will trump whatever you say... especially the "why would some chick like your genes". Guys like you will get with people, but never feel fulfilled. (well based on what you have just said) it intrigues women.