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We're friends but we behave as a couple..? watch

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    This sounds kinda similar to a situation I was in with a friend of mine......the difference being that I knew he liked me.....and I knew I didn't like him like that, but then I got confused because he was giving me attention, I was single and craving intimacy etc etc. Maybe that's why you're thinking so much about it? At least for me though, I knew deep down inside I didn't really like him as more than a friend, so if you're convinced you don't like him I'd say stick to that

    I agree with what others have said about even being passive is leading him on (I assume if he's changed the way he acts around you he probably likes you), so I think I'd try to pull away and gauge his reaction, especially if you're unsure as to whether he likes you or not.....but it's difficult territory obviously
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    well, what you're saying is completely different. With the way he's acting right now, I can give him the benefit of the doubt and think to myself 'okay he might just be being friendly'... with what you're saying, I think sole friendship-ness gets eliminated. and obviously, there'd be no confusion.. my point was I don't understand why his actions don't really concur with his words.
    well..noone likes things to change... changing in body language or touching etc is a lot easier than verbally... basically he likes you
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    (Original post by gingergooner)
    I would go for the talk about random guys, but make it genuine and subtle, act to him as he does to you. When one of you finds a partner though the other will miss the contact and it will make your relationship difficult. I've had similar problems in the past.
    WOOOOO A BRISTOL FRESHER TO BE! *ahem*

    OP. I had a friend like that, turned out weird, like he liked me but didn't at the same time.. as in anything more didn't mean anything to him
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    (Original post by rainbowbex)
    WOOOOO A BRISTOL FRESHER TO BE! *ahem*

    OP. I had a friend like that, turned out weird, like he liked me but didn't at the same time.. as in anything more didn't mean anything to him
    :woo: I am looking forward to it in ridiculous amounts all my friends are already off in uni, I didn't get in first time. Anyway, time and place and all that.
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    Your problem is right there. You state that you are friends yet your acting in a couply fashion.

    Protip: If it looks like a couple, moves like a couple and quacks like a couple than it is a duck...sorry, couple.

    You course of action to resolve this is to stop acting like an item.



    This seems to be a widespread problem these days which I am assuming must be down to emotional and intimate immaturity and underdevelopment on the part of many people.

    If you want to be friends than be friends. Stop invading each others personal space, all relationships rely on boundaries.

    You and your guy friend are not maintaining those boundaries and so here you find yourself reading advice on a relationship forum because your confusing/uncomfortable relationship with your guy friend isn't as platonic as it should be.
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    (Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
    This seems to be a widespread problem these days which I am assuming must be down to emotional and intimate immaturity and underdevelopment on the part of many people.

    If you want to be friends than be friends. Stop invading each others personal space, all relationships rely on boundaries.
    I never felt as if I've invaded his personal space or him, mine. I'm just curious to know what's going through his mind, really.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I never felt as if I've invaded his personal space or him, mine. I'm just curious to know what's going through his mind, really.
    Here's a hint: Guys don't get touchy-feely with their sister.

    If he looks, moves, sounds and acts like he is interested then he is.

    But that is besides the point, you don't like him that way so why do you allow that behaviour?

    "I like the attention" is not the answer of a mature young woman who knows how to deal with relationships.

    If you like him, admit it, and go for it. If you don't, tell him to back up.
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    Can you imagine yourself with him?
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    (Original post by candytreeman)
    Can you imagine yourself with him?
    urmmm, possibly because everything is so simple with him but then again, there's things like religion which get in the way..not that I care about that but he's probably strict about it which is why i'd question his like for me in the first place.
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    (Original post by gingergooner)
    :woo: I am looking forward to it in ridiculous amounts all my friends are already off in uni, I didn't get in first time. Anyway, time and place and all that.
    You'll love it Feel free to PM if you've got any questions (about medicine or accommodation or anything bristol-y
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    (Original post by rainbowbex)
    You'll love it Feel free to PM if you've got any questions (about medicine or accommodation or anything bristol-y
    Thank you I might just do that at some point, rep for being a friendly first year person
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    (Original post by gingergooner)
    Thank you I might just do that at some point, rep for being a friendly first year person
    Awh thanks Medic tooooooo!
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    Let me tell you, as a guy who was in the same position, you have to have "the talk" with him. I was friends with this girl for about 3 years, then we got closer as friends for a few months before we started acting like this. It started out as holding hands, hugging, sharing a bed (sometimes when there was no need to) etc. Difference with this situation was that she initiated it with me, however. I developed feelings, was never sure if she did or not, we didnt discuss it for about 3 months and by that point I was well into her and she didn't feel the same way so I was gutted. You think it's easy to get back to being friends but it isn't and it was made worse because I got hung up about her and thought her needing space/ignoring me was because she couldn't care less about me. And having that feeling with someone you've been good friends with for 3+ years is **** to deal with. As it happened, just as we talked about why we were drifting away as mates we ended up pulling and going a lot further than before and I got sucked in again only to be knocked back again because she said she was drunk. lol, pathetic really. The whole time she obviously didn't like me that much and just wanted some attention/intimacy. I was glad for the action but am gutted we didn't just nip it in the bud straight away

    If you like him then be reciprocal and give him signs, see where it leads and talk about it. If not, end it right away. Either way you need to talk about it properly and deal with it. The longer you let it linger the harder it becomes for one of you. I/we let it linger because I was so scared about jumping in two footed and potentially ruining a friendship. Ironically, leaving it so long just made my feelings grow and grow and by the time it was ended it was difficult to deal with and our friendship is now **** compared to the start.

    You both like it now because you're both getting intimacy and some attention. You're both single, young and only human. But it's in a dangerous situation and if you really respect and want to treat this guy as a friend then deal with asap. You may find out that really neither of you like eachother so it goes nowhere but that needs to be established.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Let me tell you, as a guy who was in the same position, you have to have "the talk" with him. I was friends with this girl for about 3 years, then we got closer as friends for a few months before we started acting like this. It started out as holding hands, hugging, sharing a bed (sometimes when there was no need to) etc. Difference with this situation was that she initiated it with me, however. I developed feelings, was never sure if she did or not, we didnt discuss it for about 3 months and by that point I was well into her and she didn't feel the same way so I was gutted. You think it's easy to get back to being friends but it isn't and it was made worse because I got hung up about her and thought her needing space/ignoring me was because she couldn't care less about me. And having that feeling with someone you've been good friends with for 3+ years is **** to deal with. As it happened, just as we talked about why we were drifting away as mates we ended up pulling and going a lot further than before and I got sucked in again only to be knocked back again because she said she was drunk. lol, pathetic really. The whole time she obviously didn't like me that much and just wanted some attention/intimacy. I was glad for the action but am gutted we didn't just nip it in the bud straight away

    If you like him then be reciprocal and give him signs, see where it leads and talk about it. If not, end it right away. Either way you need to talk about it properly and deal with it. The longer you let it linger the harder it becomes for one of you. I/we let it linger because I was so scared about jumping in two footed and potentially ruining a friendship. Ironically, leaving it so long just made my feelings grow and grow and by the time it was ended it was difficult to deal with and our friendship is now **** compared to the start.

    You both like it now because you're both getting intimacy and some attention. You're both single, young and only human. But it's in a dangerous situation and if you really respect and want to treat this guy as a friend then deal with asap. You may find out that really neither of you like eachother so it goes nowhere but that needs to be established.
    this talk that you refer to is such a scary concept because it can blow up in my face a thousand different ways. Firstly I wouldn't even be basing the whole talk on anything definitive and solely on assumption! And hence a lot will RIDE on that talk and it might just damage everything. I wouldn't want to lose him as a friend just by making things weird by being the girl who completely misinterpreted a situation.
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    (Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
    Here's a hint: Guys don't get touchy-feely with their sister.

    If he looks, moves, sounds and acts like he is interested then he is.

    But that is besides the point, you don't like him that way so why do you allow that behaviour?

    "I like the attention" is not the answer of a mature young woman who knows how to deal with relationships.

    If you like him, admit it, and go for it. If you don't, tell him to back up.
    you make it seem really black and white. It's just that I don't wholeheartedly believe he has a thing for me therefore am reluctant to bring anything up. I mean his actions may say a tiny something but his rambling on about this other girl does him no favours if he does actually like me. It confuses me and I just don't feel it's worth it and want to be able to say no to the affection but I know when the time comes, I won't, just because, atm, as sad as it sounds, he's my only source for anything lightly physical.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    this talk that you refer to is such a scary concept because it can blow up in my face a thousand different ways. Firstly I wouldn't even be basing the whole talk on anything definitive and solely on assumption! And hence a lot will RIDE on that talk and it might just damage everything. I wouldn't want to lose him as a friend just by making things weird by being the girl who completely misinterpreted a situation.
    I know, believe me I know.

    But if it's got to the stage that it concerns you in some way (and clearly you've been curious enough to make a thread about it) then it's something to address. I bottled stuff up for a few months because I was scared i had mis-interpreted her signs and said nothing because I didn't want weirdness between us. Things got worse and I developed really strong feelings for her, by that point she had had "the talk" with me and said we had been getting closer recently but it's best we stay as friends. I was devestated. It's hard to take when someone opens the door slightly and then slams it shut in your face. In hindsight I wish it had never got that far with us. Getting/Giving the attention was nice and all but at the end of the day feelings developed and once you're in that territory as friends it's difficult to deal with.

    Think about it rationally though. If you are really good friends to the extent you are worried about ruining that friendship then if he doesn't have feelings for you then you'll just have a laugh about it and move on as normal. If he does have feelings for you then you really need to talk about it and if it's only one-way then you should have enough respect for him as a friend to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand and you both start feeling awkward around eachother.

    You can't not bring up the issue because he's the only something physical you're getting. You're [potentially] leading him on by doing that and coming back from that if you piss on his heart/ego will be tough.
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    What do you actually want with this guy?
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    Don't fool you self lady:cool: .
    Guys can not be just friends to the girls they like. The instant you offer him sex he will accept. As a man I can tell you that the sexual desire button is always "on" in our brain:cool: .
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    you make it seem really black and white. It's just that I don't wholeheartedly believe he has a thing for me therefore am reluctant to bring anything up. I mean his actions may say a tiny something but his rambling on about this other girl does him no favours if he does actually like me. It confuses me and I just don't feel it's worth it and want to be able to say no to the affection but I know when the time comes, I won't, just because, atm, as sad as it sounds, he's my only source for anything lightly physical.

    Because a relationship between two adults should be. Like I said, its gotten to the point your coming onto TSR advice because it has started to be a problem.

    Guys talking about other girls is nothing new, its just a tactic. A way to hide their feelings at the same time they are getting touchy feely.

    Listen, whatever his feelings I don't know, what I do know is your friendship seems too cosy for just -a-friendship and whenther he likes you or not it gives that impression.

    You need to reassert the boundaries. Whether for friendship or a relationship or whatever I don't know. You say you don't like him that way though.

    As for the attention, if this friend is your only source you need to be a bit proactive and start seeking that source from somewhere more appropriate.

    But people are fragile wary creatures when it comes to this stuff so if in a months time your still stuck in this limbo I wouldn't be surprised.

    But if you don't do anything about it this friendship is going to implode anyway so my advise is to ascertain what his feelings and intentions are so you can move on to either having a guy friend or realizing this guy never had any intention of being just your friend, and whether that means hooking up with him or moving on.
 
 
 
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