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    • #2
    #2

    I really feel for you OP, I do.

    And I'm going through a similar thing also...though I don't want to take away from advice for the OP, I could do with some myself! I have a boyfriend but the first time I met a guy at uni I felt really drawn to him literally the moment I met him. He just stood staring at me, it was bizarre, I couldn't stop looking at him! Anyway after that he added me on facebook and we when we started talking I couldn't get over how similar we were. I have never met anyone, female or male, who is so like me in terms of views, values, interests etc. Anyway I love my bf and a LDR can be difficult at times but we've been trying to make it work. But I don't know what it is with this guy, I;ve just been trying to distance myself I don't quite know what to do myself either...
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    (Original post by fran1891)
    I'm so confused and distressed right now
    I'm in a serious, long-term relationship, and so far, everything has been brilliant. We've never experienced any kinds of problems, fall-outs, etc. He's the loveliest person I've ever known, and has been a wonderful boyfriend to me. He's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, or at least I thought so anyway.
    I've developed an unhealthy crush on somebody else. I have only spoken to this person a handful of times, so can't exactly say that I know him, but it's his looks and the way that he looks at me that's really drawn me in. Aside from my boyfriend, he is potentially one of the best-looking people i've ever seen.
    I feel as though he's attracted to me, and what started as innocent physical attraction has turned into something bigger. I can't even go for an hour without thinking about him, he goes to the same university, and I see him briefly a couple of times a week, but that's it. I have only spoken to him once in around 2 months, and would class him only as an acquaintance.
    I have tried so hard to forget about him, but it's been nearly 2 months and I still think about him every day. I've tried to appreciate my boyfriend even more than I already do, and tell myself that losing somebody who means everything to me is never going to be worth it for some other guy just because he's attractive.
    I really do not know why I feel so strongly about this other guy, I am sure it's only lust, but I don't understand why I can't forget about him. The whole thing is making me want to break up with my boyfriend. I really, really do not want that to happen though, I just want to be happy and stay with him, he's the best thing in my life, and it'd absolutely crush him if we broke up, I doubt he would ever get over it.
    I just want to forget about this other guy once and for all, i'm likely to see him again fairly soon, so i'm not sure if my feelings would lessen when I saw him, or grow more My poor boyfriend has no idea about this, and thinks I'm really happy. Please help, any advice would be much appreciated, i'm so upset right now. I cannot think or concentrate on anything else but this, I feel like an ungrateful person who does not deserve my own boyfriend anymore.
    Just don't be silly and mke the biggest mistake of your life. It's not as if you don't deserve your boyfriend for having these thoughts, just resist. You will seriously regret it if you act on it.

    x
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    Hey OP,
    this sounds like a complicated situation to be in, especially as you see this other guy at uni more than you see your boyfriend because of the long-distance aspect. Its natural to still be attracted to other people even though you're in a wonderful relationship that hasn't had any downs. You're a human and just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you won't be attracted to other people, it just means you can't act on these attractions. You like the look of this guy, i had a similar thing at uni toward the beginning of term, and when you've only spoken to them a few times you imagine the rest...and the likely thing is, it probably won't be as you've imagined. I thought this specific guy was perfect based on the conversations we'd had, but then a few months later it turned out he's a jerk and i was completely wrong, it was all an act. Now i wasn't in a relationship, but if i had ended it for this other guy, i would feel a fool right now. Your lucky your relationship with your boyfriend is so wonderful, but of course it will be difficult with you at uni and him not there. But then people mannage it without cheating or acting on impulse toward someone else. If you really got to know this other guy, you might find he's not what you thought he was, and that his looks are the only attractive thing about him, your personalities might not gel and just generally it might not work. Surely its not worth losing someone stable, perfect for you for just a possibilty? its a big risk, and i think you know it is, its just how to stop crushing on this other guy. I think you've done the right thing erasing him from your life as much as you can, whenever you see him, just remind yourself how wonderful your boyfriend and why you're with him in the first place.
    Lust can be impulsive yet evil, Love is far more stable and worthwhile.
    Good Luck, OP x
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    i dont think you should throw away the relationship you have with your boyfriend.... i think you only feel lust for this boy seen as he is so attractive... i think your right to stay away from him and delete him off facebook ..it well help you to forget him...dont worry in time it will prob... you could imagine he did a horroble thing to stop you liking him...i dont know just an idea x
    • #3
    #3

    Hun calm down, seriously, it's not that bad.
    I've been in a relationship for almost a year and a half now and I've gone from one 'crush' to the next and we're still going strong, the important thing is to realise that
    1. It's PERFECTLY NATURAL. We're not biologically designed to be monogamous.
    2. You love your boyfriend more. I assume this is the case...
    3. DON'T do anything with this other guy. Just don't. It won't end well.

    I've had to deal with this on and off throughout our entire relationship. Yes I feel bad on occasion, like yesterday when my boyfriend was telling me that he can recognise a girl as being attractive but doesn't feel anything beyond that :sad: but in the end, I love my boyfriend so much that I wouldn't leave him for a petty crush.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really feel for you OP, I do.

    And I'm going through a similar thing also...though I don't want to take away from advice for the OP, I could do with some myself! I have a boyfriend but the first time I met a guy at uni I felt really drawn to him literally the moment I met him. He just stood staring at me, it was bizarre, I couldn't stop looking at him! Anyway after that he added me on facebook and we when we started talking I couldn't get over how similar we were. I have never met anyone, female or male, who is so like me in terms of views, values, interests etc. Anyway I love my bf and a LDR can be difficult at times but we've been trying to make it work. But I don't know what it is with this guy, I;ve just been trying to distance myself I don't quite know what to do myself either...
    I think it being LD makes it worse, I know I've had more crushes since I've been at uni than before I left.
    I try and, every time I think of my crush, turn it around and think something positive about my boyfriend :yep: I had a crush a few weeks ago who I actually wanted a relationship with and kept thinking about how it would start and how we'd survive the distance in holidays :facepalm: seriously, not good.
    But I'm over that now it does happen eventually, you just have to let it fizzle.
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    everyone faces temptation it is whether you give in to it or not that matters. If you find that your feelings grow stronger for the other person then you should finish with your current boyfriend but make sure it is not that you think the grass is greener and all that because you may well lose a decent guy for someone you just lust after. You need to try and stay away from the other guy if you truly want to be with your boyfriend. Best thing - how would you feel if your boyfriend was doing the lusting?
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    I think you are making the story in your head bigger than it really is. And the more you think about it, the more stress you will get.

    The best way to know whether the other guy is great as he looks, would be to talk to him instead of escaping from him. I'm not saying to date him and go out with him. Just every time you meet him at Uni you can talk to him for a few minutes. This would be an indirect way to know the truth.
    From my experience, it's hard to ignore a person you often see when you have feelings for him. Because after that you will always ask your self the question "what if??" which is really torturing.

    I guess that if you do this, you will probably discover that this guy isn't really great as you thought, and will finish by appreciating your boyfriend more!!:cool:

    good luck
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    (Original post by fran1891)
    I've already removed him on facebook, and from now on will literally avoid him as much as possible, I pray to god this will end.

    Hey girl, I really think it's super natural. You shouldn't worry too much. If you try so hard to forget about it every day, it means you are thinking about it every day! So just relax, tell yourself that nothing changes between you and your BF, you are just feeling lonely and bored sometimes maybe. We are young and we just can't settle ourselves easily. This happens to everyone at this age. Trust me, a crush is a crush, love without knowing someone will never turn into a true love. You are living in a life, not a movie. Try to imagine what will be if your BF turns into this other guy. If you feel strange, uncomfortable or embarassing..congrats,what I'm saying is true. Just let it be. Don't take him seriously and accept your feelings to him. Tell yourself that's not a big deal and you're not betraying your BF. You just like what he looks, why not? If everytime you are attracted by a handsome guy you worry about your relationship with your BF, how can life go on?!:p:
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    (Original post by fran1891)
    I feel numb, and as though I can't feel any kind of positive emotions. I think my boyfriend deserves better than me, and I don't even want anything to happen with this other guy. In fact, I wouldn't care if he dropped off the face of the earth. My boyfriend has no idea, i'm terrified. Should I break up with him?
    No do not break up with him, at least not without very careful thought. You wouldn't be human if you didn't have doubts about a relationship, no matter how serious but perhaps you need to question your own feelings. If this guy you're with is the one for the rest of your life then why is a simple crush making you doubt that?? does the other guy know you're have a boyfriend? perhaps if you mentioned it to him he might not give you those 'looks' etc. That and you could also spend more time with your bf. You shouldn't break his heart over some silly "what if" guy. hope this helps you.
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    (Original post by fran1891)
    Also just wondering whether anybody else has been in a similar situation, and how they dealt with it? Perhaps part of me is taking for granted what I have, and thinking that this is an 'easy' relationship, or the fact that we've been going out for a while means that we may have lost some of the initial excitement, and i'm trying to create that elsewhere.
    Whatever happens, I do not want to hurt my boyfriend, and I do not want to break up. I think i'd just be using that as an easy way out. I have mixed feelings towards this other guy; i resent him for being attracted to me in the first place. There are several other guys I know who I find attractive, but I do not give them a second thought because they don't take any notice of me.
    I have never gone out my way to speak to this other guy, and never will. Strangely I only began thinking like this after I hadn't seen him for over a fortnight..
    I went through a similar situation, except I completely cocked it up! You are on the right mind set to coming out of this fine, everyone has their moments of doubt but as you have already said, you don't want to break up with your boyfriend. I did, I didn't think it through properly, the best way to describe it was that I was mesmerized by this new guy and in the end I went for it...in the wrong way( but that is beside the point here). I think it was because he was new, exciting, good looking and we generally did click. He is now one of my best friends, but I've lost my boyfriend... and if you think about it, you seem to love him, won't you miss him if you choose this other guy? Is it worth losing that special relationship you have now for something that might not even happen. I think the other problem might be that you are comfortable in your relationship so it does seem easy... and in some ways boring sometimes (can't think of a better word to use). I don't know about you, but the passion had kinda died down and I was in a very loving relationship which was great but it needed sparking... I just messed it up before I could realise that and do the right thing about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really feel for you OP, I do.

    And I'm going through a similar thing also...though I don't want to take away from advice for the OP, I could do with some myself! I have a boyfriend but the first time I met a guy at uni I felt really drawn to him literally the moment I met him. He just stood staring at me, it was bizarre, I couldn't stop looking at him! Anyway after that he added me on facebook and we when we started talking I couldn't get over how similar we were. I have never met anyone, female or male, who is so like me in terms of views, values, interests etc. Anyway I love my bf and a LDR can be difficult at times but we've been trying to make it work. But I don't know what it is with this guy, I;ve just been trying to distance myself I don't quite know what to do myself either...
    Is there a real attraction between you and this guy, because if its not so bad, why can't you just be friends. I am speaking as someone who went through this and came out wishing I'd handled it in the right ways. I found someone who matched me in so many ways, as it sounds you have. He is now one of my best friends, and I couldn't imagine him not being around. But losing someone you truly love....is that really worth it?
    I completely failed at the LDR and he wasn't even that far away... I was weak and impulsive. My advice is to just be careful and make sure you have always thought out whatever decisions you make, it could ruin something you can't get back.
 
 
 
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