Should I give up? I lost all my friends from high school and I pretty much hate every one at college bar a few. My life is just restricted and I feel I am caught up in the middle of my parents divorce. I don’t trust anyone and a few years ago I’d feel as if Id have someone to talk to but now… I feel alone. I wake up with a heavy body; just hate college; I don’t feel like myself and I feel like a loser. At least at my old school I could just be happy, outgoing without worrying about what people think. Joining a sixth form with ppl that have been there for years; I felt intimidated and I think I came across as shy and a bit of a loner. It used to be so easy to wake up for school, I remember coming back after the holidays with a spring in my step to see people again and etc. now I feel crestfallen; haven’t been in school at all since last December.
I had chances to kinda fit in better but I always said no to going out with people coz… I dunno; probly coz it was between my parents divorce threats and wel. im going to uni next year and I just cant wait; but then again I don’t even kno if uni is for me. Will I make the same mistake again by not being outgoing at first?? I have like 2 or so close friends now but I don’t feel at ease with other ppl in college; and now when I meet up with my old friends I feel awkward and unease. We grew apart and I cant really keep the friendships that were there going; my dad blocked facebook, msn and well how can I talk to them (never have much credit on my phone either).,.
I applied to uni lightly; don’t even know a thing about the course, lied in my personal statement and got predicted grades im unlikely to get/ reminds me of my college app where i just gave up half-way through gcses/ I think im rather smart bu I don’t have the mentality for it anymore. Im here now, my mum and my brother are at the other house; my dad ******* some fat ***** whose kid might even be my brother/??? I just get lied to; my mum wants me to stay at hers after my a2’s, probly to hurt my dad? And I have no idea what my dad wants.
I got invited to a party in like a month, not sure if I wanna go; only know bout half the people from my old school and some ppl I hate who go to my college. Probly decide later. Will this be another missed opportunity that ill be ranting about in a few months time? Its frustrating really: coz its my fault partly.
I should be revising, got like 6 exams next week but; I just don’t care. I just sit and think of nothing all day. I got quite bad as;s so that affected my ucas by a lot; its just so tiring the whole uni thing/ when I thought about it, im only applying to uni coz that’s seems like what I have to do; not like I want to stay in school for another 3 years of my life. life jsut sucks when u get older.
Over the Easter break