Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

Never thought id be doing this , I think i may have done something stupid watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi well i never thought this would happen to me but ive gone and done something really stupid and i dont know what to do about it .
    Now usually id be all there with the answers i am usually the sort of person my friends all come to with their relationship problems and i usually know just the course of action to put it right . But today im truley stumped and think i may have done something stupid

    So i was going about my business today when my ex who i split up with in june after nearly 2 years asked me what i was doing later so i said not a lot and she wondered if i wanted to go for a drink , i was like i cant really ive got an exam tomorrow so she told me she split up with her bf by cheating on him with another guy , same thing she did to me . So i was like ok well you can come visit me for a bit and ill put you on a train home later

    we are hanging out and we started kissing , then we went all the way and had sex i dont know what i was thinking sleeping with her honestly that was something i kinda regret already . afterwards she was saying she couldnt bear to loose me as a friend so didnt want to put that at risk by having another relationship with me . not that id want a relationship with her anyway seeing as i dont feel i could trust her anymore after knowing what shes been like since she has gone to uni .

    we eat some dinner and then i took her to the train station , just before she got on the train she gives me a rather passionate kiss and runs off onto the train so now im kinda confused she dosent want another relationship but she is quite happy to kiss my face off at the train station before she leaves . Let alone the fact that she insisted on holding my hand or having my arm round her all the way to the station just such mixed messages

    Now i said before i didnt want a relationship with her but now im feeling kinda regrets that i had spent the afternoon with her , nevermind the sex because i do sometimes love her company and its making me think what am i missing out on not being with her .
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    i wouldnt recommend that you get with her. if she cheated on you, cheated on this other guy and now having only just bumped into you again, is probably using you as the rebound guy... she doesnt sound worth it. if she carries on like nothings happened then go along with it i guess but if not, i'd suggest u tell her that u think she was right in saying that a relationship isnt the right thing for now. (telling her u regret it though might be a bit hurtful)
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    She sounds like someone who uses people, and is playing with your head. Personally i think you should forget her.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    she hasnt only just bumped into me since we broke up once we got over the initial i stage we have still been pretty good friends and i saw her a lot over christmas new year as she was home
    ,she visited a few months back when she was still with her bf and we kissed so its not like we havent seen each other since the break up
    I wouldnt tell her i regret sleeping with her .I would like to keep her as a good friend but my dilema is how to do that without eventually either sleeping with her again or saying something stupid like lets get back together

    Its just right now im thinking id love nothing more than to ring her up and get things back to how they where before i dont think i ever fully got over her after the breakup but i know that would possibly be the worst thing to do
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Big Bob!)
    ..is playing with your head.
    Quite literally.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    It sounds like she is saying what she means. She wanted fun and affection because she had broken up with her boyfriend, and she knew that you would be there for her in more ways than one. If she says shes not intrested in renewing you relationship then I don't see why she would lie.
    Don't let her mess with your head.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    You just need to set the boundaries clear. It's difficult when you have feelings for someone or at least used to and they really hurt and they come running back... I know that all too well.

    But seriously set the boundaries clear. Say that you only want to be friends cos it's trudging up old feelings and you don't want anyone to get hurt. A relationship is 100% not right for you. She's not in the right place emotionally and will no doubt hurt you again and you know that. As for sleeping together occassionally, I don't think you're in the position to handle the emotions involved.

    Just set her straight if anything remotely happens again.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    You're the rebound guy. She just needs attention. Don't give it to her. She cheated on you, on her ex (with you and another guy!) and you can be sure she will cheat on you again.

    Move on.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by mollymustard)
    It sounds like she is saying what she means. She wanted fun and affection because she had broken up with her boyfriend, and she knew that you would be there for her in more ways than one. If she says shes not intrested in renewing you relationship then I don't see why she would lie.
    Don't let her mess with your head.
    I have no reason to doubt that she meant what she said we shouldnt get back together however if that was the case why carry on trying to kiss me and hold my hand etc
    She didnt want to come visit me first she wanted to visit one of her close female friends who lives in the same city but she isnt around shes on holiday so she came to me instead

    Im just worried now that our friendship will be different ,or that i wont be able to be around her especially when drunk without sleeping with her again .
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    It was just some fun dude. It's enjoyable, and quite fun. But don't think of it as a long term thing, EVEN if it happens again. I've found it has like a shelf life of max 3 months...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    you had some no strings sex. sounds good to me
    Offline

    10
    She likes her sex, no?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have no reason to doubt that she meant what she said we shouldnt get back together however if that was the case why carry on trying to kiss me and hold my hand etc
    She didnt want to come visit me first she wanted to visit one of her close female friends who lives in the same city but she isnt around shes on holiday so she came to me instead

    Im just worried now that our friendship will be different ,or that i wont be able to be around her especially when drunk without sleeping with her again .
    Well holding hands/kissing at he station are all affectionate. Maybe she just wants affection and attention now her relationship is over. Affection isnt just sex.

    You've slept together before and been able to still maintain a friendship so there is still the possibility that it will be okay next time you see her!
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    In a perfect world, two people break up graciously, respect differences, and soon after sleep together for no reason other than pleasure.
    On Earth, sex with exes is fraught with renewed jealousies, clingy bad habits, and unwise reprises.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Stop letting the fact that you are pining for female company and are horny cloud your judgement. She snaked you before..................and she will snake you again. Just like she snaked the last guy she went out with.

    I have to admit on first reading I was thinking "yeah, **** the **** outta her 'til you get bored". But let's face it, you are not capable of putting your emotions aside to do this.

    DO NOT have sex with her again. If you want to be friends with her, well that's another argument, but I don't see the point.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by mollymustard)
    Well holding hands/kissing at he station are all affectionate. Maybe she just wants affection and attention now her relationship is over. Affection isnt just sex.

    You've slept together before and been able to still maintain a friendship so there is still the possibility that it will be okay next time you see her!
    if afection was all she was after then by all accounts she could have got it from this guy shes just cheated on her ex with . Surely you wouldnt want that kind of affection from someone you arent interested in pursuing a relationship with

    Thing is this is the first real oppertunity we have had to sleep with each other since we broke up , and its just brought back some old feelings i didnt properly get over . my main problem is me not trusting myself to stop it happeneing again if we remain close friends like this and maybe next time shell be in a different frame of mind and want to get back together and that will just lead to a huge ammount of hurt feelings all round
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    well u can remain friends with each other but don't get back together. as many people have said on this thread if she cheated once she will again, and as one person said on here it can be difficult when u have feelings for somebody and they come flooding back all at once, i speak from expriance but it is not the right thing to be in a relationship. u will both find other people and she wants a bit of affection atm which is why she is doing the kissing and hand holding but it doesn't mean anything really. and finally she has said herself that she doesn't want another relationship so don't keep thinking that she does
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    if afection was all she was after then by all accounts she could have got it from this guy shes just cheated on her ex with . Surely you wouldnt want that kind of affection from someone you arent interested in pursuing a relationship with

    Thing is this is the first real oppertunity we have had to sleep with each other since we broke up , and its just brought back some old feelings i didnt properly get over . my main problem is me not trusting myself to stop it happeneing again if we remain close friends like this and maybe next time shell be in a different frame of mind and want to get back together and that will just lead to a huge ammount of hurt feelings all round
    To the bit I've put in bold - some people just want to feel wanted - even if they arn't intrested in commitment and shes clearly not the best when it comes to that

    If she didn't want to get back with you now, I can't see her changing her mind. And you have to ask yourself is it worth waiting around for something to happen?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by mollymustard)
    To the bit I've put in bold - some people just want to feel wanted - even if they arn't intrested in commitment and shes clearly not the best when it comes to that

    If she didn't want to get back with you now, I can't see her changing her mind. And you have to ask yourself is it worth waiting around for something to happen?
    i dont want something to happen thats my point id like to stay friends with her but i dont think id be able to trust myself to not sleep with her again in future except next time even if she dosent want to get back together the damage caused could be worse
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    shes looking for a potential friend...with benefits.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 19, 2010
Poll
Are you going to a festival?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.